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    Default otc meeting with stripper

    hi, I met a stripper last night. I won't divulge her name (I don't even know it anyway!) It was a fairly quiet night, and I got $50 for 3 dances from her twice, and bought her a drink while she was talking to me. She probably spent 50 minutes with me including the time spent dancing. I told her I teach salsa and play poker semi-professionally, and she's like "wow I love salsa and poker too I've always wanted to learn to play poker better I'm so fascinated..." At the time I just assumed it was stripper talk. But I did give her my card with the offer if she wants to watch me play poker or play with me, or go salsa she can arrange to meet up.

    To my surprise, I actually received an SMS from her at about dinner time (the next day). "Hi xxxxx! I enjoyed your company last night. Would you like to meet up @ Crown*, and I watch u play cards? Can do dinner b4 that if u like. Sunday and Monday nite preferably. Tell me what u think b4 sat nite" (Crown is the name of the only casino in my State)

    I think she's hot and would love to make friends. I'm don't intend to try to "win her over" by spending money on her. In your experience, do you think this girl is likely to be geniune rather than have an ulterior motive like trying to get money off me (I let on that I was successful as a poker player although I didn't tell her how much I make), either in the club or outside of it. Also, if I go out and have dinner am I expected to pay? Naturally I don't pay for people's dinners unless we're celebrating or we're really close, and I would be expecting her to pay for her share of the bill. Would you ever expect the man to pay if meeting him OTC if there was no agreement express or implied that he would do so?

    I mean I'm likely to be thinking too much of it but it's my first time seeing a stripper that I got to know in the SC context OTC. Not the same as just knowing what a uni friend does for a living.

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    Veteran Member laplover69's Avatar
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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    I'd wait and see and play it by ear. As far as paying for dinner, I always offer to pay for dinners regardless of her or my intentions/motives as it just seems the gentlemanly thing to do on most but not all occasions. Finding out what's really inside the hearts and minds of people is a long and sometimes expensive process (just look at our divorce rate)!
    Last edited by laplover69; 01-31-2007 at 08:35 AM.

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    It is generally safe to assume that the stripper is interested in cultivating you as a customer; although there are, of course, exceptions. We have NO WAY of knowing if this is one.

    As for paying for dinner - I think it is extremely safe to say she expects you to pay, similar to most girls on most dates. If you don't want to, I would suggest that you tell her clearly that when you go out together you have no intention of buying her drinks or dinner, and see if she still wants to go.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    thanks both for your advice!

    It's not like I'm unwilling to pay for things per se, but it's my personal opinion that no one person should be paying all the time. It's probably my university student culture kicking in here. Maybe if I'm a 40s professional my attitude will change. My main concern is that with the nature of our meeting, if I pay on the first meeting then this will set up an expectation that I'll be paying for stuff along the road and will increase the likelihood of creating a "sugar daddy" relationship, which is absolutely not what I want. I'm not really seeing this as a date, more a first meeting with someone met at a party. I mean, I don't know whether she's married/has boyfriend. And I'm just starting to date someone else.

    Wouldn't it be a bit rude to say "I'm not expecting to pay for more than my fair share?" I mean, aside from being a bit odd, if someone said that to me, I'd be thinking "I didn't even ASK/EXPECT you to pay! You think of me as what!?" Kinda like saying "no" before someone asks you for a dance?

    I'm thinking I'll suggest a picnic by the river and ask her to contribute a plate or two. That way, we don't start off with me actually paying for a bill in front of her and I communicate that she shouldn't expect a free ride all the time. Is that a feasible option?

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    Featured Member Chili Palmer's Avatar
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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    You expect a girl to pay for dinner? Seriously?

    Look, there are four ways this could turn out:

    a) Prelude to a pay-for-play relationship (highly likely);
    b) Prelude to a "oh, you're such a nice guy" platonic relationship (possible);
    c) Prelude to a "fuck buddy" relationship (least likely)
    d) She'll flake out at the last minute with an unbelievably lame excuse (highest degree of probability)

    Regardless of a-c, if you take a woman out to dinner, the man pays. How is this even on the table?

    CP
    Last edited by Chili Palmer; 01-31-2007 at 07:10 PM.

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    I'm with CP; deck is stacked against you.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by salsa4ever View Post
    It's not like I'm unwilling to pay for things per se, but it's my personal opinion that no one person should be paying all the time. It's probably my university student culture kicking in here.
    Dude we all went to university. I don't think that's it.

    this will set up an expectation that I'll be paying for stuff along the road and will increase the likelihood of creating a "sugar daddy" relationship, which is absolutely not what I want.
    No, not likely. It is most likely to just lead to another date. Paying for dinner doesn't indicate paying for her company later. Seriously, I try to be fairly forward thinking on this; you know, the feminist sensibilities and all. If I go out with a pal, I don't mind paying. But on a date... it's not very cool. Not for nothing, but especially for a stripper. We're used to being the hot commidity.

    I'm not really seeing this as a date, more a first meeting with someone met at a party. I mean, I don't know whether she's married/has boyfriend. And I'm just starting to date someone else.
    Well, then - simple. Tell her that you are seeing someone else and you're not interested in a romantic relationship, but if she wants to go out dutch, as friends, you'd be happy to.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Salsa4ever, if you're that intimidated by her already, then I wouldn't pursue this at all. She'll be leading you around by the nose in no time. Don't be a sap.

    If you like her a lot, then make her your regular at the SC.

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    If a man's not even willing to pay for the first date, I won't go out with him.

    I can sure as hell MORE than make it up to him in future dates.

    Shiiite.


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    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by salsa4ever View Post
    In your experience, do you think this girl is likely to be geniune rather than have an ulterior motive like trying to get money off me (I let on that I was successful as a poker player although I didn't tell her how much I make), either in the club or outside of it. Also, if I go out and have dinner am I expected to pay?
    Getting money off you is an ulterior motive? It's the f'ing Prime Directive.

    I agree with CP that this is either a pay-for-play game, or her attempt to draw you back into the club to spend more money on her. In other words, it's a marketing move, and that's perfectly normal and acceptable.

    It helps if you think of your interaction with her in terms of SC reality rather than relationship reality. This will clear up much of the confusion.

    Oh, and for God's sake, pay for dinner and anything else that comes up when you are out with her. And I really mean anything.

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Hey, if she's at least going out with OTC, then freaking pay!!! If you don't want to pay for her dinner, then don't take her out, to me it's that simple! Maybe I'm old fashioned but I won't go out with a guy that won't pay for me.

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Well I'm assuming by crown u are talking about the casino in melbourne. Now Im really curious as to which SC u met her at.

    Regardless of whether or not she is a stripper most women would expect u to pay for dinner.
    When i have been invited on dates I don't even bring money with me so if u took me and didn't intend to pay u would be in a spot of bother and u would never see me again. It's nothing to do with being a sugar-daddy its just a gentlemenly thing to do.

    I would not be impressed with your idea of a picnic involving her having to go to the bother of bringing food with her - Please you might think this is romantic but I doubt she will.

    You are destined for this to end in a bad way mainly coz of the way you are already viewing it - with scepticism and thinking of her not as a woman but only as a stripper!

    I hope for her sake she stands you up.

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    Veteran Member Smokeless's Avatar
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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Come on, dude! If you take any gal out for dinner, do you pay or she? Duh!!

    You are making too much of the stripper part of the equation. If a girl who's not a stripper suggests a date, what would you do? The only thing that's different is the possibility of cultivating you as a customer. But is that so different from gals with other types of jobs? Say you're a financial planner. (Sorry, Kat. Just making a point.) And you think one of your potential customers is pretty hot, and you have some interest in cultivating a friendship to take advantage of something HE offers in return for maintaining his interest in your services or products. The only real difference is the amount of time to close an initial sale. I suspect Kat takes longer now to close a deal than on the club floor or stage. (Perhaps I'm underestimating her sales acumen.)

    Then there are all the scenarios laid out above. Say you meet some hot gal in the course of any other business interaction. It's a prelude to more business dealings. It's the start of a platonic relationship. It's a prelude to a love affair. Or she'll flake out at the last minute. So what's so different or special other than your hormones are already grinding on your cock?

    Go for it and see what happens. And for Christ sake, tell us what happens!!!

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    okay, the consensus is overwhelming.

    That consensus is "you are just cheap". Well, I asked for the opinions and I got it so I'll take it.

    But I seem to be living in a parallel universe or something? Is my etiquette like completely outta whack!?

    dates = man pays

    repeat date / relationship = woman expected to pay for about 15%-50% of things depending on circumstances

    platonic friends meeting up = 50/50 split bill. Pay on occasion to celebrate stuff

    invitation to meet + two people of opposite sex = date? Here's the part I'm struggling with.

    I don't want a date, and I didn't interpret her message as an invitation to a date. I've changed my opinion now and I can see your logic. I can agree with you all that the man is expected to pay for the first date. I mean I'm very flattered that a beautiful girl like her appears to be suggesting a date... and if I wasn't seeing somebody else at the moment I'd consider giving it a shot (and pay).

    I've thought about it and I'm just too intimidated by her and I don't want any more than a platonic relationship or between us. You could say I'm too defensive. As you've all capably shown me I have no idea whatsoever how to handle this situation. I'm going to suggest we meet at a salsa dance instead, and try my best to gauge what is going on. If she bails out on me as some of you are suggesting is a likely possibility (and the more mean-spirited among you are indeed hoping for), at least I'm at a salsa dance and I can do my own thing.

    Thanks for the honest opinions guys and girls. It is much appreciated.

    If my view of the world is just completely screwed up, then let me know.

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Well I'm assuming by crown u are talking about the casino in melbourne. Now Im really curious as to which SC u met her at.

    Regardless of whether or not she is a stripper most women would expect u to pay for dinner.
    When i have been invited on dates I don't even bring money with me so if u took me and didn't intend to pay u would be in a spot of bother and u would never see me again. It's nothing to do with being a sugar-daddy its just a gentlemenly thing to do.

    I would not be impressed with your idea of a picnic involving her having to go to the bother of bringing food with her - Please you might think this is romantic but I doubt she will.

    You are destined for this to end in a bad way mainly coz of the way you are already viewing it - with scepticism and thinking of her not as a woman but only as a stripper!

    I hope for her sake she stands you up.
    Lots of people have replied to me, but I've found your comments the most insightful. You are absolutely correct.

    I have gone dinnering with lots of female friends in circumstances that I did not interpret to be "dating" and none of them were expecting me to pay. They did agree to see me on subsequent occasions. I'm currently of the opinion that unless there is some romantic context in the meeting, I'm not obliged to pay. On this point perhaps I am just plain wrong from the start and a man pays for dinner when with a woman regardless of circumstances - like it's just kind one of the 'rules' of life like waiting your turn in a queue? Hmmm... by the emphatic responses I've gotten maybe I've just been wrong and my friends are too polite to tell me I'm a cheapskate. Well, jazaine, feel free to shoot from the hip.

    To satisfy your curiosity, I met this girl at Kittens, St. Kilda and I won't divulge her stage name as from your tone of post if you know this girl, I might be in trouble. Not in any way implying you are a busybody; merely being conservative.

    I've taken your comments on board and have abandoned the picnic. I've invited her to go dancing and we'll see. If she stands me up as you predict then I'll still be out doing something I love.

    As for all this 'defensiveness' and making assumptions about her intent, it's true. The way I see her is defined by the fact she's a stripper. But I mean, see Chili Palmer's post. That represents the mentality of a large proportion of people as to what a girl who they met in a SC is likely to be thinking. So is my defensiveness really so unjustified? You could say "well if you're gonna approach it so defensive, then just leave it alone, don't play with fire and you won't get burned"... and I'd have to agree, although my curiosity is overwhelming.

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Ok now you have mentioned 2 things that totally change things that weren't in your original post:

    - you are seeing someone
    - and i think that we all assumed this was going to be a date. I was thinking dinner or something. But if its just to hang out then it's a bit different.

    I would not expect my male friends to pay for me if we met up. I was only referring to a "date" - when a guy asks a girl out or even if the girl suggests it. But especially if the guy asks then he pays.

    No I don't know any girls from kittens.
    I hope I don't offend anyone here but the kittens Sc's are very borderline ah lets just say dodgy extras club so be careful with that one.
    Last edited by jaizaine; 01-31-2007 at 11:23 PM.

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Ok now you have mentioned 2 things that totally change things that weren't in your original post:

    - you are seeing someone
    - and i think that we all assumed this was going to be a date. I was thinking dinner or something. But if its just to hang out then it's a bit different.

    I would not expect my male friends to pay for me if we met up. I was only referring to a "date" - when a guy asks a girl out or even if the girl suggests it. But especially if the guy asks then he pays.

    No I don't know any girls from kittens.
    I hope I don't offend anyone here but the kittens Sc's are very borderline prostitution so be careful with that one.
    Oh good, so I'm not totally screwed up. So "man pays" refers only to a date.

    The disturbing thought in my head right now is "don't people want to make friends any more"? I really was just thinking she shared some of the same passions as me and wanted to hang out, but maybe that's just not realistic. I really hope people see more reason to meet someone than to date and potentially fuck down the road. Because I've been lucky to be blessed with about half a dozen really close platonic girlfriends and it would be a tragedy if people didn't allow themselves the opportunity to create these kinds of friendships. Especially with people that share your passions (for me a lot of friends come from dancing, tennis and teaching).

    Are you saying that kittens is higher mileage than other clubs in Melbourne? It's the only one I've been to in Melbourne, as I made friends with somebody from uni who used to work there (she didn't tell me, but I found out through other people) and that flared my interest. I've also been to most clubs on Kings Cross about 8 months ago, but just because I was there for the first time since turning 18 and *everybody* visits Kings Cross. It was all free entry and I didn't get a dance, so I have no idea how kittens compares.

    I'm starting to think I should just leave this alone. But I'm all for giving everything a chance and who knows, maybe I'd make a lifelong friend I wouldn't otherwise have had. Sure, it's a slim chance. But what's there to lose? With my revised plan I'm at a salsa dance that I was intending to go anyway.

    Which I guess comes back to the question on my mind when I made my OP. What are the chances that a girl I met in a strip club wants to just hang out and make friends, given that she is the one asking to meet up and I only spent $100 on her? And will she be upset if she realizes when she meets me that's what I want and how clear should I make this?

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Even if my male friends take me out.. they are expected to pay unless said otherwise.. like this Tuesday, I'm going to a play with a male friend. He's paying.


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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Good lord to much drama...

    Jesus does it really matter if you pay?

    Bah that its even a question I vote no, just don't do it, don't go, to much drama.

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    First of all, I am Italian, so I expect any boy that I go out with to pay. Sorry, boys are boys and girls are girls. And also, how interested are you if you can't even pay for dinner? I think this is a weird topic, point blank. Maybe she likes you, maybe she doesn't. We wern"t there, so how can we know?

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    I don't pay for my friends that are girls when we go out. It implies that ya'll are going out on a date if you pay. If you can establish that yall are hanging out as friends you shouldn't have to pay. If you are doing her a favor and teaching her how to play poker you shouldn't have to pay either. In that scenario you are the proffesional at your work place.

    I'd set up the second meet at something you would be doing already and invite her to tag along. That way if she flakes it's no big deal, and if she does show, she is there as your buddy. If you do have to pay your on a formal date, and you might turn into a big ATM in her eyes.

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    Featured Member echomadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    OK so i am totally not buying the fact that all you want from this girl, who you already expressed you only think of as "a stripper", is a platonic friendship. You got $100 worth of lapdances from her, you obviously think she is hot and you are just starting a relationship with someone else? I bet your new girlyfriend would be really thrilled to know you are setting up romantic picnics with a stripper who you just got lapdances from the other day...but only as platonic friends. Yeah right. You are full of it. You want to fuck this chick and you want to be a cheap ass in the process... guys only become platonic friends for a couple of reasons and none of them are decisions the man made.
    1.) She doesnt find you attractive
    2.) She wont fuck you so you give up and become just friends
    3.) You are a pussy and you wait to long and you enter "the friend zone"
    4.) You already have dated
    5.) Boyfriend/SO
    6.) Lesbian ( and you didnt know)

    The only reason a guy wouldnt try to score would be if she was morbidly obese, smelled of rank cheese, hunchback and horribly deformed.

    So dont try to prance in here and tell us you only want to be platonic friends with the stripper that gave you a boner last week...
    And by all means, if you are gonna take her out, FUCKING PAY!!! How cheap are you? Its a freaking dinner, dancing and drinks not a mink stole and a Rolls Royce!

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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by echomadison View Post
    OK so i am totally not buying the fact that all you want from this girl, who you already expressed you only think of as "a stripper", is a platonic friendship. You got $100 worth of lapdances from her, you obviously think she is hot and you are just starting a relationship with someone else? I bet your new girlyfriend would be really thrilled to know you are setting up romantic picnics with a stripper who you just got lapdances from the other day...but only as platonic friends. Yeah right. You are full of it. You want to fuck this chick and you want to be a cheap ass in the process... guys only become platonic friends for a couple of reasons and none of them are decisions the man made.
    1.) She doesnt find you attractive
    2.) She wont fuck you so you give up and become just friends
    3.) You are a pussy and you wait to long and you enter "the friend zone"
    4.) You already have dated
    5.) Boyfriend/SO
    6.) Lesbian ( and you didnt know)

    The only reason a guy wouldnt try to score would be if she was morbidly obese, smelled of rank cheese, hunchback and horribly deformed.

    So dont try to prance in here and tell us you only want to be platonic friends with the stripper that gave you a boner last week...
    And by all means, if you are gonna take her out, FUCKING PAY!!! How cheap are you? Its a freaking dinner, dancing and drinks not a mink stole and a Rolls Royce!
    Wow. You knocked it out of the park. I think I'm in love.

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    Featured Member echomadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post
    Wow. You knocked it out of the park. I think I'm in love.
    *Bows and throws in a courtsey* Thank you, I try.

  25. #25
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    Default Re: otc meeting with stripper

    Originally Posted by echomadison
    OK so i am totally not buying the fact that all you want from this girl, who you already expressed you only think of as "a stripper", is a platonic friendship. You got $100 worth of lapdances from her, you obviously think she is hot and you are just starting a relationship with someone else? I bet your new girlyfriend would be really thrilled to know you are setting up romantic picnics with a stripper who you just got lapdances from the other day...but only as platonic friends. Yeah right. You are full of it. You want to fuck this chick and you want to be a cheap ass in the process... guys only become platonic friends for a couple of reasons and none of them are decisions the man made.
    1.) She doesnt find you attractive
    2.) She wont fuck you so you give up and become just friends
    3.) You are a pussy and you wait to long and you enter "the friend zone"
    4.) You already have dated
    5.) Boyfriend/SO
    6.) Lesbian ( and you didnt know)

    The only reason a guy wouldnt try to score would be if she was morbidly obese, smelled of rank cheese, hunchback and horribly deformed.

    So dont try to prance in here and tell us you only want to be platonic friends with the stripper that gave you a boner last week...
    And by all means, if you are gonna take her out, FUCKING PAY!!! How cheap are you? Its a freaking dinner, dancing and drinks not a mink stole and a Rolls Royce!

    Wow. You knocked it out of the park. I think I'm in love.
    Ditto. My thoughts exactly.

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