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Thread: How to let go of obsession?

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    Default How to let go of obsession?

    I'm obsessed with my body. I hate it so much (that would be both my body, and my obsession over my body hate, respectively).

    Right now? I need to stop counting calories and runniing my brains out and do my ESSAY RESEARCH. Jeebus. It's like the more stress i'm under, the more this "hate, fat, hate, ugly ugly, fat, hate" stuff circles around in my head. And it's the least conducive thing to productivity, really.

    I think I was better when I was on wellbutrin. Are meds like that good for silly thought/ self-hate-atitis?

    I tried seeing a dr...It didn't work out, but I know with that one should look for another doctor...But having someone tell me what I'm doing and why it's wrong doesn't help. I was probably too impatient.

    Has anyone ever gone to an OA meeting? i've wondered...they say it's good for people who have food issues. I'm thinking that, or look for another doctor....

    And how do you find a good shrink anyway? I'm too embarrassed to ask my regular doc to refer me.

    But I don't have time for any of that right now anyway! School, work, horse (with a persistent, pricey leg problem)! It's all kinda going to shit right now, and I'm freaking with stress, and it makes me feel even worse in this weird way...like I should be too busy to think about this bullshit, but it's more present than ever.

    I ate less than 1000 calories for the last three days, and I gained 0.2 of a pound. And it WORRIES me...CONSUMES me. Fuck, man.

  2. #2
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    First thing to do is throw away your scale. Seriously. STOP WEIGHING YOURSELF.

    Also stop buying packaged food. Only cook things that aren't labelled, so you stop counting calories. You are NOT fat, and this is borderline anorexia. You know that, which is why you hate it. Nip it in the bud before it gets to that point. You want to look like Mary-Kate Olsen? Of course you don't, so embrace your feminine curves.

    Whatever you have to do, do it, but start by throwing out the scale. It doesn't tell you anything you need to know, anyway; it measures water and all kinds of variables, and muscle weighs more than fat. So pitch the damn thing and don't buy another one.

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    Veteran Member lexXe's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    I think you should try seeing a therapist before it escalates to a full blown problem. I know you said you're afraid of asking your doctor but don't be! There is nothing to be embarrassed about we all go through stuff he/she won't judge, it's apart of life. In the mean time, try ridding your brain of all that negativity by journaling your feelings. Writing really helps to get things out.

    I agree with Yekhefah, get rid of the scale!

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    Here, I want you to contact Deborah DeCairos Grandmaitre, M.Ed., CCC. She's certfified, in Ottawa and she specializes in disordered eating.

    http://www.hopewell.on.ca/







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  5. #5
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    You know, you said the more stress your inder, the more it seems you obsess abotu your body. This soudns like a very common reason peopel have eating disorders. They feel they have no control over their lives, so they over control the things they can, like eating, exercising, counting calories.

    Yek's right. Throw out the scale. You dont need it. Weight can fluctuate by 5 lbs, dependign on if you poop, pee, eat, are bloated, on your period....if you obsess over .02 of a pound, I'd hate to see how upset you got if you noticed yuor weight was up 3lbs.

    If you need to feel some control, count your calories if you must, but do it healthy. You know how many calories you need right? Figure it out, and stick to it. A minumim is 1200 a day, which you are way below, but you probably need more than that, so figure out how many calories you should consume a day to be healthy, and stick to that. If you cant...then your gonna have to stop counting.
    Maybe....instead of counting your calories every day, you could keep track of grams of sugar, or grams of fat, and count thoes....dunno..just thinking out loud.

    Its good that you hate being this way, its good you knwo you need to stop. Its hard to stop tho. You do need professional help. Medication can help, but talkign to a psychiatrist would be better so you can work through this and start loving your body.

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    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    I wish I knew...It's been glaringly obvious to me since even before I met you that you have BDD. And when I met you I realized just how unfounded it was (she's ridiculously hot and in fantastic shape. Strong, flexible, great titties...). But I don't know what you can do about it.

    Kaylinn makes a great point about your obsession being a way to (try to) control your environment. I used to get obsessive over weird things before my depression was treated...like I wouldn't let anyone touch my books (like TOUCH them, at all. They had to look new. I read them with gloves). In my case, it went away when my depression was treated. Do you think you might have an underlying disorder, or do you think the OCD IS your disorder?

    This does need to be addressed, so I hope you'll keep talking about it here until you get it sorted out.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    Yes, obsessive compulsive disorders have been linked to seretonin and treated mostly with SSRI's, but wellbutrin also affects seretonin.

    If you're not going to see a doctor, maybe try EFT/TFT... start with Roger Callahan's book, Tapping the Healer Within.



  8. #8
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    I wish I could say something to help you, but all I can do is let you know that I'm struggling with the exact same thing as you and if you ever need someone to talk to who really does understand, I'm here.

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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    Thanks ladies. I was spazzing and freaking the other day. I had to rant, I think. I'm not anorexic. I know that. I can't not eat. I do restrict, but I can never restrict too much for too long because I hate that low-blood-sugar feeling of weakness and dizziness.

    So yesterday after work I made myself eat a sandwich. I'm trying to eat 1300 or so calories a day now while I'm excercising to keep it moderate and sane. I still really want to lose the weight, but my goal isn't unhealthy. It's the low end of healthy, granted, but I know when I get there I will stop. I have been that weight before, and when I was there, I honestly didn't feel 'fat' anymore.

    I know I don't look at my body with complete objectivity. Many people have little neurosis though, and if I keep myself in check I won't get stupid with mine.

    And thank you for that link CK. That was very thoughtful of you. When I get more time, I might try her out. I still feel kinda silly, because I'm not skinny, or puking, and I feel like any 'disorder' is just in my head, and not behavioural. It does bug even when only in the mind though, so I will look into getting another opinion.

  10. #10
    242_fair
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    You might check her out when you have more time?

    It's not a new club we are reccommending.

    It's a doctor and you need help, you should go.

    You should call her today and make an appointment.

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    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    I posted a similar rant a while back and I am glad to say i am over it now what i did was change my goal from wieght loss to fittness I am now trainging to do fitness competions with my utlimate goal beign msfittness. www.msfittness.org Now that I have a concrete heathly goal i feel so much better.

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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    Stop weighing yourself. Step one. Medication very well may help you level out the thoughts that are induced by stress. Humans want control in crazy stressful situations and that can reflect in how they manage weight. It can lead down a bad path and you don't want to go there. Throw out your scale, put tape over the nutritional information so you can't look, and eat healthy and until your body is satisfied. Also, since this is probably a control issue due to all the crazy stuff going on, find a hobby that you can have control over. Volunteer and set your own hours and have someone depend on you, like an animal shelter where the animals will be looking forward to your attention. You have control over your environment and you're the important person. That's a key emotion to feel when you feel out of control because right now you probably just feel invisible in the middle of all the things that are going on. Good luck hun.

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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    Hi hunny i've felt like you for most of my life.
    I did go to see a psychologist and what i will say is that there is no magic cure for the way you are feeling, the psychologist couldnt say anything that would instantly make me feel better about my appearance. but what she did do is help me to build up my overall confidence by setting me wee targets (my first target was to go into a shop and buy something alone. to get from that stage to dancing naked in front of strangers you can see what a massive difference it made!).
    Once my overall confidence improved i found that i was waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror and saying "hey my makeup looks nice today" or "my legs look great in this skirt".
    of course i still have the days where i can't bear to look at myself and don't want to leave the house in case people stare at me, but they are a lot less often now.
    So i would go to the doc and ask to get reffered to a psychologist to help you work through this. i know you said you are scared of asking, but what i did was brought my mum in with me and she asked for me.yes we may be capable independent adults but sometimes we need our mums!
    or another figure whom you trust would be just as good.

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon View Post
    And thank you for that link CK. That was very thoughtful of you. When I get more time, I might try her out. I still feel kinda silly, because I'm not skinny, or puking, and I feel like any 'disorder' is just in my head, and not behavioural. It does bug even when only in the mind though, so I will look into getting another opinion.
    You're welcome. I know you say you're pretty busy, but it never hurts to just call her up. I really do want you to try her out. Restricting your eating the way you are doing is not healthy, and I pretty positive she will be able to get you back on the right track. I know it's not as simple as throughing the scale out..it's much much more deeper than that. Like I said, just give her a call and ask a few questions. I'm pretty sure that she can work around your schedule, regardless of how busy you may be. Please, just try...for me pretty pretty please







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    Veteran Member lexXe's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    I think it's interesting how we never see our bodies the the world sees us. Whenever I see a pic of myself, I always look smaller than how I see myself in the mirror. Weird.

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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    I will call her. I will. I need to finish some essays, fix my horsey ($$$!!), and go to work right now...Working actually helps me. Ironically, seeing so many coked-out 90pound dancers helps me feel better. Yes, it makes me feel like a manatee, but it does this funny thing where I think "fuck it, there is no way I can win the 'skinny prize' in here, and what's so great about that anyway?". Seeing Skinny Naked is less appealing than see Skinny in Jeans. Like I said, I just want to slim to the point of having a flat stomach and no love handles. I don't want to be HipBonesTheImpaler (and that is an improvement, because I used to crave looking like that).

    I cannot throw out my scale (nor my tape measure, for that matter). Not at this point. I would totally lose my shit if I couldn't weigh myself. Right now I'm trying to only weigh myself twice a day, instead of five or six (ok, so that's a little behavioural, I know).

    Little steps, little little. Like I said, I'll get help soon, but right this minute all my available funds are required in case Hor$ey needs an operation (god help me).

    Thanks again...the advice and support doesn't fall on deaf ears. I just need to rant and rave a little to hear myself sounding so insane, if nothing else. Like writing down that I weigh/ measure myself six times a day is just fucking nuts. It's easier to see the crazy when admitting it than to see it in myself.

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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    Quote Originally Posted by lexXe View Post
    I think it's interesting how we never see our bodies the the world sees us. Whenever I see a pic of myself, I always look smaller than how I see myself in the mirror. Weird.
    Really? I always think I look depressingly fat in pictures. It makes me sad, and I really don't like getting my picture taken because of it.

  18. #18
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    Quote Originally Posted by scarlett_vancouver View Post
    I wish I knew...It's been glaringly obvious to me since even before I met you that you have BDD. And when I met you I realized just how unfounded it was (she's ridiculously hot and in fantastic shape. Strong, flexible, great titties...). But I don't know what you can do about it.

    Kaylinn makes a great point about your obsession being a way to (try to) control your environment. I used to get obsessive over weird things before my depression was treated...like I wouldn't let anyone touch my books (like TOUCH them, at all. They had to look new. I read them with gloves). In my case, it went away when my depression was treated. Do you think you might have an underlying disorder, or do you think the OCD IS your disorder?

    This does need to be addressed, so I hope you'll keep talking about it here until you get it sorted out.
    I read this touch my boobs.... blurry morning eyes.....



    I get obsessive like this, it's an enviromantal control as well. For me, it's constructive, I clean, organize and craft. But I do it obsessively. And if someone moves something or I cannot find something, I freak out, like a maniac. It is seriously scary. I'll look in the most obscene place, make phone calls to people who could (not) have it, search the kitchen for books.... the laundry room for a missing spoon. When H and I first split, I cried for hours b/c there was a gap in my cd case, and I couldn't find the cd that went there!!!! a cd I don't even like!!!! I distroyed my room looking. Like a tornado, stripped the sheets, emptied my drawers. My roommate came home to see me, and she reminded me I had got rid of it.

    So, I finally realized it was really an issue, and am seeing a therapist. It really does help, I can control my need to cotrol my enviroment, if that makes sense......

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    Molly, you're obviously very smart and smart people are great at rationalizing away their mental health issues. But seriously, you should get some help. It's the smart and responsible thing to do. We tell ourselves we're OK because we don't have extreme symptoms like anorexia or suicide attempts. But you shouldn't wait until you've actually harmed yourself to get help. I was clinically depressed for about 10 years before I saw a doctor, and every day I told myself I was just in a bad mood and would snap out of it. I'm fine now, but I'd really like to have all the time back that I spent hating myself and sleeping all day. Why wait?

  20. #20
    Tart
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    As someone who has ana and has since I was 11, the weighing and restrictions are areas of it.

    but it is part of OCD and its ritualistic . If you are constantly weighting yourself and measuring with restrictions, It seems like you would have an ED. People that don't have ED don't bother obsessing over calories, writing it down. Then measuring and weighting themselves.

    I personally cannnot throw out my scale. I need to. I have to. But I can't. SOrta like you I know I would find myself casing the store at 3 am to buy another.

    I tried a SSRI for mine , Im glad you had a positive experience with yours. Mine didnt fair well If you feel like you did better and let go of the CD I would go back on it.

    For the most part, these things don't heal themselves. I wish you the best. Understanding it's unhealthy is the first and largest step. SEeking some kind of help of course is the next.

    But just keep in mind that for most with CD's they tend to come out in some form or another when the rest of our lives are out of control. SO maybe that's what's going on or what's triggering this episode.

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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    I understand how you feel, Molly. I've had an ED since high school (I'm 22 now), I felt I was never skinny *enough* (one more pound... ok, but just one more pound... really, i'll eat after i drop one more pound), I've hated myself and my body so much that I cut myself and now I have to use dermablend to cover up really horrible scars so I can dance. It's a sucky sucky cycle that you really don't want to get into.

    If it helps, don't think about getting help as "going to a shrink because I'm crazy," think of it as "going to a doctor so I don't go crazy later." Preventative medicine, sort of. I wish I'd had the insight to see it as an obsession like you do and had the chance to see someone sooner.

  22. #22
    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    I have done both Welburtin and OA.

    Welbutrin helped me feel more optimistic and in control. Prior to that I was on several other anti-depressants, including Prozac, which did me no good whatsoever. I also didn't sleep much on Welbutrin, which was sorta OK b/c I was agetting my bachelors degree while I was in the Army, so I really put the extra waking hours to good use. However, I had horrible dark circle sunder my eyes, so bad people thought my boyfriend was beating me up! I also lost a bit of weight on Welbutrin (not a whole lot. Mostly I lost what I had put on while I was taking Elivil, another anti-depressant.)

    OA is a terrific organization. The last I knew, they did not require dues, just a donation. You can buy their books and stuff for a small charge. There are no professional counselors or doctors there, just peers who also have eating issues. Nobody labels you "bulemic" or "anorexic" or whatever. THere is a basic acceptance that everybody in the room is having their own individual issues with food, which are not exactly like anybody else's issues, and that's OK. Also, everybody deals with their issues in their own way, and theoretically, nobody has a right to tell you that you are doing things the right way or the wrong way.

    You probably already know that OA is based on the addiction-as-disease model that made Alcoholics Anonymous so successful. Because of the nature of eating and food issues, OA is not so rigid as AA in their application. What I mean to say is, you decide what foods/behaviors are troublesome for you, and then you are accountable to yourself (and when you choose one, your sponsor) for dealing with them in a rational manner. Whereas, in AA there is a clear line that drinking alcohol is not acceptable, period. THe difference, obviously, is that people can and do go their whole lives without consuming an alcoholic beverage, but everybody has to eat. Therefore, it is harder for people dealing with eating issues to define what their real problems are, and sometimes even to know when they are crossing the line. For example, I chose not to consume any refined sugar. What I did not know right away was that many spaghetti sauces contain sugar, and also that corn syrup is also a refined sugar. So at first, I broke my own rule many times, and did not even know it.

    The down side of OA is that is just a bunch of people. THere will always be the know-it-all who really doesn't, the person who lies to make it look like she has her life all together when she really is living in her car, and so on. The flip side of that is that they are all people who are in various stages of dealing with similar issues to yours, and there is a lot to be said from learning form other peoples experiences.

    You can call the local office to ask about the "personality" of different meetings. You might try to find a meeting where you suspect the people you will meet will be sort of like you. When I was a Navy wife, I went to meeting on base with other Navy wives. After I got divorced, I went to meetings in a hospital and met a lot of other divorced women. If you didn't care for the meeting you go to initially, try a few others. The Monday meeting at the hospital may not be for you, but the Thursday at the Methodist church may be just the thing. )Once I went to a meeting in Barrington, Illinois (( a rich, horsey suburb)) when I was a broke teenage Navy wife, and met a bunch of snobby trophy-wife wanna-be's. Yuck. IF that had been my first meeting, I would never have gone back.) Or if you can't find many meetings, try going back to the same one a few times. The person running the meetings changes on a regular basis, usually ever week or every month, and that person really sets the tone for the meeting. Many of the meetings have a strong Christian bias, so you may want to be aware of that.

    OA was a wonderful and very enriching part of my life. I quit going to meetings when I was in the Army and couldn't find one close enough to me, and then I never went back because other things in my life were more important than my weight. My recent struggles with my weight and eating have made me think I should try to find a group in my area.

    Good luck with whatever you choose to pursue. If you want to know more, just let me know. I hope your horsey gets better soon, too. ((hugs))


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  23. #23
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    Default Re: How to let go of obsession?

    Thanks Colleen! That is very helpful information.

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