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Thread: Top 10 douchebag cars....

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    Post Top 10 douchebag cars....

    ..10 Maserati: This car is in the number 10 spot only because of their lack of prescence on the road. Typical of a mid-30s douchebag, these cars can be found with their either wealthy or stupidly indebted owners driving like complete morons in thick midday traffic. When they aren't trying to impress high school sophomores with their rad fake ferraris they can be found laying black marks into onramps and nearly taking out soccer moms when they fail to signal while playing NASCAR on the highway.


    ..9 Civic Si: While most civics are owned by sensible motorists just wanting cheap transport, a small group of teenage douchebags, empowered by the fantastic scenes of speed in The Fast and the Fictious have decided that one car stands above all else as a powerhouse road rocket. They have chosen the anemic Civic Si to show the rest of the commuting world just who's boss. With it's stunning 170 HP, these buzzfarting pests can be seen slowly bumbling through traffic, racecar style, sometimes passing on shoulders and turn lanes to prove their macho vehicles are faster than anything they happen to pass, most of the time when no "race" of any sort is taking place.


    ..8 BMW 3-Series: Everyone's encountered these douchebags on the road. Yuppie with a cell phone up to his ear, crappy eurotrash technomusic blaring, chinese knock-off designer sunglasses on and a pink polo shirt with the collar popped like a pro. This metro douchebag has only one thing on his mind when he's driving, and that's proving how big a douchebag he really is to any and all drivers on the road. When you are at an intersection with a lane that ends, he will try to race you to get in front of you, when you are doing 15 over on the freeway, he will pretend to be agitated and floor his mighty 220 HP mill to flyby you and show that his vehicle is meant for autobahn speeds. Apparently the warranty as a clause about a free replacement vehicle if the car is damaged while running a red light or stop sign, regardless of age or mileage, so be careful when these crowning douchebags pull their ultimate driving machine up to the line, they might just cross it!


    ..7 Dodge Ram: This list wouldn't be complete without the country douchebag cousin. Out of all the trucks, none has spurned a douchebag craze like the Hemi toting ram. With it's big grille, sunburnt, dirty, tattoo'd arm hanging out the window, and a confederate flag adorning the rear window, this truckload of douchebaggery will bear down on any little car that happens to be in front of them, tail gating them until they can snarl their overstressed engine to gradually pass by. Loud and awful sounding exhausts along with gun racks and cam seat covers are common place on these rural douche haulers. Just make sure you have a decent bit of distance between these tailgating SOBs if you decide to brake check these lunatics, trucks aren't known for their ability to stop.


    ..6 Trans-Am: A hardy choice for a midlevel douchebag, Trans-ams are notorious for their owners complete lack of self control when it comes to showing off their badass plastic muscle car. Revving their obnoxiously loud engines at anything with 4 wheels and an audible engine, these douchebags are always looking for a chance to show off their douchebaggery. More often than not, some slack-jawed yokel, upon being called such, will utter phrases like "well what do you drive" or "my ****'s faster'n yours". This boondock douchebag call, while not limited to trans-am drivers, is often followed by a big burnout , no matter how thick the traffic is, and a middle finger. It should be noted, these douchebags appear to network with other douchebags to form douche convoys.


    ..5 Camaro SS: The companion douchebag to the trans-am, these ****y bastards have taken a notch above the trans-am because of the ego boost their SS badge gives them. SS, standing for Super Small, is a reference to their ***** size. Often the SS douchebag (lol sounds like a ship full of pussies) will try to show off for his inbred girlfriend by racing vehicles that aren't acknowledging a race, or participating in the douchebaggery of trans-am owners, as stated above. On top of burnouts, donuts, and being obnoxious, they firmly believe the SS badge of their Camaro gives them super powers over other Camaros, even V8s, inspite of a weight difference not over come by the marginal power difference.


    ..4 Mustang Cobra: The crowning douchebag of the V8, the Mustang Cobra reigns supreme in their godlike douchebaggery. Cobra douchebags suffer from a Napoleonic complex that their cars are the greatest vehicles ever made. The fact that can be fast is the primary fuel for this ego. However, when these douchebags are bested they fall back on a douchebag cliche as old as time. People who think their car sucks are jealous of it, and wish they could afford the bourgeois pricetag of a $27000-$30000 car. They are also prone to excuse making, from the design of the car, to the fact that some of these douchebags just don't know how to drive them. These are all excuses levied to try and quell the flood of criticism of the small-dicked, arrogant douchebag when they try to show off more than they are able.


    ..3 Subaru STi: The douchebag mobile for the 21st century is here. Complete with a simulated ***** enlarging function that gives the owners of these fugly shopping carts with engines the feeling they are more masculine than they truely are. Again spouting claims of jealous or inability to afford a cheap japanese import, the drivers of these cars are the first all-weather douchebags of the list. Because of mass advertising campaigns, the pinheaded morons driving these cars seem to think that any day, rain, snow, shine, or 3" of glaze ice is race day and will not hesitate to prove this to you, even if it means slamming into a telephone pole on a winter day. On top of that, the turbocharged engine gives these twats a sense of superiority over other vehicles that don't have turbochargers. The douchebags brag about these fascinating pieces of technology, even if they haven't a clue how they work.


    ..2 Mitsubishi EVO: Thanks to a mass marketed hype, Mitsubishi was able to jump into the douchebag market with the Mitsubishi EVO, an ugly piece of junk that can best be described as a turbocharged chinese takeout box. Because of the hype and aura surrounded by these douchemobiles, their owners think their cars are invincible, able to best every and any car on the road or track, inspite of reality. Again jealousy is an issue with the owners of these rolling dumpsters because we all know people just wish they owned a $30000 Lancer with a hopped up engine. Additional "technology" features (including a massive wing inversely proportional to the owners ***** size) attract quasi-intelligent douchebags to these cars because they can pretend to explain how all the useless marketing features actually make their cars fast. Through extensive douchebag networking, a random douchebag always knows some other douchebag who is a friend of a douchebag with an Evo that runs single digits in the quarter mile. This information is bogus, and often imparted by a douchebag trying to impress non-douchebags about a hyped up douchemobile that he doesn't own. Races with these uber-fast EVOs never materialize either. Fortunately, the hype on these vehicles is fading away, but egos remain higher than ever as a result, with douchebags desperate to prove how badass they can be by racing anything on the road.


    and now...


    The Number 1 Douchebag Vehicle of All


    Dodge Neon SRT4: The ultimate in douchebaggery vehicles. A worthless turd of a vehicle, slapped together by the company that brought you the Ram, comes a douchemobile of unimaginable proportions. There is not a single owner of these vehicles that isnt faithful to the douchebag way of life. Whether it's talking up their slow piece of crap and never running it, making every excuse from the douchebag rolodex of BS reasons why they won't race or lost a race, or simply doing childish douchebag things like weaving, blowing through redlights, flooring it at every opportunity, burnouts in traffic, revving at cars two lanes over and in front of them, racing in traffic, nearly rear ending cars, losing control and flying off a road while attempting to race a car that wasn't race, NASCAR impersonations, trying to show off to their ugly girlfriend how macho they are by being a complete moron, pretending parking lots are rally tracks, and thinking they have the fastest car ever built, SRT4 owners do it all. They are world class, award winning, grade A douchebags that need to be stomped, laughed at, outrun, and outdone in every car related anything they bring their pieces of crap too. Even Dodge thought they created a douchebag monster they couldn't control so they axed it. Above it all, these douchebags are in intense denial about one thing: THEY DRIVE NEONS. Neons will never be cool, respectable, awesome, attractive, or have a legacy other than being pre-form scrap metal.

  2. #2
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Can't say I really agree with all of the cars listed. Though I have seen the occasional person act as such.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

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    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAHAHAHAAAA!!!!


    *wheeeze*


    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAA!!!!!!



    Holy fucksticks, batman.... I love you for this thread.


    AAAAAHAHAHAA! AAAA! AHAHAHAAA! HAA! HAAA!
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    Veteran Member zippyelf's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    douchebaggery, that word made my day.

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    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Where is the Hummer on that list!!???

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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    I'd like to submit a few (borrowed) ideas on the of the past, and


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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Quote Originally Posted by Zabrina View Post
    Where is the Hummer on that list!!???

    Hell yeah. And Escalades and Avalanches. Stupideffinrottennorealuseforatruckthatbig
    cepttomakeyertinypeenlookbigevilcantpark
    rightalwaysinmywayfuckbagsIhateyoudie.
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  8. #8
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Well I like Evo's...

    But the Dodge Ram is SPOT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    UGHHHH I drive a tiny tiny tiny car and when bastards in huge jacked up trucks get behind me at night I'm blinded by their lights and they waste sooo much gas it's an environmental nightmare and I can hardly imagine what would happen if any normal vehicle got into a collision with one.. and ijaskljaklkjkljlakjsl

    I saw a Ram yesterday that was literally jacked up about 3 feet. No. Joke.

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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Na I definitely don't agree with the BMW-3 series or the subaru sti or evo they should not be on that list! Haha my hubby is gonna flip he has an STI.

    Yea I agree with Zabrina. Where is the bummer on that list? That is a fugly shit piece of crap!


  10. #10
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Hey!!! STi's are NOT ugly shopping carts on wheels!

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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Quote Originally Posted by rozz View Post
    I'd like to submit a few (borrowed) ideas on the cars of the past, and their stupid owners.

    Mwahahaha!! Awesome.

    That list was spot on.



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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    Hey!!! STi's are NOT ugly shopping carts on wheels!
    Haha I know I was hurt by that too hahahaha.

    Actually I don't think that any european (Ok maybe German) or Jap car should be on the top 10 list of shit cars.


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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Bwahahaha my friend just bought an SRT4....bwahahahahah
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

  14. #14
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Teeheehee the other day I saw an 06 Nissan Altima () with a huge ricey spoiler on the back. Now THAT'S douchey for ya!

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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Isn't anything with a spoiler (whale-tails especially) douchey?



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  16. #16
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    ..3 Subaru STi: The douchebag mobile for the 21st century is here. Complete with a simulated ***** enlarging function that gives the owners of these fugly shopping carts with engines the feeling they are more masculine than they truely are.


    D:
    Never diss an impreza.

  17. #17
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Quote Originally Posted by hardkandee View Post
    Isn't anything with a spoiler (whale-tails especially) douchey?
    Well small, tasteful spoilers are okay as long as they compliment the look of the car. If used solely for the purpose of making it look fast, it's douchey. Esp. on a mommy sedan like the altima whaaat

  18. #18
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Quote Originally Posted by hardkandee View Post
    Isn't anything with a spoiler (whale-tails especially) douchey?
    Uhm. No. Especially when they "whale tail" has a function.

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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    Well small, tasteful spoilers are okay as long as they compliment the look of the car. If used solely for the purpose of making it look fast, it's douchey. Esp. on a mommy sedan like the altima whaaat
    Eww don't ya just hate that! Hahahaha


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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Quote Originally Posted by seraya View Post

    Actually I don't think that any european (Ok maybe German) or Jap car should be on the top 10 list of shit cars.



    Having worked on Jap cars for a while, they are permanently on my personal shit list. Egads.
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    Well small, tasteful spoilers are okay as long as they compliment the look of the car. If used solely for the purpose of making it look fast, it's douchey. Esp. on a mommy sedan like the altima whaaat
    Worse than on a mommy sedan is on a freaking truck. I've seen a couple of them around town and *smacks forehead* why?!

    I understand why they are on race cars but if you're driving below 100mph, there really is no point.
    Last edited by hardkandee; 03-21-2007 at 12:48 PM. Reason: consulted expert



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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackSheEp3 View Post
    ..7 Dodge Ram: This list wouldn't be complete without the country douchebag cousin. Out of all the trucks, none has spurned a douchebag craze like the Hemi toting ram. With it's big grille, sunburnt, dirty, tattoo'd arm hanging out the window, and a confederate flag adorning the rear window, this truckload of douchebaggery will bear down on any little car that happens to be in front of them, tail gating them until they can snarl their overstressed engine to gradually pass by. Loud and awful sounding exhausts along with gun racks and cam seat covers are common place on these rural douche haulers. Just make sure you have a decent bit of distance between these tailgating SOBs if you decide to brake check these lunatics, trucks aren't known for their ability to stop.
    ^^^ HAHAHAHAHA! Living in Texas, that is SO true! Whee!

  23. #23
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter View Post
    Having worked on Jap cars for a while, they are permanently on my personal shit list. Egads.
    Well, having worked on Domestic Cars, they will be on my personal shit list for years to come

  24. #24
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    Back in the '70s, I took a Honda Civic over to a mechanic friend who worked on Gringo cars and the occasional Kraut car, and he was astounded at how well-engineered the little Jap car was. Of course, since then, the Gringo cars followed the Jap cars with front wheel drive and their own smaller, more efficient engines for passenger cars.

    We also had a Frog car in the family - now, THAT was a piece of crap. And I guess the Dago cars aren't exempt - but why Maserati and not Ferarri or Lamborghini?


    P.S. This was before Jap cars became Gringo cars, and Gringo car makers started contracting with the Jap car makers and getting bought out by the Kraut car makers. Remember the GMC Geos? Produced by Toyota, Isuzu, and Suzuki? It's a much more confused world, isn't it?

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    Featured Member X Evan X's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 10 douchebag cars....

    This thread is awesome!! hehe

    Have to agree with Hummers being added to the list too

    -E
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