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Thread: RIL saying goodbye

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    Default RIL saying goodbye

    At the end of this week I will be walking away from going to my favorite local club, which I have attended for almost 2 full years. I only go there to see one girl, and it is safe to say after browsing your site, that I am what yall would refer to as an RIL. Haha, funny.

    She is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, and over the past few months Ive really fallen for her. However, she is in a relationship and has been for quite some time. I have never actually told her how I feel about her, but Im sure after countless occasions of spending well over $100 on her in a night that this simple fact is very obvious. My heart beats 10 times faster than it should when Im with her, skipping every other beat along the way.

    The sad truth for me though is that this is not a mutual feeling. She has her life planned out for herself, money, dancing, family and etc. And she deserves to be very happy for the rest of her years. After last week it became apparent to me that I have to stop seeing her, for I will only make things worse for myself if I continue to spend time with her.

    My question is, how should I go about doing this? I think I just want to buy one last dance, tell her that it was a blessing to have met her and spent the time with her that I did, give her a hug and a peck on the cheek and say goodbye. Your thoughts....

    P.S
    Thank you for any comments or suggestions.


    P.S.S
    Sorry for the long post

    Haha

  2. #2
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Quote Originally Posted by mark va View Post
    I have never actually told her how I feel about her, but Im sure after countless occasions of spending well over $100 on her in a night that this simple fact is very obvious.
    Dear boy, re-read the above, over and over. Print it out and paste it on your fridge.

    Your heartache is real, I don't doubt that at all. And I'm sorry you feel bad. But unless you see the situation clearly, objectively, you will fall into this dysfunctional (and expensive!) trap again, with another dancer happy to have a contentedly paying regular with delusions of budding romance.

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Haha, thanks chicago. You are very correct, I have already beat it into my brain why this has to be done, now I just wanna figure out how. Besides I dont even enjoy the strip club scene that much, I just go for her. If its not her, to me its not anybody.

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    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    my true advice is don't make a big deal out of not going back just don't go back. I don't think she will care. And babe i don't mean to insult you but the fact that you spend over a 100 on her is not that big of a deal if you were spending over a grand on her you might want to tell her leaving but this situation to me warrents to emoitional farwell. good luck to you.

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    I see where you are coming from but Im not the type of guy to just leave and never come back without saying something. And yes I know 100 is not interesting to most girls on this site but to me it is something, especially considering how much of a hole-in-the-wall this club is, and the standard customer base. Most guys are either poor Mexicans or young guys with no money who want something for nothing. You might be right, she may not give two shits at the end of the day whether I live or die, but I consider her a friend and do feel the need to atleast say goodbye.

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    All I can say is that you're doing the right thing. Unrequited love sucks--why torture yourself? I think it takes a certain amount of strength to just accept the reality and let it go without playing any games. Say goodbye and move on.

    If it makes you feel any better, though (which it probably won't) : If you haven't spent significant amounts of time with this girl outside the club, you probably don't really know her at all. You're in love with an illusion.
    "Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row


    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicolina View Post
    If you haven't spent significant amounts of time with this girl outside the club, you probably don't really know her at all. You're in love with an illusion.
    I totally agree with you, I am more or less basing my whole opinion of this girl on my experiences with her in an element where it is her job to pretend to like me so she will make more money. But like Ive stated already that doesnt so much matter to me, this is what I want to do, so whether its genuine on her end or not (and most obviously its not) its still something I feel needs to be done.

    "You're in love with an illusion" Do we see the similarities here to a drug?

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Awww, now I think mark is a sweet genuine guy who understands the illusion. And if he's been giving her $100 a week consistently for 2 years, thats $10,400 buckaroos.

    Personally, I would also say, "just don't go back" only because she might suck you in to staying.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Haha, thank you Katrine. I dont go every week but at times I did, usually once or twice a month. But I dont think she could convince me to stay, there are other things that motivate me to stay away. One thing I will say for sure is that some days I wish I had never started going, but others I am glad that I had the experience. If we cant learn from our mistakes we are bound to repeat them....not saying going to the strip club was a mistake though, haha, no no.

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    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    I agree with katrine.... it sounds like you DO understand the illusion, and the fact that an actual relationship isn't based on fantasy and finance. usually, i would go along with the other suggestions of just leaving the entire situation alone... if she didn't ever feel something for you to begin with, then a huge, sincere, heartfelt goodbye would be wasted on her. However, you are doing this for YOU, not for her, so you must do what you need to do for closure- if saying goodbye in whatever manner you choose makes YOU feel like you've gained closure and can move on, then by all means, do it.

    btw... i think you're a good regular. no, 100 isn't HUGE, but in a club where laps are, say, 20, then that's 5 dances a week... for 2 years... uh, yeah, she'll definitely remember and miss you- especiall if you two had gotten to the point that she shared with you all her life details in the OP.

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    "just don't go back" only because she might suck you in to staying.
    And, not in a good way.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Veteran Member azdd's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Quote Originally Posted by mark va View Post
    I see where you are coming from but Im not the type of guy to just leave and never come back without saying something.
    Hey mark va, obviously you'll get a variety of advice here, but I think you should absolutely go tell her goodbye. I don't care how jaded she might actually be, if you've spent that many visits seeking her out exclusively on a regular basis, imho it's just rude to drop off the face of the earth, whether anyone else here thinks she'll notice or not.

    I've spent several years gyrating in my own mind around the whole "RIL" issue with my ATF of the last 7 years. I'm a middle-aged married guy, and I've never had delusions of anything going anywhere with her, but I'm just flippin nuts about her, and couldn't imagine just vanishing. I'm sure I'm probably deluded about my place on her list of regulars, but I know she would notice if I just stopped showing up, and would wonder why. I have a trusted co-worker who knows how I feel about her, and I've even given him instructions in the event of my untimely demise to contact her and let her know what happened. We can be hopeless PLs, but we can be thoughtful about it!

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    Featured Member echomadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    This might sound harsh but it sounds to me like you kinda want the drama that "one last encounter" will bring. I understand that you care about this girl, but if you are truly done with this relationship, just end it. There is no point in going back in one last time to get one last dance from her when like you already said, its similiar to a drug. Going back in is just going to give you that "rush" all over again and it will be all that much harder to say goodbye and give it up. It would be similiar to a junkie going "just one last time before rehab", it never ends up being the last time. You say you have been coming to see her for 2 years now, dont you have her number or email or something? Why dont you just write or call her and explain to her what you just explained to us and tell her goodbye that way....its alot easier than face to face where she has that power over you to suck you back in again and again....
    Just my 2 cents but if you have been seeing her in the club for that long I should hope you guys have some sort of "relationship" that extends *alittle* past just custy/dancer shit.

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    Senior Member WoodyLV's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    I dont see anything wrong at all with telling her how much you have enjoyed the time spent with her. But that you are going to move on. Dont make it a big deal, but keep it upbeat and positive.

    Maybe I am getting old but courtesy means a lot to me. I like it when people call when they say they will, etc etc. If she is in fact such a beautiful person she may just respect you more for not just flaking out.

    And as long as you STICK to the plan, it could give you some closure, instead of leaving the possibility always open of going back 'one more time', see 'hows shes doing' etc etc.

    g/l

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    I don't think there's anything wrong with saying goodbye, but I strongly urge you to keep the whole thing low-key and emphasize the positives of your experience with her, not the negatives. There's nothing nice or kind about going to somebody's workplace and making a scene about how they've ruined your life by refusing to requite your love. I'm sure that's not what you had planned. (Right?)
    Last edited by xoxoGracexoxo; 03-08-2007 at 04:42 PM.

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Quote Originally Posted by mark va View Post
    My question is, how should I go about doing this? I think I just want to buy one last dance, tell her that it was a blessing to have met her and spent the time with her that I did, give her a hug and a peck on the cheek and say goodbye. Your thoughts....
    Sounds a like a good suggestion right there.

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    Veteran Member BmiWMT14's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    I tend to agree with Echo here, I think what you are looking for is her reaction to your news, that you are no longer coming in for x,y, or z reason. I think a simple note or E-mail will suffice to let her know you wont be coming in anymore

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    If you feel strongly about saying good-bye, don't go in. Send flowers and a thank-you note.

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    If you feel strongly about saying good-bye, don't go in. Send flowers and a thank-you note.
    i like this suggestion.

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Hi,

    Some thoughts.

    1) I'd say goodbye. It's rude not to and she's probably developed a liking for you as a customer over the time she's known you. If you just stop going, she'll probably have a nagging feeling it was something she said, etc.

    2) Don't expect any offers to meet her OTC. Firstly, she would have suggested it by now, and secondly, telling you her plans is probably her tactful way of steering you away from the subject.

    3) Don't feel you were rejected because you couldn't get her to meet you OTC. Very, very few dancers ever meet customers outside of work as a friend/boyfriend. You were just pursuing the unattainable.

    4) Don't view it with regrets - you had fun, she probably enjoyed her time with you and you'll both probably smile about it a year or two down the road.

    5) Why not give her a little going away present - doesn't have to be expensive; just a little keepsake to remind her of you. A book, pair of wineglasses or such like.

    6) And congratularions on behaving so realistically about it. Better to part as casual friends than end up feeling bitter.

    All the best....

    Phil.

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Wow I had no idea this would get so many replies. First off let me thank all of those who took the time to read and think about my situation . Echo, dont think that I take that harshly at all, I understand why you would say that, and no I do not want the drama of a goodbye, nor do I hope for her to invite an OTC meeting. I dont hope for anything other than to, as others have mentioned, have some courtesy and respect and say farewell to her. I do not stalk this girl, I do not expect her to be crushed by this news, and no I do not have her phone number. Why would I want it? It would only make me want her attention/affection more. I am not the type of guy who can only get attention from girls for money, never have been nor will I ever be. But there was just something different about this girl to me.

    But UtahMike does have a great idea, and I will definitely consider it. However since I am infact enfatuated with her, I just cant get my head around seeing her one more time. I think you all are right though, it is just like being addicted to a drug. Its just like a crackhead saying one more puff ir something. Damn the more I think about it the more it sems that way.....

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Quote Originally Posted by echomadison View Post
    its alot easier than face to face where she has that power over you to suck you back in again and again....
    Heres the only thing thats gonna be "sucking me in again and again" for awhile



    Sorry for those who dont know what you are looking at

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    don't take it the wrong way when girls say she won't care if you're gone. she will care, but chances are, she will miss your money more than she will miss you. =(

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    and oh, you should give her one more fabulous in the VIP!

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    Default Re: RIL saying goodbye

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    If you feel strongly about saying good-bye, don't go in. Send flowers and a thank-you note.
    That would be sweet. I got flowers delivered to the club on wed night, very thoughtful.

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