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Thread: A Rant, If I MAy...

  1. #1
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Angry A Rant, If I MAy...

    Sometimes I swear, if I hadn't met some great guy friends, I'd swear I'd just swear off the male race!

    So when I was in Germany, my husband and I were a part of an online expatriate forum for english speaking people living in Germany. I arranged a meetup at a local Irish pub for fish'n chips and drinks with the people from the forum and we had a good turnout, about 14 of us. One fellow had been very helpful and polite to R and I with our questions on the forum, and I got to chatting with him over many things. He seemed to be a very nice guy and I thought "Hey, I made a friend".

    Fast forward to today. I had added him to my Yahoo Messenger and had been chatting with him here and there since I came back to Arizona. Now, I got the distinct feeling he was trying to constantly hit on me, but I tried to ignore it and hoped he would knock it off. (changed the subject, etc.) It was making me uncomfortable.

    Well just a couple minutes ago he messeged me and was pretty quick with the flirting. When I did not respond to it and changed the subject, he started going "You're such a tease!" I thought he was joking, so I said "No, never ". He kept saying it, so I finally said, "No, I married, and no tease. I'm sorry if you take my politeness as being a tease". He right away goes, "Ok! Goodbye!"

    Now I thought he was still halfway joking so I said "You're strange, I was just being nice to you and now I get the feeling I have offended you", to which he replied "Go away!".

    Well, ok. I immediately deleted this foul being from my messenger.

    I'm so pissed. I just wanted to make new friends. He was interesting to talk to at the meetup. Now I guess all he wanted was to scam on me behind R's back, which is not cool. What the fuck is wrong with guys? Just because I'm nice doesn't mean you have some chance to date/fuck me! I'm fucking married! Grr.....

  2. #2
    Featured Member Sinder's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    I know alot of men like that. They think being nice and polite=you wanna have sex. Some men are such fools.

  3. #3
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    I don't know why I even thought if I ignored his advances he'd stop. I feel like a moron. I just wanted to believe that I had met a genuinely nice, friendly guy!

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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    Some men just think they can wiggle their way in relationships with their false sense of charm. He's an asshole and immature and doesn't understand boundaries.

  5. #5
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    Oh well, lesson learned, right? At least I got to hang out with my awesome guy friend from high school. We talked for hours yesterday when we went out for lunch (hadn't seen each other in 6 years!)

    The shit we get for being attractive women....

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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    Oh well, lesson learned, right? At least I got to hang out with my awesome guy friend from high school. We talked for hours yesterday when we went out for lunch (hadn't seen each other in 6 years!)

    The shit we get for being attractive women....
    I think being attractive = being easy to some men. Should be the opposite you'd think.

  7. #7
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    GRRThis pisses me off. Im friendly to everyone, make guy friends, assume that they want to be JUST friends, and then they start hitting on me and makign me uncomfortable. I have found that 98% of all men you make friends with are your friend only because they think they have a chance at gettin in your pants.

    I have met 1 guy who is truly just a friend, never tries to hit on me, we go to dinner all the time, we hang out, and he is truly a nice guy. I wish there were more that could just be my friend.

  8. #8
    Alaska
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    This is going to be really controversial, but I truly believe looking unattractive helps you have male friends, and let's face it female friends in general--yr no competition.

    It's fucking sad. This happens ALL THE TIME! And yet time after time we're so "naive" about it.

    It's funny what his msgs say--it's exactly what these men are thinking when this scenario plays out in real life--on the internet he was able to say what he really felt, and spoke for the rest of the male race!

  9. #9
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    I thought the fucker was joking when he said "Goodbye!"....... but then the "Go Away!" made me think....

    OMG, this guy is in his 40s and acting like this....


    Now that I think of it, no wonder he was trying to "introduce" me to so many new alcoholic beverages at the pub!

  10. #10
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    I'm REALLY getting sick of the 'what he doesn't know won't hurt him' line men use.

    Like, DUH, I told you I was married because I WASN'T INTERESTED, not because I thought it would be funny to fuck behind someone's back.

    Of course saying 'I don't want to' just pisses them off more... like, y'know, you HAVE to cheat on your man because Mr. Big bought you a cocktail and that's $12 of his hard earned money!


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  11. #11
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    No kidding, I feel like I should put some strobe lights on my wedding ring to flash these dumbasses in the face when "I'm married" doesn't get the point across.

  12. #12
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    I dont think "Im married" works. So many people cheat...

    Maybe Im HAPPILY married would work better?

  13. #13
    Alaska
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    Good to know ladies--sometimes I want to walk around with a giant rock on that finger, thinking things will get better....maybe it won't


    You should DEF attatch some lights to yr ring! Won't that be awesome? In fact I think next time I'm out (in a dark place especially) I'll just find a glow-ring. That is hysterical.

  14. #14
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    I was talking to R about the "You're a tease" thing. I don't see how he got that. Was it because....

    I let him buy me 2 drinks at the pub? (he also bought R drinks too, so nothing special about accepting that)
    I was polite?
    I talked to him about similar interests while R talked to another friend?
    I asked him how the weather in Bavaria was?
    I said I was MARRIED?

    What? Am I missing something???

  15. #15
    Veteran Member Jeanette's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    Honestly, I don't get men. I went out to dinner with this guy who seemed really cool, especially because he was saying how happily married he was, and how he had only ever been with his wife, but spoke highly of the situation. By the end of dinner, which was filled with steady, enjoyable convo, he basically told me he was interested in me and propositioned me. I was very surprised.

    It seems being married doesn't mean much to most men(seen this behavior with tons of other men), and it doesn't stop them from wanting to sleep with other women. If a lot of men have that mentality maybe they feel women will as well?

  16. #16
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    I hate to be the great equalizer, but you know, there's two sides of the street here. They just carry different values.

    Is there an excuse for the men you speak of's behavior? Well according to this thread it would be simply because they're MEN.

    Since my divorce I have ran into more women with ulterior motives and non-communicated expectations and even assumptions, than I have EVER come across as a mere observer.

    there are tons of arguments to support the human behavior of this. However to point your finger at the other gender and blame them... just observe yourself your actions first.

    Where was the direct "If you want to continue talking to me, you need to stop talking to me like this?" "How can you end this BEFORE it becomes annoying?"

    I wish it were so easy for me to find a woman worth chasing cause she's a nice pair of T&A, but I can't. I need to have my sexuality inspired, interested, I can't just show up, get hard, go at it, and be done. As a result, here's the flip:

    2 years ago just at the beginning of my single life, women wouldn't look at me at all sexually until I talk to them. Today? I can go out and actually get in an argument because I don't want to go home with her that night.

    I had one woman take me home, only to discover she was married.

    Another woman projected on to me that I loved her and interpreted every action as that of a man in love.

    Another woman swore up and down that she doesn't get sexually involved on the first night she hung out with a guy exclusively. This was when we met at the bar. The first night we hung out? She tried to blow me on the drive home. Trashy at that point.

    Don't let me BEGIN to explain the VMs I received when I wouldn't take her to my apartment afterwards.

    I've met countless women that when they hear me say "I refuse to commit in any degree to anything right now." Just assume I'm a player rather than actually ask me why.

    OH AND BEING DIRECT. I love this one. When I'm honest and direct in the positive sense, I get great response, in the negative, well I'm an asshole for being honest.

    I am not saying that I am free from being a lecherous male. I'm sure I've offended/hurt my share of women. But Myself and my gender is far from responsible for my actions towards one woman.

    Masttttttt
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    I think that quote from When Harry met Sally pretty well conveyed how men think:

    Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
    Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
    Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

    I think that line of thinking my be pretty much universal in men, perhaps a genetic thing. But... there is a difference between thinking and acting. I have lots of married female friends. And I don't hit on them.

    But that doesn't keep me from thinking about alternative universes, and what if we had met when we were both single, and that sort of thing. And it's not because I have any complaints about my current girlfriend.

    And why shouldn't it be that way? You have these evaluative skills that you use in selecting a mate...things that make you say I really like this person and enjoy being with them. Those skills don't go away just because you've found a mate and don't need the skills right now...or because the person is not available. It's kind of like when I saw a snow leopard at the zoo. The snow leopard is in this cage, completely enclosed by bars, and he's standing there tracking the birds. There is no way he can get out, but he is tracking the birds, because that is what he does.

    But we do need to realize that there is a difference between fantasy and reality, and that just because I enjoy the fantasy of getting next to one of my married friends doesn't mean it's a good idea to try to make it a reality. Hitting on married female friends is just rude. It's disrespectful to them and their man.

    Be well...

    Lynn

  18. #18
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    Quote Originally Posted by lgrant98001 View Post
    just because you've found a mate and don't need the skills right now...or because the person is not available. It's kind of like when I saw a snow leopard at the zoo. The snow leopard is in this cage, completely enclosed by bars, and he's standing there tracking the birds. There is no way he can get out, but he is tracking the birds, because that is what he does.

    The problem that corsicafire is falling victim to is precisely that.

    If Marriage ever becomes comparable to jail in any sense. You've married the wrong person.

    If we could rise above and realize that no label allows for a viable excuse of the lack of what should come NATURALLY, whatever that is to you, we'll be a much happier race.

    It's our job to choose what we want, we bear obligation only to ourselves and the commitments we choose hold to others. Action interprets this, not words. If my wife/fiance/live-in partner met a guy at a bar that rocked her world and she just had to get to know him and figure him out, it would break my heart to no end to know that I came in between that cause some label bound her free will.

    Sorry, my two cents.

    I've always said "I love you" is too often used in the absence of sufficient action to make the person feel this complex deep, evolving feeling and connection, we insult by calling "love".
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  19. #19
    Veteran Member idreamofaislin's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    Men cheat because they can. Many assume that women function the same way. Quite pathetic, really.

  20. #20
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    Most men are out for sex rather than friendship when it comes to attractive females. Some are not. Even the ones who are usually wouldn't act on it within in the context of friendship unless they had a signal.

    You ran into someone who's an asshole about it. Life's too short to try to keep dealing with assholes, unless you enjoy it. Move along and find nice people. They're out there.

  21. #21
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    What's interesting is that I have seen the stereotypical 'won't take no for an answer' behavior from guys, directed towards me, lol--from some gay guys over the years.

    It used to happen a lot when I was hitchiking in college. Guy picks you up, you start making small talk--where you live, what's college like, what's their job, etc.

    Then you start picking up on this vibe--sometimes subtle, sometimes not. After a few times happening you develop a radar-like sense for when they really just want to have sex with you, and are trying all different ways to lead up to it.

    My first defensive tactic was always to mention my girlfriend, or if I was single maybe bring up a past girlfriend that I was still really impressed with (meaning no way do I want dick, or to give you mine, thanks).

    This hardly ever worked! Occasionally it would even backfire, when they would start trying to convince me why they would be better (vomit!).

    It should come as no surprise that I got sick of hitchiking after a year or so. But now and then you still run into it.

    It's a different vibe than you get from women who are trying to pick you up. More insistent, relentless, driven.


    It really gave me an understanding as to how women feel about the fucking guys who act like dogs.

    What pisses me off about these annoying, desperate guys is--they make it much more difficult to relate to women who assume I'm a fucking dog as well. The hell with that...
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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  22. #22
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    Thanks everyone. I had a talk about this with R. I suppose some people just don't have enough self control to be friends with the opposite sex.

  23. #23
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post

    This hardly ever worked! Occasionally it would even backfire, when they would start trying to convince me why they would be better (vomit!).
    OMG, I should mention something he did related to this!

    I was chatting with the fellow in the OP for the first time over Yahoo in Germany about a week ago. Conversation was pleasant enough, then all of a sudden, he sends me 2 pictures of him. Apparently they're from about 2 years ago. I'm totally confused, and type "???????". He goes "Didn't I used to look like R? Isn't it cool?" Uh, yeah. I was a bit weirded out, and said yeah, maybe, and go silent.

    Then after about 5 minutes of my silence, he randomly writes "Why do porn stars always have big dicks and fake tits?" I told him I didn't know and had to go immediately.

    See after that, I thought by not talking to him for a week, that he'd knock it off with his behavior. I suppose I'm just too polite with giving people second chances, I just have too much faith in them I suppose.

  24. #24
    Newbie chicak8's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    This is why I don't have any platonic friendships with any sraight men at all. I've never had one that didn't think I would eventually come around and sleep with him.

  25. #25
    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Rant, If I MAy...

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    He goes "Didn't I used to look like R? Isn't it cool?" Uh, yeah. I was a bit weirded out, and said yeah, maybe, and go silent. Then after about 5 minutes of my silence, he randomly writes "Why do porn stars always have big dicks and fake tits?"
    Yowsa! You're a strippa and you can't read guys any better than that?

    I'm ribbing you good naturedly about this, but I'm also serious. He sent unsolicited pictures, talked about porn stars, said you're a flirt and - especially - made you feel uncomfortable. See the cluebus with his intentions driving up? Every one of those actions was like holding open a door and inviting you to move through it. And you knew it instinctively because it made you uncomfortable. You didn't pursue his overtures but you also didn't move away fast enough for him to get discouraged. In the end, you didn't do anything wrong; he's simply an ass to get into a huff. He should have been better about reading the clues that you were only friends in the first place, but regardless, he definitely should have politely backed off when he finally got the idea. Eff him. Um, figuratively.

    More importantly, I think it's crucial that we learn to trust our discomfort. It's a big fat Red Alert trying to tell us something important. We shouldn't second guess ourselves out of it. In this case, the delay didn't hold much consequence because it was merely long distance chat, but at some point in your life, that kind of discomfort could serve as a warning that saves your life.

    -Ev

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