Results 1 to 15 of 15

Thread: Another question

  1. #1
    Senior Member sleepyboy's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Houston
    Posts
    189
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Another question

    This is for the guys and girls. Especially guys with kids.

    I just got off the phone with a friend of mine. She asked for my advice/opinion on problems she is having with the father of her child. She has a 8 month old child with him. She was telling me that they haven't had sex in 1.5 months. She told me it isn't because she doesn't want to, but he doesn't. Tonight they had planned/scheduled sex time, but he didn't want to again. Apparently she asked him about it tonight, and his response was that he is really stressed out. She told me she thinks that he is thinking about someone else, and asked me if I ever thought about other girls while I was in a relationship. I told her yea, but it was all physical attraction and fantasy, and nothing I would ever act on.

    The only harmless response I could think of was that his view of her might have changed from hot sexy mamacita to the holy mother of his child. She said she asked him already about that and he said that wasn't it.

    The other two which I brought up extremely gently were.
    "Ummm do you think he has cheated and is feeling guilty?"
    "Has your figure changed allot since your pregnancy?"

    I don't know... It sounds like bad news bears, but I wanted to ask here.
    Last edited by sleepyboy; 02-26-2007 at 01:07 AM.

  2. #2
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Paradigm City
    Posts
    6,784
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 13 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    Ok, is this girl a dancer? Testing for relevancy.

    Anyways,

    A relationship is a partnership, though I am sure this is understandable, and hell I was THERE (no kids just with someone who didn't find me sexually attractive) stress plays on the sexuality of the individual, but the problem I don't see is there.

    I see the problem as a lack of communication.

    If she doesn't KNOW why he's not putting out, she's either ignoring the truth, or not listening to him.

    In speculation only, as a lover, I find thrill in the chase, and not only in the chase until you've had her, but to augment it and continue the chase. If you think some pretty ring, a cute label existing to define limitations, and some history means she wont walk away from you or he wont walk away from her, you're crazy.

    This is just the beginning. There is no concept of ownership because there is love there. There is no certificate of completion. To keep the relationship going, you must continue to progress together. Passion, Sexuality, and Desire are not static, they change in every moment, and can swing to an entirely different direction in the presence of an augmenting force. They require equal sustenance to survive and thrive in a relationship and like the people that posses these qualities sought by others they must be convinced continually that their object is of proper worth. This creates the perfect circle. When she gets what she wants he gets what she wants.

    THE HEART DECIDES WHAT IT WANTS, all the laws and labels in the WORLD can force the body to do what the heart doesn't want, but the body will soon follow the heart.

    And there should be nothing more beautiful than the mother of your child other than the child itself.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  3. #3
    Senior Member sleepyboy's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Houston
    Posts
    189
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    yea she danced before she met this guy and got pregnant. she met her husband at the club she worked at.

  4. #4
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    melbourne australia
    Posts
    10,144
    Thanks
    328
    Thanked 219 Times in 133 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    Quote Originally Posted by sleepyboy View Post
    Tonight they had planned/scheduled sex time, but he didn't want to again.
    This must be part of the problem! How boring! That would be enough to turn me off, I like spontaneity in my love life. There is nothing worse than "hey let's go to bed and have sex now" and even worse would be scheduling a time to do it!

    Other than that, yes it is quite possible that he is cheating on her and therefore he is getting it elsewhere.

  5. #5
    Senior Member sleepyboy's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Houston
    Posts
    189
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    This must be part of the problem! How boring! That would be enough to turn me off, I like spontaneity in my love life. There is nothing worse than "hey let's go to bed and have sex now" and even worse would be scheduling a time to do it!
    I agree. I think tonight was the scheduled night because she brought the topic up yesterday. Like I said... He isn't initiating and she obviously wants it.

  6. #6
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    melbourne australia
    Posts
    10,144
    Thanks
    328
    Thanked 219 Times in 133 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    Besides the obvious of communication you could suggest to her to try to create some spontaneity.

    Here are some good examples (I may or may not have used ):

    - get naked just before he comes home but dont pay attention to him. just go about what u r doing but totally nude. he will soon attack her with some action.

    - make a date to meet him at a club/restaurant/bar whatever, and the rules are that they have to pretend they are meeting for the first time. so he can chat her up and see what happens when they end up back at their house.

    - give each other a sensual massage with oils etc.

    - coz they have a kid, they need to schedule some adult time. when the child is asleep or if they can get someone to babysit. go out for dinner, spend quality time together.

    - last but not least, the good old porno to spark some interest.

  7. #7
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Gettin the fuck outta Dodge!
    Posts
    14,241
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    I'm not interested in scheduled sex either. bleh

    But that doesn't sound like the problem. Sounds like there's something else going on in the relationship. Maybe he's cheated or still is. Maybe her body has changed alot from pregnancy and he no longer finds her so attractive. Maybe he's stressed about who-knows-what and having a hard time getting turned on. Could be a million reasons. I bet the truth is under her nose - maybe she needs to open her eyes and ears.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  8. #8
    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    On a babymoon.
    Posts
    3,145
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 18 Times in 13 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    To be fair, I think the "scheduled sex" is 100% due to having a child. I know it doesn't sound romantic & spontaneous, but from what I know about my friends with infants, that's the only choice! You either MAKE time for it - and that has to mean planning ahead - or you just don't get any.

    But as I think Jazaine is getting at is true as well; the scheduled nookie doesn't have to be just that. All of her suggestions would be a good way to warm up to it, give it some context.

    That said, I suspect there's something going on with HIM that she just doesn't know. I doubt it's cheating, because doesn't cheating often mean that the cheater starts OVERcompensating with the sex & romance? I think that's part of the standard track-covering anyway.
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

  9. #9
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Paradigm City
    Posts
    6,784
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 13 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    Wow, I was so tired when I wrote this. The only thing I said that matters most is:

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    If she doesn't KNOW why he's not putting out, she's either ignoring the truth, or not listening to him.

    Actions tell a LOT more when you choose to listen to them.

    Sorry for the verbosity...
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  10. #10
    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2006
    Location
    MKE
    Posts
    4,660
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 182 Times in 40 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    I wouldn't go that far. There could be all kinds of reasons... maybe he's having a hrd time getting it up or... i have had two times I didn't want to have sex for a month....(this may be gross) I had food poisoning and my tummy was all fucked up for a long time afterwards, and sex would make me ummm... not feel so good?
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

  11. #11
    Senior Member sleepyboy's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Houston
    Posts
    189
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    - get naked just before he comes home but dont pay attention to him. just go about what u r doing but totally nude. he will soon attack her with some action.

    - make a date to meet him at a club/restaurant/bar whatever, and the rules are that they have to pretend they are meeting for the first time. so he can chat her up and see what happens when they end up back at their house.
    I love these two! the first one is SO true! your a sneaky one. haha im defintely going to incorporate the 2nd. I don't think it would be as much fun if I had to tell someone to do the first one though.

    im going to pass on the advice n get an update.

  12. #12
    Senior Member sleepyboy's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Houston
    Posts
    189
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    That said, I suspect there's something going on with HIM that she just doesn't know. I doubt it's cheating, because doesn't cheating often mean that the cheater starts OVERcompensating with the sex & romance? I think that's part of the standard track-covering anyway.
    Is this the case? I've never heard of that before.

  13. #13
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    melbourne australia
    Posts
    10,144
    Thanks
    328
    Thanked 219 Times in 133 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    Cool let us know how she goes. Yeh try out number two yourself, it's so fun. I love role playing and the whole going out and role playing would be hot!

  14. #14
    Senior Member GuyPOV's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    In da hood
    Posts
    174
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Another question

    I co-sign for jaizaine. If she goes back to pre-kid days, she probably was doing that type of stuff. She needs to take what she wants. (nothing against the law of course)

  15. #15
    God/dess UtahMike's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Utah
    Posts
    2,998
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 64 Times in 43 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: Another question

    It could be a physical thing. If a guy is scared of being impotent, he often won't want to try, thus not failing. If this is the case, he needs to see his doctor, and a urologist would be the bests kind to see.

    Interesting information about impotence:

    1. Just because a guy can't get hard does not mean he can't feel arousal. He can still get WAY turned on, just like before. But it is frustrating not to be able to have sex after you're turned on. Makes a person want to not even start.

    2. A guy does not have to be hard to have an orgasm. It's just harder to accomplish, takes longer, and is much easier to rub the skin raw. And, it does nothing for your partner, to many guys, satisfying your partner is very important.

    If it is not a medical problem, then the two of them need to do a lot of honest talking, and that might involve a marriage counselor who specializes in sexual problems. Friends are usually too close to one or the other to really be a help.
    Last edited by UtahMike; 02-27-2007 at 05:32 PM. Reason: fixed typo

Similar Threads

  1. Answer a question with a question.
    By _Avery_ in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 08-21-2010, 06:12 PM
  2. question for customers on "popping the question"
    By Pretty_Penny in forum Customer Conversation
    Replies: 78
    Last Post: 09-10-2007, 11:39 PM
  3. May I please ask a serious question
    By High_Heel_Lover in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 03-24-2007, 02:12 AM
  4. Question
    By iluvreese in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 07-02-2004, 01:15 AM
  5. BA question
    By angela in forum Body Business
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-11-2004, 04:33 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •