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Thread: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.

    2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off can be hot. It depends on the situation.

    3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.

    4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.

    5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

    6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.

    7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

    8. Using random magazines as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.

    9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.

    10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

    11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

    12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

    13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.

    14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.

    15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.

    16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".

    17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.

    18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.

    19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.

    20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.

    21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.

    22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.

    23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.

    24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.

    25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.

    26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.

    27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.

    28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?

    29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.

    30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.

    31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.

    32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.

    33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.

    34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.

    35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.

    36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.

    37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.

    38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).

    39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.

    40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.

    41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.

    42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.

    43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.

    44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.

    45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.

    46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.

    47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.

    48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.

    49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.

    50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.

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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Love it!

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    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    I know a good deal of women that need to pay attention to this list. Sadly I doubt any of them come here or will ever read it.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

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    Senior Member Ms Angela's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Ahahahaha! SO funny. And so great X3

    I didn't even know women complained -THIS- much. I couldn't imagine half of this.
    Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

    ~Oscar Wilde

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka View Post
    46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.
    Is it considered planning ahead or pervy if you have a set of sheets that are okay to get dirty and sticky?

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    God/dess LuckiCharm's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    i love this....and i SO needed to read it!!!!

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    Featured Member southstbabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    A snap back into reality

  8. #8
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    I love this. I want to send it to my friend... might explain why all her boyfriends cheat on her.

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    Senior Member Ms Angela's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Quote Originally Posted by rozz View Post
    Is it considered planning ahead or pervy if you have a set of sheets that are okay to get dirty and sticky?
    No, that's super cool. It's kinda like planning a sex day. You know. With food breaks.
    Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

    ~Oscar Wilde

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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Quote Originally Posted by Ms Angela View Post
    No, that's super cool. It's kinda like planning a sex day. You know. With food breaks.
    Can the food breaks include maccaroons?

    They rock, you know.

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Quote Originally Posted by Prester_John View Post
    Can the food breaks include maccaroons?

    They rock, you know.
    I make the best freakin maccaroons ever. But only for special occasions. Like all-day sex.

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    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    75% of this sounds as if it was written by a teenage boy who watches too much porn, has a large sense of entitlement, and has no idea how to treat his partner with any respect or thoughtfulness. While a couple of decent points were made, the tone was downright hostile and impatient throughout most of it. Numbers 42 and 43 are also very contradictory. Let's see---don't fake an orgasm, but scream and moan as if he's the best you've had, even if he isn't. What a joke.

    I have a hard time believing this was written by a woman. If it really was, I wouldn't doubt she is in her very early 20's, and of the mentality that trying to act like a guy and talk like a guy will gain her favor with them. Fabulous if all you ever want to do is fuck and be fucked, but that won't be too helpful in discovering that maybe your true sexuality is a bit deeper than acting like the stereotypical idea of how a woman is supposed to behave in bed, based on stereotypical male views of female sexuality and the expression of it. Hello, too much mainstream porn watching!

    Seems to me the overall message here is that men have large, fragile egos, and incredibly lazy in bed, and just want to fuck. Don't expect to have your needs met, and don't expect any tenderness or consideration from him--and if you do, there is something wrong with you. Bend over backwards to tend to him in bed, but rely on yourself to get yourself off. Uh, no.

    Not every man has the sexual sophistication of a drunken frat boy hopped up on too much lesbo porn. Some actually have respect and consideration for their partners, and are just as interested in her pleasure as their own. Quel surprise!

    Utter trash.

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    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Do you know who said this, I will like to quote it on my myspace page.
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
    Baruch Spindza

    It is what it is, not what you want it to become, that's important -- at least for now. Today, remember that things worth having are worth waiting for!
    The Stars

    Minds are like parachutes: They only function when open.
    Thomas Dewar

    Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
    Swedish Proverb

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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Quote Originally Posted by rozz View Post
    I make the best freakin maccaroons ever. But only for special occasions. Like all-day sex.
    Gosh, what a fantastic coinkydink. I have a great fondness for maccaroons AND all-day sex. Whoda thunk it. Tis a small world.


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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Quote Originally Posted by Prester_John View Post
    Gosh, what a fantastic coinkydink. I have a great fondness for maccaroons AND all-day sex. Whoda thunk it. Tis a small world.

    Wait.... there are other people out there who enjoy cookies and all-day sex? My fiance lied to me!!!

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    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Quote Originally Posted by rozz View Post
    Wait.... there are other people out there who enjoy cookies and all-day sex? My fiance lied to me!!!
    NO Rozz your not alone
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
    Baruch Spindza

    It is what it is, not what you want it to become, that's important -- at least for now. Today, remember that things worth having are worth waiting for!
    The Stars

    Minds are like parachutes: They only function when open.
    Thomas Dewar

    Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
    Swedish Proverb

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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    *goes to make a few batches of cookies*


    It's going to be a long day.

  18. #18
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Wow I just turned lesbo. Keeping a man is an insurmountable task!!!

    This was not written by a woman. Most of it undermines the power a woman has over a man. If she just gives him what he wants, he'll tire of her & move on. Sad as it is, men want challenges to prove their masculinity to themselves & others around him.

    WHY do you think strippers make so much money....? Would regulars be repeat customers if you just gave them everything they desired the first time you met them....? Same with relationships.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    i disagree with one out of this list. but the rest, i think i maybe good to go. lol.

    LeilaniCandy, it was emailed to me. I don't know who wrote it. Sorry.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    I love this. I want to send it to my friend... might explain why all her boyfriends cheat on her.
    when i read this list, i thought of the guy who i wrote about not so long ago. the acquaintnance with the material problems. but if someone isn't sexually compatible, just dump the person. stuff being done behind the back/lying isn't right.

    but i do agree, ladies put a bit more effort to please your man if he is to you. it should go both ways.

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    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    don't randomly stick stuff in his hole, but don't be surprised if he randomly sticks stuff in your hole? I find it hard to believe a woman would stoop to writing this.

    "You have demonic genius" -Naomi Wolf
    "I very much resent it when people - maybe with good intentions or from a progressive point of view - keep telling me, 'It's their culture' ... It's like saying the culture of Massachusetts is burning witches." -Azar Nafisi


  22. #22
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Quote Originally Posted by LilSweetVixen
    don't randomly stick stuff in his hole, but don't be surprised if he randomly sticks stuff in your hole?
    Where did it say that?

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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    1. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.

    I think this rant is about communicating effectively. Don't like it? Say so. Like it, love it, can't get enough of it? Say so. Don't hint. Guys don't hint. Guys don't do hinting well. Hinting from a guy sounds like a rhetorical question or whining.

    45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.

    Goes for either sex. You wouldn't want a cold,unlubed finger with a badly trimmed nail inserted unexpectedly in you ass. Most guys wouldn't either no matter how that article raved about milking the prostate.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    No way. No way a woman wrote this. Classic example:

    9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.
    If you have to ram a girl's head on your cock (and you're not fulfilling some D/s need she has), you're just being cruel--not helpful.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: 50 mistakes women do....written by a lady

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer View Post
    No way. No way a woman wrote this. Classic example:

    If you have to ram a girl's head on your cock (and you're not fulfilling some D/s need she has), you're just being cruel--not helpful.
    THANK YOU.
    What happened to all the communication "she" advocates for us? Has she just forgotten that you really can't BREATHE with a penis down your throat?

    According to this list, keeping a man happy is an insurmountably difficulty task. I'm with Maxine. Suddenly women look way lower maintenance.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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