Yea... the more I think about it the more I wonder how much I really love it...
I mean yea I love putting on shows, coming up with theme ideas and new props and my fire shows and I LOVE getting a club full of guys on their feet screaming and cheering for me...
BUT!
I am sick of the drama, im sick of the bull shit... im sick of the pressure...assholes screaming mean shit at me, I hate lap dancing so I started featuring, well now that im featuring it just seems like im never good enough...
I had one of the best nights tonight, I put on some great shows, I was feeling great about myself.. then some asshole gets up and starts screaming 'GET THIS FAT BITCH WITH HER SAGGY TITS OFF THE STAGE!!!'
I ignored it and carried on...I didnt let it get to me.
I dont know what it is...its like im sour from travelling and doing bookings.
I hate staying in one club though... but when im away I just want to be home...
Im so confused... I mean I love it but I hate it if that makes sense?
Maybe I need a break? I jumped into featuring and went full out on it... im doing my third contest... thats 3 in 4 months... I dont even want to do the contest but I have to...
Im also sick about worrying if everytime I eat some munchies its going to make me fat.. im sick of worrying about my weight, worrying about getting my nails done, if my eyebrows get a little messy, if my makeup isnt right if I start to lose my tan a little bit... im sick of not being able to get to sleep before 5am... and ARRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!! Maybe its just cuz im missrible from everything else?
I just dont know how I feel....


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Money Makes Me Horny
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