so tonight topped off a string of crappy nights. I came home with £36.
Every single guy I spoke to was like, oh, youre so pretty, youre really lovely, you look nice, etc etc but didnt want a dance. Eventually I didnt even want to approach anyone.
And all the girls were saying, oh dont worry, everyone has bad nights, youre not the only one who has done badly, ive only done one dance, shes only done two dances, etc. but then there are girls in the club who are making in the hundreds and im like, well if theyre making money, why cant I?
i dont think its any excuse for me not to make money. im funny, classy, sexy, intelligent, beautiful and an excellent dancer yet there is a russian woman in the club who looks and sounds like a 40yr old man and she consistently makes around £400 a night!? "you want nice dance baby?" she says in her man's voice and it seems to work and im pretty sure she isnt an extras girl.
I make on average £150 a night which means I have to work 4 nights a week to make ends meet. to me, this is just not good enough, not for a girl who has beauty and brains yet im starting to feel like i hav neither as nothing seems to be working for me.
i am friendly and charming and flirtatious and yet it just doesnt seem to be enough. i feel like dying my hair black and wearing an edgy black dress and just being a total pushy bitch and then maybe ill make my money. maybe i should put on a russian accent and say, you! you buy nice dance now! in a stern voice or something.
i seem to be working really really hard to get the guys to buy a dance and then wen they do theyre amazed at how much fun theyre having like they didnt expect that from me, so does this mean i look to squeeky clean? too classy? do i seem on the surface like im passable? and if so, how do i show that im dynamite?
ah fuck it, im going to bed, im sick of twisting my brain, its making me ill.



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I keep thinking I should patent this one so it doesn't mysteriously show up on someone's stripper course

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