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Thread: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

  1. #1
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    and I hesitate to characterize it as a non-consensual humping - but I really wasn't into it.
    Now - I have a dread of "making a thing" of things. I hate things, I hate making them and I hate (hate hate hate) having to tell people no, or ruining what is (or is ostensibly) intended to be a joke.

    But - similarly - I hate being touched without permission by near strangers. I was sitting on a sofa pulling his tip out of my purse, and he says "Jenny, thank you, I'm really grateful, let me show you how grateful I am" and pushes me backwards saying "all these guys touching you tonight made me so jealous". Now this is ostensibly a joke, and I admit - I laughed (because I'm a wuss about confrontations) while pushing him off me, and just trying to hand him his money. But - I really didn't think it was that funny. The floor guy eventually came over and asked him for something (either because he really needed him, because he sensed I was uncomfortable or because he just thought it was not really appropriate) and it stopped.

    Now - I do not think that I am acting in a way that would make anyone believe this is welcome. Leastaways - it's not like I get humped left and right by employees at every club I work in. People actually don't generally touch me unless they are brushing by me. Anyone got any completely wussy, non-confrontational ideas on how to handle this?

    PS - I like the DJ, the DJ is fine, and nice and super, but I don't like guys touching me like that in public, and especially I don't like being touched like that at work.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    That's not cool, and I understand why you were uncomfortable, but if it was meant as a joke, it might not happen again. If that or anything like it does happen again, don't laugh or go along with him -- that makes him think that you're in on the joke and having fun. I'd suggest adopting a very unamused face and saying, "Stop it." Say it the way you'd say it to a little brother who was annoying you. If your DJ is a normal human being and not a social moron or a sexual predator, that will probably get the message across.

    Of course, if DJ-humping-Jenny-at-the-end-of-the-night becomes a pattern, then your DJ is a social moron and/or sexual predator and you'll need to talk to him, and, if that doesn't end it, management. Here's hoping it doesn't reach that point.

  3. #3
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Does he do it regularly, or was it just a once off thing? If he doesn't do it again, would you make an issue from it or say anything to him? If it's a regular behaviour for him, then I dunno, if he did it again I'd probably just squeal and push him off and say "ewww!". I'd do it in a joking way, but I'd make sure he knew I meant it.

  4. #4
    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Wow! Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is a bad thing, and you're not making a "thing out of it" lol...

    Personally, at this point I would not say anything about it . I would wait to see if it happened again. Does he drink, because it sounds like something a drunk person would do.

    Also, if you guys have a friendly rapport, he might honestly not know that he offended you. Maybe a lot of the other girls are really handsy with him, and he thinks he can be that way back.

    Whatever the case may be, I wouldn't mention it unless it happens again...If it does happen again, I would push him off you and then calmly explain that you "know he's just joking around" but you really don't like it when people touch you like that. If he does it YET AGAIN then get managers involved.

    The only reason I think you should be so diplomatic is because the dj is most certainly one person you don't want to piss off. Trust me, I stupidly dated one at the club I worked at. They can make your life miserable.
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

  5. #5
    DJ Maimed
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Next time he does this.........quickly reach your hand down in his pants and grab the thing that all men fear having a pissed off stripper get a hold off!!! Tell him to play nice than give him his wallet back.

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    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    ew, i wouldnt like that!

    one of our bar staff over stepped the mark in my opinion the other night. i was hanging at the bar, and i had a pen in my hand and he was standing in front of me so i just drew a little line on his hand, he then grabbed the front of my dress and pulled it down exposing my boob and not in a joking manner (he is very grabby with all the girls) so i smacked him upside the head.

    he did not like that and got really cross and i told him, just because i do this job does not give you a right to disrespect me.

    he now avoids me which is just fine with me.
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    no no no he cant do this he is not ur bf next time let him know that uwanna tips him and that it no sentiment girls!!!!and why is he jeoulous for anyway u know what i mean!!!

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    Veteran Member Dj Captain Rob's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Oh i am soooooo not touching this one...LOL

  9. #9
    Veteran Member Bellona's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Lie and tell him your boyfriend comes in every once in a while and if he saw that he would flip out. Nice way too get out of it without seeming bitchy. I hate that shit by the way..would he do that stuff if he worked at mcdonalds?

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    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    i agree, if it never happens again, does something really need to be said, since you hate making a thing? if it happens again however, that's when you shoudl say something along the lines of last time it was uncomfortable but you chose to ignore it assuming it would not become a pattern but before it does you want to quash it. tell him that while you think he's really cool and a great DJ, you are not ok with being touched that way. and you're sure he means it as a joke but you'd appreciate his respecting your wish. if he says anything contrary to that, you'll know he did not mean this as a joke and then have to proceed in other ways from there.

    Love it!

  11. #11
    Newbie Lady Slap's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    The only male coworker I've ever had sex with was the old club I worked at's DJ. Unlike your unfortunate situation, Jenny, he didn't come onto me at all.

    He came up to me one night, handed me $50, and said "the guy in the red polo who just left asked that I give this too you". I thought he was extremely nice to do that, as he didn't even know me really. Later on, I offered him a lap dance in the back, and while he hesitated, I eventually got him to come around and agree. Once I got him in back, I went all out, and while he was a bit standoffish at first, he eventually came around full throttle.

    From talking to other girls there I worked with at the time, they said that most of the time nobody could ever even get him to more/less pay attention to them, more/less fuck them.

  12. #12
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Well last night, I just ran and got dressed before I tipped him, so it was all done vertically. He did come up to me at the bar and mention that he hadn't finished giving me his "special treatment" (yes, that was a quote). I raised the hands in the "whoa" gesture and said "you know what? We're good." He jokingly said there would be no charge, and I replied that I couldn't possibly take advantage of him like that. So I'm hoping that will be it.

    I know - who would have thought I'd be such a pussy about confrontations?
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  13. #13
    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    I'd say you handled it just fine, and it shouldn't come up again. If it does, be firm like you were last night.

    There's a lot of play-flirting that goes on at most clubs -- I myself am guilty of manhandling my favorite DJ and blowing kisses at my favorite bartender -- so I can see where the DJ would get the idea that humping you was a big joke. He should have been sensitive enough to see that you weren't into it, but how "sensitive" is the average DJ?

    It's perfectly possible to stand up for yourself without being a bitch. If you know that what you're asking for (say, not being humped by a co-worker at the end of a long shift) is reasonable, just keep your cool and ask for it.

  14. #14
    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    sounds like he is pursuing you. id put my foot down to nip it in the bud.
    "Sex is currency. What's the use of being beautiful if you can't profit from it?" - Lily St Cyr (40's burlesque dancer)

  15. #15
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    So the humping debacle again reared its ugly, ugly distorted and deformed head. The other night I was sitting at the bar (hey, it was slow) and I was chatting with another girl; the DJ walks up and says "You're not busy".

    At first I'm like "Yeah, thanks, rub it in" (it was SLOW!) but left it with a "Not yet" (witness my powers of positive think y'all!).

    "You're not busy... let's go make out"
    [giggle - I'm sorry - you don't understand. I can't HELP it. I'm very giggly. I respond to many situations by laughing, including being nervous. Okay, I'm not proud of it] No, I really couldn't.
    "C'mon. Come and make out with me" (he's getting progressively closer, doing that thing where guys are talking into your neck. It is not nice if you are not into it)
    [I stopped giggling - yay me!] "Really, I couldn't possibly" (I'm shoving him back, less and less playfully. At this point I'm starting to suspect that he is actually aware that I am uncomfortable with this)
    "Come on, I'm dying to touch you. Watching you with all these guys makes me so jealous. You do it with them..."
    "Look [no giggle at all now] I do NOT make out with the customers" (and now we have full out octopus/and I don't even know what an octopus victimizes action)
    "Oh, I know, but come one, just let me..."
    "Look - just, no! No!"

    So. I don't think he thinks I'm flirting with him. I think he is "aware" that I don't like it. Like the girl sitting next to me says "Are you okay?" after this is over. This is just... strong arming me (which may sound weird, but I'm not used to it. I'm used to being... like, if you are nice and obsequious enough, these guys pretty much give you what you want and leave you alone). Now I like for people I work with to like me. But not enough to blow the DJ; and I don't really feel like having this "discussion" every night I work. This is enough to make me want to change clubs. I don't hate being touched - but I really, really hate being touched, like without permission and inappropriately. Being in a strip club doesn't mean I've signed a waiver of my physical integrity.

    Okay, now I'm ranting. I'm ranting to the choir. I've gone past preaching. Nobody else understands!
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Ew ew ew! I had a problem like this once! I tipped him poorly for a while until he got pissed off. When he started leaving me alone, I started tipping him normally again. Don't fucking giggle! At least don't giggle...ever! Guys are dense. No giggles, weird looks, and sucky tips should take care of it (or, at least start there).
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  17. #17
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Yeah, tipping is not standard in this club, so I'm one of relatively few girls that tips him at all. Maybe that is my mistake. It's like, making me stand out.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Veteran Member josie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Not cool at all. I have issues with the employees at my club for similiar reasons. The employees are ALWAYS invading our personal space. Backrubs, butt swaps, etc. Totally unprofessional and inappropiate.

    In any other work situation that sort of behaviour would not be acceptable. Imagine if he had done that to you in an office-type setting. He'd be fired immediately.

  19. #19
    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Guys, being the somewhat lovable but obviously inferior sex, have an unfortunate tendancy towards being very, very dense. Luckily, we can capitalize on that and, in fact, earn a handsome living off of it. Yay!

    But that also means we cannot mince words, nor misrepresent ourselves with our actions. No nervous giggling, no half hearted shoves. You gotta be firm with 'im. Kind of like the guy that whips it out during a lapdance, you'd be super firm with that.

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    God/dess UtahMike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Just 'cause you dance in a strip club doesn't mean you can't be sexually harassed, and that is what is happening to you. Don't put up with it. Certainly the first thing you should do is to stop tipping him if you are not required to do so. Why should you pay him to treat you like that?

  21. #21
    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Ignore it and hope it never happens again is what I'd do...could he have been on something?

    Feature costumes for sale!

  22. #22
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    No more tipping, and no more giggling. If he persists, you're gonna have to get nasty. Maybe remind him that all the other guys in the club would get a stiletto to the testicles if they behaved in this fashion, and nothing about his job makes him exempt from the same understanding.

  23. #23
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    Thank you ladies - especially Yek and Scarlett. I realize the giggling is bad; really at best it is juvenile; it's just how I respond to nervousness. And like I said - I don't think (at this point) that it is a misunderstanding; if it is perfectly clear to bystanders that I'm not into it, it can't be completely obscure to him. Worst case scenario - I only work like 5 or 6 hours most weeks. It's not like I need to avoid him for 40 hours a week. I'm considering a temporary change if I can find another club that is both acceptable earnings wise and geographically convenient (dammit I hate being old and ugly and unwanted by some clubs! It is just... not convenient at all when you are in this situation!) Until then, I'll just be slippery, or I'll try being more firm if I am cornered.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  24. #24
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    I'd of hit him. Uhhk, I can't stand that stuff. I panic and lash out! If I were you, I'd definitely change clubs. I left my favouritest club here because of issues with the staff, and they weren't even that bad. And there seem to be so many clubs in Toronto. Good luck to you Jenny!

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    Featured Member X Evan X's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was totally humped by my DJ last night

    You need to quit tipping that idiot, seriously

    -E
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