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Thread: coming into your own

  1. #1
    sun child
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    Default coming into your own

    Hi. Not a rant really. I'm 22, and I don't feel like I have "come into my own." I grew up in a really repressed, some would say abusive household, where I also had to bust my ass from age 15-18 to provide everything for myself. I spent a lot of time as a child either being punished, being depressed, or busting my ass at shitty jobs to get to a better place. I'm happy where I am now, but I still feel like I missed out. And I also feel like I haven't had time to really form an identity. You know how when you are little and a teen part of your identity comes from FEEDBACK from your parents? You know, them making observations or suggestions to help you along your way? (This is what I have seen with some relatives' and friends' parents). Well, I received none of that. Zilch. Sometimes I feel so alone. What does it take to form an identity and come into your own?

  2. #2
    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: coming into your own

    life experiences. you can't force it, you just have to grow into it. things like journaling and making art about your experiences if you are a creative person, or something like reading and processing a book by writing about it will help that growth and depth. most important: not repressing your feelings about things now, or your ideas and thoughts. they deserve to come out and blossom. (and i dont know your habits but) i found drugs and drinking hurtful to coming into my own. stopping that, i felt i had an understanding about life that i didn't have before.

    Love it!

  3. #3
    God/dess holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: coming into your own

    Without knowing you at all, I would still like to warn you against getting attracted to destructive people, only because it's pretty common for people who were not given attention from their parents to unintentionally seek it out in others, whether that attention is positive or negative.

    I'm 27 (OMG!) and looking back I had a very, very destructive period from about 17 to 24 and I recently read of this study in the last Time Magazine, it was an issue devoted to the human brain and it said that the part of the brain responsible for judgement and making choices that are for the long-term, that part of the brain isn't formed until around age 25. Crazy. I was like - that is why I screwed up!!! I know that is kind of off topic, but I just thought of it while reading your post.

    You sound like you have some resentment towards your loss of childhood, and towards your parents - and most likely rightly so. Maybe you need to confront a few of those issues, whether you tell your parents how you feel, or give yourself some distance for a while.

    Also, you may just explore some interests, whatever they are, until you find things that you want defining you.

    Anyway, I feel for you - cause it is an amazingly tricky thing just to live a full life. I've been dealing with how to do more of the things that I love, instead of just having the days go by. It seems like I'm getting worse at that.

    Okay, those were my very random musings!
    I'm confused, but the Chewbacca Truffle Shuffle cleared it up. - Emily

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: coming into your own

    Like Chrissy said, life experiances. Setting goals for yourself and achieving them. Read about what's going on in the world. Take a class in something interesting. You're young, you're going to change a lot very quickly and you never really finish "coming into your own". I'm sure you have an identity of your own. Whatever you have been through in your past has taught you many things although they may be different things than other people your own age. In fact, that you're evening questioning all of this shows that you're growing and thinking right now.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: coming into your own

    I find that making friends with people who will look out for your best interests with advice, warnings, helpful supportive words and actions is key. Self help books will teach you step by step what to do to give yourself emotional support. Just like eating good food for your body's health--consume good wishes and advice for your emotional health.

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    Default Re: coming into your own

    my 2 cents, it's not about coming into your own. It's about being comfortable with yourself. Don't worry about how things should be, you are what you are.

  7. #7
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: coming into your own

    For me I didn't start to become comfortable with myself until age 25-26 so you have plenty of time!


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