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Thread: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Mandy_Wood's Avatar
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    Angry WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    GRRRR . . . . .

    I feel like such a loser. I just noticed yesterday that I joined SW in Aug. of last year. That pretty much marks a turning point in pursuing my "dream" of being a dancer, when I really started taking it seriously. WHY HASN'T IT HAPPENED YET??!!

    WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!!

    This is just so not like me. I may not always finish things but i always do what I set out to do. In the infamous words of Cartman, "Whateva; I do what I want!" I made the stupid compromise with my boyfriend because I'm the biggest advocate of compromise when it comes to arguments with him, I just have to be the diplomat. So, ok, waitressing first, fine. I did that for about a minute before that asshole manager decided I was an excellent candidate for attempted rape. Fuck that!! I haven't been back since and my boyfriend has even more ammo for his campaign against his girl being a stripper.

    I went back to trying to do what I was doing, working $8 an hour jobs and feeling miserable in my life, being depressed that I had to make the choice of either getting an education or making my rent. I'm out of a job again after having to take time off for health & family issues and more depressed than ever.

    I told him I didn't want to do the compromise anymore. I don't want to be a waitress, I want to be a stripper. It's my life, I don't tell him where or what or how to work. I tore up his hypocrisy in the calmest, nicest way I knew how. He threw out, "It's different. You're shoving your tits in some other guys face!" and "Fine, but it's the same thing as cheating in my eyes. So if you dance, I can sleep with other girls." He wants to be a cop and although I wish he would pick something much safer, I do everything but drag his ass to the damn academy to get it done. He argues getting naked for strangers is way different and impossible to suporrt. And I'm expected to be super happy supportive about him subjecting himself to very real mortal danger everyday? Uhh. . . no. But I do.

    I hate having to ask my parents for money. I hate having to stay home and act like a fucking housewife so my boyfriend doesn't throw fits about "how much responsibilty" I leave him with. I hate not even being able to buy food for days at a time. Most of all, I hate being under somebody elses thumb. I can't stand it. I just want to throw myself off the balcony everytime I think about it. I'm sick of this. I am fucking 20 years old!!! I shouldn't be responsible for anybody elses happiness but my own right now!! I feel selfish saying that but I think it's true.

    I am seriously reaching my ropes end. Even if losing a wonderful man turns out not to be worth it, I still think it's better than losing myself.

    *sigh* I'm hungry and cranky. This is going to be a long battle, I need sustenance . . .

    Love,
    Mandy
    Last edited by Mandy_Wood; 02-04-2007 at 11:12 AM. Reason: Typo
    Quote Originally Posted by cherryripeboy View Post
    Remember they sent a ninja against robocop....





  2. #2
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    you said it yourself! 20 is too young to be living for a man. You have so much living to do. Live for yourself!

    How old is he? He doesn't get it and young guys are notorious for having this deluded double standard. Either that, or he's an idiot.

    FWIW, dancing might not make you happy either. Lots of girls are not cut out for it and they either quit or hate it. Probably most.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member Mandy_Wood's Avatar
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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    You know what? I just read sophie's thread about the asshole guy she can't make up her mind about and even tho my guy is nowhere near that bad, I still don't need this bullshit. There's no two ways about it. I'm dancing and that's the end of it. If he really wants to be with me, he'll stay. If he really wants to marry me and buy a house and have kids and all that fun stuff, he'll deal with how I get the money to support that dream. If not, then he isn't the man I thought he was and he needs to find someone else to share that dream with. I love him with everything I have but I need to be independent for once in my life, in more ways than one. The way I feel is like when you go stand knee deep out in the ocean, and it feels like the water is pulling you back to shore and the sand is grabbing your feet and moving you but you're standing perfectly still. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. But my point has been made!!
    Quote Originally Posted by cherryripeboy View Post
    Remember they sent a ninja against robocop....





  4. #4
    Veteran Member Mandy_Wood's Avatar
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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    oh, he's 24. Non-active veteran, and the most spoilingest guy I know!! Anything I want I get!! lol. But still . . .

    I know that stripping may not turn out to be for me. I hope that's not the case. Alot of my concerns about not losing him was based on that. You know, like, what if it's not worth it? But he won't even let me try. Not even for a month! Not even amateur night until after I've done the strip club waitressing for 3 months. But, like I said, I don't want to be a waitress, I want to be a dancer. *sigh* This is confusing. I hope it's worth it. He really is a great guy.
    Last edited by Mandy_Wood; 02-04-2007 at 11:40 AM. Reason: Addendum
    Quote Originally Posted by cherryripeboy View Post
    Remember they sent a ninja against robocop....





  5. #5
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    24 is young! He's still worried about what other people think about his and other silliness.

    You have a looooooong time to find the perfect man and have your family. Why are you planning the rest of your life around him when you've barely done anything?

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    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    You're only 20? Oh my....sooooo many more men are going to come and go before you find the one who really gets you and makes you happy--enjoy every one of them, and learn the lessons they'll bring. In the meantime, let this spoiled control freak go. He sounds like more aggravation than he's worth, and you should be out having fun and doing what you want to do.

    Don't get angry, and don't get dramatic. Just leave, and find the life you want on your own terms. You don't owe anyone an explanation, and you certainly don't need permission.

  7. #7
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    Exactly what "wonderful man" would you be losing? Because the boyfriend you described doesn't sound like a wonderful man to me. He sounds like a judgemental, belittling, non-supportive prick. You're certainly way too young to be committing to someone who doesn't respect you or your needs. It's time to grow up and stand on your own two feet now. Believe me, there are plenty of men out there who WILL respect and support you.

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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    I think if you really wanted to be a stripper, you would've done it already. It's really not hard to get into the business. (Once you're really in, getting out is another story altogether.)

    If you wanna be a stripper, just go get hired somewhere. I think you'll know pretty soon if you're cut out for it or not.

    If you find out you hate it, then your guy will be happy. If you find out you like it, you'll be less dependent on him or anyone else, and you can proceed from there.

    All the drama is kind of unnecessary.
    "Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row


    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    sun child
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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    I think you should just go audition, and get on a schedule. Seriously, it's not too hard. But you will have to accept that if this is what you want to do, and you have a bad night, Mr. "You Have to Waitress First" isn't going to be there for you when you get home and want to vent or cry on his shoulder. If anything bad happens, he's going to put the blame on you for even putting yourself out there and trying. Now, that just seems fucked up to me. I know how hard it is to try to get by on shitty jobs. If you want to strip, you should. Do you guys live together? That's going to be an issue. I'd say you should get scheduled, work a lot, be easy on yourself if things don't exactly as planned at first, find another place to live, and then see if he wants to date you. If he doesn't, he wasn't worth your time. There are so many guys out there...

  10. #10
    Veteran Member Mandy_Wood's Avatar
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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    Word. All you smart chicas are right. We do live together but if things get to the point where . . . well, where we're not living together anymore, I've got a few places i could go. I'm not scared!!

    Well, maybe a little. But I'm more tired of drama than anything. Is SuperBowl Sunday a dead night usually or the opposite? I was thinking of calling today to find out about auditions but I wasn't sure whether I should wait til tomorrow or not. lol. Also, the Newbie FAQ article is not working so I'm going mostly by memory. Bring outfits, shoes, have makeup and hair done already, um . . . I think that's it mostly.

    I thank everybody who has been patient with my drama!! Thank you for sighing, rolling your eyes, and kindly, smilingly letting me know that I am being silly. But, honestly, you all are the best and you know it!!

    Love,
    Mandy
    Quote Originally Posted by cherryripeboy View Post
    Remember they sent a ninja against robocop....





  11. #11
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    today is probably a great day to audition....it's going to be slow. You might be able to work tonight.

  12. #12
    sun child
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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    It's normal to be nervous. But I think once you get into it, you'll realize that there's not as much pressure as you think. One of the first things most people ask you when you audition is "Have you ever danced before?" They understand the newbie thing. And your first day, you can tell customers it's your first day! Usually they think that's pretty cute and want to encourage you!

  13. #13
    Veteran Member jessica_rabbit's Avatar
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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    Good for you. Don't waste any more time putting someone else's needs ahead of your own. Go for it!

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    Default Re: WARNING: Long Rant Ahead

    Have you started working? What does he think about you wanting to dance now??

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