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Thread: I will never give birth in a hospital

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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default I will never give birth in a hospital

    Yesterday was my first day of OBGYN clinicals, and I can now see why so many people are terrified and scarred by childbirth and are asking for elective C-sections. You know how from the 20s to the 60s or so, when women were pain flat on their backs, bolted down with leather restraints, knocked out with chloroform, and had their babies yanked out with forceps by a cigar-chomping obstetrician who claimed that he was the savior of "the terrors of childbirth?" Things haven't changed much, at least not in hospitals. If a woman is in labor, she was not allowed to get out of bed, eat anything, and she has to deliver flat on her back. God, delivering on one's back is the worst thing you can do because it crushes the inferior vena cava and nullifies the assistance of gravity. It's purely for the convenience of the doctor. Heck, women used to give birth in special chairs or in kneeling positions until doctors took over deliveries. The obstetrical field was designed by men who thought that they were doing huge favors for women, when in fact they totally patronized them and rather than let them listen to their bodies and listen to the women, they decided to take total control total of the situation.

    The first girl was a young thing whose baby's daddy decided that it wasn't his problem. The poor girl was scared out of her wits. She was totally doped up on narcs, and the doctors soon decided that it was time for her to start pushing. There were 2 doctors, 1 resident, a nurse, and 2 nursing students in the room. All of them except me were screaming at her to push. I figured that I was doing her the biggest favor by just being quiet and letting her hold my hand. The fetal monitor soon started showing signs of distress (no shit, I would be freaking out too if I had a room full of people screaming at me), and she wasn't allowed to rest out any contractions, even before the distress showed up. The birth was exactly like they're dramatized on TV, with the woman screaming, "I can't do it, it hurts too much!" She ripped a bit (she was forced to push and not let things stretch), and asked God why this was happening to her. The poor thing was terrified, and passed right out after the birth.

    The behavior of the medical staff was pretty disgusting too. It was so IMPERSONAL. It's so true, doctors advocate themselves and nurses advocate the patients. The doctors and residents were chatting about their work, telling her to push, and totally not listening to the patients. They were bossy and impersonal, nothing like the wonderful stories that my mother told me about being attended by nurse midwives. My mom said that her first birth (me) was obstetrician-delivered, and she hated it. The other 5 kids were all nurse midwife delivered, and she said that they stayed by her side the whole time, let her do her thing (she even caught some of us), and she felt like they actually listened to her.

    The second birth was a woman with discordant twins (one twin was getting deprived of in-utero care, so Twin A was 6 lbs while B was 3 lbs). One was cephalic (head down), the other was transverse (sideways). They induced her with pitocin and further sped her along by rupturing her membranes. She screamed for an epidural, but not even that spared her from the pain of what they did to her. They wheeled her into the OR in case of an emergency C-section. They yanked out Twin A with forceps, and then maneuvered Twin B into a breech birth. The poor woman was crying and screaming, and the dad was waiting outside because he was too squeamish.

    No wonder women are terrified by childbirth. The intervention that was supposed to save them is totally controlling the process.

    The other thing that disgusted the hell out of me was the lack of participation of some of the fathers. I swear, most of the fathers were so useless that they might as well have been chain smoking in the waiting room like they did until the sixties. To the men reading this: If you're too immature or squeamish to go through childbirth, then you are too immature to reproduce. Don't give any bullshit excuses of, "I can't stand to see her in pain/ I can't stand the sight of blood." Remember, you can leave the room during the ouchy or icky parts. SHE CAN'T. Women have no choice but to be present during the whole process, and they have to mature damn quick because of this lack of choice. You are just as responsible for that kid as she is, and you'd damn well better support her. This kind of stuff happens when you have a kid. Seriously, if you don't even think that you could look "down there" during birth, then keep on using condoms.

    Note: I don't totally condemn medical intervention in childbirth. I think that it is a woman's right to have pain medication, and emergencies do exist. However, in this stupid litigatious society, medical care is dominated by threats of lawsuits rather than what is best for the patient. I dont' blame doctors for covering their asses like they do, as too many people see doctors as jackpot lottery tickets.

    Unless there are risks, I refuse to subject myself to this. Birthing centers and midwives for me! Oh, and this experience has not made my biological clock tick any faster. I am still putting off kids for another decade or so.

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    God/dess sassysummer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    which is why only my first was in a hospital...my last 2 were in the nice, soft, dark, quiet room at a waterbirth center, lit with candles and in a big ol nice warm bath water to float in and midwives off in another room listening to my moans (they use the tone of your moans to tell how far along you are instead of checking you every 15 fucking minutes).

    it's a sad state that many hospitals are still in...fortunately many are coming around now. a hospital here even has midwives attending water births in the hospital rooms...but that's few and far between





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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    ^ Agreed. My midwife and doctor left me alone until they heard this:

    Joe: "Sweetheart, you can't push, yet...just breathe through it..."
    Me (really loud): "FUCK YOU!!"

    Enter doctor and midwife, and Adrian was born 5 minutes later. LOL They later said that they just listen for "transition words". heehee

    At the hospital, I was hooked up to pitocin...and antibiotics...so I couldn't move around much...I was "yelling" because they told me not to push...so a nurse yelled at me that I shouldn't be yelling, so I told her to "get the fuck out of my room." and effectively banned her from my room. I was poked and prodded every 5 mintues...they took my temperature, they took my pulse (I'm hooked up anyways, jack ass), they could see I was having a contraction and they would interrupt my concentration to ask me how I was feeling. The actual birth I had to do on my back because that's how the doc wanted it done...even though the birthing bed could be made into a chair-type thing...but he didn't like that...

    Actually birthing my daughter was the best thing ever. Doing so in the hospital was not.

    I really think that had I been able to birth in the position that was best for me, with Makayla, I would have pushed her out in 5 minutes or so...and not the 15 I did.

    My birth with Adrian was awesome and if we have more kids, I'm doing homebirth again.

    And I cannot tell you how many people I know have had c-sections. It's crazy.

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    God/dess PleasureVictim's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    Krazyjane are you in nursing school?

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    Veteran Member Collegegirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    I was born at home with a midwife... I had my son in a hospital with a midwife. Midwives are great but let me tell you. There is NO need to be induced UNLESS the baby is in danger (low fluid etc..)

    I will let myself go a month late next time. I dont freekin care!

    I pushed for 3 hours because the epidural (which they did at 9 cm.... yeah I didnt have it in my birth plan) made it so I couldnt control my body. I wanted to get on my hands and knees so bad! Would you poop on your back?

    3 hours of pushing my son went into distress and without my wishes I was givin a 4th degree episiodomy. It still bleeds when I poop.

    Induction is awful. My contractions lasted and minute every 30 seconds and they kept increasing it... In the 30 minutes it took my mom to get to the hospital I dialated 2 centameters.....

    I begged for them to stop the drip. But of course I'm a woman. I have no idea how to birth a child!!!

    ERG..... Its pregnancy not a disease.... I will NEVER see an OB and hopefully I will have the option of a birthing center next time around. Hopefully my mom will just deliver the baby (if i ever have another)

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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    Yep, I'm in nursing school. I chose nursing over medicine b/c the intervention of medicine (driven by trying to prevent being sued) disgusts me. People taking handfuls of pills (except people like organ donor recipients) disgusts me. Drug companies funding medical schools and giving sales incentives to doctors disgusts me. I'm into the nurturing holism of nursing.

    VG, you go girl. I'd be going nuts too if I had a room full of backseat drivers staring and poking at my hoo-hah and telling me what my body knows how to do.

    Yes, it's sad that C-sections are becoming routine and elective, but after witnessing a medically intervened childbirth, I can't blame women one bit for thinking that a C-section is easier. So many women equate childbirth with a bunch of bright lights and screaming, bossy doctors that parents don't know that there are other options for birthing.

    It's not that midwives and birthing centers are far and few in between, it's that people don't know about them, and generally more educated people with better means of paying are the ones who seek their services. Also, nurse midwives are sadly oppressed by the medical field. The reason that midwives went out of style in the late 1800s is because doctors played up the horrors of childbirth and claimed that they were saving women, even though hospitals are petri dishes for germs, especially before doctors started washing their hands. To this day, "Better safe than sorry" is the attitude of the medical field. Yeesh, childbirth has only been happening for millions of years. I've actually heard doctors quote that the human vagina was not meant to give birth. Quack quack. Childbirth isn't a fucking medical condition unless complications arise.
    Last edited by Krazyjane; 01-24-2007 at 03:08 PM.

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    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    Do midwives provide epidurals? And do they let you give birth in an upright position?

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    After your description, Krazyjane, maybe Tom Cruise's demand for a 'silent birth' for his and Katie's child wasn't really all that unreasonable a request? People made a big deal about that comment that Tom made, but it sounds almost reasonable after hearing your description of the births you assisted in.

    Kudos to you KJ! I think the key is education of the patient. Thank you so much for sharing this information with this (mostly) female community. Information is power.


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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris View Post
    After your description, Krazyjane, maybe Tom Cruise's demand for a 'silent birth' for his and Katie's child wasn't really all that unreasonable a request? People made a big deal about that comment that Tom made, but it sounds almost reasonable after hearing your description of the births you assisted in.

    Kudos to you KJ! I think the key is education of the patient. Thank you so much for sharing this information with this (mostly) female community. Information is power.
    I later found out that in a Scientologist Silent Birth, the mother is indeed allowed to moan, pant, etc. However, she can't use words, which is a bit too far, but otherwise I'm all for that, as well as soothing words from the partner. Tom got a lot of shit because everyone assumed that Katie would have to stay silent as well. I heard a lot of comments along the lines of, "He should shit a watermelon and tell her not to scream."

    Yeah, female education is key. So many women don't know that they have more options, so they see the dregs and think that it's like that for everyone.
    Last edited by Krazyjane; 01-24-2007 at 10:02 PM.

  10. #10
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    Krazyjane, I have to agree with you.
    I wil never forget in nursing school, watching a woman deliver by c cection. She was soo scared, and treated so badly.

    First, the doctor numbed her. Then to make sure she was numb, he got a cold, wet piece of gauze and ran it up her tummy, starting from the bottom up. He asked if she could feel it. She said yes. He did it again, are you sure you can feel this? She said yes. So he put that cold wet gauze on her bipple, and kind of snaked her nipple with it. Can you feel this?

    She started crying, Yes, yes, I can feel it all, please don't start cutting yet, I can still feel it!

    I felt soo bad for her.

    The doctor acted so impatient, like she was making it up that she could still feel things, just to waste his time or something.

    The strangest thing to me was, once they pulled the baby out, he didnt immeadatly start to cry. Now, I thought that the second babies came out, they cry. Minutes passed, and they baby wasn't crying, but no one acted like it was a big deal. Finally, the baby let out a cry....and I decided never, ever go into OBGYN.

    Then I did my pediatric rotation. I wil never ever go into that field either. I cant handle takign care of crack babies, babies that have been poisoned by their mothers..There was a baby I cared for that had been poisoned with bleach put into her bottle. I wanted to steal so many babies from the hospital during that rotation. Then there is all the premies....I can't do it. It hurts my heart to much to see sick, unloved, uncared for babies. I was to depressed during that rotation, it just hurt me to much.

    Completly off topic, but I decided when I do go back to nursing, Im gonna be a wound care nurse. Somehting about big nasty oozing boo boos is really interesting to me. I like to see the progress of the wound healing, it gives me a sence of acomplishment when I can heal boo boos.

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    Veteran Member evilladybug's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    im four months preganant now and is giveing birth better than haveing a c-section? i am just woundering.

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    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    Having a C-section *is* giving birth, it's just not a vaginal ("normal") delivery. And yes, a vaginal delivery is FAR preferable to a C-section. You want to avoid a C-section unless there is really no other way.

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    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    My mom had my sisters and brother at home...

    However, not all hospitals are bad you know. Mine was great. I gave birth in a semi upright position or on my side. The nurses were great as were the docs etc. I think it all depends where you go.



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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    Quote Originally Posted by Sirona View Post
    My mom had my sisters and brother at home...

    However, not all hospitals are bad you know. Mine was great. I gave birth in a semi upright position or on my side. The nurses were great as were the docs etc. I think it all depends where you go.
    That is very true. I am doing my clinicals at a public hospital (translation: Lotsa Medicaid, more Spanish than English is spoken, many people go there b/c of the public funding and are not educated enough to know other options). It's like a freaking assembly line. Women are not given choices or education to know their choices. CYA (cover your ass) procedures dominate all.

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Having a C-section *is* giving birth, it's just not a vaginal ("normal") delivery. And yes, a vaginal delivery is FAR preferable to a C-section. You want to avoid a C-section unless there is really no other way.
    Exactly!
    I've had THREE C-Sections, and none of them were really my *choice*. It's definitely still "giving birth". You're still bringing a life into the world. You're not pushing and in pain during labor, but believe me.. You're in pain AFTERWARDS... For weeks. Where, with a vaginal birth, the pain's pretty much done and over with when the baby's born (I know this, because my first child was a vaginal birth).

    Seriously.. Unless it's medically necessary (as it was with my youngest 3 children), you shouldn't even consider a C-Section. They are NOT fun, and NOT painless.

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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    OMG! Thank you so much for this thread. It has further cemented my position to remain childless/childfree. I am going to do my damnest to not get pregnant now.


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    Featured Member scorpio's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    It is sad that most men aren't involved with childbirth. But really, don't blame them too much. men just arent educated. Society doesn't expect men to be involved. Boys aren't taught the miracle of birth like girls are. My friend Aaron started a male education foundation called "fathers helping fathers" http://www.dadshelpingdads.com/
    It's a mens advocacy site, but we are also trying to educate men on how to prepare for childbirth, and how to assist their partner. I am proud to say that with my help and support, Venus was able to birth two beautiful babies drug free. Even with the annoyance of being in the hospital for makayla, and the trauma of her afterbirth with Adrian, I was able to help Venus to get through it. Many men want to be involved, they just don't know how.

  18. #18
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    Yay for this post and more power to you krazyjane!
    I gave birth in hospital - there is less intervention in Australia but still too much IMO. Plus women have got to the stage where they think they have to have it which is CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Although my experience was mostly good, and giving birth was a piece of cake, I vowed since that if I ever had another child Id do the birthing at home alone before setting foot inside a hospital. (Obviously unless there was something really wrong!) I was fine without all the medical stuff and actually better off just listening to my body and not them.

    My best friend is a midwife and moved from England to New Zealand because they promote natural birthing much more over there. She is absolutly bloody fantastic. Her birthing stories are beautiful and amazing. She is still working in the hospital system but she hardly ever needs a doctor. I have learnt so much from her!!!

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    What the majority of people do not know is that the rates for infant and mother mortality became astronomical when physicians first began to replace midwives. It used to be that birth was seen as a "woman thing", not a physician's issue. Then the doctors took over, with their ether and their forceps. We're only now getting down to the rates we had before physicians took over.

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    Featured Member sophiemarie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    Homebirth sounds right on to me. I fear a c-section. Waterbirth souinds cool too. Hosptials seem too impersonal.



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  21. #21
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    as much as everyone hates anna nicole smith... this looks fuckign terrifying!!

  22. #22
    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    Quote Originally Posted by rozz View Post
    What the majority of people do not know is that the rates for infant and mother mortality became astronomical when physicians first began to replace midwives. It used to be that birth was seen as a "woman thing", not a physician's issue. Then the doctors took over, with their ether and their forceps. We're only now getting down to the rates we had before physicians took over.
    Yep, the doctors would dissect corpses in the morgue, then deliver a baby. Yummy. Even now, with gloves and religious handwashing, those hands have been places you don't want to know. Midwives, on the other hand, handled far less yucky stuff than the doctors did. Also, hospitals are full of sick people. Pregnant women are usually not sick, but pregnant women and newborns are more prone to infections.

    People have this misconception that hospitals are sterile and clean, and that if they give birth anywhere else they'll die of infection. Uh, unless your house is a near-condemned building with cat shit everywhere, your home is safer. Yeah, it's not swabbed down with bleach every day, BUT IT'S YOUR OWN BACTERIA THAT YOU'RE IMMUNE TO! In hospitals, superbugs like MRSAs spread from years of gaining resistance.

    OMG! Thank you so much for this thread. It has further cemented my position to remain childless/childfree. I am going to do my damnest to not get pregnant now.
    My purpose was actually to tell others that childbirth doesn't have to be a traumatic experience reminiscent of Dr. Mengele's Nazi experimentation. I also wanted to let you all know that just because I'm going to become a nurse DOES NOT MEAN that I advocate handfulls of pills. However, you're welcome if it helped you decide that you really don't want to go through labor. Kudos on the Childfree status. I have nothing but respect for people who have realized that they don't have to succumb to other people's wishes, and that people who have kids for the wrong reasons are breeders rather than a parent. I'm Childfree for now, but want to have kids eventually if the right conditions are achieved.

    It is sad that most men aren't involved with childbirth. But really, don't blame them too much. men just arent educated. Society doesn't expect men to be involved. Boys aren't taught the miracle of birth like girls are. My friend Aaron started a male education foundation called "fathers helping fathers" http://www.dadshelpingdads.com/
    It's a mens advocacy site, but we are also trying to educate men on how to prepare for childbirth, and how to assist their partner. I am proud to say that with my help and support, Venus was able to birth two beautiful babies drug free. Even with the annoyance of being in the hospital for makayla, and the trauma of her afterbirth with Adrian, I was able to help Venus to get through it. Many men want to be involved, they just don't know how.
    It warms my heart to see men who take equal responsibility (yes, I know that there are plenty of men like you out there, it's just the bad apples that give you a bad name). My big stink with them is that women are forced to be involved with everything, but some men have such a "freedom" of not having to participate. Men aren't taught a lot of things, but their actions are their choice as well. Ignorance is corrected with simple information. If he swats this opportunity away with a disgusted look on his face, fuck him. For example, consider the reactions of my ex vs. my current bf when I tried to explain my birth control to them:
    Ex: "Uh... look. Here's some money. Can you just take care of this? I'm not ready to hear about your innards." I hate asshats like this who don't take responsibility and don't even want to learn about them. Imagine if I was as squeamish and immature as him. The consequences would be much harsher.
    Current: "Uh... I have no idea about this stuff. Would you mind explaining to me? I'd be happy to learn and I can pitch in for costs."

    Girls, please tell about how supportive your partners were, and how much sympathy you have for men who are in the same position as you, and that the situation was something that you had no choice but to take action about, yet he didn't do his 50%.

    Yes, C-section birth is birth also, but I hate to see it used so casually. Then again. I don't blame women nowadays for thinking that it's the lesser of two agonies becuase honestly, hospital birth doesn't seem much better than a C-section, because they know that they'll at least be doped up on plenty of pain meds afterwards. C-sections used to be reserved for emergencies, but they've gone the same way as the boy who called wolf.

    As much as I despise modern medicine and L&D, I can't blame hospitals for running things the way they do. In this stupid litigatious society, no jury is going to favor a doctor after seeing a poor cute disfigured baby, even if it wasn't the doctor's fault. Therefore, they have to prove that they did everything they could to prevent complications. Also, American healthcare is a joke and people are discharged as soon as legally possible with a bunch of brochures. For all of you who had bad hospital experiences: Please don't begrudge the doctors and nurses too badly. It's not always their fault.

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    Veteran Member idreamofaislin's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    ^ Damn! I couldn't even watch the whole thing!

    My mom was lucky and had a good cesarean. (It WAS neccessary, she and I would both be dead if she hadn't had it.)

    I'm planning on a natural, home birth with a trusted doctor and/or midwife there to help out if I have kids.

    If I wasn't so squeamish, I'd become a doctor or midwife. Instead I'm studying to become a dietician for premies. (Things are INSANELY confusing and doctors are no use. Once the kid leaves the hospital, it's not the doctor's problem. Example of the confusion: If my neighbor's premie throws up, you have to give her less heart medicine. There's special formulas to be given for special conditions and medications. It's chaos.)

  24. #24
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    I'm adopting. I have a long list of social reasons why, but there's also the simple fact that I was raised by a labor & delivery nurse. I have just heard too damn many horror stories! Add to that the fact that my mother was pregnant pretty much continuously from the time I was 11 until I was almost 16, and I have no illusions about pregnancy or birth. They suck. No desire to do it myself!

    My poor mama had three C-sections, and one vaginal birth for her fourth. My oldest brother and I were both emergencies (I had a prolapsed cord, and he had wrapped his cord around his neck and was strangling himself with it); my middle brother was two weeks late so they did another C-section. My baby brother had to be pulled out with forceps, leaving huge bruises on each of his temples, and the experience was so traumatic and horrendous for my mom that she required a total hysterectomy a few weeks later. She ripped all the way from her vagina to her anus - just tore completely open - and it took a year to fully heal. So yeah, no thanks!

    I decided when I was a teenager that I only wanted one child, and that she would be adopted from China. I have not wavered in this decision for almost 15 years.

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    Veteran Member HoneyHITZ's Avatar
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    Default Re: I will never give birth in a hospital

    okay girls, my hubby and i are trying for a baby right now after a recent loss, and i was planning on going with a regular OBGYN... i figured, i want the drugs, blah blah blah... but now, im getting scared... the hospital i go to has a birthing center in it, however, i dont like the idea of water birth.. do you guys know where i can find more info about other alternative forms of birth? im also terrified to give birth at home, so i dunno about that... my mom had 2 very premature babies (i was 4 pounds and my sis was 3 pounds) and im just scared about that... any advice from you veteran birth-givers? hehe


    <Rhiannon_SW> :that's where Jimmy Hoffa went!
    * Rhiannon_SW gasps.

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