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Thread: Visiting friends with kids

  1. #1
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Visiting friends with kids

    It was one of my best friends birthdays last night - she turned 27.
    I totally get the fact that she has two small kids but her so-called birthday party turned into a freakin kid fest!

    I took the night off work for this shit - to be surrounded by about 10 friggin kids and babies screaming til like 11pm at night!

    I just don't get it, fair enough if her kids had to be there but everyone else's? Shit.

  2. #2
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    Thats normal once you have kids unfortunatly, its just what happens, lol. The idea is that its much easier for the parents if the kids have other kids to play with. Also not everyone has babysitters! (-:

  3. #3
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    ^^^^
    yeh i s'pose. I think I just miss the old days with my friends where we would go out for dinner or to a club or whatever. Most of them are parents now and it's hard to adapt to each others lives.

  4. #4
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    Yeah it sucks, and people can get increadibly boring too, lol!
    Mind you it may change as the kids get older, its often difficult when theyre young. If you dont have your own kids chances are youll gradually make new friends who dont have kids either, things change over the years.
    Some people love the whole married, have kids and stop going out thing, and good on em. I just dont personally.

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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    This immediately reminded me of an episode of Sex and the City. The message I got from that show was that it can take a lot of adaptation to understand friends who grow in different directions, especially with things like kids, marriage, and careers.

  6. #6
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    ^^^^
    the episode where carrie goes to the friends party who has kids and she has to take her manolo's off?
    lol I know the one!

  7. #7
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    As a mother it is hard to understand that people without children won't see it as a bother. Life changes and because it does things can't stay the same forever.

    I'm sorry you didn't have a good time but I hope you got to celebrate her day with her surrounded by thise who she felt loved her.

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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    This has happened to me. I got to the Halloween party and kids were everywhere. It was funny tho because even with all the kids there was a keg, jello shots, and punch. So I still had a good time lol.

  9. #9
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    What I hate is when you try to call an old friend, and they have younger kids--it's almost impossible to have a conversation, they are always having to stop and break up fights, the kids are screaming into the phone, etc., etc.

    I tend to like cats, dogs, and kids, and they usually like me, so in person it's not as bad for me, I usually like it. But when you get 20 kids at once, it can be daunting!
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    kids change you fundamentally. you stop being "Ray", you become "dad".

    half of my friends are still confirmed bachelors (it's getting late, boys) and the other half are "Dads". there's definitely a sharp delineation between the two as schedule and activities just aren't the same anymore.

    the "dads" just can't go bar-hopping all nite or have drinks after work (manahattan) or even just hang out every weekend. besides the wife/s.o., the kids simply need time to be parented.

    like hhl noted, people change. almost as fundamental as changing from heterosexual to homosexual imo.

    some people accept it, but some unfortunately do not. also as hhl noted, it was good that you had the chance to share your friend's day though. i'm sure she appreciated it.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    Or if you invite a friend out and they unexpectedly bring their kids? That's a bummer, I thought the little bugger would be in school but mom wanted her to have a fun day out with the girls (ie me). No.

    Children tend to hang around me too. I guess my anti-spawn vibe just doesn't register on their kiddie radar.



    Because there ain't no tits on the radio

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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    Jaizaine, are you Childfree or considering it?

  13. #13
    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    Quote Originally Posted by hardkandee View Post
    Or if you invite a friend out and they unexpectedly bring their kids? That's a bummer, I thought the little bugger would be in school but mom wanted her to have a fun day out with the girls (ie me). No.
    you see, that's where i draw the line. i respect my "non-kid friends" and always ask and frankly assume the kids aren't scheduled when they're (non-kid friends) doing the inviting. i say i have to watch the kids and if they say it's ok, only then do i bring them along (very very rare instances of this though).

    but too many parents don't know how to parent imho. kids running around like terrors and just being obnoxious and cruel, quite frankly.

    i don't want this to become a "parenting thread" but having one's life revolve around their children is one thing. but forcing that view of the universe onto others is something else and not acceptable imo.

    girls/boys nite is just that. not family/clan/cousins/etc. going to chuck e. cheese afternoon.

  14. #14
    Featured Member Sinder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    I can relate to this. I enjoy kids....to an extent. All of my friends have children and I don't. Some days I feel that I am ready to have a child and then I go over for a visit and observe a crying, snot-nosed little monster with a load in their pants, and then I come back to my senses!
    Thankfully though if my girlfriends and I plan a night out, its no problem as a sitter has been arranged. It takes a bit more planning to go out, and you can't do it as often, but at least you can still get away.

  15. #15
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    Do you guys tell your friends "Hey love you, love your kids but can it be just us this time?" or anything like that? I mean see most of my friends are moms or if not they've been with me through the whole mommy thing and it doesn't really come as an alien thing to us that our kids are around all the time but if a friend of mine asks me "hey wanna go out to lunch or something just you and me?" i would try to get someone to care for my child.

    It hurts when someone doesn't want your child there with you at a place because of stereotypical things they think of about children, for example, my brother called me up one day and said "what are you doing tomorrow?" I told him the same thing I do everyday be at home, why?" he said "well I'm getting married and I want you there" first thing was OMG how cool your getting MARRIED!! congrats!

    The day he told me was a Tuesday, on Wednesday my oldest goes to school so I said "Ok great! I can go, what time? where? how should we dress?" he gave me all the info and I called my husband and told him. Around 9 pm he calls back and confirms that we will go and I say "Oh how cool I can't believe you are going to get married! ok so it's who?" so then he tells me who's going and yada.... and I said "Ok so it's Brian, Julian and me but Julian doesn't need a chair or anything he's still very small" he paused and said "oh you can't bring the baby"

    He knew I just had a kid, I'm a nursing mother and I don't have anyone to take care of my kid at that time, people work and who am I going to call at 9 pm today can you care for my child? it doesn't work that way.

    I told him "why can't he be there?" and he said "I don't want kids at my wedding"
    I said "well you know it's your wedding and I'm all for you do it how you want but this isn't reasonable, you call me the day before, you know I have an infant and I mean what's going to happen?" he started to get mad and said "oh he's going to cry" I said "WTH is wrong with you? you think I want to have your day messed up? If he cries or gets fussy I leave the room, at that time is his nap time anyway so he will probably sleep the entire time." HE told me "no." I hung up and cried for about an hr.

    My kids aren't a disease, they are part of my world and my life. Once my kid came in this world I am no longer living for me I live for them and yes it's great to have a moment to myself with a friend but if a friend or a family member doesn't want my children around when I'm with them then I don't want to be around them at all.

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    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    Hardkandee, I feel your pain.

    I have a freind with 2 kids. Whenever we used to try to go out, she always had one of them in tow. Forget about adult conversation---she was constantly having to interrupt herself to tell the child to behave himself. I never feel like we have an actual visit, because we never really get to talk.

    I just tell her now to give me a call when she has some "big-girl time". That means, when we can go out, have a nice glass of wine, and an adult uninterrupted conversation without having Screechly pawing at her with jammy fingers. So now, when we get together, she enjoys herself much more, and we get a good visit in.

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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    All I can say is, thank God that Chuck E. Cheese serves beer! I am the Smokin' Token master...bow down, ya'll


  18. #18
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    I don't like Chuck E. Cheeses, it is icky where I live.

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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    ^well yeah, I think they're ALL icky! Crappy pizza and piss in the ball tent but beer on tap, can't screw that up and it's better than a valium in terms of screaming kids!


  20. #20
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    High Heel Lover I understand in your situation that he should have mentioned it earlier but I totally agree that weddings are no place for children. They are an expensive event and I would definately specifically state that no children or babies were to come to my wedding.
    If that offends then so be it but I dont want my big day ruined by children screaming, crying, running around and distrupting the vibe.
    They might be your world but they are not everyone else's.

    I do want them one day but I dont agree with letting children run your whole life. My parents never let me run a muck at other peoples houses.
    On sat night these children were climbing all over the leather couches at my friends house and she was furious coz the parents dont even bother to discipline them.

    My cousin has a 7 year old son who is my godchild and he is a pleasure to be around. He is well behaved and when I visit her he can sit with the adults but once it's his bedtime he goes to bed without question.

    What I cannot stand is parents who have no control over their children - it becomes tiresome to be around kids like this and u dont want them to visit u and wreck your house.

    Djoser I totally hear what u r saying. I will be on the phone to my friend and mid-conversation she will start yelling at the kids then when she gets back to the convo she cant remember what we were talking about.

  21. #21
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    I understand hon. There has to be a balance with everything in life and parenting is no different.

    With the situation with my brother if he would of given me time then well yeah I mean my sister got married in Puerto Rico and all the way from Jersey I found a person to care for my son while people who live there didn't even have the courtesy to do so, knowing months in advanced.

    My position is that my kids aren't my pets and unless specified no children allowed I must bring them because I can't just leave them in a cage with food and water to fend for themselves.

    Maybe with your friends you can set a time for phone calls because I know well that it's not done on purpose that while in the middle of a conversation a child does something that needs to be addressed immediately and maybe a polite "hold on a sec" won't be able to be said with out having a bad situation unfold.

    There are certain things that are out of your control as a parent and your job is to make sure that your child becomes well educated and follow rules and regulations so others beside yourself can love and appreciate them for who they are.

    I also grew up in a different culture where kids are just as much part of the every day life and special day event like any grown up so it's hard for me to not see it as a normal thing you know, but live and learn

  22. #22
    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    wow, highheel, that's crazy. i'm siding with you in that specific instance. one day notice and your situation doesn't leave you much of a choice there. while i do see your brother's point (see below) but you just can't put your kids aside like that.

    if someone (your brother) wants to be spontaneous, that's great. spontaneity is fun! but unfortunately, that just doesn't work well with kids. it's just not fair to the kids who can't process and adapt to life like (most) adults can.

    otoh, i also agree with jaiz that very young kids usually aren't something welcome at a wedding. while my son attended a few as a toddler, he was explicitly/specifically invited to those.

    but i disagree with jaiz on the children running one's life though. not that i think children should be everything in someone's life but the needs of the child(ren) should be first, always. they didn't ask to be born and they really don't have much control over their lives. whereas it's easier for an adult to adjust to changes or go without something. children have a hard enough time growing up.

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    What I cannot stand is parents who have no control over their children - it becomes tiresome to be around kids like this and u dont want them to visit u and wreck your house.
    i completely agree here. i was actually going to post something similar before but deleted it. i didn't want to post too much.

    kids are potentially monsters or angels. it's up to the parents to guide them into either role. it saddens me to see uncontrollable kids. i feel sad for the children because it is mostly the parents' fault imho (just like the willy wonka scene for veruca salt ). kids just don't know any better (at early ages). it's up to the parents to teach them acceptable behaviour.

    but too often (especially for me living in uber-suburbia) i see parents with the attitude that somehow their kids are genetically-behaviourally perfect even when evidence proves otherwise. i'd like to slap both kids and parents then.

    btw, i was just kidding about chuck e.cheese. it's a viral depot for colds and sicknesses. worst than day-care imo. i try not to go there anymore, even for b-day parties. blech.

    btw lovesexmoney, what chuck e.cheese serves beer? i'm lucky if the ones i've gone to have edible pizza. overpriced is right!

  23. #23
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    Snoopy you are wise

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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    Quote Originally Posted by aussiepunkshocker View Post
    Thats normal once you have kids unfortunatly, its just what happens, lol. The idea is that its much easier for the parents if the kids have other kids to play with. Also not everyone has babysitters! (-:
    Quoted for truth.

  25. #25
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Visiting friends with kids

    I agree that a parent should always put their child first. When I said that they shouldn't control your life I really meant in regard to discipline and not letting kids 'ruin' your life.


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