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    Default This is embarrassing to admit

    I know I shouldn't but lately I've been looking at myself through other people's eyes. My club is pretty small, hell my city is relativley small compared to other big cities so you run into of regulars. I've been feeling like guys in there are looking down on me and feeling sorry for me. In actuality it's probably actually just looking at myself that way. I've been working at my club off and on for almost five years...for the most part I like my job...I still make very good money being a clean dancer..but I just feel like those guys look down on strippers and somehow "know" that I didn't come from a rich background and all I am trying to do with my life is get ahead and set myself up for the future. I just feel like they think to themselves "Oh look she's 25 now and she is STILL doing this..she must need the money really bad" I just feel like guys are so disrespectful to dancers lately too. Was it always this way? I felt like five years ago more guys treated us like ladies and princesses and now it's like they treat us like we are society's scum or something and it REALLY bothers me.

    On Tuesday I was dancing for this guy and he was like "Can I ask you a question? Do you dance because you like it or because you need the money?" I laughed it off like "I only do things that are fun." But DUH I mean yes I need the money because I want to get ahead in life!! Sorry I wasn't born rich ok! This job has been very good to me and I was able to find the time to go back and get my high school diploma and then get some collage and a car, ect all because of this...I want to get a house and an education too before I retire...there is no way I could probably do all this without dancing. How can people look down on that???

    For a while I was feeling like people were looking at me like some useless burn out stripper who will be trapped in this untill I'm thirty. But I choose to be there and am doing positive things with my money. I'm not a hooker or drug user..I'm a really nice person that has alot to offer this world with lots of talent and I feel like people don't want to acknowlege that or can even see that because I'm a "dancer". I have alot of respect for myself and treat others with respect too and I'm tired of being looked at like "Poor girl she has to dance to make a living. She hasn't found some rich guy to take care of her yet" First of all I accept that I have to work for a living..I'm not looking for that, I like my independance and want marry someone I really love..not because I'm obligated to. I'm just tired of all these people's assumptions about me and my life.

    It really is effecting my self esteem and image about myself and I want to get out of this mindset. How? Has anyone ever gone through this? I never looked at dancing negatively before why now?

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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    ...who will be trapped in this untill I'm thirty.
    There are a heap of dancers who are doing this thru choice not circumstance who are over thirty and I know I for one will be wanting to continue to do this business when I am over thirty.

    What's with the hang-up about the age? Plenty of women do well (if not better) once they are near/at/over 30 years of age compared to their early or mid twenties.

    Otherwise, it is totally up to you to snap out of this negative outlook and focus on the postive (blessings) it has given you. Forget about what other people think about and of you because it will do you no good. Only pay attention to what YOU think about YOU.

    Love that and other people will love it. If they don't, why the hell do you care so much?


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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    There are a heap of dancers who are doing this thru choice not circumstance who are over thirty and I know I for one will be wanting to continue to do this business when I am over thirty.

    What's with the hang-up about the age? Plenty of women do well (if not better) once they are near/at/over 30 years of age compared to their early or mid twenties.

    Otherwise, it is totally up to you to snap out of this negative outlook and focus on the postive (blessings) it has given you. Forget about what other people think about and of you because it will do you no good. Only pay attention to what YOU think about YOU.

    Love that and other people will love it. If they don't, why the hell do you care so much?
    I'm guess I'm just an overally sensitive person..in some ways that is an asset in some ways a hinderance...like in this situation.

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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    Quote Originally Posted by lilac666 View Post
    My club is pretty small, hell my city is relativley small compared to other big cities so you run into of regulars.
    Sounds to me like you need a change of scene, for starters. Why not pick up sticks and try a new town, a new club, a new set of customers?

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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    There are a heap of dancers who are doing this thru choice not circumstance who are over thirty and I know I for one will be wanting to continue to do this business when I am over thirty.

    What's with the hang-up about the age? Plenty of women do well (if not better) once they are near/at/over 30 years of age compared to their early or mid twenties.

    Otherwise, it is totally up to you to snap out of this negative outlook and focus on the postive (blessings) it has given you. Forget about what other people think about and of you because it will do you no good. Only pay attention to what YOU think about YOU.

    Love that and other people will love it. If they don't, why the hell do you care so much?

    Yep. I'm lookin at thirty this year... and I choose to be a dancer still.

    Maybe make a Positive List of things about yourself? Hang it up in your locker or in your home so you can focus on it every day. That works for me when I am seriously in doubt.
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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    It's time you made the transition to living by your values--not the crowd you happen to be around. It's fine to do what it takes to get ahead. It's your choice--not theirs! You can't impress everyone. They have too many agendas for that.

    Which brings me to my next point. Consider the agenda of a man who wants to pity you. It's an insult not an insight. He wants to feel superior. It has nothing to do with whether you're living up to your full potential. Anytime someone tries that I ask them what they do for a living and where they live. Nine times out of ten they are ashamed for some reason. I notice turning the tables makes them back off alot!

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    Honey, you're projecting.
    But second - anyway - guys don't get to make evaluative judgments on your life. They don't even know you.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    Other people's opinions about you are completely irrelevant to who you are and what you are worth. I'm betting if you felt really good about yourself right now, you wouldn't be worrying about what other people think of you. It sounds like you're concerned yourself about what it means that you've been dancing for five years. Are you still happy dancing? Do you know what you want to do next? Have you got money saved for the next phase of your life?

    Maybe if you had a concrete plan for the future, you wouldn't worry about ending up as a burn-out. Not that all dancers who stay in this profession are burn-outs, by any means. Most of the "older" dancers I've known have been pretty kick-ass women who knew exactly what they were doing and took no shit.

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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    ^^^Yeah, I think it's more likely for burnouts to drop out of dancing before they hit 30. This life is too tough on women who don't care for their minds and bodies and finances.

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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    Who cares what other people think of what you do? They don't have to live your life. Do what you like as long as you like.

    Also consider the source of your negativity. I'd be willing to bet you aren't being put down by world leaders, scientists, and the Hollywood elite. Likely the source of your negativity is some guy that stocks shelves at Wal-Mart all night. Or possibly sits in a cubicle and sells life insurance over the phone. Certainly, if you really look at your critics, you'll see that they are not coming from an enviable position.

    I like to cut to the quick of people like that. I've had catty women criticize what I do for a living and I'll fire back with "Well, at least I don't have to work at some stupid administrative assistant job for $30K a year." (Usually this hits pretty close to home)

    BTW, there are plenty of hot women over 30 that dance and are happy for it. I didn't even start until I nearly 29.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    I've known some very beautiful and sensual dancers who were over 30. And it's a lucky person who is able to make money doing something they enjoy. Would you rather sit in a cubicle and make outbound telemarketing calls because it is respectable? If you are having fun at what you are doing, keep doing it.

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    Featured Member Kalligirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    I know a BAD ASS woman who is 46 and looks 26! She is bad ass!

    But anyway, you just have to stay positive. If you think negatively, and think everyone is looking at you negatively you will exude it. Maybe you should try a new club or if you have the funds travel.

    I HATED working in NJ/NY and was totally depressed and wanted to quit. Now that I'm back down south I love it more than ever! ::knocks on wood::

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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    PLease don't let some people's negativity and stereotypes discourage you in any way.There are very many dancers in their 30's,even 40's and some even beyond.Besides,from my personal experience often older girls make more money.

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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    A few months ago I had an issue with being 30 and still being in my club....but then I realized that once men started hearing I was 30....my money went through the roof! Look at my pic...I know I dont look 30 because I'm told so everyday I work...plus I still get carded for smokes! lol....point is...


    DONT put a number or age on your career...you'll just set yourself up in the long run...enjoy it for as long as you can....as much as you can! You'll see your return is much more rewarding...


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    You are so pretty Tampa. Such a symetrical and unique, lovely face. The dark hair is perfect!

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    Holy shit! ^^^ I know you and you definately don't look 30! What a small world

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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    lilac

    This is exactly the same problem I have had where I live. I am 29, I started dancing as soon as I turned 18. Many of the customers here have known me for years. They arent the ones who tip me either. They are actually a deterrant to my making money. Because they talk to shit other customers from shit that I did years ago. I am tired of the disrespect. I havent worked since last year..The people at my old club were very mean to me and I got mean back. I dont know if I am going back to dancing, and if i do, it might not be around here. I am no longer 'fresh meat'. This industry is cruel. I am over the disrespect.

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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    Thats when you ask "do you plan on remaining a virigin until youre 90 or do you actually wanna get some at point in your pathetic life?"
    AmyLynne

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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    The only reason that these comments from guys should be bothering you is if YOU think that there is something wrong with you being a dancer. If you think that dancing makes you less of a person or there's something wrong with it, then you should evaluate what you're doing, or your beliefs. If you're feeling bad about it simply because you know that others look down on you, then you should realize that other people's opinions of you shouldn't influence how you feel about yourself.

    The only opinion of theirs that you should care about is whether or not they want to give you their money. If that answer is yes, and you're making a good living, then keep doing what you're doing!

    Guys ask me a lot why I dance, if it's just for the money or if I really like it, I always laugh and say both, of course. What other job can you drink at, have fun, and get paid to dance and look cute? All with a flexible schedule and less than 40 hours a week? If you feel the need to defend yourself a little, then do it. I don't think customers realize how great of a job it is sometimes. They think you're dancing cause your dad beat you and you need to get high to forget about it. They don't realize that dancers have the same motivations for making money as anyone else.

    You're probably looking at it negatively now because you are having some kind of crisis over dancing for 5 years and not being done with it yet. Maybe you wanted to have moved on before you were 25? It sounds like you just need to re-convince yourself that dancing is the right thing for you right now, and make sure that it's what you really want to be doing. Then you won't have any problem telling customers with opinions of you where they can shove their opinions.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    You are so pretty Tampa. Such a symetrical and unique, lovely face. The dark hair is perfect!

    aww thanks!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist View Post
    It's time you made the transition to living by your values--not the crowd you happen to be around. It's fine to do what it takes to get ahead. It's your choice--not theirs! You can't impress everyone. They have too many agendas for that.

    Which brings me to my next point. Consider the agenda of a man who wants to pity you. It's an insult not an insight. He wants to feel superior. It has nothing to do with whether you're living up to your full potential. Anytime someone tries that I ask them what they do for a living and where they live. Nine times out of ten they are ashamed for some reason. I notice turning the tables makes them back off alot!
    Thank you. Yes this really puts alot into perspective for me. I know deep down my unhappiness stems from personally feeling like I am not exersizing all of my talents and reaching my full potiental. It isn't really dancing..I mean I have nothing against dancers who choose to do this and enjoy it and are sucessful at it for many years. Many women are very happy dancing and have found their niche in life. I hate how society can't see what strong, determined, willfull people they are. Dancing is SUCH a hard career and it takes a certain type of person with a certain type of talent to make a real rewarding career out of it. Not every girl that gets into this business has the ability to make it and deal with the psycological pressure that society puts on you. It makes me furious that anyone looks down on them..I mean everyone has to make a living and not everyone has the looks, personality, sales sense to make a living off of this job.

    But just stuff like...I saw an older regular I hadn't seen in a year and he was like "Oh you are still here? I thought you'd go to Hollywood and chase fame and fourtune by now." That made me feel so angry. Why is being a famous person the measure of a good person???? I felt like he was saying to me "You are selling yourself short." And in some ways I feel like "Hey I'm sucessful at this job...you are in here looking at naked girls but somehow you are acting like I am too good to be here...well you are here too!"

    But in ways when there are just dead beats sitting in the club, not getting dances, trying to grab at me, being rude to me and when I think about all the effort I put into my look, my clothes, the attention I give to these guys and I feel like I am not getting paid what I am worth...yes sorry I feel underappreciated! I guess this problem runs much deeper than my dancing career...because yes if I was an adminstrative assistant makeing 1/3 of what I make now I'd probably feel that way too. I just want to really challenge and push myself to utilize all my talents, find some kind of personal gratification in what I spend my life doing. I am not someone who is happy just existing...I am a perfectionist and want to be happy in what I am doing.

    But there is a balance between reaching your full potential in life and knowing you have to pay bills too! I know being realistic is important and assessing your talents but at the same time reaching for the sky makes me feel alive.

    This job has been the most rewarding but also hardest job I have every had. This job has allowed me money, freedom, time for my interests...and best of all I've personally learned so much about myself. I have learned to develop much more of a backbone..I've learned you can't look to others for self esteem...I've learned that I can really make it out on my own. I can talk to almost anyone..I became a fantastic listener...these are all valuable life lessons that I would never would have learned had I not become a dancer. I just feel kinda insulted when someone tells me "you are too good to be here" or "you are such an intelligent, fantstic young woman what are you doing here" That is like really annoying to me because A) I've met a LOT of fantastic women dancing who I respect and admire who have done this job and B) This job has allowed me to grow and mature leaps and bounds. I really like the person I am today and dancing taught me how to become that person. Plus if I took a job that payed me way less and made me misrible every day then I would REALLY feel like I was cheating myself.

    I guess I'm just asking what is the mesure to know that it is your destiny dancing? Is it how much money you make? What is it? How do you KNOW that you are ment to be there? How do you trust that this is what truly what you were ment to do? I don't want to feel like I've wasted my life...So far I am VERY happy I became a dancer...but now I just feel stuck...I'm know you are never done learning in life...I know that there is probably more in dancing that I can learn and I am open to that...but I know I also have responsiblities and bills to pay and dancing takes care of this...but I also hunger for new challenges and experiences.......I just want to be the best person I can and for my life to have meaning...and when I deal with people who treat me horrible and act like my talent dancing is useless and act like because I am a dancer I'm not a worthwhile person it makes me doubt myself. I'm only a human being and it can be hard to have all this psychic energy bombarding you and not to affect you.

    When I look at the reality of this situation I am happy...I make money as a clean dancer, I have time, freedom, money...I have a few regulars who really appreciate me and I've become a more loving, strong, spirtual person because of what dancing has taught me. I've gained a unique perspective on life and people. These kind of things are priceless. I just want to be recognized for it. When I focus of these things I feel proud...it's just when I feel like society disregards me that I question myself and I don't exactly know how to deal with that anger.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shift_6x View Post
    lilac

    This is exactly the same problem I have had where I live. I am 29, I started dancing as soon as I turned 18. Many of the customers here have known me for years. They arent the ones who tip me either. They are actually a deterrant to my making money. Because they talk to shit other customers from shit that I did years ago. I am tired of the disrespect. I havent worked since last year..The people at my old club were very mean to me and I got mean back. I dont know if I am going back to dancing, and if i do, it might not be around here. I am no longer 'fresh meat'. This industry is cruel. I am over the disrespect.
    Hey I remember you. We talked a bit when I posted here years ago. Yes you understand what I am talking about. I can't STAND these people. Some of these guys are worse than old church ladies. I hate when they are like "Oh I remember you when you were a shy, inscure twenty year old" and it's like yeah am I allowed to grow as a person? Why are you always trying to bring up the past? Who the HELL is the same person they were at eighteen? I mean I just want to scream at them to get a life and just mind their damn business. It is really bothering me because I feel like I have grown into a real woman and sometimes I feel like they are jealous that I've grown as a person and are always trying to drag me into the past and they are still the same bitter person they always were.

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    Default Re: This is embarrassing to admit

    lilac

    I remember u too, from a few years ago. I completely understand where u r coming from. No matter how strong of a mind u have or how hardcore ur 'blinders' r it gets to a point where enough is enough. It got really, really bad for me..At one point I had to walk away.
    As badly as I may want to change society's label of who I am, I cant change it. It really does get frustrating.. I built myself up so high from all the abuse that I didnt know who I was anymore. I was always, always on the defense..And the worst part is that I had reason to. Some fucked up things were done to me for a long time..But dont worry I got their asses back.
    U either have to come to terms with society's view and not accept it, just try to live with it..Or u get out of dancing. For right now, I am out of dancing. After years of putting on my 'battle armour' right now I just dont want to have to do that..I'd like to be my real true self and find some peace of mind. Idk, maybe in the future I will go back to dancing-I havent made my mind up. Right now though, I dont want to put myself in the line of fire.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lilac666 View Post
    Hey I remember you. We talked a bit when I posted here years ago. Yes you understand what I am talking about. I can't STAND these people. Some of these guys are worse than old church ladies. I hate when they are like "Oh I remember you when you were a shy, inscure twenty year old" and it's like yeah am I allowed to grow as a person? Why are you always trying to bring up the past? Who the HELL is the same person they were at eighteen? I mean I just want to scream at them to get a life and just mind their damn business. It is really bothering me because I feel like I have grown into a real woman and sometimes I feel like they are jealous that I've grown as a person and are always trying to drag me into the past and they are still the same bitter person they always were.
    Alot of people in our clubs are miserable with their lives, so they come in and judge us. Not only are we a distraction, but we are being judged all the while...I laugh at alot of them..I feel sorry for them cuz theyre really miserable fucks that get their rocks off by being pricks to us. Theyre the pathetic ones. Tell one of them what u really think of them..It's liberating!! Ive done it quite a few times.
    It is funny to me when a customer tries to exercise dominance over me. He is in my world. And oh too often Ive put him or them in their place. I normally try to bite my tongue and let alot slide, but there is a line.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shift_6x View Post
    lilac

    I remember u too, from a few years ago. I completely understand where u r coming from. No matter how strong of a mind u have or how hardcore ur 'blinders' r it gets to a point where enough is enough. It got really, really bad for me..At one point I had to walk away.
    As badly as I may want to change society's label of who I am, I cant change it. It really does get frustrating.. I built myself up so high from all the abuse that I didnt know who I was anymore. I was always, always on the defense..And the worst part is that I had reason to. Some fucked up things were done to me for a long time..But dont worry I got their asses back.
    U either have to come to terms with society's view and not accept it, just try to live with it..Or u get out of dancing. For right now, I am out of dancing. After years of putting on my 'battle armour' right now I just dont want to have to do that..I'd like to be my real true self and find some peace of mind. Idk, maybe in the future I will go back to dancing-I havent made my mind up. Right now though, I dont want to put myself in the line of fire.
    I see completely where you are coming from. Mentally you do have to live your life on the defensive. It's exausting. I know what you mean about being your "true self" and "peace of mind" That is what I want...I've learned that in a strip club you have to be protective of yourself. It can be hard to live your life one way, then go out in your life and live it with an open heart.

    When I first started dancing I had zero self esteem and was looking at dancing not only for the finnancial freedom but for the validation from all these men and people. Dancing has taught me a very important lesson that all that is insincere and you can only find those things through yourself. I'm actually very greatful for things like that that dancing has shown me.

    I'm just afraid of burning out before I've gotten all the things I came here for.

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