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Thread: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

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    Senior Member Gypsy14's Avatar
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    Default Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    Okay. I posted about a week ago about a weird shaving problem (ugly bumps/sores down in my bikini area), and I found out today, after the symptoms had not gone away and I visited my ob/gyn, that I have herpes.
    The tests aren't back yet, but my doctor says that she's 95% positive that this is the case. I was upset and immediately sought to find out who I got it from/who could have it, etc to see if this really is the case, and if so, who I may have given it to . Well, I'm with a guy who I've been with for awhile, but recently we had a threesome with another girl who later told him that she has herpes (he didn't tell me this until today). Since these are the only two people who I've had vaginal contact with in the past 2 or 3 months, I'm pretty confident that I got it from her, or that she gave it to him and I got it from him (he and I get tested regularly; he's going to get tested again tomorrow; I've already told him about me). So yeah, it's very possible that my doctor is right and that I do have herpes.

    Well, I'm feeling a huge mix of emotions, and I've cried a lot today, but what the hell can I do?! I already have researched a lot about it, and I read a lot of the threads about the virus here on SW, so there's no use dwelling on it. I'm going to start taking L-Lysine every day, and making sure that my immune system is in check, and taking all of the necessary precautions, and just getting on with my life. I'll be fine. Homeopathic remedies? Count me in. But I'm NOT going to dwell on this.

    However, the thing I'm most worried about is transmitting it to other people. I always use condoms when I have intercourse, but the sores are on my labia, so I mean, can't it spread really easily? My boyfriend and I are in an open relationship, and he's a lot older and I'm a student with my whole life ahead of me, so I know he won't be my last sexual partner. Also, I love women/sex with women; does this mean they need to use tongue condoms? I don't consider myself to be sexually promiscuous (I'm safe, I don't just sleep around, I ask all of my partners about their sexual history...), but I'm definitely open-minded and adventurous, I'm not monogamous, and I feel like something like this is SO easy to transmit, especially if it can be given to another person by simple skin-on-skin contact!!

    So what should I do? Just tell people beforehand? There's still a chance that they can contract it! I know that it's less likely to be transmitted during remission/when there's not an outbreak, but I'm still worried, because it's possible! And I work at a full-nude, high contact club! Is there any chance that I could give oral herpes to some idiot customer who gets too close (I don't ever allow this but there's been a few times when I've had to slap a customer's mouth away if I'm standing over him; you may say that it would be his fault in that case, but I still feel bad!!)? I have so many questions! On most websites, they tell you about how it can be transmitted, but they don't tell you how to handle the situation.

    I can live with the fact that *I* have herpes. Shit happens, my life goes on, it could be worse, I'm so lucky in other aspects of my life. But I would be so sad to know that I'm the cause of somebody else contracting it. That's a burden I really don't want to have on my shoulders.

    Any help/support is appreciated.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    OHHH sweetie I'm sorry that this happened to you. Not that it will make it better but 1 in 3 people carry it so you are not alone.

    Now what you do need to ensure is that you have regular pap smears because HPV (human papaloma virus aka herpes) is the direct cause of cervical cancer. So just make sure you keep up to date with that.

    When you are not symptomatic there is little chance of passing it on to anyone else and because yours is on your labia, when you are not symptomatic it will be obvious, unlike some women whose occur inside their vaginas.

    This website is pretty informative and includes a forum:

    http://www.herpes.com.au/

    As you said you will need to take care of yourself as outbreaks can occur when you are run down.

    *hugs*

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    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Now what you do need to ensure is that you have regular pap smears because HPV (human papaloma virus aka herpes) is the direct cause of cervical cancer. So just make sure you keep up to date with that.
    Wrong. HPV is not herpes. It is genital warts. Two different viruses, both STDs.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    ^^^^ are u sure? I know I have had herpes and I thought genital warts was just the slang term for herpes! I did not think they were actually different.

    So it's just HVP that increases risk of cervical cancer?

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    Ok I feel really ignorant now I just typed into google "difference between hpv and herpes" herpes is HSV (herpes simplex virus).
    Sorry for my inaccurate info there Gypsy.

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    Featured Member mild2wild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    Also - most STD's can live inside your body for sometime until they produce symptoms too, so it couold be possible you have contracted it from a past relationship.

    I have read alot about herpes (as part of owning an agency - I must make the girls aware that they have clean vaginal hygeine before going to a job) that you will break out during times such as stress, panic and close to your menstration period (where your bodies PH levels are low)

    Try not to sweat too much, wear cotten breifs to let your vagina breath (sleep naked if possible) and shower regularly to avoid sweat build-up and to stop possible infection spreading.

    Herpes can also be contracted if you are given oral by someone who has cold-sores on their face/mouth area
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    Featured Member iseestars's Avatar
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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    I believe herpes is the most spreadable in the first year or two after you got it. You can get on medication, like Valtrex, and it will help reduce outbreaks and reduce the risk of spreading it to other people.

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    Featured Member mild2wild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    best way to reduce spreading it is to wear a condom!
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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    Condoms and dental damns are your new best friends. You will need to be very forthright in your communication with potential partners.

    I for one, would be uberpissed at the chick who didn't tell you guys.

    From now on, if you sleep with someone, get them tested beforehand. Whole rap sheet. From chlamydia to AIDS.

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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    Here is the info you need to know.

    If you have symptoms on areas not protected by condom use then it can still be spread very easily, not only when you have syptoms but at any time there is skin to skin contact. His pubic area brushing the outside of your vagina can transmit the virus even while wearing a condom. It is most contagious during outbreaks but can be transmitted at any time due to periodic virus shedding that is common with herpes. If it is Herpes Symplex Type 1 (Oral strain) then it will usually be a much less virulent case with fewer and less severe outbreaks.

    Usually the first outbreak is within 10-14 days of exposure and is the most severe and painful. Some people with extremely mild initial outbreaks don't notice the initial outbreak (think it is a zit or ingrown hair) and can be transmitting the disease for years unknowingly. Herpes is an immunosuppressant and scientists aren't sure exactly why it doesn't cause symptoms like HIV, but most will caution that they believe it makes the passing of other STD's much easier. Lysine supplementation will reduce the risk of infecting your partner, and there are many new anti-virals on the market.


    This info is from my Virology classes about 10 years ago, so if anything is outdated info I apologize. That class freaked me out, because they were quite honest about how ineffective condoms can be for disease prevention(transmission rates can still be about 25&#37. This is not generally advertised to the general public because of the fear that it would discourage condom use, which works very well for fluid born contagions (such as HIV), and is somewhat effective for skin-to-skin transfer.

    Remember also, female to male transmission is about double what male to female transmission rates are with condom use. (I can't remember exactly but I think it is about 10-15% vs 5-6%.)

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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    Condoms can't really protect against HSV transmission because it is spread through skin-to-skin contact, not just through fluids. This is according to many resources. So if you're having a breakout, NO SEX PERIOD until it's all healed, and then use condoms at all times when you're not having a breakout.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    Yea, and wash your hands after you touch the sores! You can spread them to different sites on your body.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by jasmine View Post
    Here is the info you need to know.

    If you have symptoms on areas not protected by condom use then it can still be spread very easily, not only when you have syptoms but at any time there is skin to skin contact. His pubic area brushing the outside of your vagina can transmit the virus even while wearing a condom. It is most contagious during outbreaks but can be transmitted at any time due to periodic virus shedding that is common with herpes. If it is Herpes Symplex Type 1 (Oral strain) then it will usually be a much less virulent case with fewer and less severe outbreaks.

    Usually the first outbreak is within 10-14 days of exposure and is the most severe and painful. Some people with extremely mild initial outbreaks don't notice the initial outbreak (think it is a zit or ingrown hair) and can be transmitting the disease for years unknowingly. Herpes is an immunosuppressant and scientists aren't sure exactly why it doesn't cause symptoms like HIV, but most will caution that they believe it makes the passing of other STD's much easier. Lysine supplementation will reduce the risk of infecting your partner, and there are many new anti-virals on the market.


    This info is from my Virology classes about 10 years ago, so if anything is outdated info I apologize. That class freaked me out, because they were quite honest about how ineffective condoms can be for disease prevention(transmission rates can still be about 25%). This is not generally advertised to the general public because of the fear that it would discourage condom use, which works very well for fluid born contagions (such as HIV), and is somewhat effective for skin-to-skin transfer.

    Remember also, female to male transmission is about double what male to female transmission rates are with condom use. (I can't remember exactly but I think it is about 10-15% vs 5-6%.)
    Awesome that you remember all those details

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    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella21 View Post
    Yea, and wash your hands after you touch the sores! You can spread them to different sites on your body.
    No, don't touch the sores at all!!

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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    I'm so sorry this has happened to you sweetie. My best friend got herpes from this fucking asshole a few years ago and this is what I've learned - don't stress! Stressing made her outbreaks more frequent and a lot more painful. Now that she is happier with herself and her life, she said she rarely ever has an outbreak. As far as telling sexual partners - not one guy has ever stopped dating her or not had sex with her b/c of that. Oh, there's a dating website that is strictly for people with stds and she has met some cool guys and girls on there, not only for dating, just to have someone to relate to - it is positivesingles.com . I think she would also research related forums for homeopathic remedies, tips, and support. It will get better as time goes on.

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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    People with herpes live normal lives. A manager from another store (back when I worked retail) had herpes and guys didn't stop dating her either. She would tell them too. Many people live a long time with herpes with very few outbreaks. Focus on being positive and being good to yourself. Can't change what was given to you - you can only try to move forward.
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    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
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    Featured Member 21stcenturyfox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    Oh honey, I know exactly how you feel, the same thing happened to me this year

    *BIG HUG* you will learn to live with it and realise its not as bad as you think. Just be sure to take care of your health. I find when I smoke, drink and stress too much, I get repeat break outs tho very small. I just keep taking My Aciclivir or whatever the pills are called. It sucks cos you also get flu symptoms with break outs. But I heard taking zinc every day helps to prevent break outs.

    I dont know what else to say hun, it does suck, but you learn to live with it.

    I was with my first guy last week since I learned I had it and we were drunk and in bed and he asked me if I was clean and I just made some excuse that my head was spinning too much to go ahead with sex cos I know I cant transmit it thru sex wen using a condom and wen im not having an outbreak but that question really hit me and i felt ashamed. i am so angry that i hav this, but you know what, in a way im glad because it helps me be more selective. i am so over the whole one night stand/first night sex thing now. been there, done that.
    Last edited by 21stcenturyfox; 02-24-2007 at 08:50 AM.
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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Transmitting herpes... what a day. :-(

    Oh my God I am so sorry. How horrible that the girl didnt tell you guys. I'm sorry

    You will be ok though. You already sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

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