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Thread: I know im being stupid..

  1. #1
    Cally
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    Default I know im being stupid..

    *WARNING WHINY PATHETIC BLABBING*

    Ugh im being a drama ho I know...im being whiny and missrible but I just cant handle it.

    I used to laugh at the girls who went on about how their lives ended when their men left them... I always just said 'oh get over it'. But now I know how they feel.

    I just feel like my life has stopped, my world has fallen out from under my feet. I dont know what to do with myself.

    I cant eat, I cant sleep, I forget to breath... I've been sick to my stomache and just pathetic. I dont want to move from the couch I just sit here watching re-runs of friends cuddling the stuffed puppy Alex got me on our first date. I seriously feel like i've lost the will to live.

    I love him so much... and I just dont want to let go of him.

    He said he cant be with me anymore at first but now hes saying he just needs time and space. I tried to give that to him last night.. but I caved after he had been out for about 5 hours and sent him a text msg because I missed him. Everytime I see him I just want him to hold me... I cry when I see pictures of him, I cry when I hear music he introduced me to.. I took the elevator downstairs to go to the store and I started crying because I thought of all the times we made out in it.

    I know im being pathetic but I just cant stop myself...

    I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep him... anything... I want to give him the time and space he said he needs... I really think there is a chance we can save our relationship... I know what i've done wrong... I was a bit controlling, I took advantage of him and was a bit possessive... I know I was these things and i've been trying to change now(I admit I was getting a lot better till Friday when I freaked on him for no stupid reason).

    I just dont know what to do with myself.. im a complete emotional wreck.. i've lost weight, my eyes are bloodshot and puffy and im pale as a ghost... I just cant bring myself to move.

    Ugh im sorry... I just needed to blab... im not looking for sympathy im really not... I know im being pathetic but I just cant stop myself...

  2. #2
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Cally, I can only offer one word of advice based on my long years of experience as to how such situations are best dealt with ...

    NEXT !

  3. #3
    Cally
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post
    Cally, I can only offer one word of advice based on my long years of experience as to how such situations are best dealt with ...

    NEXT !
    Your right... its just hard... I guess its because I was so young when I met him and all my major life changes have been with him... so hes just been such a major important factor in my life.

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Cally, It's not pathetic to be sad over this. Whatever happens don't deny yourself the right to feel bad for a while. It really is part of the healing process. I hope this all works out in whatever way is best for you.
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  5. #5
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    It's normal to be sad, Cally! Don't apologize for it. If you weren't sad, we'd think you were a Fembot. Yoda is right: This is part of the process. You can't/shouldn't avoid it. Just be NICE to yourself, and insist that your friends are nice to you, too. (That includes listening to you moan and cry.)

    Feel better.

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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    It's okay to feel like this! Sounds like you two were together for a while. You deserve to mourn the relationship. whether it can be saved or not, time will tell. It may be hard to realize, but good or bad, things happen for a reason and it may be time to move onto a new chapter in your life.

    *wipes your tears for you*

  7. #7
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Quote Originally Posted by Cally View Post

    I used to laugh at the girls who went on about how their lives ended when their men left them... I always just said 'oh get over it'. But now I know how they feel.
    I'm glad you see that now.


    Feel better girl, we're all here for you. If I had seemed bitchy last night when I was talking to you, I don't know, but I am just tired of seeing you hurt. You deserve so much more than this.

    I'd give Alex a time limit. All this back and forth is toying with your heart and emotions, and it WILL take a mental AND physical toll on you worse than it already is. If I was in your situation, I'd tell him if he can't decide right away whether he wants to be with you or not, that you're going to go on with your life in a way. You're going to give things a month to see how they go with you two separated of sorts.

    Even if that means putting on a facade in front of him, I'd do it. I fully believe if you let something go and it comes back, it was meant to be, and that You never really know what you have until it's gone.

    Maybe Alex needs that time to figure out what he had/has. In that time, you will also have time to make sure either he is exactly what you want and worth all of this, or that you deserve better than this treament and move on. It will be TOUGH, but hey, love is tough.

  8. #8
    Veteran Member Krissy Kennedy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    <sending Cally hugs and lots of xanax)
    Si hoc non legere potes tu asinus es



  9. #9
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Cally, please don't take this too harshly, but... he doesn't want you. By dragging it out and trying to bring him back, you're just setting yourself up for even more pain. A bad relationship is like cancer; it's really painful to cut out a tumor, and you feel like you're losing a part of yourself, but if you don't cut it out then it will suck all the life out of you. You're not going to heal until you make a clean break - move away, delete him from your phone, cut off contact with him, and start over without him.

  10. #10
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    See, I said last night it sounded like he was TRYING to piss her off enough to make her leave.

    Men are weak. They want you to be the one to make a move so they don't have to. I agree with Yekh.

    Sorry honey

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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Cally, please don't take this too harshly, but... he doesn't want you. By dragging it out and trying to bring him back, you're just setting yourself up for even more pain. A bad relationship is like cancer; it's really painful to cut out a tumor, and you feel like you're losing a part of yourself, but if you don't cut it out then it will suck all the life out of you. You're not going to heal until you make a clean break - move away, delete him from your phone, cut off contact with him, and start over without him.

    Yek is right hon...

    I know right now, it feels as though you'll never be whole again. You probably feel like your whole world has crashed down around you. Let me be the first to tell you, none of that is true. When someone you love has let go, and is no longer willing to fight for what you had, all you can do is move on. It's one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. I won't lie to you and tell you that it's easy. It's anything but easy, but in the end, you're going to come out on top and stronger than ever. Take this time, to concentrate on you. Love is about learning. It's never a mistake.

  12. #12
    Veteran Member lwtex52's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Cally, I know you aren't in the mood for humor right now, so I will be serious.

    I have three ex-wives that will tell you how lucky you are that it wasn't me.
    My latest conspiracy theory: I am convinced that Dick Cheney is, in reality, Elmer Fudd.

  13. #13
    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Sweetie, it's normal to feel devastated. And especially because you are young, you haven't had tons of experiences with broken relationships. It never gets easier in the sense of having the feelings of despair, but it does become easier to move on because experience has shown you that you CAN move on. It hurts to lose love, and it hurts to let go. That is okay. But feel the greif, don't resist it. Don't hold onto false hope, and hang all your happiness upon getting back together with this man. Greive for the loss, not because he might not be coming back. See the difference there?

    Relationships come into our lives to teach us about ourselves, and it sounds like you and this man learned a great deal from each other. But there also comes a time when you have to say goodbye to that relationship and let go. People grow apart--we are all on our own individual journey, even when there is someone else sharing our life. Someone else is going to come into your life, and there will be new things to learn. You need to let go of this one, and greive, and heal--so that when it does, you will be ready.

    But reading your posts, hon---it kind of sounds like this young man is becoming insecure about your choices, and is being somewhat emotionally manipulative. From what I've read here, it looks like your star is rising in your field--you've gained titles, and have been featured in a men's magazine. You've also expressed a great deal of pride and a sense of accomplishment over these acheivements. These are obviously the things that make you happy---so why would you want to stop doing them? Because your man doesn't like it? Never a good reason, and I'll tell you why. Because it doesn't just stop there. Pretty soon, you'll find yourself tailoring your life to suit his approval, and you will lose who you really are. Pushing aside your own goals and desires to make someone else happy will eventually make you miserable, and you will end up losing the relationship anyhow. Bottom line---never, ever dim your light.

    It's going to be hard, and it is going to hurt. But you will survive it. Best thing you can do right now is be kind to yourself--this isn't about you and what you think you did wrong---this isn't anyone's fault. There is no failure here. It is time to move on, and that is just a painful process. The relationship isn't fitting either of you anymore. It isn't meant to---you've learned what you needed to learn. Just remember to keep your dignity---don't beg, tell him you'll change. You are perfect as you are. Remember that. And maybe, in time, the two of you will be good friends--especially since you kind of "grew up together", in a sense. But for now, just be kind to yourself, surround yourself with the people who love you, and know that this feeling--as heartbreaking as it is---is temporary.

    Good luck, sweetie.

  14. #14
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    That was great advice too PB

    Be that strong woman we all know you are Cally! You can do this.

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    Banned All Good Things's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Sweetheart, I am so sorry you are going through this terrible pain. I know how hard you tried -- for so long -- to make it with Alex, and I know it was difficult on him, too.

    The emotional pain you are feeling is crushing, I know, believe me, and the last word I would ever use to describe you right now is "pathetic." Right now you are surviving, just enduring the pain, and moving past it.

    Breakups of major relationships are the third worst emotional trauma you will ever experience (the other two being death of a parent and death of a child). That's why it feels like an emotional sword through the chest. So let yourself off the hook, forgive yourself, forget the words "stupid" and "pathetic" and curl up with something comforting and relaxing (dogs are great for this) and cry when you have to. Crying is ok -- in fact, it's how the emotional healing starts.

    In one of my most insanely devastating breakups, I cried for 2 hours every single day for an entire month. Then three times a week for six months. (Don't you love the way us guys actually count this shit?) If we are going to start throwing around the word "pathetic," I think I would own it.

    You will feel better, I promise you. It's not just that time heals all wounds, it's that you grow out of the terrible place right now that makes you so miserable. You move on, become a different person and find another who will sweep you away.

    Take care, sweetheart and PM or text me any time you want to talk.

    TOO

  16. #16
    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Awww baby girl, I'm sorry. Yek is right though, you have to let go. It sucks and it hurts like hell, but it will slowly get better. Little by little, day by day, it gets easier. You are an awesome girl and you deserve to be happy.

  17. #17
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Cally,
    The hardest thing that I have ever been through was breaking up with my ex.
    We had been together for almost 7 years. Way before I started dancing.
    The adult entertainment business came between us.... As well as other things.
    All I can say is, even though it is so painful and the world itself seems to be ending.
    It will get better.
    Hugs

  18. #18
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    cally - you're a gorgeous, young, feisty ho', far from pathetic. yeah, you feel bad right now, but one day soon you won't. it feels like death, and in a way it is... i remember telling myself, i'm flogging a fly-blown carcass... i wish, wish, wished i could make it work, but it wasn't right.

    *pushes horse carcass under mat*

    *eyes darting*

    so - my advice - listen to the music he introduced you to a lot. it will make you cry more, crying is good. you have x amount of tears for this - once you hit your limit, bingo, over. so go right through the middle of the grief... cryyyyy, rage, whatever you need to do. once you hit rock bottom... only way you can go is... uuup.

    this was my crying song:



    "once again we sit in silence, after all that's said & done, too far apart to bridge the distaaaance, baby look what we've become...

    we can make a million promises but it still won't change... it isn't right to stay together when we only bring each other paaaaaaiiinn... i don't wanna CRY... dooon't wanna cry" *insert crying end verse 1*

    good old mariah.

    *confiscates cally's horse-flogging crop*

  19. #19
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    So, um, it would be nice to know Cally's reading this by a response from her....

    *eyes darting*

  20. #20
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    yeah, she better be listening to my singing *brandishes fist*

  21. #21
    God/dess FBR's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Shes logged into chat...probably PMing with someone and discussing the situation further.
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

  22. #22
    Cally
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Im reading CF... im just too emotional to really try and post everything.

    Thank you everyone for the support... it really means a lot. Thats what I love about SW, when your down you can count on the girls to help lift you up. You guys are awesome.

  23. #23
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Ok, just checking

  24. #24
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    geez, here I am telling u to ask Pooka about my bullshit, and you've got your own situation...my bad Cally.

    Dunno, maybe hearing my bullshit will make u feel better?

    Anyway, I agree, he's just not that into you anymore. Take all the time you need, but let him go. Cancel him rather...delete his number, pack up any pictures etc.

    If anybody walks away from you, literally or figuratively, let them go...

    BTW, ur not being stupid Cally, not at all
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    The end.

  25. #25
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: I know im being stupid..

    Cally, I'm so sad you're going through this. I hate seeing the people I care about in pain, it's awful. I cry everyday over all that I've been going through, and it's painful, b/c I know he cares about meand loves me, he just doesn't love me enough, or in the same unconditinal way I love him.

    You deserve a man who loves you unconditionally, forever. Alex is not that man. You will eventually be okay, cry less. Be able to listen to that music.... Time passes, hurt fades. I love you.

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