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Thread: Leading him on?

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    Default Leading him on?

    My reg has been coming in to see me for months. He knows I have a bf, but he always talks about himself like he's my other boyfriend. He doesn't have a SS detection meter. Of course I like him and we have fun, BUT I feel like it really means something to him...
    I'm starting to feel bad. I don't make promises but I don't discourage him either. Any thoughts?

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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    You should not feel bad. You have not done anything to lead him on so it's his problem if he has read too much into it.


    If u r really worried then start discouraging him - but u run the risk of loosing him as a regular.

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    Member BoondockSaint's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Samba View Post
    My reg has been coming in to see me for months. He knows I have a bf, but he always talks about himself like he's my other boyfriend. He doesn't have a SS detection meter. Of course I like him and we have fun, BUT I feel like it really means something to him...
    I'm starting to feel bad. I don't make promises but I don't discourage him either. Any thoughts?
    Well Samba... Give me some examples that would make him think that it's, I guess you could say, "serious." Oh, and by the way...what is "SS"?

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Sounds like typical regular stuff. I feel bad too sometimes if a guy seems like he's gotten genuinely emotionally involved. I console myself with the idea that I never really do "lead them on" -- that is, I don't lie to them, or meet them outside of the club for "dates" or pretend that they have a chance with me in the future. I tell myself as long as I don't do any of this, my conscience is clear; they may go ahead and choose to beleive despite me that one day they'll be my boyfriend, but that's their responsibility. And I agree with those who say that somewhere deep down, he knows the reality.

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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    BoondockSaint, he tells me he loves me, about spending the rest of our lives together, he calls my club everyday to see if I'm working and talks to the other dancers about me...
    SS=stripper shit

    I haven't worked as much b/c its emotionally tiring.

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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Quote Originally Posted by BoondockSaint View Post
    Oh, and by the way...what is "SS"?
    Stripper Shit - lies to hook a customer

    Don't make up sob stories to dupe him out of his money or make promises you won't keep.

    Everything else is fair game.

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    Veteran Member datchapin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Wow, that sounds more like stalking. If he's talking about the rest of his life with you his illusions are way the hell off. Having a fantasy is one thing, but disregarding reality and trying to force things which aren't there can be/lead to serious problems. You need to see if you can convince him of the situation and set him straight. If he accepts the situation then maybe you could keep him as a regular. However if he refuses to accept the truth you shouldn't keep him as a regular. I don't know how much money he spends on you, but the emotional stress a situation like this can cause really isn't worth it.
    The more I see, the less I know, the more I like to let it go! - RHCP

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    Member BoondockSaint's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Samba View Post
    BoondockSaint, he tells me he loves me, about spending the rest of our lives together, he calls my club everyday to see if I'm working and talks to the other dancers about me...
    SS=stripper shit

    I haven't worked as much b/c its emotionally tiring.
    Wow, sounds kinda frightening if you ask me. Well, let's see here....Have you explained to him that the feeling is not mutual? I mean, you gotta be honest with this guy. There's a woman at the club I go to who I have a great time with when I'm there that I wish would just be honest and tell me that she just wants me to come in on Thursdays like I usually do....not ask me for my number again, when I know she's not gonna use it. I would have much more respect for her if she were just honest. I mean, I don't know how up front you've been with this guy already, so I can't speak for him...but from first impression, he seems a couple cards short of a full deck. And if he's causing you to miss work and being emotionally tiring to you, I don't think he's someone who you'd WANT as a regular. That's just my 2 cents.

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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Yea that guys a weirdo...I dont care how sweet or interesting he may be to you. A guy that will go through that kinda trouble to see if youre working, tell you he loves you, and talk to other dancers about you is defintely bad news bears.

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    I had a customer who also talked to me about spending our lives together, how we would have beautiful children, and so on. He was definately having trouble seperating fantasy from reality. I felt bad for him (he was going through a divorce and emotionally pretty vulnerable) but tried not to encourage him at all. I was actually colder to him that I would normally be to a customer. I did initially give him my e-mail address, but stopped answering his e-mails. When he did come to see me, I kept everything very professional. I spent very little time talking with him and mostly just danced, then excused myself to go walk around the club. I wasn't rude, but I made it *very* obvious that I was doing a job, and that the second he stopped paying me, I was leaving. I basically tried to leave no room for him to have any illusions about the nature of our relationship. He eventually stopped coming in, and I'm glad.

    He wasn't a particularly big-spending customer, so it wasn't a big financial loss to lose him. I don't know how often your customer comes in or how much he spends, so I'm not sure what lengths you want to go to to keep him. But the odds are, whatever you do, he will eventually figure out he has no chance with you and move on. That's what they do.

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    Veteran Member Star Player's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Samba View Post
    My reg has been coming in to see me for months. He knows I have a bf, but he always talks about himself like he's my other boyfriend. He doesn't have a SS detection meter. Of course I like him and we have fun, BUT I feel like it really means something to him...
    I'm starting to feel bad. I don't make promises but I don't discourage him either. Any thoughts?
    Don't feel bad about doing what you do to make money. Certainly he needs a ss detection meter. He may just be playing the fantasy. Keep up the good work with him and the $$ flowing in but realize this kinda gravy train will not last forever.

    SC fun is a way for a guy to have a super date with a beautiful gal and she's gonna be half naked for starters - I can handle that.
    Last edited by Star Player; 03-11-2007 at 04:33 PM.
    I date strippers, especially if they love to model for me.



    Parker

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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    I've heard similar stories from at least one dancer and non-dancer where it finally resulted in the guy getting a diamond ring and proposed marriage, and the girls had bf's and swear they never so much as kissed the guy, not that they declined the fancy dinners and nice handbags, etc. LOL

    This guy knows you have a bf and he is hitting on you- he deserves everything he gets. Unless you are expressly leading him on like saying you are going to leave your bf for him or something, I wouldn't feel guilty at all about taking his money.

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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Youre in a safe environment so work him. Youre there to make guys want to pay you to think they have a chance or a fantasy.

    Work it!
    AmyLynne

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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    I had a guy just like this, and it was horrible. He actually ended up ruining the current relationship that I was in by calling to double check my schedule in the middle of the night when my BF had to be up for work. He did it all the time, even when I begged him to stop. My BF figured if the guy liked me that much, I MUST be giving him some sort of extras. This guy had his grandkids calling me "Aunt Kali" and he would bring me pictures that they had drawn for me and birthday cards they'd made for me on my birthday. I was actually a lot colder to him than to the other customers as well, and didn't hang out when he wasn't spending money, because he really creeped me out.

    One night, I had another regular in the club, and this guy started a fight with him when I was in the bathroom saying I was his girlfriend and that the other guy was no longer allowed to talk to me. Management kicked THE OTHER GUY out. When I asked why, they said because he spends less money. I told them that the first guy was creepy and scared me and started the fight. And I got fired for arguing with management.

    That night, creepy guy showed up at my house to "apologize". I then found out that a few weeks before I was fired, he had paid another dancer to go through my things. He had my social security number, my phone number (I had it changed because he was calling so much), my address, my PARENTS' address from a letter they had written me that was in my bag, and all of my bank account information. Two days after I was fired, 3 Grand showed up in my bank account. I called the bank to report the mistake, and they told me he had wired it in there. I sent it back and closed the account right away.

    I didn't encourage this guy at all. I told him many, many times in a very blunt manner that I was just a stripper and not his girlfriend. Sometimes a creep is a creep, and it doesn't matter, and the club wont' always back you up.
    There are three kinds of people in the world, those that can count, and those that can't.

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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Seems to me you could have charged him with stalking, invasion of privacy, identity theft at least.

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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Samba View Post
    My reg has been coming in to see me for months. He knows I have a bf, but he always talks about himself like he's my other boyfriend. He doesn't have a SS detection meter. Of course I like him and we have fun, BUT I feel like it really means something to him...
    I'm starting to feel bad. I don't make promises but I don't discourage him either. Any thoughts?
    I like to tell my customers that the strip clubs are the naked Disney World, a magical kingdom where all their dreams come true, but in the end it is still just an amusement park and none of it is real.

    "Welcome to Fantasyland, boys!"


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    I'm starting to feel bad. I don't make promises but I don't discourage him either. Any thoughts?
    It's not your problem if he breaks the cardinal rule of SCing; have realistic expectations within the unrealistic environment of the SC. Slinging SS is part of the game, and if he keeps playing along, that's a testament to your skill and desirability, not indicative of malfeasance.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Samba View Post
    I'm starting to feel bad. I don't make promises but I don't discourage him either. Any thoughts?
    If you're starting to feel bad. Stop. That's all that matters.

    ALL problems on BOTH sides on the tip rail begin when you act differently than you feel.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Quote Originally Posted by amylynnej View Post
    Youre in a safe environment so work him. Youre there to make guys want to pay you to think they have a chance or a fantasy.

    Work it!

    I never wanna meet you in a dark alley.

    hehehe...

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    Default Re: Leading him on?

    Well he gave up on me. Bad for $$, but I am relieved. I'm not sure I want to be someone's fantasy girl. I'll give you an awesome dance, or be your fantasy girl for an hour, but that"we are going to be together forever" stuff wears on a girl.

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