I posted months back about a family member on drugs. It is not getting any better. She is very close to me. There have been times i let her know i love her and will be ready for her when SHE is ready to get help. There have been other times where i have lost my temper and screamed at her ...wanting to know why she would rather spend time with junkies in her house than her own family. I have witnessed over 30 junky people since April, maybe even more. Along with seeing drugs, it's crack. There is tons of evidence pointing towards her abuse. My family all knows it too. They tell me i have to cut her off for now until she is ready. Although they are hurt too, they can not let it run their lives. I seem to be in denial. I do not know how to deal with it. I know i can not fix her myself. She is just so good at making me think i am overreacting and hurting her even more. Is this common? I am so lost all i do is cry after i leave her house so i can not go there anymore. I think i may go back one more time so i do not leave on bad terms. I will tell her once more i am sorry for my temper, i love her, and will be ready for her when she needs help. This damn denial stuff is killing me though...i always think i am over reacting...and i doubt myself,,,and that hurts me too. She is my heart, she raised me, i feel like at times that i am jsut over reacting. She could possibly not be in this situation. I know she dabbled before in a little coke/ and weed. Maybe it is the same? These are the questions i constantly ask myself, although all the evidence points to the contrary.
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Please give me advice and common experiances on denial. Also any experiances with crack if you have overcame it or had a loved one addicted to it. I can tell when she is different than usual. Sometimes she is real calm...real sick looking and sleeps all the time sometimes i am thinking when she dont have it. Other times a little more wirey. I am just soo sad.I get nervous she will die. I think she may abuse pain killers as well.



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