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Thread: WTF? I said no!

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    Veteran Member Mandy_Wood's Avatar
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    WTF? I said no!

    Is this reasonable or am I just being uptight?

    The boyfriend and I were cuddling and loving on each other this morning, kinda getting warmed up to have sex, and he started talking kinda dirty (which I don't mind at all) but he was going on about "Are you my dirty extras girl?" and "Is this what I get in the champagne room?", etc. I kinda laughed it off at first but then just said flat out, "I really don't know if I want to perpetuate that image of myself in your head. I'm not really that comfortable with it. Can't I be your dirty something else right now?" It didn't kill the mood or anything but still.

    I haven't started dancing yet and my boyfriend hates the idea of me dancing so why would he try to play "dirty dancer and customer"? It just seems weird especially since he made it clear extras are not acceptable (they're not acceptable to me either so no problem there!). I get that men have fantasies but it would have never crossed my mind he would want to imagine me as a dirty stripper. He's fucked strippers before and he's been to strip clubs before so I mean, there's not a ton of "the unknown" allure going on. I dunno. I'm just a little confused is all.

    What does everyone else think?
    Quote Originally Posted by cherryripeboy View Post
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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    It sounds like he was doing it to be mean or perhaps to get a feel for what you might be doing later.

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    Veteran Member Mandy_Wood's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    I gently brought up the subject and he said I was reading too much into it. But he wouldn't really elaborate further on it. *shrug*
    Quote Originally Posted by cherryripeboy View Post
    Remember they sent a ninja against robocop....





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    Featured Member lolagetz's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    I had a boyfriend who would always pull shit like that. He would say, "Tell me what you do to them in the VIP" and wouldn't ever be satisfied with my answer. Eventually, just to see what he would do, I told him that I did everything, and he was like, "That's so hot." God, what an ass. What was wrong with me?

    Thank god I got him out of my life. My suggestion to you is to tell him that him talking about your job at all while you two are getting it on is unacceptable. What you do at work has nothing to do with having sex with him.

    Sorry I sound so bitter.. I guess it's a sore subject to me..

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    I wouldn't be cool with it either.

    It's okay if he wants to fantasize about me with other guys though....just leave work out of it.

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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    Sounds like a power play to me. Maybe he is feeling insecure?

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    Two possibilities. #1 reverse psychology #2 his comments have the telltale tone of a 'stripperizer'.

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    Veteran Member T-10's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mandy_Wood View Post
    Is this reasonable or am I just being uptight?
    I don't think you are being uptight and considering you told him it was not ok, I don't find it to be reasonable for him to continue speaking you in that manner.

    If he does it again maybe you might want to ask him what part of no he doesn't understand.

    If he doesn't do it again then I would just forget it happened.

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    Veteran Member Rockette's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    I don't think you were uptight at all with what you said, but who knows, he could really fantasize about that sort of thing. I wouldn't look too much past that, but you clearly stated where your boundaries were, and left it at that.
    Isocrates: “Democracy destroys itself because it abuses its right to freedom and equality. Because it teaches its citizens to consider audacity as a right, lawlessness as a freedom, abrasive speech as equality, and anarchy as progress.”

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    you're being completely reasonable. dirty talk along those lines would bother me a lot. i mean, many of us make an effort to keep our real selves and our stripper selves seperate. that would blur the lines way too much for me. plus it just strikes me as much more disrespectful than dirty.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post
    Two possibilities. #1 reverse psychology #2 his comments have the telltale tone of a 'stripperizer'.
    or 3 - he's just creating a fantasy scenario.

    I mean, really... we dress up as schoolgirls for our men and play 'teacher/student'... that doesn't mean the man really wants to fuck underage girls in plaid.

    Fantasies are fantasies are fantasies... maybe he was just having a moment. Men do that without thinking.. I mean, really, the blood wasn't in his head, after all...

    Maybe he was just pretending he was some dirty customer actually getting extras like it was some sexy hot thing nobody actually got - like he was special.... yeah special me gets the extras in the VIP room.

    BUT if she has a problem with it, yeah he should stop.


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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    I don't see it as him being mean or anything. I think he was just acting out a fantasy and even tho he says he doesn't want u to dance, there is a part of him that is turned on by the thought of you being a stripper.

    Before I started dancing my bf and I used to role play as me as the stripper and him the customer. Since I started dancing that is no longer a turn-on for me LOL so we no longer do that one.

    However now he will playfully say things like I'm allowed to touch and they are not. I don't really like work being brought up but since u haven't even started dancing yet I really think he was in fantasy mode.

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    Banned All Good Things's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    What makes fantasies so fabulous is that they create excitement and tension from something forbidden or off-limits (the plaid skirt schoolgirl example Lilith used is exactly right -- and oh God, don't get me started. It's taken me years to get that one perfectly right, where she is just driven completely out of control, and even then, every single woman is different). You both need to find the edge of what's forbidden or buried or along the edge of your own fantasy worlds so you can create that excitement between you.

    It's a safe environment for you both, but there is no limit to what you can do once you climb inside each other's heads.

    The only mistake he made was not switching the fantasy when you objected. He misread you, and should have switched at that point. You two could talk it out later.

    It's very likely that he was pushing against the "extras girl in VIP" fantasy BECAUSE it is forbidden -- because you both have agreed that it is not something that is OK with either of you. If you play this right over time, it will be a fantasy that can be particularly powerful for both of you.

    Look, nobody fantasizes about the missionary position in the dark. When that happens, it's time to check for a pulse and just pull the sheet over the head and give up.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    Quote Originally Posted by The Other Owner View Post

    Look, nobody fantasizes about the missionary position in the dark. When that happens, it's time to check for a pulse and just pull the sheet over the head and give up.
    bwahhhhhhh LMAO hehe I do! Just kidding.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    Ew, creepy! It's definately strange that he'd say stuff like that if he doesn't want you dancing. Red flag!
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    Yeah... I would not be okay with it. And, I'm like really super girly insofar as I want to talk about EVERYTHING to death. A "you're reading too much into-end of story" attitude would drive me UP THE WALL. Sometimes you need to feel like someone is actually listening and paying attention to your concerns.

    In a nutshell - you can't stop him from fantasizing about what he wants, and you probably wouldn't want to if you could. But that doesn't mean that he has to drag you into it. I mean - let's be perfectly direct; most of the time thinking about fucking a guy in the champagne room is not really hot for us anyway. It is humiliating and degrading and not in a sexy way. So just sheerly in those terms - like "Baby, you realize that making me think about fat, foul-smelling, revolting customers trying to fuck me for $40 extras dollars doesn't get me hot, right?" it should help him keep it to himself. For him, he's imagining "bagging the stripper" - see blue for prolonged, albeit stupid discussion about why guys feel like they've accomplished something when they successfully pay a stripper for sex. But as a fantasy - yeah, that's pretty uneven.

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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    In the sack I want to be the "dirty stripper" Even called a whore ... whatever.. it works and I see it as purely what it is.. just fantasy talk.. it isn't like either of us (the guy and/or myself doing the dirty talk) actually BELIEVE it to be true. It is about playing into a fantasy and I don't mind being the dirty stripper, the whore in the fantasy

    It has nothing to do with real (everyday) life.

    ..........and yes you were reading too much into it IMO.


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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    Read the OP again, folks. It doesn't say, as some of you are implying, that he continued to do that after she asked him not to. Maybe he did, but it doesn't say that. It says he has expressed his dislike of her being a dancer but then brought this fantasy up. I don't think that's a contradiction. He's uncomfortable with the idea of sharing his girlfriend with other guys (the idea of not being special), but not uncomfortable about fantasizing that if she had him as a customer, she'd cross her normal boundaries (the idea of being special).

    Mandy, if you're uncomfortable with it because of the way it reminds you of potentially unpleasant things at work, then you have every right to communicate that and ask for his cooperation in finding an alternative. Nevertheless, I don't see it as an unusual fantasy for him to want to be thought of as being the one hottie you'd do anything for.

    -Ev

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    Quote Originally Posted by lilithmorrigan View Post
    or 3 - he's just creating a fantasy scenario.

    I mean, really... we dress up as schoolgirls for our men and play 'teacher/student'... that doesn't mean the man really wants to fuck underage girls in plaid.

    Fantasies are fantasies are fantasies... maybe he was just having a moment. Men do that without thinking.. I mean, really, the blood wasn't in his head, after all...

    Maybe he was just pretending he was some dirty customer actually getting extras like it was some sexy hot thing nobody actually got - like he was special.... yeah special me gets the extras in the VIP room.

    BUT if she has a problem with it, yeah he should stop.
    You read my mind. My husband and I play that game at home including the name calling of "Naughty slut" and I call him the "Pervy customer". It is all in fun and has nothing to do with him thinking that I'm fucking customers at work.

    Explain to your boy that you are just not comfortable with that kind of role play, because the last thing you want is to associate stripping with your private relationship. Pick a role play closer to this theme, but not right on it. Maybe you be the high paid call girl and he is the rich gentleman customer?? Or maybe offer to give him an extra-hot massage parlor service?

    *when we role play dirty stripper/ pervy customer, we are very clear that neither one of us engage in that kind of behavior with anyone else. And any stories we make up is strictly fiction.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Senior Member ChubbyChaser's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? I said no!

    You mentioned he's not thrilled about you dancing - so maybe he's just kinda testing the water a bit - trying to see your reaction. Or, maybe he was just trying to be funny, and thought you would laugh. Or even use a little humor and some playtime to get more comfortable with the idea - or even let you know he was losening up on it. I don't know, I just don't think you should assume the worst about this, unless it keeps happening.
    Sex for money? Never! For jewels, and furs, and revenge, like a lady! But not for money!

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