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Thread: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

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    Veteran Member sensuality's Avatar
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    Default Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    Ok, so I was going to post this in Ladies Only, but decided the guys could probably help a little on this too. Yesterday was my birthday, and my BF proposed!!! I am sooo happy and excited and I can't wait to marry him!!! But I really don't like the ring. Its not a bad ring, but it is nothing like what I had expected. We have been talking about this for approx 6 months, and he knew exactly what I wanted, so did my best friend (Amie) and my sister. I wanted a princess cut solitaire set in white gold or platinum, that's it, I trusted him (withthe help of Amie and my sis) to do the rest. Well, he brought Amie with him to pick it out, went four times last week and twice the week before. Then he decided to go alone and pick something else out (a suprise to us all).
    Well, its a three-stone, not a solitaire. It is Platinum, but with yellow gold ( ) accent stripes on the front of the band. The setting is very high and its so bulky (shadowing the 1/2 ct center stone). Im really upset, I hate yellow gold, and its way too much around the diamond!!! I don't want a bigger rock, just a simple band, that's it. It doesn't suit me at all, and I don't know what to say to him!!! We went over to Amie and John's last night, and when she saw it she asked why he didn't get a solitaire......she knew it wassn't for me. She went four times with him and apparently didn't take a word of her advice!!!

    I don't know what to do now. Should I tell him???? Should I just stay with it and hope that someday I might like it? I know he put so much thought and time (and $$$) into it and I will surely hurt his feelings if I tell him. But I can't imagine wearing this thing for the rest of my life, either. And I don't want to NOT wear my engagement ring, after all, so what do you guys think???

    PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!
    With all the stupid things guys will say, stay cool.

    "Her apartment is littered with soggy G-strings and cheap 8-inch heeled shoes, along with empty tubes of body glitter, mascara, prescription drugs, zit cream, Aqua Net and Polaroid pictures of her and her "friends" engaged in some drinking and dancing on St. Patrick's Day last year. " My God....

  2. #2
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    The ring you described with the princess cut solitare on a platinum band is exactly what I want. Simple and beautiful.

    BUt..this is a tough one. I'm bjust not sure what I would do. On one hand, he obviously put a lot of thought into his choice, and it shows how much he cares. He obviously thought he bought the one he thought you would liek the best, and it's alwyas the thought that counts.
    On the other hand...he knew exactly what you wanted, and what you don't like, btu for some reason, he decided to go against that and buy something you don't like. Its kind of like he doesn't really know you that well. Or did he think that you would totally love the one he bought, because it looked a little more spectacular and special?
    Then theres the part that because he put so much time and thought into it, you shoudl appriciate it and love the ring anyway, but on the other hand, if you hate it, you shouldnt be expected to wear it the rest of your life.

    Maybe.....You could keep the diamond, but keep a plain platinum band instead of the band you have. That way, you keep the diamond, to show you appriciate what he bought, and he is happy, btu you get a ring a little closer to the one you wanted.
    Compromise. It will be the first of many, LOL.
    Oh yeah, and congratulations!!

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    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    Congratulations.

    I agree with Kaylinn on this one. Its a tough decision. Though I have no idea why he wouldn't get you what you wanted. I'd let him know you like the ring, but for the next ring you'll go looking together, or get me "x" ring sort of deal.

    Either way, congratulations.

    Remember, its not really about the ring, its about the love and relationship
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

  4. #4
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    My friend's husband pulled that - TWICE! She took him to the store and pointed out the ring she wanted. He got her a different one on eBay and she hated it. She told him that she loved him, but that wasn't the ring she wanted, and she wanted that one in the store. So he sold the eBay ring and bought another eBay ring. She didn't like that one either, and said, "Honey, I told you which ring I wanted. I want THAT ONE." So he sold the second eBay ring and finally got her the one she wanted.

    I wouldn't advise that approach; there has to be a gentler way of handling it. Is it more expensive than the simple one you want? Maybe you could tell him you'd rather put the price difference toward your wedding, so you can take it back and exchange it for the simpler one you wanted.

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    Veteran Member xxambyrrxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    Last christmas my boyfriend bought me a ring (not engagement or anything just a ring) and it honestly looked like a ring my grandma would wear!! It was yellow gold with a pear shaped amythest (my birthstone which I was surprised he remembered) and a small diamond. I was so sad because I knew he picked it out by himself and he thought it was super nice.

    I ended up telling him that I appreciated the gift and his efforts but it wasn't really my style of jewellery and that maybe we could go back to the store and pick out something together.

    I think that if you let him know that it is a beautiful ring but just not quite right for you that would be best. I know it is hard (I actually cried when I said it) but if you won't ever be truly happy with it then what is the point of keeping it?

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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    Just tell him -- I mean, what next, will you consent to let him buy you a tricked-out El Camino? Say, "Honey, it was so sweet of you to buy this ring as a placeholder for the one we're going to pick out together! When are we going back to the jewelry store?"

    He should know it's just about the ring, not him, since you're happy to be engaged to him, and he should be glad you're willing to tell him how you feel.

    Also, this makes me really appreciate the fact that my husband can pick out jewelry! Thank god for a guy who reads GQ and pays attention.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    ask him why he picked that ring? Maybe he got it because it was a good deal.

    In that case, he won't be offended. if he's not that sentimental, he probably figured you'd like it because it's shiny and sparkly.

    But if he put a lot of thought into it...well, find out where his head was!

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    Veteran Member sensuality's Avatar
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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    Thanks for the quick replies. Kaylinn: I think you are right on with the "did he think that you would totally love the one he bought, because it looked a little more spectacular and special?".
    He mentioned something like, "But I think the side-stones give it something extra" when Amie asked about his choice. And when he told me the whole stroy about everything he went through to get it, he talked about how "cool" the 24k gold looked on it. I understand his intentions, but I don't want to have a "cool" engagement ring. I want a simple, but elegant ring.

    My thoughts were, if I got the nerve to actually tell him it would be somehting like:
    "Honey, I realyy love the ring you picked out for me, but I think its a little too much. I would feel more comforatable with something a little more simple." And ask if he would want to go with me to put the diamond he picked out into a simple, trellis setting.
    But it's soooo hard. He was staring at it on my hand all day long and was so excited talking about selecting THAT ring.........
    With all the stupid things guys will say, stay cool.

    "Her apartment is littered with soggy G-strings and cheap 8-inch heeled shoes, along with empty tubes of body glitter, mascara, prescription drugs, zit cream, Aqua Net and Polaroid pictures of her and her "friends" engaged in some drinking and dancing on St. Patrick's Day last year. " My God....

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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    I guess it comes down to what it means to you and what it represents
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Veteran Member sensuality's Avatar
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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    ask him why he picked that ring? Maybe he got it because it was a good deal.

    In that case, he won't be offended. if he's not that sentimental, he probably figured you'd like it because it's shiny and sparkly.

    But if he put a lot of thought into it...well, find out where his head was!
    I know this is some part of his deciding factor. He told me that when he went to the jewelry store with my friend that he saw this one, but didn't ask about it because it was up with the really expensive bands and he thought it was way out of his price range. When he went back alone, he had them take it out, and it wasn't "too much more" than his original price-range.
    With all the stupid things guys will say, stay cool.

    "Her apartment is littered with soggy G-strings and cheap 8-inch heeled shoes, along with empty tubes of body glitter, mascara, prescription drugs, zit cream, Aqua Net and Polaroid pictures of her and her "friends" engaged in some drinking and dancing on St. Patrick's Day last year. " My God....

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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    Guy here, I don't post often...but I just went through this (buying an engagement ring for my wife...not buying her the ring she doesn't want). I'm not saying he was dumb or anything, but buying an engagement ring is a very simple affair: figure out how much money you can afford to spend, ask her what kind of stone(s) and setting she wants, then get the biggest stone you can afford in the setting she wants. It literally took me about 12 minutes to pick the stone and the setting and cut the check.

    And here's the important thing, your fiance should understand that I'm not giving this advice as a stereotypical lazy male (I normally put a ton of time and thought into my wife's gifts). A ring is a huge investment; and its a piece of jewelry that you'll (hopefully) have to live with and wear almost every single day for the rest of your life...so you should get something that you'll be confortable wearing.

    So that being said, I would ask to change it. Cost shouldn't be an issue if you're able to use the same stone. Settings are typically only a few hundred dollars (or less), and maybe you can exchange the old setting.

    Also, some ideas of things you can say to let him down easy. Are you allergic to yellow gold, or can you lie...nothing like a medical excuse (although you probably shouldn't be lying to your future husband)?

    Is your skin fair? My wife has very fair pale skin, and yellow gold looks horrible on her...so maybe you could say that the ring is beautiful, but it just doesn't match your skin tone.

    Or going back to what I said before, gently explain that you love the thought of what he did, and you can't wait to spend the rest of your life with him, and just like you can't wait for that lifelong commitment, you want to love the ring for the rest of your life. Emphasize the commitment, and if he agrees, try to include him in choosing the replacement as well.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    I'm so glad that Joe knows exactly what I love (Tanzanite) and when he bought my ring, he got a platinum band with a beautiful Tanzanite center stone and 2 diamond next to it. It's simple, elegant, and I love it!!

    That being said...I think that if you really do not like the ring, to just say something. Relationships should be based upon honesty, right? You don't have to be mean, but you should be honest. The whole, "I know how much time you spent looking for this ring, and I really love you a lot. However, I just don't feel that this ring fits my personality/lifestyle/etc. Would you be willing to take me to the jewelry store and help me pick out a band that is more a compliment to me/my personality/style/tastes/etc?" would probably go over pretty well.

    He probably already knows that you don't like the ring. I mean, come on. He probably saw the look on your face...and you know how you KNOW something is "wrong" with someone, but they won't admit it? It's probably the same thing here.

    I think you should just be honest with him (and yourself) and get the ring that you really want. This ring isn't just about him...it's about the both of you.

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    Veteran Member Krissy Kennedy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    I don't know...I guess I am all for honesty. I would tell him (gently) that I wanted a different ring. I avoided this problem as I picked my ring out while at the jewelry store with my hubby. I mean, seriously, it's something you have to wear for the rest of your life, so I wouldn't compromise. Actually, if it were me, I would probably have been aggravated if I had made it explicitly clear the exact ring/type of ring I wanted and he got me something TOTALLY different. Maybe I'm just a bitch, though...
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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    i have to agree... i really think you should tell him... i mean people say its the thought that counts, but if he couldnt get you what you wanted, which was a very simple, VERY easy to find kind of ring... i mean my hubby got me a 3stone ring for christmas one year... first of all, i was VERY angry that he spent so much money on it, cuz i was gonna have to pay for it as well, ya know? second of all, he spent that money when we promised no presents... and third.. i hated the ring, lol... whats funny is, now i absolutely love it... but in all honesty, the ring you have sounds like a 90s kind of engagement ring, lol... i think you should tell him, but be nice about it...


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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    Considering that I'm like you and HATE yellow gold...I'd just tell him the truth.

    Mox knew yellow gold was off limits, and (at the risk of seeming like a brat) I wouldn't have worn it if he gave me a yellow gold ring (or a three stone for that matter...bleh).

    Call it picky, but we women know exactly what we want!

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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by sensuality View Post
    Ok, so I was going to post this in Ladies Only, but decided the guys could probably help a little on this too. Yesterday was my birthday, and my BF proposed!!! I am sooo happy and excited and I can't wait to marry him!!! But I really don't like the ring. Its not a bad ring, but it is nothing like what I had expected. We have been talking about this for approx 6 months, and he knew exactly what I wanted, so did my best friend (Amie) and my sister. I wanted a princess cut solitaire set in white gold or platinum, that's it, I trusted him (withthe help of Amie and my sis) to do the rest. Well, he brought Amie with him to pick it out, went four times last week and twice the week before. Then he decided to go alone and pick something else out (a suprise to us all).
    Well, its a three-stone, not a solitaire. It is Platinum, but with yellow gold ( ) accent stripes on the front of the band. The setting is very high and its so bulky (shadowing the 1/2 ct center stone). Im really upset, I hate yellow gold, and its way too much around the diamond!!! I don't want a bigger rock, just a simple band, that's it. It doesn't suit me at all, and I don't know what to say to him!!! We went over to Amie and John's last night, and when she saw it she asked why he didn't get a solitaire......she knew it wassn't for me. She went four times with him and apparently didn't take a word of her advice!!!

    I don't know what to do now. Should I tell him???? Should I just stay with it and hope that someday I might like it? I know he put so much thought and time (and $$$) into it and I will surely hurt his feelings if I tell him. But I can't imagine wearing this thing for the rest of my life, either. And I don't want to NOT wear my engagement ring, after all, so what do you guys think???

    PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!

    Ok here goes. I think two things factored into buying this ring you haven't considered yet. One he believes you were being overly modest. He thinks you don't want him to feel pressured to get an expensive ring. Second he may be upset. He is getting te message; you don't feel he is a good enough provider. Something has been said or expressed otherwise that he cannot get you an expensive ring.

    If your gonna tell him you don't like the ring do it in the morning and on a weekend. Don't do it on a week night or you both get to go to bed sulky and hurt. Saturday morning after breakfast. Just sit down with him and explain what you wanted and why you wanted it. Expense, practicality, your girlfrieds expected this, your preferences. Etc.

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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    First off, congrats I agree that you need to talk to him, cuz if you're wearing a ring you hate forever...well, that sucks. He knew what you wanted, obviously, yet tried to get you something else. Who knows why, guys are weird. My bf loves dual tone watches and jewelry, yet he knows better than to EVER get me anything with yellow gold. (hate it hate it hate it). As long as you put it nicely, and make sure he knows you're appreciative, it shouldn't be a huge deal. Good luck sweetie!
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    The ring you described with the princess cut solitare on a platinum band is exactly what I want. Simple and beautiful.

    BUt..this is a tough one. I'm bjust not sure what I would do. On one hand, he obviously put a lot of thought into his choice, and it shows how much he cares. He obviously thought he bought the one he thought you would liek the best, and it's alwyas the thought that counts.
    On the other hand...he knew exactly what you wanted, and what you don't like, btu for some reason, he decided to go against that and buy something you don't like. Its kind of like he doesn't really know you that well. Or did he think that you would totally love the one he bought, because it looked a little more spectacular and special?
    Then theres the part that because he put so much time and thought into it, you shoudl appriciate it and love the ring anyway, but on the other hand, if you hate it, you shouldnt be expected to wear it the rest of your life.

    Maybe.....You could keep the diamond, but keep a plain platinum band instead of the band you have. That way, you keep the diamond, to show you appriciate what he bought, and he is happy, btu you get a ring a little closer to the one you wanted.
    Compromise. It will be the first of many, LOL.
    Oh yeah, and congratulations!!

    I think this is good advice.

    Congratulations!!!! What wonderful news!!
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    Veteran Member sensuality's Avatar
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    Default Re: Engaged (yay)!!!! But the RING??? Help!

    Thanks all!!! sxybrat07....your post made me crack up. What is it with guys liking two-tone??? I hate yellow gold and the only thing I dislike more is two-tone (alas, the ring is planitum AND yellow gold, go figure!)

    ArmtSGT: Just wanted to clarify something quick. When you said "One he believes you were being overly modest. He thinks you don't want him to feel pressured to get an expensive ring. Second he may be upset. He is getting te message; you don't feel he is a good enough provider. Something has been said or expressed otherwise that he cannot get you an expensive ring. ", that's not quite true. He very well knows I would love a 2 carat diamond on my hand, and that I am super-picky about the quality of jewelry. I think what he was thinking was more along the lines of "If I am spending XXXX amount of money, it shouldn't be plain. I like simplicity. He, being a man, is the complete opposite. So, its not about him not being able to afford an expensive ring, I am beginning to think its about him putting something flashier (yet gaudy IMO) on my finger for his friends to see.
    But isn't the ring for me to show off?
    With all the stupid things guys will say, stay cool.

    "Her apartment is littered with soggy G-strings and cheap 8-inch heeled shoes, along with empty tubes of body glitter, mascara, prescription drugs, zit cream, Aqua Net and Polaroid pictures of her and her "friends" engaged in some drinking and dancing on St. Patrick's Day last year. " My God....

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