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Thread: Honest

  1. #1
    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Honest

    Does anyone else feel like life would be easier if you were the type of person who just lied all the time?

    I'm not like that, even when I try to be. I like to say what I think because it uncomplicates things and usually how you really feel comes out later and people are like why didn't you just say that in the first place?

    But when you say it in the first place, people act weird. Like...when a friend starts dating someone and you don't like him. So you tell her. But all your other friends don't like him either and they lie about it so you look like the bad guy. And you just want to say...don't bitch at me, everyone else feels the same way they just don't have the stones to say anything to you about it.

    Or when you make an effort to keep in touch with people who don't make an effort back and when they say Oh I have to get off the phone, but I'll call you later!

    And you say, no you won't call me later, I'll probably call you later, but if I don't then we just won't talk until I do. So just don't say it. I'd rather you say: I'll be too busy with my own life to worry about calling you so whenever you feel like calling me is when we'll talk again, bye!.....they get all butthurt and act like you've offended them.

    Because its true, and they don't like to think they are bad friends. But if you don't want to feel like a bad friend, then don't be a bad friend, or just...don't have friends if you don't really care about them anyway.

    Or when you aren't really listening to someone so instead of pretending you say, hmmm....I'm not really listening to you because I don't really have any interest in your toe fungus. It's better then putting the phone on speaker so you know when its your turn to fill a gap of silence while you make your shopping list.

    But no one else seems to think so.

    Or when someone puts a new shirt on and asks what you think and you say it kind of looks bad on you. Why did they ask me what I think if they get mad that I'm honest?

    Or when your best friend blows off your plans for a guy and you tell them thats shit. And they act like you should have pretended you didn't care....and you want to tell them that if thats how they feel they should only keep aquaintences rather than friends because that's how aquaintences act, not friends.

    I'm not rude, or constantly brutally honest. I try to be tactful, but I don't like to lie because I don't feel like that's how friends should act.

    But would it just be easier too?

    That's all. Sorry for the rambling.

    Just needed a little rant, I guess.

  2. #2
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Honest

    Maybe. But when people get angry at my honesty, I say "Hey, you know me, I'll be straight with you and you asked for it" and they shut up quick. Some things are better left to white lies to save a persons feelings sometimes, but not a lot of times. Thing is, the people that lie all the time have to keep track of all their lies. I imagine it gets stressful and a full time job keeping everything straight!

    Stay the way you are Pooka; don't ever change

  3. #3
    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Honest

    Awe, CF, I do lub you.


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    Veteran Member ExtacyInDaytona's Avatar
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    Default Re: Honest

    Im the same way as u and have been told by friends "your bot blunt or honest your just mean" well i say dont ask than!!!

  5. #5
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Honest

    I try to be honest without being hurtful. Not always easy. Sometimes, not even possible. But I try.

  6. #6
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Honest

    It depends. Generally, I just tell them how I feel. But, if they don't ask for my opinion and I know it's not something that they want to hear, I'll keep my mouth shut.

    As for friends who blow you off or never call you back... I don't usually confront those people. I let them slide right on by after pointing out that they've been flaky lately. I can't make them change or understand if they don't want to.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Senior Member AristtaRoxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Honest

    Honesty is the best policy and lying just complicates things. I hate liars and I always try to be honest with others as well as myself (sometimes being honest with myself is harder). But I definitely agree with CorsicaFire:

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    Stay the way you are Pooka; don't ever change
    He said “make me a sandwich” so I made him a sub.

  8. #8
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Honest

    It's like when someone says "Does this dress make me look fat?" And, I say, "It's not the dress." Then I know how you feel.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  9. #9
    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Honest

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback View Post
    It's like when someone says "Does this dress make me look fat?" And, I say, "It's not the dress." Then I know how you feel.
    Ha ha ha. I enjoyed that. I think I might start using it. If I get accused of being rude or tactless...at least I'd have the pleasure of actually being so.

  10. #10
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Honest

    Well there are ALWAYS ways to be truthful and tactful. And really, usually being a liar takes up way too much time, effort, and energy. It's silly.
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  11. #11
    Featured Member teeth_of_the_hydra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Honest

    Pooka dude, being a liar sucks. I lie about everything all the time because I am way too concerned about other people's feelings. It gets exhausting and confusing and weird, and I'm sure it would be better most of the time for most of my relationships if I was a more honest person. However, it's that 5% of the time that someone might get completely furious or sad due to my honesty, and that is what terrifies me more than death. So I lie. Sure that's a nice haircut. I like you but I'm busy. Oh I'm sorry I didn't have my phone on me. My cat was on death's doorstep so I'm late, it's not because you're so boring that I spent 40 minutes looking at my toenails before leaving the house. Ad nauseum. It's a bad weenie habit and I'm not exactly proud. Embrace your blunt self!

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Honest

    Kant said we should never lie, ever. He said (verbatim, more or less) that if a serial killer shows up on your door step, asking for your friend in the next room, you have to tell mr.killer that you're friend is right there in the next room.

    Now, Kant was a buzz kill, but he had a point. He said that logically, communication is based on the premise of people telling the truth. If people were not logically bound to tell the truth, then he thought all of communication would just break down. It's an interesting idea. Like, if people are prone to lying, then why speak to each other at all? If speaking doesn't imply truth, then there is no meaning to speech, and we might as well go around throwing bananas at each other.

    I know that's all very simplistic, but I remember when people were going around with that catch phrase "I'm not gonna lie to you..." and I thought of good ol Immanuel Kant and his categorical imperative. According to Kant, having to say "I'm not gonna lie" is redundant and stupid.

    SO lying's irrational, and despite how often people get fast and furious with the truth, communication still defaults on "this person is saying what they mean". As cynical as we all like to think we are, we tend to believe what people say. Otherwise, we'd never speak to each other at all. I'm no prof, but I hope I've imparted the basic point. Since people rarely expect us to lie, they should suck it up and hear the truth. Or you could just say nothing at all. Sometimes silence, and a quick change of the subject is surprisingly effective. Really.

  13. #13
    Veteran Member idreamofaislin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Honest

    Lying's just not worth the effort.

    If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything!

  14. #14
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Honest

    people are better at self-deception than telling the truth.

    i have not found anything people hate/fear more than the truth. so we learn to pat people's little things away...

    but then i get tired of that. i get tired of aiding some enormously fucked-up thing... like the 25 year old gorgeous female who lives at home with parents and has no real job and no interest in getting one... that gets old. so naut tells it like it is... 'get a job like the rest of us and quit whinging about being broke'

    bang... no more friend. good riddance, i say... too hard. too hard.

    i hear ya, pooka magee... i hear ya.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  15. #15
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Honest

    I can't say I never stretch the truth a bit, or withold information that doesn't need to be said, but I am otherwise a very honest person, especially when it comes to giving my opinion about something. I think everybody needs to be called on their shit now and then too. LA is the land of flaky liars. I am so used to telling it like it is being from the east coast that people are often shocked by things I say. Whatever. You can't please everyone.

    But everybody lies now and then. It's just a fact - sometimes lies help rather than hurt. I usually find it easier to lie to people I don't care about that much. Lying in a business sense is usually fair game, unless it involves a huge ethical conflict or it endangers someone's well being. I still try to be as honest as possible, but there are things that some people just don't need to know about me and I do what I can to protect myself first.

  16. #16
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Honest

    Pooka its always good to hear we are not the only people who are actually honest. In college I had fewer friends than everyone else because I refused to buy into all the lies and bullshit. I'd call people out on their crap from day one and it netted me in heat with a lot of people. However I feel better about myself knowing that my friends are quality over quantity and wouldn't have it any other way. You keep on keepin' on with the honesty and I think you'll find yourself happy with how you eventually end up being surrounded by people of the same mindset. Its not easy while all the fake people are around, but it sure pays off in the end. Hugs and love and keep being yourself.

    Remember, Life is a garden, dig it.
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    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

  17. #17
    Veteran Member BmiWMT14's Avatar
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    Default Re: Honest

    Lying takes too much time and effort. Most people hate to hear the truth, because 98% of the time it does not give them that warm happy feeling they were looking for... OH WELL thats life. I tend to be honest to a fault, and sometime it rubs people the wrong way. POOKA dont change for anybody, I enjoy your posts, and your general attitude on life ( well as much as I can tell from your posts on SW that is)

  18. #18
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Honest

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon View Post
    Now, Kant was a buzz kill, but he had a point. He said that logically, communication is based on the premise of people telling the truth. If people were not logically bound to tell the truth, then he thought all of communication would just break down. It's an interesting idea. Like, if people are prone to lying, then why speak to each other at all?
    Jonathan Swift said that, too, a little earlier than Kant. In the chapter of Gulliver's Travels with the Houyhnhnms, the horses are confused by this concept. They say that communication is meant to convey an idea, and if you say "the thing which is not," then you have defeated the very purpose of communication.

    (In response to Kant's scenario, if I tell the serial killer, "I'm not going to tell you," that's the truth, too.)

    Anyway, Pooka, you little Celtic creature, you're just fine.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: Honest

    Well, you don't have to lie. But being diplomatic is a very good thing and sometimes it's required to omit information. Being brutally honest all the time can create almost as many problems as being a liar.

    If a friend asks your opinion on a dress, for example, you don't have to say "You look fat/ugly in that!" You can say "It's not the most flattering IMO because..."

    Or if you tell someone something you know will hurt them, just to ease your mind.

    Like, honesty is good. But I find often people use it as an excuse to be nasty. I had a friend who'd say whatever came into her head and it was all true, but not needed and fell back on the excuse she was just "honest" and "real". Yeah...she had a real...lack of diplomacy! Haha!


    In your situation it sounds like you're doing fine and your friends just have the problem of wanting to be coddled all the time. If they are constantly flipping out over nothing, you may want to locate some more mature friends.

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