Gosh. I know I've been sounding like a huge crybaby lately....but I've had a month of one of those days.
I almost didn't want to post this because I was so embarrassed. But I've grown to trust alot of you ladies and gents and your support has helped me in the past. Random stuff happening has been bringing me down lately, just a long stroke of bad luck. Well, tonight I decided to go back to work. I was excited, too. I decided I was going to have a good night. I wore a new dress that I felt gorgeous in, I spent extra time on my make up, and for only about the 2nd time in my little life I felt beautiful and confident. This never happens...I had even lost 6 pounds since I started my diet this past week.
Well the night was kind of slow because of Houston happenings...and Fridays aren't usually great anyway but I was still in good spirits at least and was getting compliments about my new outfit and my make up...
Well. Then the most degrading and humiliating thing happened and it hurt me and pissed me off alot more than it should have. I know judgement comes with the business. But why today? Why when I finally felt good about me? Why when I'd had such a bad week after week lately. The main manager tells me in the dressing room in front of everyone else that I had gained a ton of weight, and I'd gotten way too big, that I was only allowed to work weekends until I did something about it.
For one thing...I was already doing something about slimming down a little bit for myself, but I am not, by any means fat. I could have named off at least 6 dancers standing in front of me who were bigger than me - and they weren't fat either. He was so rude about it and said it in front of everyone.![]()
I just turned and walked away, went and put my jeans on (it was about 4 hours before we are allowed to leave) and hid by my locker for a bit to try and settle myself down but I started crying of course like a big stupid baby. A few girls came and talked to me and made me feel a little better, and the housedaddy, too, and I just felt so stupid. One of the other managers came to see what was going on and he made me feel a little better, too, and he walky talkied the door girl to tell her I had his permission to leave early (meanie manager is the one that usually decides who can leave). (sidenote...as he is telling me I'm a hippo, theres a girl literally unconscious, passed out over a chair with about 9 glasses next to her...way to prioritize..)
He just made me feel so incredibly shitty. I try so hard to be nice and friendly and sweet to everyone even when I'm having a horrible time, and I'm always trying to be a good person and all that jazz and it just seems like the world takes pleasure in constantly throwing piles of shit at me - little ones here, big ones there...just to see if I'll still get up and smile afterward. Why can't it just leave me alone and pick on someone else for just a little while and let me have a break.
I'm going to meet my OWN goals for my body that I had already set, and not because some stupid prick doesn't think I'm good enough. I'm going to show him, indeed, but not for his sorry ass.
I'm humiliated by his lack of discretion, I'm annoyed that I let it hurt me so much, dissapointed just in general, and just want to have a good day, already...I think I deserve one but maybe I'm wrong.
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Managers are assholes. ****BIG HUG FOR POOKA****
I believe you Dottie and you have my support


That's amazing!


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