Hi All - this is my first post - but I've been lurking for the last few days. I'm a straight female, and I have been visitng a male strip club near me on and off for several years. The clubs main clientele are gay males, the dancers are usually straight males, and women are barely tolerated. I guess I sort of occupy a different role there, as I've been coming out for so long, I don't cause trouble, and I'm friends, some strictly ITC, others OTC, with dancers, management, bartenders, DJ, customers, etc. Basically, this place is my element and it's where i feel comfortable coming for a drink alone. I tip on stage, primarily - but they are tokens - i've done VIPs and I've gotten lapdances over the years, but I keep a low-profile for the most part. I think Management prefers it that way. Also, being a female, with the dancers it tends to be more traditional - in that they don't expect to get money from the women there, altho they expect to get other things *lol* if they can talk 'em into it.
anyways - i've sorta developed something with a dancer OTC. There's never been a financial aspect to our thing, and i realize he is there to work, and that he's prolly got all sorts of stalkers and whatnot, so i do my best to respect his boundaries.
here's the thing - i'm trying to understand where my dancer friend is coming from - since
a. i'm a civilian
b. i tend to operate at a different level from most people to begin with, so I can be clueless
c. i'd liek to be as respectful of him as he is of me, and would hate to inadvertantly hurt his feelings. (part of me being clueless, i think)
so here's what I'd liek advice on -
first - it seems the more involved we get, the more our guards come up with each other. It was easier to talk to him, and be open with him, years ago, or hell even last year, when we were casual SC friends. Now that things have gotten deeper, i feel that his guard is up, and my guard is up, and really there's nothing to be said, and it's best to just kiss and not try talking.
But eventually things are gonna need to be said, and i hate feeling uncomfortable. In reading through other threads, it seems that keeping your guard up is a part of the gig. but how do I help him to feel safe with me? I'm not gonna judge one way or the other, and i'm not gonna turn into his psychotic stalker, and i'm not gonna try to take his money, and i would hope after all this time he would know that about me, but I don't know how to communicate it so it's said, without insulting him. heh.
The other thing is this: he's got this thing for telling me how much he feels i'm worth in $$$s. it's meant to be a compliment, and it's always a respectable number, and I take it as such. But I wonder if there's always a mental $s in/$s out tally going on with him, and if that's also a side effect of the gig. I suppose as long as i'm on the right side of the tally it's all good.![]()
So basically - I need someone who is in his shoes to tell me how I can make him feel more secure and comfortable with whatever our thing is. turn feel more secure and comfortable myself. (because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and if it was any civilian guy, i prolly wouldn't feel this way - i'd take his actions at face value)
Thanks for your help!



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