Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 26

Thread: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

  1. #1
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    The VIP room
    Posts
    3,621
    Thanks
    47
    Thanked 187 Times in 58 Posts

    Default My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    I'm the oldest of four kids, we'll call them A, M, and K. M is the brother we are all concerned about. He is 27 and lives in our hometown, which is just outside of Indy.

    He's always been kind of wild, but then so have the rest of us. When he was in high school he was arrested a few times for drinking, and then when he was about 20 he was arrested and spent two months in jail. After that he seemed to straighten up.

    He and A both work for my dad in his construction business. They make serious money and the business will be turned over to them when my dad decides to retire. Well, that was the plan anyway, but now M has screwed up so badly that my dad fired him and has said he will never hire him back.

    Here is a list of the things he's been doing:

    *Got fired because when my dad went out of town for two weeks Markes basically did not show up for work that entire time

    *A few years back my dad sent him down to Florida to manage the crew and when he and Aaron got down there on a Tuesday at noon, Markes was asleep and the house was trashed

    *Made a salary of $70K a year and has zero money--the biggest red flag in all of this

    *Has not paid his mortgage for three months (dad paid two of them so that the house wouldn't get repo'd, but now we don't know what will happen)

    *Gas turned off in house, he's living there with two space heaters

    *Home phone and cell both turned off--and he borrowed $200 from my dad to get one back on and never did it, and supposedly he also got money from his best friend for the same thing (thus the theories about crack and other drugs)

    *Credit cards maxed out and payments are delinquent

    *Holes up for days, sometimes weeks without talking to any family, and now he's also avoiding his best friend

    *Has admitted to depression and says he just wants our family to leave him alone

    My dad thinks that he's on crack, which sounds ridiculous to me, but at this point we know he's on something. However, I did see him two days ago and he looked ok and seemed ok. We were at the hospital while my grandma was having surgery. The weird thing is the minute he knew she was ok he took out of there like a bat out of hell, didn't even say bye to me or our other brother.

    You're probably thinking we should just leave him alone, but that is not how this family operates. We tend to be nibshits, and my dad is the worst of the offenders. He sent our uncle over to M's house last weekend to talk to him. They had a mystery conversation that no one knows the details of. Now A tells me that M's best friend thinks we should have an intervention. No one knows what, if any, drugs he's on, but now his friend thinks we should intervene?

    Honestly, I don't know if there's anything we can do, but it sucks to watch your brother circling the drain. He's not an idiot, in fact, he's probably second smartest of all four of us kids. He has an excellent memory for details, and he grasps concepts that would be difficult for a lot of people. He's funny, creative, good looking.....but if he's depressed and/or addicted then none of that matters.

    I'm not really asking for advice so much as I'm venting a little. But if anyone has had this type of situation in their family, please share with me what you did to deal with it. At this rate, he's going to lose his house. He's already jobless, and we are all wondering what the hell he's doing out there (he lives in the country).
    Last edited by Andygirl; 02-15-2007 at 02:40 PM.
    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

  2. #2
    Glamazon
    Guest

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    Sounds like meth. Have an intervention.

  3. #3
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    3,335
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 59 Times in 29 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    Yep, the best you can do is try, then at least you know you gave it a shot. It DOES sound like meth, and gawd that is terrible stuff once it gets a hold of a person.

    I really hope it all works out for your family...




  4. #4
    God/dess Lena's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2002
    Location
    On a sweet muddy river.
    Posts
    6,399
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 78 Times in 43 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    The laws are interpereted differently in every state, but you may be able to have him hospitalized if he's a danger to himself (the mortgage/heat/depression would qualify in some states and not others).



  5. #5
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    The VIP room
    Posts
    3,621
    Thanks
    47
    Thanked 187 Times in 58 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    I really don't think it's meth or crack, just because he still looks great and personality wise seems fine. I'm more inclined to think it's alcohol, which still sucks, but is better than meth. That mixed with depression can be bad enough to cause all of these things, I think.

    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

  6. #6
    Veteran Member candygrrl's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2005
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    444
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    He obviously drinks and likes to party, but i drink a lot and def could not drink away 70,000. Maybe he gambles? He could be "holed away for days" like you said online gambling. I have firends that have stayed up days in a row gambling and drinking all night, and that could explain where all his money is going. Im sorry I dont really have any advice, but good luck.

  7. #7
    Veteran Member Innocense's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Irvine, CA
    Posts
    226
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    I'm with candygrrl....even if he drinks a lot he wouldn't be able to spend that much money on alcohol. Unfortunetely, there's not much for you to do, I think all you can really do is try to get closer to him, go visit him, and try to make him see that you are his firend and that you are there for him if he needs you.

    Good luck.

  8. #8
    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    3,012
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 46 Times in 27 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    Does he gamble?



  9. #9
    Featured Member devilkitty's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2004
    Location
    florida
    Posts
    1,206
    Thanks
    113
    Thanked 49 Times in 36 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    I was going to say the same about gambling. It's obviously some kind of addiction he is dealing with.
    Aut Pax Aut Bellum
    Either Peace Or War

  10. #10
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    It sounds like meth to me too, with the behavior issues. Maybe gambling, but trashing the house and running away without saying goodbye to people and stuff like that... sounds like a tweaker.

  11. #11
    God/dess velvet's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    4,778
    Thanks
    154
    Thanked 279 Times in 146 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    yep i say meth too or crack. you dont necessarliy see a downturn in looks and personality right away. sorry girl but i think you are in denial. no one blows thru money like that with alcohol. rushing off from the hospital?= rushing off to get a hit

  12. #12
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    722
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    meth for sure.

  13. #13
    Veteran Member JettaNyx's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    378
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked 65 Times in 28 Posts
    My Mood
    Sleepy

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    i agree that its some type of drug. depression would explain just the not going to work or paying bills, not where money ran off to. also dpression often leads to drug use of some type, so does bipolar. when i finally got proper treatment my therapist was surprised i'd never used drugs or drink since thats what untreated bipolar/depressives tend to do. either way, if its drugs alone or mental problems he does need help. check your local laws on the intervention/commiting (we had a friend commited (berkley act i belive it is called for FL) once due to his not working, living out of his car, and drug problems...it counted as being a danger to himself...the not working thing.). it will be painful but you need to worry about his saftey and well being.

  14. #14
    Featured Member blondi553's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2005
    Location
    ?
    Posts
    1,515
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    andy....did u mean to use there names in your post bc i think u mentioned two names in ur post....just to let u know...but i think its meth too....just as someone previously posted...the effects take more time on some people than others

  15. #15
    Glamazon
    Guest

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    Quote Originally Posted by velvet View Post
    rushing off from the hospital?= rushing off to get a hit
    Or rushing off = avoiding questions about his life, or avoiding the family as much as possible so they won't notice something's up.

    Yeah, either way, it sounds like meth...it could be meth with gambling, too...meth addicts are also notorious risk takers.

  16. #16
    Banned
    Joined
    Feb 2007
    Location
    ATX
    Posts
    3,502
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    It does sound a lot like an addiction problem.

    But if it is not, it could be severe antisocial personality disorder.
    Check this out, especially the diagnostic criteria:

  17. #17
    Featured Member devilkitty's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2004
    Location
    florida
    Posts
    1,206
    Thanks
    113
    Thanked 49 Times in 36 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    (we had a friend commited (berkley act i belive it is called for FL) It's actually Baker Act. I was told it was named after a NYC police officer who tried to get his wife committed and failed. She ended up killing him then herself. Not sure if that is true but it is definitley called Baker Act.
    Aut Pax Aut Bellum
    Either Peace Or War

  18. #18
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    The VIP room
    Posts
    3,621
    Thanks
    47
    Thanked 187 Times in 58 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    I'm sure I'm in denial. I don't want to think about my brother doing meth, the most godawful of drugs. It's just that he seemed ok when I saw him.

    The problem with him is his horrible temper. He can sit and talk as long as everything is cool, but if anyone calls him on his bullshit he's outta there. I'm worried that he will hurt himself, but I don't know what to do. My dad is so overbearing, it almost seems like it would be better to do an intervention with just my brother and I, and M's best friend. Involving my dad is the kiss of death.

    I'm sure this will be discussed ad infinitum tomorrow when we have family dinner, so maybe I'll have an update after that.
    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

  19. #19
    Veteran Member JettaNyx's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    378
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked 65 Times in 28 Posts
    My Mood
    Sleepy

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    ty Devilkitty. on subject of disorders i havn't had my meds in a while and i've been foggy minded so i coulnt remember a damn thing when i posted that .

    keep us posted Andygirl, i hope it all works out. and remember whatever you guys decide you have to stick with it as a family.

  20. #20
    Veteran Member lexXe's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    731
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 5 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    I can understand how you feel because one of my closest friends is a recovering addict. The behaviour you described sounds very addict like. I know it's hard to think of your brother as having issues with drugs, but understand it can happen to anyone regardless of upbringing, intelligence, class etc. My friend was heavily involved in cocaine and still managed to keep his shit together for a long time. Then things started to fall apart. He was soo consumed with the drugs that he neglected his car payments, credit cards, pretty much every bill and had no money which was a shock because he made a healthy six figure salary. Then we found out he was smoking crack which was soo crazy to everyone because he didn't seem like the "type" to use this drug. He eventually hit his rock bottom and decided that he needed to get clean. He's been clean for three years now. It was the hardest thing to go through because we all felt hopeless.

    Stay strong and hold on to whatever faith/beliefs you have to get you through this. There have been many people in your brother's situation who have gotten better, this is not the end.

  21. #21
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    The VIP room
    Posts
    3,621
    Thanks
    47
    Thanked 187 Times in 58 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    Quote Originally Posted by austinatalie View Post
    It does sound a lot like an addiction problem.

    But if it is not, it could be severe antisocial personality disorder.
    Check this out, especially the diagnostic criteria:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisoc...ality_disorder
    Ok, this is frightening. He meets every single one of those characteristics.

    -failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest

    -deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure

    -impulsivity or failure to plan ahead

    -irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults

    -reckless disregard for safety of self or others

    -consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain steady work or honor financial obligations

    -lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another


    -callous unconcern for the feelings of others;

    -gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations;

    -incapacity to maintain enduring relationships, though having no difficulty in establishing them;

    -very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence;

    -incapacity to experience guilt or to profit from experience, particularly punishment;

    -marked proneness to blame others, or to offer plausible rationalizations, for the behavior that has brought the patient into conflict with society


    The question is, what do we do???? I'm not going to have him committed, plus he has no insurance for rehab or treatment. Personally, I think he could benefit simply by talking with a doctor and maybe getting on Wellbutrin or something.
    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

  22. #22
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    In the clouds.....
    Posts
    2,413
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 6 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    It definitely sounds like he has an addiction of some kind. All of the telltale signs are there-not going to work, distancing yourself from friends and family, not being able to keep up with your financial obligations, borrowing money...I hope he comes out of this okay. *Hugs*

  23. #23
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    In the clouds.....
    Posts
    2,413
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 6 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    If he truly does have Antisocial Personality Disorder, he'd need a lot more than Wellbutrin-they'd probably have to put him on an antipsychotic/bipolar medication of some kind.

  24. #24
    Banned
    Joined
    Feb 2007
    Location
    ATX
    Posts
    3,502
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    and he'd need at least weekly therapy

  25. #25
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Apr 2006
    Location
    houston
    Posts
    513
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: My brother has issues.....family doesn't know what to do

    well to be definitive may i suggest a hair test to test for meth.
    The first google search result:
    for $75, mail in test, get hair from scalp and they test the bottom 1.5 inches which covers approximately 90 days, and they test for 5 things: five major and most abused drug categories: Amphetamine/Methamphetamine, Marijuana, Cocaine, Opiates and Phencyclidine


    Well just to guess, it may be an extreme personality disorder.

    good luck.
    Last edited by space_Cadet_28; 02-17-2007 at 06:22 PM.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 13
    Last Post: 05-04-2011, 10:33 AM
  2. Family Issues
    By MissLucy in forum Life Support
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 12-30-2010, 03:21 AM
  3. Help A Brother DJ Out???
    By DJJonPaul in forum Music Mix
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 04-09-2008, 03:13 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •