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Thread: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

  1. #1
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    So a while back, I made mention about migrating myself to a better diet. And being an already owner of a few 101 series books, I posted about a great tofu book.

    I got it in February.

    And it sat there while I committed secret and unspeakable crimes against the culinary community going to show, that just cause I am decent with a hammer, a screwdriver, a keyboard, a pic, and a pencil (in my opinion) does not mean I'm decent with a spatula.

    I was, for my own health reasons, determined. And if I can flex my comedy muscles, Why not.

    It's Friday night, and I feel like learning something (or trying again anyways)

    Today, on Masticating Mast: Hellmouth's Kitchen we're making "Ultimate Veggie Chili".

    You ready for this emily?

    I took notes while I was doing this. Now serious. Here's some questions that got me laughed at by the infidels at the whole foods co-op... (super expensive!)

    1) "What and where is nutmeg?" And when shown the actual nut, I was so embarrassed to find out you GROUND them before putting them in. (not used in this recipe but asked)

    2) "What and where is Cum In?"



    So here we go, I've got my little helper that leaves my mentality in question, A new cookbook, A desire to make some people laugh, and allllll night baby.

    Cue the cooking theme (Mortal Kombat)

    Pictures May come up, depends on how they turn out.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  2. #2
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    Hmmmm step one is saute an onion.

    What the FUCK is "saute"?

    Google Helps!
    http://www.akiskitchen.ca/techniques..._onions_1.html
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  3. #3
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    definition of creepy: me leaning into the fridge about two days ago thinking "masticating mast"...

    what the...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #4
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    Hahahah

    Since I'm trying to destroy a dish calling for frozen tofu then thawed I think it may be wise to thaw the tofu out first
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  5. #5
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    This just in:

    ONIONS FUCKING SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  6. #6
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    newsflash: tofu ain't so hot either.

    tried it again last night, hoping that the passage of time would have altered its constitution. nuh, still gross.

    (even doused with malaysian sauces)
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    I diced the SHIT outta that bell pepper though.

    I through the center seedy thinger out....I think that's where all the sin and syphilis is kept.

    I fucking said HASSANNNNNNNNN CHOP to that bitch.

    Forgot to take that fucking sticker off.... it's in there in little pieces....hahah no lie

    *turns blind eye*
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  8. #8
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    It doesn't really say how to prep garlic, but I remembered!!!!

    Pound dat bitch...YAH! BAM!

    Is a "clove" a whole thingy or one of these little thingies?
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  9. #9
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    the little thingy.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #10
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    ok cool, cause that's what I did.... I recorded a movie of how I minced garlic.... hehehehe I just didn't want to forget... I literally jumped around going "Fuuuuuuuuucccckkkk how'd she do it?!" And then BAM I remembered!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    smart idea: open all your canned goods FIRST
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  12. #12
    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    Mast, this is comic gold. Keep going, man!

  13. #13
    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    Oh god, not again. Your poor kitchen, Lol
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

  14. #14
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    Fucking CORRRRRNNNNNN BRB

    Note: Crumbling thawed tofu only sucks when you get to the not-so-thawed center....talk about my helpers little paws....he tried soooo hard
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  15. #15
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    Thank god for neighbors!

    Get back and opened the ol covered lid an look in....


    my face hurts.

    a LOT.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  16. #16
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    I NEVER DRAINED AND RINCED THE BEEEEAAAANNNSSSS


    Well one can

    son of a BITTTCH
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  17. #17
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    I can make this worrrk

    I can doooo it...
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  18. #18
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    oh it doesn't look too bad....


    Now since this serves 8 I need to add the final ingredient...

    *Dips his balls in it*


    Let simmer for 1 hour.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  19. #19
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    Ohshi I'm still missing my 512 meg camera card poooooooo
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  20. #20
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    waaaait a minute... what kind of vegie chilli has nuts in it?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  21. #21
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    Ok, while this simmers, I'll offer up some pics yo:


    Masticating Mast and His Helper Chefster "T". You call him Mister. (Don't. Just Don't)

    The Ingredients.

    If you want to see me Mince a Clove:

    http://www.mastridonicus.com/seekrit...king%20010.MPG



    The finished product!

    Oh and the book is pretty awesome. And the food is really good. It's funny, which is why I bought it.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  22. #22
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    despite the nuts and woodland creatures used in the creation of it, that looks pretty good.

    are you sure you made it?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  23. #23
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    From hell's heart I stab at thee nibbler.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  24. #24
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    I mean, it tastes pretty good naut. I could have crumbled the tofu a little more. I chose this one because I believe I had something similar, if not the same thing.

    Mine's acceptable, but the one who has shown it to me has touched the zen of true flavor.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  25. #25
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: For your amusement, A documentation. I'm learning to cook

    ok, ok, never look a burnt face in the.... face?

    (don't listen to me, i'm real hungry-like)

    so.... *swirls finger on table* you gonna eat all that?

    *waggles eyebrows*
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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