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Thread: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

  1. #1
    Yekhefah
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    Default Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    My mother can be such a fucking dumbass.

    I was kind of a gothy teenager - not hugely into it, but I liked Nine Inch Nails and Manson, wore a lot of black, read a lot of Sylvia Plath and loved dark fiction, created weird B&W effects on portraits in my darkroom. My mother and I fought endlessly about this and I was constantly being denied black clothes or forced to change, and if I bought anything too goth she would make me return it. She used to bitch me out for being pale and insisted that I try to "get some sun," even though I don't tan, I just burn. One day while I was at school she threw almost my entire wardrobe into plastic bags and gave it all to Goodwill!

    Recently we were chatting about this because I still like to wear a lot of black, I still like NIN and Manson and Plath, and I love black eyeliner etc. (She doesn't know I'm a domme though, haha.) She insists that she did right by disallowing gothy stuff in her house. I said it's just the stuff I like, it has nothing to do with anything else and I still like it, and she said, "That's fine, you're an adult now. But any mother who lets her kid be a GOTH" - she said the word like it was going to make her vomit - "is guilty of child abuse, in my opinion. Kids shouldn't be dressing like that or listening to that stuff."

    I pointed out that she let my brother grow his hair long because his grades were good, even though she didn't like it, and she said there's a difference between long hair and goth. Evidently goth subculture is the only one that's evil and should be disallowed to teens. She had no justification for this position, she just kept insisting that parents have a duty not to let their kids be goth.

    Is this common or is my mother just an idiot? I wish Sirona could've been my mother, LOL!

  2. #2
    God/dess Miss Jessica's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    It is pretty common, but your mom's still an idiot. It's ok though, many are. lol.
    "We all must suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. In order to achieve what others don't, you have to do what others won't."


  3. #3
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    I just don't get why she feels that way! If I was a hippie or a punk, she would've been fine. She always wanted me to be a popular cheerleader but there's no way in hell that was ever gonna happen... I just don't get why ONLY goth is wrong and what could be abusive about letting your kid wear a black dress with boots and listen to Manson. WTF could it possibly be hurting?

    Lucky for her, my bros are into pop and country, LOL!

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    i think maybe parents worry that it's a sign of internal turmoil or sadness. i can understand that. it's intense stuff for a lot of kids.

    i mean, Plath, god i adore Plath. my favorite by far. but that's serious stuff. not a lot of kids are smart enough to get it, but i could see why parents would worry about a kid who is smart enough to get it. i mean, kids are kind of unpredictable, impressionable, etc. and no (good) parent likes to see their kids sad...which is what goth is often interpreted as.

    as far as disdain for goth culture...i suppose it's like a lot of things that people don't get. i mean, a lot of people really just don't connect to it. they've never experienced that sort of darkness in their own lives. they can't see from that perspective. it's beautiful in a lot of ways, but if you don't get it, you just don't get it. it's not the sort of thing you can explain.

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    God/dess Miss Jessica's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    Well, what kind of background did she come from? Was she a popular cheerleader? So maybe she expects her daughter to be the same way. (lame I know) My mother was a junkie so there was no possible way I could do wrong in my Grandmothers eyes (my Grandmother raised me, and I wasn't half as bad as my mum), everything I did was adorable to her. From dying my hair blood red, to getting my "cute" little nose piercing when I was 13. As long as I didn't do drugs, she was cool with whatever ways I chose to express myself. I personally think I went way too far and should have been put in check more.
    "We all must suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. In order to achieve what others don't, you have to do what others won't."


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    Veteran Member candygrrl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    dude my mom did the same thing. she threw away all my cds and took away my baggy pants even though they were cool back then. SHe also hated many of my friends and upon remeeting them within the past few years ad realizing that they are state troopers and teachers and blah blah, that they never were bad kids. She just judged us. I mean I wasnt really goth but like ever since that period in my life I feel like I will never be close with my mom again. Because she never took the time or even tried to understand me. SHe still doesnt so I dont want to take the time to be close with her. I hang out with her but we are not close, I can't really share with her.

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    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    I think a lot of the goth-hatred blew up with Columbine...although I think you might have been out of high school at that time...but I remember a huge hate-on for goths from all sides (peers and authority) right afterwards. Black clothes were the gateway to Hitler worship.

    I wasn't goth, but had a lot of goth friends...I made fun of them (more like gentle ribbing) before and after Columbine. The concept of gothness made (still makes!) me laugh. I'm one of those people who doesn't get it.


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  8. #8
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    I wasn't hugely into the goth culture; I like bright colors and pop too, and I think boys with makeup on look retarded. It wasn't anything I did for show, it was just the music and literature that appealed to me, and I look good in black. My mom has been threatened by me ever since I was a child; I'm smarter than her and she knows it, and she's one of those "shut up and do what you're told" kind of Catholics while I'm the Jew who questions everything and creates art. Maybe it was just an offshoot of that. Maybe she didn't like the goth thing because it was me, and not the other way around.

    And no, she definitely wasn't a popular cheerleader, but she desperately wanted to be. Poor woman has lived her whole life for other people and their approval.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    My mum did the same thing!!! She said me being goth was contributing to my suicide attempts. No mum, that's you calling me a liar for saying your partner molested me.

    Really, I'm not trying to kill myself because I listen to Marilyn Manson. Shit.


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  10. #10
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    My mom would have given anything for my sister and I to be anything BUT cheerleaders.

    Whatever, IMO, it's more damaging to stifle a child's creativity and do things like disposing of or donating their belongings just because you don't agree with how they express themselves. It'd be one thing if the child is doing unhealthy things (drinking, drugs, cutting, etc...) but to do the things that your mom did to an otherwise healthy teen, that's "abuse."

  11. #11
    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    mom would have shit a brick if was goth I could not imangine how she would have handled it. It would not have been aloud thats for shore. I don't know what i will do it one of my kids are goth I quess i will figure it out if and when it happens.

  12. #12
    Veteran Member xBlackBettyx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    Eh, my parents still think I have some deep seeded issues with self mutilation because I love piercings and tattoos...which is weird because they are SOOOO open minded to EVERYTHING else.

    I can talk to my mom about sex, drugs...but never tattoos or she gets into bitch fit mode. They always thought I was doing it to 'defy' them...which honestly, wasn't the truth.
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  13. #13
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    "The best laid plans of mice and men..."

    My mom tried to keep me from being gothish...it just made me subversive. She had big plans for me but she ended making me a happily sex-working globetrotting boho-hobo who won't talk to her.

    Riki Rachman on "Loveline" (the radio show) put it this way- "If you try to keep your kid from jumping the fence and screwing a sheep- they'll just jump the fence and screw a sheep."

  14. #14
    sun child
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    I know how you feel! My mom threw away my super soft washed-a-million-times kurt cobain t shirt that i had had since i was TWELVE!

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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    My husbands parent's believe that shit. Then again they believed that it was evil of me to not wear a white dress for my wedding, but thats a whole 'nother issue.

    They are the type of parents who push there children in to cheerleading, pagents, acting etc. I don't get it. Is this an American culture thing?


  16. #16
    God/dess Miss Jessica's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    White wedding dresses are overrated, and boring. I'd wear a red one ... if I got married. Which btw I have NO desire to, but IF I did... What color did you wear?
    "We all must suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. In order to achieve what others don't, you have to do what others won't."


  17. #17
    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    Oh, jeebus. My mom and stepdad were all into this kick. It's what the Christian Club teaches nowadays (I use this phrase because it is far more akin to a social club than a spiritual path). Any little thing I did--from dyeing a bit of hair pink to wearing an asymetrical number of earrings--was a sign of my devotion to the Prince of Darkness. My little sister--who is the sweetest, most virginal little angel--went through a phase of liking black. I wouldn't even put it that she was goth or "sub-culture"--just liked black. My stepdad threw all her black clothes away and wouldn't allow her to buy new ones.

    Hatred and ignorance is hatred and ignorance. You can't really get by with saying the "n" word quite as much anymore, but you sure as hell can flaunt your ignorant ass in lots of other ways.

  18. #18
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    Oh Jesus, are you fucking kidding me!? Lol, the only thing a parent is guilty of when they let their kid dress goth is letting them express themselves!
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    *raises hand* Mmmkay, goth kid here.

    My Dad has a small problem with it. He was more worried about my self esteem and mental well-being than my manner of dress, and as he works with social workers and psychologists, he saw it to be a red flag. I did have problems but I think being all cutesy and bouncy by force would have made problems worse.

    Though I did get asked by a church member, upon wearing my black flame Jnco shirt to church one day before Easter, if I was representing the flames of hell in the passion play that afternoon.

    My mom on the other hand, would buy out Hot Topic at the drop of a credit card. My mom is a biker lady.

  20. #20
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    I kind of hope one of my kids turns to some goth culture. I've always found them absolutely fascinating.

    How can a parent really believe that though, that Goth is child abuse? People are really naive these days.
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    I'm sure my dad didnt' care for it, but I was grunge/goth in highschool. He bitched at me about a variety of topics, but never this. I think he was glad I was wearing huge interesting clothes and dark makeup rather than tiny, tight clothes and "fuck me" makeup:p

  22. #22
    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    I don't think goth is child abuse but I am going venture out on a limb to say a responsiable parent should talk with there child if the start to see this especially if its in the early teens 12,13,14 becuse it could be a sign of trouble and a parent would be foolish not to be concerned. However if the parent dose not feel that the behavior is harmful to the child then they should encourage there to child to be an indivadual and force them into the social group of the parents choice. I was not goth in school but I some friends that were I was the one who was hopelessly trying to be popular to no avail.

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    Quote Originally Posted by krchab99 View Post
    However if the parent dose not feel that the behavior is harmful to the child then they should encourage there to child to be an indivadual and force them into the social group of the parents choice.
    Uhm, no? You hang out with the group that you fit in most with, and that you feel comfortable with. Putting a teenybopper with the punk crowd would not make either party happy, and visa versa. You don't force anyone to do anything, especially a child because they are still forming themselves, and the change make throw it all off kilter. They are humans, not all-compliant drones.

  24. #24
    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    oh shit that was a typo it was so supposed to read and not force a child to hang out in the social group of the parents choosing sorry.

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    Default Re: Goth Kid = Child Abuse

    No its not abuse . She just has an opinion of that type of culture movement whatever you wanna call it . I liked metal was a stoner and also liked sports .

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