My self esteem has plummeted over the last two weeks. I feel fat with ugly hair, and pale. I quit my old club last night (the money/ business has been going down hill- it's just not worth it there anymore) and the manager was all sympathetic (I was all "I can't dance anymore- sorry!"). It was lame, but it's kinda true. My nerves are shot, and I can't dance there anymore, that's for sure. My hands shake when I enter the building. BUT while he was all "I understand- give us a call if you ever want to come back...can you just remind me of your name?". Holy shit, he didn't even recognize me. Ha, tis not all in my head that I look not so good.
Anyway, I haven't danced (except for one lousy monday night) in a month and I have to go back to prevent more bank account dwindling. I don't really hate dancing all that much- once I get my tan back, lose the five pounds I gained, tone up more, eventually get my hair colour back- I'll be much more confident. But in the mean time, I was thinking maybe I'd work at some little divey bar where no one I know will see me? The money is kinda comparable everywhere in the area, seems to me. Is this a good plan? And then return to one of the better clubs when I've got my groove back? Does working in dives improve one's self-esteem, or just let you lower your own standards?



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) And it was surely the best thing I have ever done. I am going back to other club this week, and I have a better feeling about it than when I started there three years ago.
I believe you Dottie and you have my support 
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