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Thread: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

  1. #1
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Alright, I'm getting REALLY fed-up with customers accusing me of being stuck-up, or a snob, or a bitch. I'll admit, I don't hustle. I rarely approach anyone at all, and generally only talk to people if they approach me or call me over.

    Last week a group of guys walked past me on their way out of the club and said something like "We've wanted you to dance for us all night, but I guess you're too much of a stuck-up bitch to talk to guys like us".

    I swear to God, I am so far from being stuck-up. I'm actually really nice once you come and talk to me. I'm just really, really painfully SHY. I have zero confidence. The reason I don't approach customers is because I assume that there's no way they'd want to talk to me when they could talk to someone better. When I get on stage I smile and laugh and dance up a storm, but when it comes to approaching customers and selling myself, I just can't do it. It's not that I think I'm too good for the customers... it's that I think they're too good for me!

    Why do so many customers assume my shyness is actually snobbiness? Is it because I'm so lively on stage? It's really frustrating, I don't like it that everyone always thinks I'm some stuck-up bitch.

    So my question is, when you guys go to a club and you see a somewhat attractive girl standing around not talking to anyone, do you assume she's stuck-up? If so, why do you think that?

  2. #2
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    There is really nothing wrong with being shy, although Jay is correct that it will impact on your bottom line n a SC. But some people are, and while you may learn to overcome it and behave like you are not shy, you're real personality will probably always be the shy type, and there is really nothing wrong with that.

    Most guys end up being rejected by attractive women many times in their lives, sometimes always. How they handle this varies from feeling depressed, to acceptance, to trying harder, but also to lashing out and back at attractive women (i.e., seeing them as "stuck-up" or as "bitches"). Basically they are hurt that attractive women reject them and so they try to make themselves feel better by replacing normal feelings for women with feelings of hatred (people don't want what we hate).

    So here they are in a strip club, the one place where attractive women shouldn't reject them, and from their point of view you are an attractive woman that is ignoring and rejecting them, even in the club. Plus remember in the club the majority of dancers do approach the customers. If inside the club you're not, they are probably thinking you are exceptionally "stuck-up", basically not only would you reject them outside the club, but even inside as well.

    Personally when I go to a SC I like to be left alone to enjoy a drink. I don't like being approached or having dancers just start up a hustle conversation with me. I'm not much into small talk, and if I want a dance, I prefer to approach the dancer. I also tend to choose the quieter types because I find their personalities to be much more enjoyable, but I'd say I'm atypical in that way. Most of the guys at the club prefer that the dancers approach them. It makes them feel good since in real life attractive women don't approach them, and often quite the opposite, reject them if they initiate a conversation.

    Be aware though, that some guys in SCs are going to turn around the situation they are use to outside of the club. Outside of the club they are use to being rejected by attractive women. Inside the club they may do the reverse, intentionally reject dancers and do so in a "cruel" way. Why? They are so use to feeling hurt by rejection outside the club it makes them feel better to experience what it's like to be the one doing the rejecting.

  3. #3
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Do people say that kind of thing to you regularly? Try responding with something like "No, I'm very down to earth, I swear. You're just intimidatingly handsome."

    Seriously. Does it matter? I mean, either way, not approaching customers is going to affect your money. If your happy with your money now, does it matter how guys who are not going to approach you perceive you? If you are not happy with your money now (by which I mean you might be looking to improve already stellar earnings), then you have to work at not being shy. I would be very surprised if tailoring your demeanor to read "shy" instead of "snotty" is going to significantly alter your work week.
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    My retired ATF was very shy when she first started. She got the same sort of BS from guys a few times. Ultimately she got less shy and realized that, in the SC environment, you have to market yourself if you are going to maximize revenue.

    FWIW, I'm kinda shy too but, as I've spent more years in clubs and gotten to know more dancers I've gotten over it. I realize it's different for dancers than it is for customers. Try and develop an ice-breaker line or two that you feel comfortable with. No question you will have to develop a thick skin if you want to try and pursue more business. Some guys can be jerks but, call me an optimist, I think you get back what you give in any job.
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    If I see an average looking dancer standing around and not hustling, I assume that no one wants a dance from her and she's just given up....and I feel a bit sad for her. If it's a really hot looking girl doing the same, I'll assume that she is a stuck-up bitch.
    I'm sure that I'm probably wrong about these types of assumptions most of the time, but I'll bet that alot of other custies think the same way.

  7. #6
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Well, people don't seem to feel sad for me, they just call me a stuck-up bitch when they walk past. I don't consider myself to be a really hot looking girl, but I dunno, maybe some guys do.

    I suppose I just need to get over the no-confidence thing. You'd think that after 4 years of dancing I'd have learned how to approach people, hah.

    Anyway, thanks for that guys, I just wanted to know why customers were saying that to me and if it was a general assumption that people made. Guess I'm gonna have to start being more chatty if I want people to stop thinking I'm a snotty biatch!

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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    I don't assume anyone's stuck up until proven so. It seems to me that most guys can generally pick up on the difference between a shy girl and a stuck up girl. Are you sure it doesn't have something to do with the way you carry yourself in the club? Do you make eye contact? How do you act when somebody does approach you? Do you make yourself approachable? Are your arms folded up? Maybe you could study up on body language.

  9. #8
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Well, I avoid making eye contact with people because I'm so shy. And if people make eye contact with me I look away hurriedly because I dunno, I assume that they're making eye contact in a negative way (that doesn't even make sense when I type it down, but it makes sense in my head). I think I just kinda vacantly stare off into the club to avoid looking at people. Sometimes when people wave for attention in my direction, I look away because I automatically assume that they're waving at everyone other than me. I guess that probably comes off as being snobby? Perhaps my body language needs some work. I mean, when people approach me and actually talk to me I smile and I'm really friendly and nice and I act very welcoming, it's just that little voice in my head that assumes that nobody wants to talk to me that stops me from making contact with people.

    Next week I'm going to make an effort to work on my body language. I think that maybe I do cross my arms too much. And I sometimes stare at the floor, which maybe makes me look bitchy and confrontational.

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    Senior Member WoodyLV's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    darcy

    i think an inviting Smile along with Eye contact would go a long long way. you can compliment the guy as a way to approach. that always melts me (cuz how often does that happen outside - rarely ever!). until once a girl said 'nice arms' and i knew she was lying HAHA.

    when i go to SC #1 is i want to have fun. she doesnt have to be a 10, i just want to have a good time and pleasant attitude. you sound very nice and im sure you would be wonderful company. did i mention hot?

    avoid looking at your watch or cell phone etc or constantly going to ladies room, which are signs that you do not want to be there, or will quickly leave...

    g/l

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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    I've never given it much thought but not that I think about it, I can't think of an instance where I felt a girl was being snobby. If a girl is standing alone but is giving all indications she's available, it's on the customer to ask for a dance if he really wants one. I don't go to McDonald's hoping I get asked if I want to supersize my combo. If I really want it, I'll ask for it.

    Last night at the home club, I noticed a very pretty girl who would go straight from the back to an empty area at the front of the club. She'd just stand there until a guy tried to make eye contact with her before she'd approach someone. If she was turned down for a dance, she'd go straight back to the front of the club again without trying anyone else. I didn't see this girl as snobby because she didn't approach me. To me, she was just extremely shy/unconfident.

    On the other hand, there are girls who go straight from the back to the "stripper perch" at the front of the club and just sit sulking with a pouty look on their face with their arms crossed. Again, I wouldn't call these girls snobs but they signal to me that they're likely in bad moods and may not be ideal candidates for dances.

    In the case of the guys you had to deal with, I just think they were just acting like spoiled brats because they didn't get their way... kinda like a kid on xmas who throws a tantrum because he got the lame yellow Power Ranger instead of the cool green one.

    IMO, for a girl to be considered a snob, she would have to knowingly and obviously snub someone.

    Quote Originally Posted by Darcy Foxx View Post
    Iif people make eye contact with me I look away hurriedly ... I think I just kinda vacantly stare off into the club to avoid looking at people. Sometimes when people wave for attention in my direction, I look away
    From these comments, I suppose I could see where some customers could get the wrong impression about you. It's always hard to change your own behavior overnight... I would think it would be a good idea to start with small managable steps. For example, if you aren't comfortable initiating conversations with customers cold, you could at least make eye contact and smile as you walk by their tables. This way, you have made a connection with the customer and given them an invitation to initiate a conversation with you from body language alone.

    BTW, you gotta give yourself more credit than "somewhat attractive."

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Darcy Foxx View Post
    I don't consider myself to be a really hot looking girl, but I dunno, maybe some guys do.
    What I'm about to write is not meant as an insult. It's meant as a compliment so hopefully you take it that way. Darcy, you are a really hot looking girl, one of the most attractive girls I've ever seen, but it happens that sometimes people don't see themselves in the same way others see them. This is fairly common, but life is short. One day age will catch up, but in the mean time, why walk around feeling this way about yourself? It's your body, your life, you might as well enjoy that you are incredibly attractive while you can. As I said this isn't meant as an insult, but sometimes people do end up with body image issues. I hope you learn to enjoy seeing yourself as others see you.
    Last edited by xdamage; 02-23-2007 at 08:17 AM.

  13. #12
    God/dess mr_punk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Darcy Foxx
    Why do so many customers assume my shyness is actually snobbiness? Is it because I'm so lively on stage? It's really frustrating, I don't like it that everyone always thinks I'm some stuck-up bitch.
    well, i wouldn't lose any sleep over customers leaving the whorehouse not feeling loved. it's what happens when fantasy collides with reality.
    Quote Originally Posted by Darcy Foxx
    So my question is, when you guys go to a club and you see a somewhat attractive girl standing around not talking to anyone, do you assume she's stuck-up?
    no. in fact, i wouldn't think much of it at all. but hey, if i saw a whore standing around on the corner not talking to anyone. i wouldn't think much of it either, other than, "ho hum, it's a ho".
    Is it not a problem that the woman have a smaller brain than a man? The government scientist Dr. Yamuka has proved it is size of squirrel. - Borat

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  14. #13
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    I get the feeling that mr_punk doesn't really like strippers all that much. Haha.

    Anyway, thanks for the advice everyone else. I'm going to try to work on my body language next week and see if that improves things.

  15. #14
    God/dess mr_punk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    i like strippers just fine. preferably, on their knees or in the RCG. still, i just don't buy this "i'm so shy" act. but hey, if you want to make their problem into your problem. knock yerself out.
    Is it not a problem that the woman have a smaller brain than a man? The government scientist Dr. Yamuka has proved it is size of squirrel. - Borat

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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    How is it that you have your own pay website if you don't think you're attractive? That's a bit puzzling to me.

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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Darcy Foxx View Post
    I get the feeling that mr_punk doesn't really like strippers all that much. Haha.
    Punk has some insecurities about his masculinity. Witness his tireless campaigning against PLs here (can you say "projection" anyone)? Strippers make the situation worse for him. He wants them. But can only get them by paying. And not all the parts he wants. Plus they also know about his small weeny. His anger is really anger about himself. But he just projects it onto strippers to give himself some fleeting escape from his internal turmoil.

    I won't worry much about him. Just enjoying the amusing stuff he does post.

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    God/dess mr_punk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    LOL...well, you would know about tireless campaigning. let's see, you have total of 8 posts down here and 4 were initiated by you to directly involve me. now, that's plain weird. my guess is you're stripper (or even a customer) using an alias. OTOH, not that's there is anything wrong with that, but since you've displayed such naked interest in my schlong. again, perhaps this isn't the right board for you. nonetheless, the smart thing to do is to create another username while you're still behind. historically, such retards eventually get caught.
    Is it not a problem that the woman have a smaller brain than a man? The government scientist Dr. Yamuka has proved it is size of squirrel. - Borat

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    Lt. Vincent Hanna: Cause she's got a great ass and you got your head all the way up it! - from the movie "Heat".

  19. #18
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Richard_Head View Post
    How is it that you have your own pay website if you don't think you're attractive? That's a bit puzzling to me.
    Because just about anyone can be successful with a paysite. And photos are different to real life. I can pose properly and airbrush the life out of anything I don't like

    Also, it's not that I think I'm hideous or anything, but I do have a habit of comparing myself to other girls in the club and I have a somewhat paralysing fear of asking a customer if he'd like a dance and being told "No thankyou, I'd rather have that girl over there because she's better/prettier/thinner/has bigger boobs than you". That's where most of my shyness comes from, my assumption that every customer would prefer someone else to me. When a guy comes across my site, if he doesn't like me, that's fine, and I don't have to worry that he's going to tell me "I will not join your site because this girl is prettier and thinner than you so I will join her site instead"

    But, this isn't a thread about my emodrama haha. So I'll stop, and like I said before, I am going to work on appearing less stuck-up and more friendly and approachable. Who knows, one of these days I might even ask someone for a dance!

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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Darcy, a lot of guys in the club are scared to death of asking for a dance because THEY are afraid they'll be turned down. So, while you are waiting for them to ask you, they are sitting there wishing/hoping/praying that you will ask them. Many, maybe most of the customers, are very insecure about themselves. Maybe that's why they're in a strip club instead of in a singles bar.

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Darcy Foxx View Post
    ...but I do have a habit of comparing myself to other girls in the club and I have a somewhat paralysing fear of asking a customer if he'd like a dance and being told "No thankyou, I'd rather have that girl over there because she's better/prettier/thinner/has bigger boobs than you". That's where most of my shyness comes from, my assumption that every customer would prefer someone else to me.
    It will probably happen sooner or later if not many times eventually, but it's simply impossible to be every guys ultimate fantasy. Go brunette, and sooner or later you're going to run across the guy that has a fetish for blondes only. Get too thin, and sooner or later you're going to run across a guy who desires more curves. Get bigger boobs, and sooner or later you're run across the guy who is looking for a girl with smaller natural boobs. No way to always be all things to all guys, but of course, you know all that and it doesn't change that it's no fun being rejected. Just saying though, keep it in the back of your mind.

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    Featured Member GenWar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Darcy Foxx View Post
    ...but I do have a habit of comparing myself to other girls in the club and I have a somewhat paralysing fear of asking a customer if he'd like a dance and being told "No thankyou, I'd rather have that girl over there because she's better/prettier/thinner/has bigger boobs than you". That's where most of my shyness comes from, my assumption that every customer would prefer someone else to me.
    I agree with Xdam. It is a matter of preference and isn't personal. (Though I hope that said customer is not callous and rude enough to point out his different preference.)

    One of the first lessons my mentor in sales taught me was to seperate myself from the product. It can be crippling to a sales person if they internalize the customers rejection of the product and see it as, somehow, a rejection of them as a person. It isn't personal...you're product isn't a fit for the customer's needs. There is no shame in that...just have to find another customer. This is, obviously, much much tougher for a dancer to do because the product is so closely tied TO the person. But, yet and still, IMHO, you can seperate your product from your person and funnel the rejection into the product. If you sold blue cars and I only wanted a red car, you probably wouldn't feel hurt if I told you that. Perhaps you can use the same methodology when selling as a dancer...

    -gen
    "See, believe it or not (and I don't care whether you do), it's never been about the sex. I get sex at home, anytime, and we like it, and it's good for both of us. No, my stripclub experience has been about acceptance, and affirmation, and desirability...There have been some women who have a personality that just clicks with mine, and in the faux-sex atmosphere of the club, it's a mix that is completely seductive." - Jay Zeno

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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Blah. Darcy, I think you are living in some parallel universe or whatever. You are hot enough to make a lil maple sprig like me transmogrify into an "Old Growth" redwood.

    Look in the mirror. If you see someone other than a gorgeous stripper, you are your worst enemy.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Last week a group of guys walked past me on their way out of the club and said something like "We've wanted you to dance for us all night, but I guess you're too much of a stuck-up bitch to talk to guys like us".
    Well, piss on them then. Maybe I'm just excessively brazen, but I don't wait around for some stripper to figure out that I want her attention--I just go get it. If they're too wounded and lame to approach you, that's on them, not you.

    Moreover, Jenny is right; you have to play to the customers in your club, especially those that would never be able to approach you either in public or the stage if you want to do better with them.
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    I read the OP, but not everything esle.

    If I see a girl just standing there for an extended period of time, I assume she doesn't know her job. If I want a dance I approach, and ask, "Are you sitting with anyone?"

  26. #25
    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stuck-Up... Or Just Shy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Darcy Foxx View Post
    I don't like it that everyone always thinks I'm some stuck-up bitch.
    Hey now. Quit dissin' my modus operandi.

    -Ev

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