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Thread: depressed dancer reflections

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    Veteran Member absolutbliss's Avatar
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    Default depressed dancer reflections

    I really want to smack people who say that dancing is just "partying all day" or "the easiest job in the world."

    Mentally I've really been beat. Getting dumped for being a stripper, having an ex threaten to contact my entire family regarding that, as well as adjusting to living by yourself and working five days a week........

    I've been drinking all together way way way way WAY too much. Like every day all day. I'm to the point where looking at custies walking in the door makes me like "oh god it's gonna suck giving him a dance I just know it." Men really disgust me now. I mean bad. To the point where I have to be half tanked to give a good dance. I'm dating a really nice good looking guy, and he's totally cool with everything. I just think I need to cut out the drinking, but the problem is, I LOVE drinking. I feel amazing when I drink, and have fun doing it.

    On the other hand, there would be no way in hell I would be where I am now without dancing. Likely I'd be living with my parents. I wouldn't have the shit I do or the independence. And I've gotten in great shape (yay for pole tricks). I've learned how to relate to everybody, developing amazing people skills. I've got a confidence i've never had before, and I've learned to see right thru the assholes/liars/losers real quick. It takes a lot to hurt me now, but at a huge expense....

    I think I need a vacation. I really don't mind my job, I just really mind the pervos and having to talk and talk and talk and talk ALL day. Yeah, and it's nearly impossible to find a good guy.

    Sorry about the ranting. Im wondering if any of you have experienced this?
    I'd grab my trumpet and I'd do a stripper sound, like the old Louis Armstrong, real raspy. And the people would go nuts! Then I knew that the sexual, sensual, guttural sound, that throbbing sound, is where it's at.

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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    A vacation might be good for you, I agree. Good luck hun.

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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Yea, some days the job does get me down, esp when I have a couple of low money days in a row. But then I have a great night and I love it again!

    I recommend you take a week off, then don't drink at all when you go back.
    Maybe you could try having a straight day job and only dancing 2-3 nights per week. This has helped me deal with it. Some people just can't work 4 + days a week and be ok mentally.

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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Quote Originally Posted by absolutbliss View Post
    I'm to the point where looking at custies walking in the door makes me like "oh god it's gonna suck giving him a dance I just know it." Men really disgust me now. I mean bad.
    Take a vacation, look for a different club where you would be happier, and maybe consider that this industry isn't for you.

    And, yeah, the drinking... do you drink at home? All day like starting when you wake up, or when you get to work?



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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    You really need to stop letting societal images of dancing affect you. As the old saying goes, "It's not what you do, but how you do it."

    Are you making more money AFTER tip outs dancing 5 days a week than at your previous mainstream job?

    Would you drink and get messed up at an office job?

    Feeling amazing when you drink is the sign of an alcoholoic. You HAVE to be able to not drink while working an focus on selling dances and making money. Drink bottled water at work. You should be dancing to make maximum money, and to build your savings, not to party.

    You can drink when you and your boyfriend go out on your nights off. Does he drink at work? Of course not. You may very well lose him if he continues to see you always drunk. The club may not want you anymore at some point if they see you as the club drunk.

    To hell with your ex telling your family you dance. At some point you must be honest. And you will have a better time getting people to accept your dancing if you are a non-smoker, don't drink to excess, don't do drugs, and have a chunk of money in the bank to show for it.

    If people always see you partying they will surely blame it on the strip club environment. You must rise above the temptation to get fucked up at work.

    Of course it is challenging to sell some of the customers. If you take the Dancer Wealth classes, accept the fact that some of the customers will be cocky and chauvinistic, you will handle things much better.

    I am not trying to be mean, but we all deal with cocky customers, slow nights, and times when money is hard to make. It is not worth it to turn into an alcoholic and sabotage our bodies to mask the disappointment.

    Keep your chin up.

  6. #6
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    I have felt the same way as you. I never started drinking like that, but I know how you feel. You need to stop dancing for awhile. Drinkign that much is very very bad, but you know that.
    I started feeling like I was gonna puke if I had to give another man a lapdance, they all started disgusting me. I would walk around thinking, look at all you pathetic losers. I would dread going to work. When I got there, the majority of my night wa sjust spent wandering aimlessly around. I would barely make an atempt to work, and when I did, noone would buy because of my attitude. For 3 months striaght, I made no money at all. I was lucky if I broke even on my housefees. Finally, I quit. My boyfriend was very supportive of my, it took me 4 months to find a real job. I got a job as a cocktial waitress. After cocktialing for about 6 months...I started to miss dancing. I missed the hours and the freedom. I missed the money I used to make. I called off work one night to go dance, just to see how it went and how I did. I made retty good money that night, and decided I was ready to quit my job and go back to dancing.
    I've been dancing for 6 years now, 4 years seriously, and twice I have quit to do something else for awhile. And every time I quit, evevntually I start to miss dancing, and want to go back.

    So......you need a break. You need to get away from fancing for abit. A vacation miight help a little bit but in my experience, all you will do on a vacation is dread when it is ver and when you have to go back to worik. You ned to completly remove the idea of dancing from your head. If you can do that on a vacation, then try that. But for me...I needed to get another job and just put dancing completly out of my head for awhile.

    Good luck.....

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    Featured Member Kaiyla's Avatar
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Yeah it sounds like a vacation would definitely be beneficial to you right now. A non-drinking vacation, preferably. It's amazing how good you feel mentally and physically after you let your body "detox" itself of all the liquor. Good luck!

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    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    YES!!! I have combined school/money burnout. Whereas work was fun, lately I have been feeling like a slave to money. Not that i make too little, it is more like, the more you make, the more you pressure yourself to keep making more and more...to the point where it is somewhat (ok, sometimes very) counterproductive.

    I hesistate to even touch the topic of drinking, it has been beaten to death. I will say that there are people that can work while they drink. It doesn't mean sloppy drunk, there is an in between. But since I don't wanna get flamed.

    My solution was to take a vacation. I bought tickets to Costa Rica for next month. It still is really hard to get through the everyday pressures of work/school/work, and when I take a real day off to do nothing, it like gives me anxiety because I know how much work I have to do. But like right now, I am mentally incapable of getting anything done, but it is too early for bed. So yay for SW. And I have a goal at the end of the next month, freedom for a little bit. I can't wait to go hiking and camping. YAY!

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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    I understand your situaiton. Lemme tell you, a long time ago I quit dancing for a couple months because of my friends... they were all, "you shouldn't be doing that, it's wrong, blad." So I quit and worked at Hooters (haha) and well... I couldn't pay my bills and had no money, when it dawned on me: What the hell am I doing this for? My friends don't live my life, I live my life. I'm the one suffering because I quit dancing, and why? So my friends will like me? I still have all the friends that tried to tell me to quit. (This was 6 years ago when I was eighteen) and they don't all love it, but they have come to understand what stripping is and isn't. If someone really cares about you, they won't rag on your job.

    Also, if stripping were easy, everyone would do it. And we wouldn't get paid as much. I've never seen someone with an easy job make a lot of money....

    And the drinking. Yes. I went through that period too where I hated everyone and felt the need to get wasted to work. I took time off dancing to bartend and came back with a better attitude. A change of scenery (ie a new club) might do you well too.
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    I am grateful to hear these things. When I get down about my work and my struggles to not drink while I'm there, I feel like I'm the only one in the world with this problem. It's nice to know that it's not just me, and that it is a real issue, affecting other dancers.

    The thing is, I don't even enjoy the alcohol. In fact, I hate drinking. It's just that (and don't yell at me, because this is hard to admit) I've come to feel like I can't work while I'm sober.

    Sometimes I just show up to work feeling really introverted and shy (I can be naturally extroverted at times also.) I just feel like I have no control over whether my mood is introverted or extroverted. If you are like me, and you have the tendancy to oscillate between the two, then I have a question for you;
    When you're in introverted-shy-mode, have you found a way to pysche yourself out and switch into extroverted-mode at will?
    If so, please tell me your secret!

    More than half the time lately, I find that I arrive at work feeling introverted. And when I drink, it's sort of like medicating myself to switch into extrovert mode.

    I want to find 'extrovert-mode' INSIDE myself, WITHOUT drinking.

    Any creative tricks or advice out there on "getting into character"? (or know of a thread that discusses this?) Please share!

    Thanks guys

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    Featured Member Windy's Avatar
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Quote Originally Posted by manhattan View Post
    I am grateful to hear these things. When I get down about my work and my struggles to not drink while I'm there, I feel like I'm the only one in the world with this problem. It's nice to know that it's not just me, and that it is a real issue, affecting other dancers.

    The thing is, I don't even enjoy the alcohol. In fact, I hate drinking. It's just that (and don't yell at me, because this is hard to admit) I've come to feel like I can't work while I'm sober.

    Sometimes I just show up to work feeling really introverted and shy (I can be naturally extroverted at times also.) I just feel like I have no control over whether my mood is introverted or extroverted. If you are like me, and you have the tendancy to oscillate between the two, then I have a question for you;
    When you're in introverted-shy-mode, have you found a way to pysche yourself out and switch into extroverted-mode at will?
    If so, please tell me your secret!

    More than half the time lately, I find that I arrive at work feeling introverted. And when I drink, it's sort of like medicating myself to switch into extrovert mode.

    I want to find 'extrovert-mode' INSIDE myself, WITHOUT drinking.

    Any creative tricks or advice out there on "getting into character"? (or know of a thread that discusses this?) Please share!

    Thanks guys
    hmmm..well yeah when i first get to work..im kinda shy..very LOW self esteem n nervous and keep thinking about "am i sexy enough? am i etertaining them? or am i boring them? ahhh!"

    but i mean what usually happens for me is, i jus make sure i look really good(cuz if i look good on the outside, i feel so much more confident and better in the inside). then, ill work on my walk..my CONFIDENT, "hot bitch that is so hot n p-opular that she knows u lookin at her, but only gives a little smirk back and a come hither quick stare. she is so fun, n u better come get her because ull be damn lucky if u get to her in time before some other lucky bastard does first" walk.
    i put my head high, my gaze up and all around the room, not afraid to look at anyone n give em a little "hello" with a smile, a look or a nod, or a raise of the eyebrows. swing my hips low, ready for anything. i stick to my guns....i KNOW im faboulus, no matter what anyone fucking says. not in a cocky trying to hard way..jus a real thick confident glow.

    my little 15 year old sister gave me some real good advice. she said, "act like THEY need your approval. not like YOU need theirs."

    i jus try to keep in my mind "ok, to them im a sexy goddess of a stripper...." and ill behave like so.

    well hope this helps a bit. usually it jus takes me a half hour to an hour to feel more comfortable in my 'stripper skin' when i first arrive to work.
    [True Passion Demands Respect]
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    When you're in introverted-shy-mode, have you found a way to pysche yourself out and switch into extroverted-mode at will?
    If so, please tell me your secret!
    Check out the affirmations thread in Hustle Hut at the moment.

    Otherwise, just give yourself time. Do something at home prior to work that will make yourself feel like a sexy goddess! Or else just start earlier (if you can) so you can give yourself plenty of time to "warm up" and get into the perky stripper persona you require for the night.


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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Quote Originally Posted by manhattan View Post

    More than half the time lately, I find that I arrive at work feeling introverted. And when I drink, it's sort of like medicating myself to switch into extrovert mode.

    I want to find 'extrovert-mode' INSIDE myself, WITHOUT drinking.

    Any creative tricks or advice out there on "getting into character"? (or know of a thread that discusses this?) Please share!

    Thanks guys
    I know what you mean. I am quite a shy person, and it takes me about half-an-hour to adjust to being at work and get into stripper-mode. The ritual of putting on make-up and doing my hair definitely helps me get into the mood. Then I practice walking confidently around the club. (Actually I'm just looking for a manager to sign me in, but I usually have to hunt, so it's a good chance to scope the club out while looking kinda busy and in-demand.) If I see any good prospective customers, I'll approach; otherwise I'll sit at the bar and have a Redbull and talk with my favorite bartender for just a few minutes. A little bit of chatting -- not too much -- with staff or other dancers seems to help me start feeling social, and then I'm ready to go.

    To the OP: sounds like you're well aware of the pros and cons of dancing. You have to weigh all the good stuff it can bring you -- financial security, people skills, confidence -- with the bad. However, you can control how bad the "bad" gets. You don't have to let the opinions of others -- your friends or your customers -- affect you negatively. Instead of dwelling on the things you don't like about the job, remind yourself of what you *do* like. Also, remember that alchohol is actually a depressant. While it might make you feel amazing in the short-term, in the long-term it's probably making your attitude worse.

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    Veteran Member Sinful333's Avatar
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Quote Originally Posted by absolutbliss View Post
    just really mind the pervos and having to talk and talk and talk and talk ALL day. Yeah, and it's nearly impossible to find a good guy.

    Sorry about the ranting. Im wondering if any of you have experienced this?
    I do! I do! I do!

    The only real way stripping has changed me is; I dont like to talk on my off days all that much. I really enjoy the quiet. I don't like to talk on the phone, I can text like a mofo but talking... thats ALL I do ALL night EVERY night.

    Talking is exhausting..

    I feel ya girl. Go take a vacation.

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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    I must be full of myself or something because I've never really given a rat's ass what anyone else thinks of my job, or anything else I do for that matter. I'm of the "mind your own fucking business" school of thought.

    As for the drinking, no one but you can decide if you are an alcoholic or if you're just going through a phase. Take a week off and see how often during that week you are compelled to get wasted. That will tell you a lot.
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    God/dess holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    There is some good advice here - I just wanted to add in response to this
    On the other hand, there would be no way in hell I would be where I am now without dancing. Likely I'd be living with my parents. I wouldn't have the shit I do or the independence. And I've gotten in great shape (yay for pole tricks). I've learned how to relate to everybody, developing amazing people skills. I've got a confidence i've never had before,
    I think that is not true, you have the tools to be a confident saleswoman and there is no reason why you couldn't be successful in another line of work. Just don't feel trapped, you can always explore doing something different in the future if you want.
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Sounds like you're hanging on as well as anybody could. Don't be so hard on yourself... you've learned, and you can be counted when the counting ritual occurs.

    The way you have described your situation, it sounds as if you are going way too fast. If you would slow down a bit and allow yourself some time to think about your life, you may come to some conclusions you won't otherwise.

    Anyone can stay in the same mindset for their whole lives if they don't stop and think about it.

    If you have to be tanked to give a good dance, that means you need to let your mind unravel. You don't want to do what you are doing to yourself.

    You are first. Always know that. If you are doing something you don't like, find another way. There is always and will always be an answer and another way.

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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Quote Originally Posted by absolutbliss View Post
    I really want to smack people who say that dancing is just "partying all day" or "the easiest job in the world."

    Mentally I've really been beat. Getting dumped for being a stripper, having an ex threaten to contact my entire family regarding that, as well as adjusting to living by yourself and working five days a week........

    I've been drinking all together way way way way WAY too much. Like every day all day. I'm to the point where looking at custies walking in the door makes me like "oh god it's gonna suck giving him a dance I just know it." Men really disgust me now. I mean bad. To the point where I have to be half tanked to give a good dance. I'm dating a really nice good looking guy, and he's totally cool with everything. I just think I need to cut out the drinking, but the problem is, I LOVE drinking. I feel amazing when I drink, and have fun doing it.

    On the other hand, there would be no way in hell I would be where I am now without dancing. Likely I'd be living with my parents. I wouldn't have the shit I do or the independence. And I've gotten in great shape (yay for pole tricks). I've learned how to relate to everybody, developing amazing people skills. I've got a confidence i've never had before, and I've learned to see right thru the assholes/liars/losers real quick. It takes a lot to hurt me now, but at a huge expense....

    I think I need a vacation. I really don't mind my job, I just really mind the pervos and having to talk and talk and talk and talk ALL day. Yeah, and it's nearly impossible to find a good guy.

    Sorry about the ranting. Im wondering if any of you have experienced this?
    I'm going thorough the EXACT same thing you are right now. On one hand I really appreciate my job and all the things that go along with it, then on the other hand getting paid to "Party" can get old at times. I guess you realize that whatever you choose to do in your life even if for the most part really like it, anything can get monotonous and tiring.

    I do like my job and am VERY greatful for all the wonderful things it has given me and all the lessons it has taught me. And yeah I love the body I developed over the five years I spent dancing.

    But sometimes the men in there really drain me and I feel like it doesn't bother me as much when I'm drinking but in a way drinking can get boring too and I can feel the toll on my body.

    I guess the secret is just appreciating it now because one day it won't be there anymore but just accept that you have responsibilites in life and anything you do for a long period of time you will go through ups and downs with.

    I think finding another thing that interests you will help..like taking a class or learning something new..do something different that going to a club or drinking will help balance the atmospher of work alot. I was thinking of getting a part time job at some place fun that I would like..just so maybe I would feel like dancing is not my only real identity, and cause me to see the fun in it again if I spend some time doing something outside the industry.

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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnie View Post
    YES!!! I have combined school/money burnout. Whereas work was fun, lately I have been feeling like a slave to money. Not that i make too little, it is more like, the more you make, the more you pressure yourself to keep making more and more...to the point where it is somewhat (ok, sometimes very) counterproductive.
    Yes! I've gone through the same thing. You can get very spoiled very quick. For a straight year I pretty much made most of my money off of one regular then when he stopped coming in I found so hard to tolorate hustling...I forgot how hard it was. I was in this mental mindset of "Oh if you don't wanna give me 300 for the hour I don't even wanna talk to you dude." That is so wrong but it was mentally hard for me to re-adjust to dealing with a bunch of different guys with different energies all night. I've gotton better at it recently...it was hurting my money so bad because I had these goals and I wasn't really having "fun" with the guys and I know the could feel it so they were probably like "Fuck her" Which in a way I don't blame them!

    But now during the shift I never look at my money and try not to focus on it. I mean I am always motivated to work but I try to work smarter not harder..I used to try to force going up to guys I just didn't think would be into me because I figured a dance is a dance and it adds up I have to go up to EVERYONE. Then I'd get all annoyed and flustered if I go too many no's in a row.

    Now what I do is look around and listen to my gut. I know it sounds silly but I just kinda try to scope out who I think would like me...just by what I feel rather than think.

    I try to go in with a different mindset like..I'm just going to be relaxed and act like I am there to have fun and talk about whatever I want to. If the guys are having fun the wallets come out..and now I try to reserve much more of my energy for that one guy that is going to give me alot of money and invest a little more time and energy "connecting" with him than trying to dance for every guy in the room.

    Trying to not mentally focus on the money and "having fun" while still remaining personally motivated to work is the key to attracting more money to you and also guys with deep pockets. It also is alot less taxing on you mentally and physically too.

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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Quote Originally Posted by Sinful333 View Post

    The only real way stripping has changed me is; I dont like to talk on my off days all that much. I really enjoy the quiet. I don't like to talk on the phone, I can text like a mofo but talking... thats ALL I do ALL night EVERY night.

    Talking is exhausting..

    This is the truest thing in the whole world. I have become such a quiet little thing on my days off, you'd scarcely recognize me from the devoted yapper of my pre-stripper days. It makes it tough keeping in touch with old friends, which is the worst part, because the last thing I feel like doing is filling them in on my life, since I issue some diluted/ embellished version of that a zillion times a night.

    I don't much like listening to music either. Maybe in the car, or when I'm cleaning, but the rest of the time, I loooooove the quiet.

    Being a stripper has made me so stupidly wholesome that any street cred I might have from showing my tits for money is undermined by what I do the rest of the time, most of which is doublechecking my MLA formatting for flawlessness, baking things with whole-wheat flour, and buying presents for my cat.

    To the OP: it's disconcerting to hear that you've become a heavier drinker since you started dancing. I agree that a vacation is in order, but I would also consider tackling your drinking habit before it gets worse, for your own health as well as the health of your relationships. I have mixed feelings about AA, so I can't recommend it wholeheartedly, but I can help you search for resources in your area if you want to re-examine your drinking habits (PM me; we can sleuth in tandem on Google ). Please understand that I am not trying to be preachy or puritanical, but I get heartbroken by alcohol abuse, especially in the context of the clubs. You've seen it before, I'm sure: a bright-eyed, young, beautiful dancer becomes, over the course of a few months, a bloated, slurring, argumentative chick who does things on the job that one wouldn't often do while sober (I don't just mean extras, I mean little things, like picking fights in the dressing room, spending hours throwing up in the bathroom, lurching around drunkenly on stage, etc.). I'm not saying that YOU do these things, of course... I'm just saying that the image of the "wasted stripper" has burned itself unfavorably in my memory, and I'm left with a rather bad impression. Like Tina said, that's not what this job is good for.

    But really, PM me if you want to talk about this. Your post struck a chord in me. I want you to be happy; I want you to be okay.

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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    the longer i dance the harder it gets to hear a guy say:

    "you guys have it made. you dance around naked and people give you money just for looking good. shit I'D do that if I were a girl!"

    it gets harder and harder to not correct them, but if you -do- you ruin a possible sale.

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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny View Post
    the longer i dance the harder it gets to hear a guy say:

    "you guys have it made. you dance around naked and people give you money just for looking good. shit I'D do that if I were a girl!"

    it gets harder and harder to not correct them, but if you -do- you ruin a possible sale.
    As the risk of being a guy interjecting into this thread, Penny has made a very pertinent point.

    The great majority of custy's go into a strip venue with a mental model of the 'stereotypical stripper' to guide their actions. >95% probably don't realise there is a difference between fantasy and reality - and why should they?

    As Penny says correcting them would ruin a potential sale - so it's easier to say "damn, this is fun" to them rather than "hey, this is a job, not a lifestyle".

    Taking this line of thought a bit further, you've got to look at things a little though the eyes of the male of the species. The great majority of us don't see dancers a perfectly normal individuals doing a distinctly non-conventional job to earn a living - instead we project our fantasies on you and expect you to behave as our fantasies suggest you should.

    OK - from a dancer POV, this means that a large number of customers behave like a pain in the ass, but there can be two basic reasons for doing this:

    (a) We're predatory individuals who see dancers purely as vessels for our own sexual gratification and hence anything that doesn't get us thrown out of the SC is fair game.

    (b) We behave in a way objectional to dancers because we don't know any better.

    I would suggest that the next time anyone feels that:

    Quote Originally Posted by absolutbliss View Post
    I'm to the point where looking at custies walking in the door makes me like "oh god it's gonna suck giving him a dance I just know it." Men really disgust me now. I mean bad. To the point where I have to be half tanked to give a good dance...I really don't mind my job, I just really mind the pervos and having to talk and talk and talk and talk ALL day. Yeah, and it's nearly impossible to find a good guy.
    you consider whether the bad behaviour is due to predatory instincts or ignorance.

    I suspect that a large percentage of guys that dancers feel are being objectionable are doing it through ignorance and would be a bit ashamed if the error of their ways was pointed out to them.

    I'm not trying to explain away male behaviour - just show you the view from the other side of the fence. I fully realise that even if you do accept that the guy who's just behave like an idiot towards you is doing so through ignorance, it won't take away the hurt from his actions.

    What I would suggest is that you don't think "this guy's really treating me badly cos he's got no respect for me as a person", you think "this guys treating me badly, because he can only see me as a stereotypical stripper and he doesn't know the real me".

    Phil.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post
    I suspect that a large percentage of guys that dancers feel are being objectionable are doing it through ignorance and would be a bit ashamed if the error of their ways was pointed out to them.
    Somehow, I doubt it. I've tried to explain to customers that their crass/rude/gross behavior is not acceptable and causes me to look upon them unfavorably, they just don't care.

    Misogyny is rampant in strip clubs. Somehow these guys feel that because they are paying the women, abuse should be accepted as part of the "job". I have always been selective as to whom I willing to dance for, and as soon as the available customer base becomes so distasteful to me that I can't find decent customers to sell to, I'm outta there.

    It is very empowering to tell the abusive customer "no. I won't dance for you." It is really the only way to have any kind of longevity in this business (for me). I reserve the right to refuse dances with anyone.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  24. #24
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    Quote Originally Posted by Tina View Post
    You really need to stop letting societal images of dancing affect you. As the old saying goes, "It's not what you do, but how you do it."
    You are SO right about this!! While there are some women who are uncomfortable with the thought of doing an air dance, some are completely okay with the idea of having sex with strangers for money. Neither one is right or wrong, but the one who has mental obstacles set up in the way of societal morals is going to have a MUCH harder time surviving in a healthy way in the sex industry. The women who feel that what they do is wrong, but continue doing it for the money will get chewed up and spit back out. When you can admit that what you offer borders on prostitution and be totally okay with that, then you will be a bit better off. That's not to say that you'll always be totally okay when you're more "morally loose" because there are other nasty perils to deal with, but it makes it a lot easier when you don't see your work as "wrong". This is my opinion, but I think it's pretty dead on in conjuction with a lot of cases I've come across.

    This is true even of my fiance. He works for a company that produces junk mail. He feels wrong about it in an environmental sense, therefore it makes it harder for him to believe in what he does for a living. I'd say that's a sure recipe for eventually hating your job.

    Whether we want to admt it or not, we whore ourselves out in almost every industry we could choose to work in. I personally feel like less of a whore working in a strip club than I do working in an office under a boss of some sort.

    It becomes an issue of your personal perception of the job, how your own values and boundaries come into play and how good you are at mentally protecting yourself from the stress that can wear away at someone who is not able to handle the eventual toll this job can take.
    I find that a lot of dancers here are not primarily disgusted by the customers themselves, but by the things they have allowed the customers to do that crossed their personal boundaries. If you feel as though you are a victim/slut/whore/disgusting/etc because you allowed X,Y &Z to happen for whatever reason, of course it WILL fuck with you.

    Not all of this is necessarily directed at the OP, just some observations and thoughts sprung from Tina's post. But I think it can apply in a way, because there have been times when we are all faced with the prospect of having our personal boundaries crossed at work. It can be maddening to anyone, no matter how hard you stick to your guns. You're always faced with the "what ifs" when Big Spender offers you a ton of cash to cross those boundaries. It's a constant struggle. It takes a lot of strength to deal, especially when you are working 4 or more days a week.

    All I can say to absolutbliss is that you should always care for yourself first, giving respect to whatever those boundaries may be. I don't think the excessive drinking is the PROBLEM, I think it's a SYMPTOM of something deeper you have an issue with personally. It could be societal pressures, feeling violated, not believing in the type of work you do, stage fright, feelings of being anti-social, etc...
    Whatever it is, I hope you figure it out before this industry eats you alive. I don't mean to be harsh, just realistic.

  25. #25
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    Default Re: depressed dancer reflections

    phil - i'm with paris. i agree with your post, but i think that the predatory type is BY FAR a larger % than the men who just "don't know better" and would "feel bad" if they did. most of the guys behaving badly either think it's funny or they think that they deserve it. most of them know full well what they're doing and they just don't give a shit. why? no respect for women. plain and simple.

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