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Thread: Baby shower

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Baby shower

    I attended a baby shower for a dancer friend of mine today. It was unusual in many ways. For one, boys who have reached double-digit ages are rarely invited to such things. For another, the vast majority of attendees were her coworkers.

    The original plan was to hold it at a local indoor playground place. The hostess from the club had organized the party and apparently not realized such places are packed on Sunday afternoons and had not reserved a room or table. There was nowhere for us to sit. We moved over to Chuck E. Cheese's about a block away. This is when the guest of honor realized she didn't have the phone numbers of everyone who was coming to tell them about the change. In fact, as invitation was largely by a dressing-room posting, there was no telling who was planning to come. Luckily, the lady at the counter did agree to redirect people to their competitor.

    We weren't the usual Chuck E. Cheese crowd. Two people were wearing Hustler t-shirts, one with the slogan "won't stop 'til the panties drop." We started off the party passing around a digital camera with homemade porn on it. Two of the girls talked about getting up on stage to dance with the robots, but it didn't happen, which I suppose was fortunate because we would have had to find a third location.

    One of the managers (who didn't actually attend) had apparently told her he would get her a vibrator for her baby shower. She said she already had plenty and the baby can't use that. I said you twist them and they shake and make noise. Babies love that kind of stuff. Her roommate then started talking about teething, causing the conversation to be abruptly ended.

    Things somehow turned to how the guest of honor had not had sex in three months. Everyone started asking her why and she said it was because she hadn't gotten any good offers. I brought her food on Valentine's day and lay in her bed with my arms around her for about an hour afterward and couldn't get a reaction. Perhaps the problem was that we were watching The Devil's Rejects, which is not the most romantic of movies.

    I got to meet a lot of the people you don't meet around the club, like people's kids and parents and girlfriends. Despite not knowing half the people and not really being in a traditional space for men, I was perfectly comfortable with things. The only other customer invited was twice my age and comes from a more blue-collar field and pretty much sat at the end and didn't join in the conversation.

    Afterward, the guest of honor, one of her friends and I headed to a local bar where a drunk guy proceeded to give her a pep talk about how she was strong and trying to get her to repeat after him. If I'd realized she was as irritated by him as I was, I would have found a way to get rid of him, but she was acting interested and only complained when he finally left. Perhaps this is one of those stripper things you sometimes forget to turn off.

    As of now, she'll be on her own when the baby is born as she only knows the father's first name and phone number. I work in collections and tracking people down is a good part of what I do. The phone is a Verizon cell and I have no contacts there, and the first name is pretty common, so I'll have an uphill battle.

    She was talking about her exes. Most seem to be abusive jerks. For instance, she spoke of one who tried to block her when she was walking out on him, then tried to grab her and lock her in the bathroom. An hour later, his mom called to beg her to take him back. My mom never helped me get my girlfriend back, but I suppose I never thought to ask her. She had the good sense to walk out on these assholes, but not to spot them ahead of time and avoid them. It did immediately get me thinking about how, for all my better qualities, these guys were more superficially interesting than me. Of course, the reasons they were interesting are mostly the same reasons they were bad boyfriends.

    This girl has kissed me on several occasions (all before she knew she was pregnant), calls me sometimes on thin reasons like she's driving and doesn't like to be alone in her car, talks about me enthusiastically to her coworkers and sometimes relies on me to help her out of jams. On the other hand, she had no reaction to my (admittedly fairly mild) advances on Valentine's Day and usually doesn't return my calls. When we do talk, it's usually a good long time, though. I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. Is she not interested, or is she just not always showing it because of her clinical depression? (I don't expect you to be able to answer, of course. This is just my thought process.)

  2. #2
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    Today, I did a search for what I could find on the father. I got his last name, his birthdate, his home number, his workplace, his home address, the fact that he owns his house and a business and his house is valued at $100,000. Also, he may be married or have a live-in girlfriend. I'm having trouble with this one as I can't seem to find free access to recent marriage records. It looks like there's no more weaseling out and she should be able to get good child support.

  3. #3
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    hmmm why is she keeping a kid without knowing the father nayways, i never get that.

    girls get preggers to someone they dont know, and keep the kid, knowing full well the father doesnt want it. and then turn around and sting him for child support.

    fucking low.

  4. #4
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    Basically, she thought she was sterile. I'm not sure of the details on why she thought this, but she had told me months earlier about how she couldn't have kids for some unspecified medical reason and seemed pretty broken up about it. Also, lots of alcohol was involved.

  5. #5
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    so why cant she take some fucking responsibility for her own actions, and leave the father out of it. he obviously doesnt want a kid to her, yet she hunting him down so he can pay child support!!!

    why the fuck are their double standerds when it comes to child support. no matter what the guy wants (keep or abort) these bitches get what they want anyways, and then turn around and screw the guy over.

    if she cant afford to keep the kid without his money, she shouldnt be having it. and if she can, then she shouldnt be hounding him for money.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    I'm trying to figure out how someone knows someone's last name but not their first. What are they, the butler?


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  7. #7
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    She had his first name. I found his last name.

  8. #8
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    I don't want to sound harsh, but here's my opinion.

    The girl sounds more fucked up than a football bat. A real train wreck. You sound like a nice guy. Outside of strictly being friends (no benefits), why would you want to bother with her? It sounds like you're more of a comfort of convenience to her. Although she may like you, she's just not that into you. Stay friends with her, but don't turn your life upside down by trying to be more involved than just friends. Seriously.

  9. #9
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    She seems like the kind of girl who will do nothing but use you. Hell, look at what she's doing to some guy she barely knew. Don't let yourself become a victim.

  10. #10
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    From my perspective, she's a real step up. She never blames her problems on me and rarely on others, is able to work and support herself (admittedly not as well as when she was dancing), is going to school for a good field and doesn't expect favors and always insists on compensating me when she asks for help.

    Just having someone who understands the effort I take to do stuff for her and never begs for money is wonderful.

    All the other women I know are either incapable of thinking of others, already taken, way out of my league or coworkers, which is what got me fired from ym alst job. Perhaps this comes of having a best friend/ex who's a dancer and a social circle built mainly around her friends and the people I meet from doing male amateur nights. There are the comedy club guys, but they're all men. When I meet other women, they always seem to end up asking if I'm gay, but not in a hoping I'm not sort of way. Damn my heterosexuality.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    She might have mixed feelings for you. I have never been pregnant but my friends who have have gone through a range of emotions from being horny as anything to being moody and not wanting to be touched.
    So even tho u tried to turn her on she might just not have been receptive to sex esp while being pregnant with another man's child.

    She might also view u truly just as a trusted friend. You said u have kissed, well friends do this sometimes, it doesn't necessarily mean she likes u in that way.

  12. #12
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    I talked to her abotu this. She was seeign him for about a month. He would come over during the day. She was never at his place. He told her he wasn't married. I dug up that he's been married for about eight years. She got pregnant when a condom broke. When she told him, he stopped returning her calls.

  13. #13
    mermaidnz
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    he doesnt want a kid!!! woman never seem to take responsibility these days, its fucked up.

    he doesnt want it, she wants it, fine. but that doesnt mean he should have to pay for something he doesnt want.

    i want to slap this bitch in the face.

  14. #14
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    Quote Originally Posted by mermaidnz View Post
    he doesnt want a kid!!! woman never seem to take responsibility these days, its fucked up.

    he doesnt want it, she wants it, fine. but that doesnt mean he should have to pay for something he doesnt want.

    i want to slap this bitch in the face.
    She's planning on raising the kid. I don't see how that's not taking responsibility. It's him that;s trying to weasel out. It sounds more like your problem is with the legal system than her.

  15. #15
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    Quote Originally Posted by Clark View Post
    She's planning on raising the kid. I don't see how that's not taking responsibility. It's him that;s trying to weasel out. It sounds more like your problem is with the legal system than her.
    No, the problem is that he was using protection which failed and now she's keeping a baby that he doesn't want and she wants to hit him with child support. What if it was the other way around and she didn't want the child but he did? She would get an abortion and he wouldn't have a say in it. See the problem? It's not just a problem with the legal system, but a problem with women in our society trying to tie themselves to men that don't really want them in the first place. It's a much deeper issue.

  16. #16
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    I understand that and have argued similar things in the past and come to the conclusion there is no fair solution because biology is unfair. This is a political issue, though. You can argue policy is bad, but I don't think it's fair to try to blame someone for taking advantage of whatever's in place.

  17. #17
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    Quote Originally Posted by Clark View Post
    I don't think it's fair to try to blame someone for taking advantage of whatever's in place.
    please tell me your kidding?!

    so you endorse people using other people to get what they want? maipulation?


    wicked.

    i guess you both suit eachother

  18. #18
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    The key words are "taking advantage." If she wants to keep the baby, the right thing to do is to have him sign away paternity rights and have that be the end of it.



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  19. #19
    Glamazon
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    Quote Originally Posted by mermaidnz View Post
    please tell me your kidding?!

    so you endorse people using other people to get what they want? maipulation?


    wicked.

    i guess you both suit eachother
    Very well put.

  20. #20
    Glamazon
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    Quote Originally Posted by hardkandee View Post
    The key words are "taking advantage." If she wants to keep the baby, the right thing to do is to have him sign away paternity rights and have that be the end of it.
    Most judges won't let a father just "sign away" their rights unless there is another parent waiting in the wings to adopt. They see it as someone just trying to weasel out of their responsibility to pay child support.

    That poor guy (I say that very loosely, afterall, he's the one that cheated on his wife and got another girl pregnant!) is gonna get stuck supporting a child he never wanted in the first place.

  21. #21
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    In some states (you're right, a lot don't), you can abdicate parental rights. Usually easier earlier on, before arrears and visitation right get all messy.


    But with the baby not born yet, he might not even end up on the birth certificate.



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  22. #22
    Glamazon
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    Quote Originally Posted by hardkandee View Post
    But with the baby not born yet, he might not even end up on the birth certificate.
    Very true. But that doesn't stop her from filing a paternity suit and back child support years from now.

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Baby shower

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamazon View Post
    Very true. But that doesn't stop her from filing a paternity suit and back child support years from now.
    Yeah, that's crappy.

    Child support issues suck. And this whole Anna Nicole Smith thing just makes me more sour about it.



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