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Thread: Sobriety and the dancer

  1. #26
    God/dess anomar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    I think it sounds like you are really eloquent and also that you're becoming more aware of everything about your job -- what it is, the toll is takes, how it affects you, etc.

    You might want to think about keeping a journal/blog/narrative of some sort where you just write about your night. Maybe share it with people. It will make each night more of a unique experience more than just your job and your awakening to a sort of new morality or whatever is going through your mind that you're currently coping with.

    IMO

  2. #27
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    ^ thank you! I have changed a lot in the course of one year. So much of my previous life is no longer around me, that Im becoming more aware of not only what life has to offer but what's been going on .

    I hated Indiana so fucking much, while I was there that I was constantly in a state of depression. I never wanted to go back there after school in 2001. So the 5.5 years I spent living there, I was unproductive and in a bad way.

    I deeply miss my friends though from there, and that is very hard for me sometimes. The girls that I work with now, are next level for the most part. I miss the friendships I use to have, and the people I use to know.

    I do keep a blog on my myspace, however because most of the girls I work with know about it,..they tend to read it. So maybe it's time I started a live journal or something along those lines.

    I take each night in a different way. Its so very hard for me to keep a distance from people that I view as somewhat enriching my life, by more than just paying my bills.

    For Instance, last week I met a guy at the end of the night that somehow got into the convo about his son. ( who is 24) he began telling me about how his son can't seem to get his shit together etc etc. Eventually we went upstairs and spent a half hour just sitting talking . I could give him advice on his son , considering how my own brother is. And what steps my parents took that caused them to be more enablers rather than a support system. And what he needs to do to avoid that. It went from that to him telling me that he lost his wife 8 months ago to breast cancer, they had been together 3 years..married 1 year. She fould out she had breast cancer 6 months into their marriage.

    He spoke about how disheartning it was that people wanted him to move on, but he doesnt know how and he can't bring himself to clean out her closet. Even though he has been seeing a grief counsler I think in my own way ..helped in a bit more. I listened, I related to loss and let him know...there is no time limit in mourning. When it comes time to clean out her closet, make sure to keep things that remind you of her. There is nothing wrong with cherishing someone. you can move on without forgetting. And thats the biggest thing i wish someone had told me years ago. I hugged him and he cried a little. The man was no drunk by any means. I think he just needed to release his feelings to a stranger , whom he'd never see again.

    Even though we both joked that he paid more for my half hour then he does for one hour of counseling lol. It situations like that and people like that , that make me feel good. These are people I would never ever encounter otherwise. I do enjoy that much about my job.

    Sometimes the money is just the added bonus to it all.

    Too bad not all customers can be like that. Although I tend to find those guys nightly. I also seem to find the ones that latch on, who are skeeving lil fucks with nasty drinking habits and those are the ones , my friends that I constantly get my energy sucked from.

    I dont mind helping someone, or making someone feel better. In the end I feel better and i walk away with a bit lifted from my soul. But its those that aren't on the up and up and aren't good people, that I get stuck with for LARGE amounts of time that I want to fucking kill.

    They always seem to ruin it for everyone else, that I might run into at the end of the damn day.

  3. #28
    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    I wish I had time to finish reading this now, but what i have read so far has been super valuable. I have to keep this in mind at work tonight.

  4. #29
    Veteran Member blayze's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    a good pick my up is to either drink something citrusy (orange juice, lemonade, water with lemons in it) or to smell something citrusy (like the mandarin orange lotion they have at Bath and body works). the citrus smell /taste has an invigorating effect on your body, kinda giving you renewed oomph, it also helps you to refocus on your goals.

    when i get lazy at work, i'll take a sit(by myself), suck on a lemon drop, drinkk some water. and i'm back at it.

    a lot of times though too, when i'm sitting a customer will come up to me and say hes been tring to find me but i must have been too busy doing state/vip/walking around that now that i'm sitting he's got a shot. so right outta my lemon drop break i got a sale. which kinda rocks.

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  5. #30
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    I can relate to you a lot on some of this, even though the VIP thing doesn't really apply. When it comes to seeing guys as real people and basically getting emotionally involved to some extent, that is hard to overcome. I have that problem too. A guy who's been coming in to see me all week came in tonight soooo drunk he was passing out while I danced for him. I ordered him a water, told the bouncer to be nice to him, and then walked off. He threw up and was kicked out, but what was I going to do? Sometimes you have to draw the line. A lot of girls would have seen how drunk he was, told him to fuck off, and walked away. At least I did what I could. Another guy sucks the life out of my with his depressing stories every time he comes in, so tonight I didn't even talk to him. Better for me to be in a good mood and not have my hustle sucked out.

    As far as being bored and drained by a-hole VIP customers, try to learn something from them, anything. That's what keeps me going when someone is boring as hell. If they work as a welder, in public relations, whatever, I have them describe their job in detail. I learn something I never knew before. If they are from Texas, I have them tell me how Texas is different. If they are really super dull, I play the favorites game. Ask them, what is your favorite color/flower/word in the English Language/Led Zeppelin song/etc. Usually that will bring up some topic you can get into. If they are so bad that I don't want to associate with them as a human being, then I can't be around them. It's my number one flaw as a dancer, but I can turn down money to deprive someone of the enjoyment of my time.

    There was a guy in tonight, trying to get my attention the last half hour we were open. I had no one else to dance for, I was sitting around talking to some regulars who don't spend because I had nothing better to do. I would not dance for him, because all night he acted like a jerk, sat by the stage and didn't tip once, and insulted the other girls. There was no way I would give him the time of day, and even if it cost me a couple hundred dollars (which I know it didn't) I'll sleep better not having had to deal with him.

    If dealing with guys like this really sucks the life out of you, then it may be costing you more money than you're making off of them. If you are having this problem a lot, then it seems like you must sell a lot of VIPs. If you do sell that many, then maybe you can be more selective in who you sell them to. If it's a guy that you know sucks the life out of you, maybe you should up your price specifically for him. Are you allowed to do that? Tell him it's 800 for the hour because you were hoping to go home early and he'll be keeping you from meeting your friend for breakfast. I don't know, it's an idea

    I'm happy for you that you're putting drinking behind you to help out your relationship. It sounds like your guy is really good for you.

  6. #31
    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    Thank guys! I stopped drinking at work...HUGE IMPROVEMENT! I am MUCH happier about being at work and I have a ton of stamina compared to when I drink.

    And it is much easier to step away (mentally or physically) from a customer whose negative energy has the capacity to bring me down. I hope that you, Tart, can find a balance between your work and mental well being. Just imagine if you were a social worker making pocket change and responsible for the health and well being of abused children. I could not imagine a more emotionally draining job.

  7. #32
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnie View Post
    Thank guys! I stopped drinking at work...HUGE IMPROVEMENT! I am MUCH happier about being at work and I have a ton of stamina compared to when I drink.
    totally agree!

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    Veteran Member layka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnie View Post
    Thank guys! I stopped drinking at work...HUGE IMPROVEMENT! I am MUCH happier about being at work and I have a ton of stamina compared to when I drink.

    And it is much easier to step away (mentally or physically) from a customer whose negative energy has the capacity to bring me down. I hope that you, Tart, can find a balance between your work and mental well being. Just imagine if you were a social worker making pocket change and responsible for the health and well being of abused children. I could not imagine a more emotionally draining job.



    I'm very glad to hear that. Now you should see your money and/or sanity level out... if not increase, lol.
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by blayze View Post
    a good pick my up is to either drink something citrusy (orange juice, lemonade, water with lemons in it) or to smell something citrusy (like the mandarin orange lotion they have at Bath and body works). the citrus smell /taste has an invigorating effect on your body, kinda giving you renewed oomph, it also helps you to refocus on your goals.
    yeah my past two nights at work i brought a banana and an orange... i ate the banana about 2hrs into my shift and it gave me an extra kick, then when it got overwhelming (the point where i usually start to drink at like 1:30am) i ate the orange and drank some water and it totally pulled me through the rest of the night. one shift turned out bad, one shift turned out pretty good, but both times i went home feeling much better than when i drank and much more able to put everything into perspective from the money to the physical and emotional aspect of the job... it could be a coincidence but i'm feeling the bananas and oranges man lol

  10. #35
    Veteran Member Tallulah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    a sip of champagne to be polite but i dont drink at work .or smoke. i like to be in control of everything......and smell good! Some girls look rough by the end of the shift. Its not a pretty look. I save getting a bit merry for when im with the boy or my friends, even then in moderation.

  11. #36
    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    i have to say, and i dont like this, but until i find another way its how its going to be, but the more i drink, the more money i make...

    i dont get drunk at work, but i do find that a couple glasses of red wine sets me up nicely to be relaxed and more confident.

    i think i can sometimes be too defensive, think too much, presume too soon, judge a book by its cover, be easily irritated and prone to being unapproachable if i am stone cold sober at work.

    relaxed by some wine, i am almost anyone's friend and that means i can go and make money... :o/

    this is probably because it is my natural behaviour to not make an effort to be friendly to everyone i meet. i generally keep to myself and am of the opinion that everyone is a shithead until proven nice as opposed to the majority of peoples assumption that everyone is nice until proven a shithead. i guess ive just been kicked in the teeth enough times for me to be super wary and especially of men, so a little wine to cushion my triggers helps me to make money in this job.

    i guess i hav issues...
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

  12. #37
    Featured Member Miss_Luscious's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by 21stcenturyfox View Post
    i have to say, and i dont like this, but until i find another way its how its going to be, but the more i drink, the more money i make...

    i dont get drunk at work, but i do find that a couple glasses of red wine sets me up nicely to be relaxed and more confident.

    i think i can sometimes be too defensive, think too much, presume too soon, judge a book by its cover, be easily irritated and prone to being unapproachable if i am stone cold sober at work.

    relaxed by some wine, i am almost anyone's friend and that means i can go and make money... :o/

    this is probably because it is my natural behaviour to not make an effort to be friendly to everyone i meet. i generally keep to myself and am of the opinion that everyone is a shithead until proven nice as opposed to the majority of peoples assumption that everyone is nice until proven a shithead. i guess ive just been kicked in the teeth enough times for me to be super wary and especially of men, so a little wine to cushion my triggers helps me to make money in this job.

    i guess i hav issues...
    Nope, I'm the same way. If I drink too much I get really sleepy and I don't want to work anymore. But if I have just one very weak drink (like a vodka and cranberry with a lot of cranberry) Luscious (the stripper me) comes out in full and Lauren (the real me) stays in the background. I am normally just how you described yourself but Luscious is the complete opposite of that. She's confidant and seductive and even a little forceful and that one drink helps bring her out. Even my stage show is better because I'm not as self conciouis on stage and I'm not thinking about how much money I am or am not making on stage, I'm just doing my thing up there and then I'm plesantly surprised when I see all the dollars on the stage. Luscious definately makes more money than Lauren.
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  13. #38
    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    i just found out that my attitude is that of a misanthrope. interesting. i should probably work on that.
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

  14. #39
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by DancerWealth View Post
    Another thing to realize about alcohol is that it's a depressant. It makes you think slower, so by putting into your body, you are literally forcing your brain to work on a slower pace. While obviously physical this business is, it's also mental as well, especially when you are selling. So by messing with that part of the equasion, you should expect the results to be reflected by that. Just food (or drink) for thought.
    I think that is the problem. She is at such a higher level than her customers she is BORED.

    Tart, I understand exactly what you are talking about. Drunk people are really annoying to hang out with, especially if you are obligated to sit and converse with them for an hour or more. I don't work clubs on Friday or Saturday nights anymore. I do parties instead. I know that it is scary to a lot of dancers to do bachelor parties, but I'm dancing the whole hour I'm there and I rarely have a conversation beyond 'Do you like my boobs?' Then I'm on to the next guy. I usually earn the equivilent to an hour in VIP per each party (around $500). So two parties are better than one shift in the club as my work day is about one third what I would be doing for the same amount of money.

    I know that isn't very helpful. Maybe try making up stories. Even if the stories are not your own and taken from TV shows or movies you've seen. The customers are drunk and gullibile. It is kind of fun telling the guys about escapades that I never actually engaged in, like hanging with celebs or something. I also try giving 'psychic' readings. Go research how to do a cold reading and try pulling that on your customers. It is funny because when they are drunk they will give you info and swear that you told them the exact info they just told you. Anyhow, you might find it more amusing that listening to drunken ravings.

    I feel ya on the whole wasted drunk thing, though.


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  15. #40
    Tart
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    Thank you paris You know I've sat and debated this entire thing to death , and instead of going into the longest post of the year ... i'll keep it simple.

    I have social anxiety. I do not know how to interact with people in groups of more than 3. I just can't. I get so nervous I get bitchy. People think I'm being a snob because I'm not saying shit but the truth of the matter is...Im so consumed with worry that I'll say something stupid that I say nothing at all.

    That is only a small part of it though. Because I work just fine,at work till around say 10 or 11 pm. ( I've been coming in at 4 ) I like my small crowd and laid back setting. At night things get hectic and the sharks come out. 11 years in dancing, I think Im just at that stage where I don't want to deal with nightshift. Anyone else who has danced that long can totally agree with me on it. You get to a point, that you realize that you are above this shit. And no amount of money is going to change your mind.

    Being sober has had its perks, like not feeling like shit the next day or dead tired blah blah. But it's downfall is the fact I notice every goddamn thing now. I notice how dirty everyone is. I notice the amount of shit people talk or just how sad others lives are. The entire thing makes me feel shameful to a degree. Now when I notice people on coke ( dancers ) I just wanna beat their ass. Its so stupid. And its so obvious. No wonder we have these stereotypes.

    I applaud anyone that not let this get to them while they are sober, and the ladies that had had enough and now do private parties.

  16. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tart View Post
    Even though we both joked that he paid more for my half hour then he does for one hour of counseling lol.
    Yeah, but I bet you're about 12 million times hotter than his regular therapist!

    Wow. It definitely sounds like, with the "talk hustle" that you describe, you really are functioning as a therapist for some of these guys. Which, on the one hand, implies that you really are performing a valuable service for them, well worth the VIP pricetag. On the other hand, I can see how it would get really draining; I’m sure therapists have ways to deal with this other than completely depersonalizing their clients. Do any clinical psychology students here have any insight on that?

    Now, I’ve never worked in a club like yours, so I’m not sure how valuable my comments will be. But I can certainly relate to a LOT of what you’ve said—in particular, the temptation to drink at work (and the ability to control it most of the time, except on those occasional nights when unattractive drunken stupors would ensue.)

    I did go through periodic detox phases, though, and I did find (like Bridgette) that dancing sober took a bit of getting used to, but that once I got past the adjustment period, the job was more fun and I made more money with less grief.

    For one thing, when buzzed, I was more likely to lose focus, and get involved in long conversations with customers who weren’t spending a lot. I was definitely more social and more talk-y, which is part of the reason I drank in the first place, but the talkiness could also backfire.

    Sober, I was actually more likely to keep my mouth shut, keep conversations light and simple, and focus on the hustling/dancing part of the job.

    Now, for me, one thing I liked about working sober was that I could actually dance better/put on a better show. But the whole performance aspect of the job was one I always really enjoyed. It sounds as though you feel differently about that.

    My point is this: Maybe, possibly, it would be worthwhile to change your style a little and do a little more “dance hustle” and a little less “talk hustle.” I know you say you’re “too lazy,” but there are a couple of good things about dancing, even in VIP: First, as you point out, it fills up some of the time and breaks things up.

    Second, the physical activity (especially if you’re sober), can provide a bit of an endorphin rush, which could help keep you in more of an “up” mode.

    Third, it keeps you from having to talk to people that you really have no desire to talk to! (That’s one of the big selling points for me; I completely hear you on feeling a little socially backwards at times, and so I found it much easier to just shut up and dance.)

    You said that most of the customers prefer that you talk in VIP rather than dance, but I don’t know….I always found that keeping the talk to a minimum was a good thing, allowing for a certain degree of mutual objectification. I still say that this is a good thing in SCs—not to the point of dehumanizing one another, but just to the point where we don’t know anything much about the inner life of the client, and he doesn’t know much about the inner life of his service provider.

    Of course, if the guys who gravitate toward you are looking more for some sort of talk therapy from a hot anonymous chick, then I guess you should stick to what you’ve been doing.

    Still, you’re so fucking gorgeous that I’m pretty sure you can get away with whatever hustle you damn well please.

    ANYWAY, In Summary:

    1) Maybe try dancing a bit more and talking a bit less, especially with annoying drunk guys late at night in VIP.

    2) Objectification is good—on both sides of the transaction. You don’t have to feel bad about it, I don’t think.

    3) You’re still in the transition period: You’re used to working buzzed. You’re getting used to working sober. It’ll take a while, but it’ll get better. You may even be going through a bit of mild physical withdrawal from alcohol.

    4) If you’re really in serious detox mode, you might consider quitting (or at least cutting way back on) caffeine. The first few days will be a living hell, but then you’ll feel WAY better, and way more energetic.

    5) Speaking of caffeine, I wonder if a bit of jasmine green tea toward the end of the night might be helpful. I think it has a little bit of caffeine but not much—maybe enough to get you through the end of the night without keeping you from sleeping.

    Sorry this is so long, but I really appreciate your stories, insight, and sincerity on the board, and I’m hoping you’ll find something of value in all this….
    "Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row


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    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    I am making a point to be a sober dancer. However, I do find that a large glass of red wine at home before I go in relaxes me enough.
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by Tart View Post
    That is only a small part of it though. Because I work just fine,at work till around say 10 or 11 pm. ( I've been coming in at 4 )
    Perhaps this is a large part of the problem? 12 hr shifts would be difficult on anyone. Is there any way you could just work your 6 or 7 hrs and leave at 10 or 11pm or is somebody (management) requesting that you work from 4 to 4? Or perhaps could you try going in to work considerably later if you really want to catch the end of the night crowd so that you aren't burning yourself out? Or if you must do 12 hr shifts, would it benefit you at all to do fewer shifts per week? Burnout is inevitable in a strip club for 12hrs at a time multiple times weekly, sober or not. Good luck.

  19. #44
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    Tart-

    Did you ever think about taking xanax, valium or the like for social anxiety? I have an anxiety disorder too (I have GED). I don't get anxious in groups, I actually get more anxious by myself.... or for no reason... there's not a specific thing that triggers it.

    A lot of people think that if you take xanax or valium you'll get "high." There's a level of truth to that- it might make you loopy if you DON'T have anxiety. If you really do (which obviously you do) it just makes you feel normal, not all freaked out. Like if you don't have ADD and you take Ridilin (sp?) you'll get fucked up, but if you have it and you take it you're fine and it helps you.

    I did drink at work in Chicago, except when I was underage and worked at the Admiral. Like you, I make a lot of money in VIP by just talking to people. I think that drinking did help me by making me a bit more chatty, and also by giving me an activity to do with me customer ; he's drinking, I'm his drinking buddy. That kinda thing. It also probably made me less annoyed with the customers.

    When I moved to Las Vegas, I didn't drink at work at first. ( I wanted to be 100% in control cause I didn't know where the hell I was or have any friends there) I found that I had the same hustle, but that I was more picky about my customers. I would basically only sit with people I liked (who didn't annoy me) or walk around doing the "want a dance, want a dance?" thing. I know that works better out west than in Chicago, but I used to do that sometimes in Chi town too.

    Also unless the club is unusually busy during the day, working from 4pm to 4am is a total burnout. I wonder if you'd do better if you came in later, because then you would be in a busy club and I don't think you'd have to sit down and talk so much?

  20. #45
    Featured Member Starfire's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sobriety and the dancer

    Sorry if anyone else has said this already, I didn't get to the second page of this thread and I"m running late, but is it possible for you to go in late? So the energy you spend on the first few hours will now be more productively spent on the last two? I know some clubs don't allow this but if you can this would probably help a lot.

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