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Thread: advice on staying sane through breakup-long

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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default advice on staying sane through breakup-long

    I have been dating my bf long distance for over a year. The plan had been that I was going to move to CT, where he lives, this summer. Well, I freaked out in January. I started to worry about money because its so expensive there. I also started to wonder whether I should move for a guy, because I did this before and didn't want it to be a pattern. Also, if we broke up, it would be a struggle for me to pay for an apartment myself. I didn't want this stress and worried we would fight about money because he doesn't have any money saved and lives paycheck to paycheck.

    Anyway, we have been slowly breaking up since Feb. I initiated it, and when he said let's keep dating long distance for a while I said for what end if neither of us is willing to move. Then we stoped talking for a while, and I missed him so much. I started to realize what a huge part of my life he is. He still is my best friend and I always want to call him when something happens.

    I reversed completely and said I would move there and get my own apartment. He thought about it for a week and said don't move, its over. So now I am totally heartbroken because of something I caused. And all I've been doing is crying at home and wanting to call him. He is so nice (and I think that he still loves me, or at least likes me) that if I called him he would talk to me. But I don't want to be crazy. I also know that he has accepted that this is over and is moving on. I haven't.

    I'm not really sure what to do. If he asked me to, I would go back to him. But I know he won't. I don't want to call him so much that he gets sick of me, and has to be rude to get rid of me. I'm just so sad.

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on staying sane through breakup-long

    Wow, I don't know what to say because it's not a clear right/wrong thing. Take some time to continue thinking it through and if you still want to move maybe you should fight for the relationship. It's not like he can't change his mind. If he's thought it through and shares some solid reasons not to reconcile, I guess you'll have to start fresh elsewhere.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on staying sane through breakup-long

    There is a subtle beauty here.

    Jenna, you need to look at what you want irrelevant of this man. You have an Identity. Don't forget it.

    Who are you. What do you want out of life? Really.

    Would moving to CT hurt that? Make it more difficult?

    If the answer to that is Yes, then you're moving for him. If it's No then with or without this man you could survive in CT. And if you want to move, do it regardless of his input.

    In short, would you go if he wasn't there.

    Finally, in regards to the finality of this, just relax and give it time. It looks like you were both operating in each other's best interest. I highly doubt you two will be without each other. And even if so, you'll never be without a good friend. Or so it seems.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  4. #4
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: advice on staying sane through breakup-long

    Sounds like you had a stable, long-distance thing that began to crack under its own weight when it began moving up a notch (i. e., you moving to live with him). Sounds like he was relieved that you got cold feet first: "He thought about it for a week and said don't move, its over."

    Who knows, maybe after a time out you'll both come to realize you cannot live apart. Maybe. For now, take him at his word ("it's over") and give yourself time to get over the hurt. Also think about what was so great about him, and look for these qualities in others.

    Feel better.

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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on staying sane through breakup-long

    Sounds like he was relieved that you got cold feet first: "He thought about it for a week and said don't move, its over."

    I asked him if he was relieved, and he said no, but who knows.

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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on staying sane through breakup-long

    mast, you are so right...and that is almost exactly what he said. he knows i want to start my own business and that it would be too expensive in CT. and the only reason i'm moving there would be for him, but it was before i freaked out and he had no problem with it. maybe this is best for both of us, but i still miss him so much and it hurts so much.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on staying sane through breakup-long

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna78 View Post
    but i still miss him so much and it hurts so much.
    And that's all that really matters.


    And later that night when his lights went out of sight,

    came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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