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Thread: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

  1. #1
    sixelayvi
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    Lightbulb how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    hello ladies,
    im REALLY interested in becoming a dancer (ive danced 3 times at my local strip bar) but i cant get over 2 things:
    1. telling my mom that i want to do it
    2. the so-called "stigma" of being a dancer......when i talk to people they think that strippers are no good, drug addicted floozies its sad. most of the girls that i met who strip are the complete opposite im just wondering how people deal

    i need to look for another job anyways becuse the facility that i clean is closing down soon and i graduate from college in december


    thanks ladies
    -Ivy aka valentina

  2. #2
    Senior Member RusCountess's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    1. I just started, so I haven't had to tell my parents yet. I've moved out, so I don't know when I will "break the news." I have no idea how they will react, but I don't think they'll throw a fit. After all the crimes the media loves to report, they might be concerned for my safety, but if they don't trust me by now, they never will.

    2. It's popular to look down on strippers, but I don't really care what everyone thinks. If you saw me on the street or in the local Border's, you would have no idea that I'm a newly-minted stripper. I'm just a regular girl earning money to get myself through college and into a "real" job. I think dancing is one of the most empowering things a woman can do. I am proud of my body, and if customers are going to pay to see me dance naked, who am I to refuse that? It's not illegal and it doesn't conflict with my morals, so I have no problem with it. If other people jump to conclusions, that's their problem.

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  4. #3
    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    This is more appropriate for the newbie board.

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    I cry myself to sleep on a bed of 20's.

  6. #5
    Picaresque
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    ^^ hahaha

    ok seriously...you don't NEED to tell anyone what you do. I told my father, b/c I knew for sure he would be okay with it...and he was. No problems; he just told me to be safe and make my money. Besides him, three of my closest friends and my ex know (my ex was fine with it also; I started dancing while we were still together, and our breakup had nothing to do with my job.)

    Those are the only people who know...and it's nobody else's business! You never know who word might get around to if you start telling people you strip, and you never know when it will bite you in the ass. Discretion is your friend.

  7. #6
    Alaska
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    Some advice, while sad, is DO NOT TELL NEWLY MADE MALE FRIENDS. Until you know them better. Men are so fucking unempowered and immature when it comes to this topic, I've been utterly surprised and expected more.

  8. #7
    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    Seriously, though...I tell everyone except my family. EVERYONE. If they ahve a problem with it, they're a piece of shit that I don't want in my life. It's a great litmus test.

  9. #8
    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    I struggle with the stigma of it a little bit. I recently took some responsibilty in an oranzaton with in my hubby's work and someone at the office came up to him and told him that i should not be in that postion becuse i danced. I was a bit upset about it my hubby was bot botherd by it at all he fully supports me in what i choose to do. It stung a litte bit but i do not regret my choice to become a dancer it is a part of me a part of me that has taught me alot about who i am and who i want to be.

  10. #9
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    I lie, and with great gusto. I don't like to lie small, I'll lie with fabulous embellishments.

    So when telling your family about your new wonderful job, first pick something truly horrible. Say something like you work for a meth lab. Then add in some outrageous detail that it is great because you get all the drugs you want for free. Then make it truly horrible by saying that the lab specializes in sales to child pornographers because the little kids need the drugs in order to keep doing the movies with creepy old guys. Then really go over the edge saying that at least the kids are imported from third world nations, so it isn't like American kids are getting hurt or anything...

    Then throw out the just kidding answer...Yes, I'm a little bit evil. After all that, they should be thankful that you are *just* a topless dancer, hehehe.

    Barring that, silence is the best policy. No one needs to know unless you tell them. It isn't like we have to wear a Scarlett Letter or something. What is your hobby? Can you make money at it? Then make that your "occupation".

    When I first started dancing, I told my family that I was working as a movie extra and a model for print ads. I had done it before so it was a totally believable lie, and explained all the crazy clothes and weird work hours and the need for travel. Then I would say that I was modeling for items being marketed in Japan (or some other far off place) so I didn't have to actually produce the results of the work I claimed to be doing.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  11. #10
    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    You don't have to tell your parents, or anybody. As for the stigma, most people will understand that money is money, and that they'd probably do it too.

  12. #11
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    1. I told. Wish I didn't. Sometimes it is best to leave parents in the dark about certain things especially if you know that they won't support you in your decision. I'm now the family secret (as such) due to it. They know. They don't like that they know. They preferred me lying about it.

    I was telling them I worked as a waitress in nightclubs. Since I don't live with my folks they never saw what I was wearing and they didn't really ever ask which club as they are so not the 'nightclub' type. It just explained my travel trips and working hours.

    2. I don't associate with anyone who has a problem with what I do as a BUSINESS. All the people in my life know that I approach this as a BUSINESS. I'm with Dottie Rebel. I also find it a great litmus test. I don't want you as a friend if you are so closed minded about life (and protected).

    I havn't really had it affect me negatively......................yet.


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    Yeah, I use it as a litmus test as well. I've lost a few friends over it, but oh well. They're not people I'd want in my life. Women will get catty about it, as they see you as cheating, whoring, and they get jealous in general and try to convince both you and themselves that they're better than you becuase they're "honest." Men are generally more accepting, as they understand that money is important. However, you have to watch to see if they feel like you're more "accessible" than most women. They might find it okay to make comments, or ask you for free services, or grope you because "You do this at work anyway." Good friends will realize that you are you.

  14. #13
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    I cope by thinking about how bad people have it where I'm from (low-income, high crime, high unemployment rate region.) I have a chance at a better life through the adult industry.
    My family found out- it proved to me who loved me truly & who didn't. Truth hurts but it will set you free. Besides, you're going to be an adult with a college degree- what right do they have to tell you what to do? Are they paying your bills?

    As for the rest of the world...lie creatively. CIA agents "lie" about their lives, FBI agents just don't tell, cops can't "talk" about what they do & see....Strippers are not the only humans leading "double" lives.

    Krazyjane is right in that MEN understand the pressure to produce & provide financially & they have less hang-ups about sex. Unfortunately, rare is the man who can be a real friend to a dancer (I only have 1.) Don't worry though, stripping will give you more social resourcefulness than you ever thought possible.

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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    Obviously there's no one answer to this kind of question. Each stripper handles it differently. I told my parents because I was honest to god so naive I had no idea why they could possibly be upset; didn't they know how cleancut topless dancing was? (and it pretty much was where and when I started) I'm glad I don't have to lie because I have a fucking nosy family and they would bug me to no end no matter what ridiculous story I told them.

    Fortunately I had a lot of really good friends that stayed my friends when I started dancing and since I lived in such a laid back, nonjudgmental city, I had no problem meeting friends and potential dates to my taste who didn't have a problem with my job. But if you're in a smaller town, it's gonna be different. Gauge your situation and deal accordingly. I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping it a secret from the family -- if that keeps family drama down, great.

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    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel View Post
    I cry myself to sleep on a bed of 20's.
    I prefer to moan softly as I roll around in my money. The smell of uncle Sam and stale cigs really does it for me.

    Dottie, you crack me up.

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    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    i echo susan. and for the record, i have never told, but i think my mother knows and is in denial.

    Love it!

  19. #17
    Veteran Member ChristyWild's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    I won't be telling my family, for religious reasons, plus, the fact is that they live 6 states away from where I live and work and rarely, if ever, come down to visit. When they do, I have the luxury to take off work for a couple of days so I can visit with them. But I agree with GCG that there are just some things that your family has no business knowing if you KNOW they'll freak like mine would...however, I do have a close cousin that knows and is cool with it, so that's nice. As for the stigma of being a stripper, I'm used to it after five years in the business. I mean, I knew it would happen going in, but it's not something I freak about. I think one of the reasons why not is that most of the people I surround myself with are open minded sexually, so I don't get the usual freakout factor with most of my friends, which I think is a big clue. If you surround yourself with people who think positively about your profession, you'll have less headaches.
    Age is only important when it comes to wine and whiskey!



  20. #18
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    Lots of jobs are stigmatized. What about being a collections agent, a lawyer, a soldier, a car sales person, a Payday loan agent, working for Planned Parenthood, postal worker, professional musician, actor (or any artist, really), Wal Mart manager, Fast food service... and on and on.

    People automatically dismiss those jobs out of hand just like strippers get dismissed.

    When you look at life, we really never leave the high school mentality behind. We just get more eloquent at the kind of insults we hurl at others.* *Well, Sometimes anyway (see Ann Coulter calling John Edwards a "faggot" recently).


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Veteran Member toomuchhomeworklately's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    You could just tell your parents & everyone else that you're a cocktail waitress at a topless club - then guage their reaction.

    I actually did start out collecting the cover charge at a strip club, then started dancing. My mom is really open-minded so it went well when I told her. She just had a lot of questions (mostly regarding my safety & if I enjoyed it). As soon as my mom wasn't worried anymore she told me to "Make as much money as you can while you're still cute & thin," and that she would have done the same at my age if she had the balls. I know sooooooooo many girls that hide this from their families..... and that sucks. I'm glad I can be open with my mom & not have to worry about her looking down on me. A couple of my relatives have talked shit & my mom defends me saying stuff like, "My daughter earns $400 an hour and she's still in school." That usually shuts 'em up. I have 1 hyper-religious aunt who asked my mom if it'd be okay if she went to see me perform. My mom thought that was gross, but I knew this aunt was just trying to "shame" me. I emailed her my hours, stage name, the club's location & dress code. So far, she's a no show. (Most people don't want to see their stereotypes proven wrong.)

    Although I do lie to guys I meet elsewhere. Too many guys believe the stereotype that strippers are easy, so when I meet a new guy in a regular bar I'm a waitress. (I usually don't meet "quality" guys at bars so I haven't had to make the confession, "I"m actually a stripper," yet.)

  23. #20
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    ^ Great post.

    I have a hyper-religious aunt & the only reason I haven't froze her out is that she did so much for me when I was little...It's tempting to try to make her see differently, but I have to respect her beliefs. Luckily, living far away helps....

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    Senior Member AristtaRoxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    It is horrible that there even is a stigma. And it is even more horrible that some people are so close-minded that they would not automatically support the people they love but it happens. I am lucky enough to not give a shit what people think and have a open-minded mom lol.
    He said “make me a sandwich” so I made him a sub.

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    I hid my dancing from everyone. At the time, I had a "cool" boyfriend so he was ok with it, however family never new about it. None of my friends did either.

    I learned that a lot of the dancers I knew were less promiscous than some "regular" girls that I knew so I didnt listen to that whole "stigma" thing. Some people will never get over it, but thats cause they are ignorant.

    Customers will think the SAME exact thing, but you'll deal with them all the time. They think we all support LOSER boyfriends (not true in my ex case), drug addicts (not true here either), etc...
    You just have to be "you" and not let those things get to you. As long as you are happy doing what you are doing, dont let anyone put you down.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    Prove everyone wrong.


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    2. It's popular to look down on strippers, but I don't really care what everyone thinks. If you saw me on the street or in the local Border's, you would have no idea that I'm a newly-minted stripper. I'm just a regular girl earning money to get myself through college and into a "real" job. I think dancing is one of the most empowering things a woman can do. I am proud of my body, and if customers are going to pay to see me dance naked, who am I to refuse that? It's not illegal and it doesn't conflict with my morals, so I have no problem with it. If other people jump to conclusions, that's their problem.[/QUOTE]

    Ditto.

    I just dont give a shit. I'm prolly the most goody-goody squeaky-clean chick you'll ever meet. If someone has a problem with me dancing, oh well. It's THEIR problem. I know who I am in my heart. I am a good girl with a good heart, and God knows it, and that's all that matters.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you handle the "stigma" of being a stripper?

    Pretty much like Sunshine said... You've just got to have the attitude. Like, "Hey, fuck YOU". I've never "officially" told my parents, but I'm sure they know. I mean, it's not like they're totally okay with it and it's not like it didn't take them four years to finally "accept" it... But hey, I'm better off for it. Absolutely no credit card debt, my car is paid off, I'm almost done with school with no debts, and I have a nice fat bank account. All the little girls who went the way of the straight and narrow can go back to their minimum wage jobs and kiss my ass.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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