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Thread: body image and comparing

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    Featured Member pinkpvc's Avatar
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    Default body image and comparing

    I try to stay positive and confident about my body. i make no secret of the fact that i'm bigger then your average stripper, and sometimes i feel great and confident and "curvy".

    but recently all i do is compare. I compare myself to all the girls in the club which is bad enough. but now i have started surfing other clubs websites and comparing myself to the girls there. When i see a bigger dancer than me i feel great, feeling like if they can do it i can do it. but sometimes i can go for ages looking at all the tiny toned girls and feel terrible about myself.

    Of course the answer is to lose some weight, which i have done, but i seem to have hit a plateau. And it's not coming off as fast as i would like it to.

    Also being taller seems to make it worse, i look at some pics a friend took of me on a night out and im towering above them all, and my boobs like huge (even though they are only a D cup) and i just generally look WIDER than everyone else. My hips are very wide, even when i was anorexic i'd say they were 2 inches smaller than they are now, i cant change my bone structure. but it gets me down.

    I have spoken to a psychologist for months, but i never got very far.
    how can i build up my self esteem and accept myself for what i am?

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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    It's hard to say. Even I've dealt with those demons when I've been told numerous times I have a perfect body, blah blah. I think every woman goes through it at one point or another. What helped me is I stopped looking at my body from a exterior aspect and began appreciating what it has done for me. My skinny chicken legs take me where I want to go, being too tall in my opinion helps me reach things, my little tush helps me sit, etc. Think about your body as a machine, and all the wonderful things it helps you do. If that makes sense.

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    Curious Guest Sweetbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    I try to focus on the positive things about myself more and stay away from the negative. If I am obssessing badly about my "muscular" thighs or short height, I will try to turn it into a positive by thinking about my "better" features: long hair, pretty smile, big eyes, etc. I always try to remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. For example, on the same night I have worked, I have had one customer say "I LOVE thick girls!" (to me, I am very proportionate), and have had two others say "Your body is so beautiful!" Mainly, it is to try to stay positive and love yourself for who you are.

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    Featured Member pinkpvc's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    thanks hun, thats a nice way to view it. I will try. Seems like im just having a horrible week in general, and i makes me feel worse about everything inc. body

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    im going through the same thing im 5'6 and 145 lbs. i feel disgusting.

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    Featured Member cameronfl's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    Quote Originally Posted by i.breathe.in View Post
    im going through the same thing im 5'6 and 145 lbs. i feel disgusting.
    Right there with you babe. I was 125 when I was in my 20's. I eat better now and work out constantly and cant get rid of the 20 pounds that have found there way onto my hips thighs and stomache. I'm hoping the Singulair my dr prescribed to day will help me to be able to run without killing my lungs.

    It always seems that just when i feel like I'm making headway and looking good, I'll see one of my photo shoots or films and I'll look like a baby hippo. And the sadness sets right back in....
    People always ask me, did I ever learn anything when I was a stripper? Yeah, I did. One man plus two beers equals 20 dollars.
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    Veteran Member lexXe's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    It's really hard working in an industry where how you look plays a part in how much money you make. IMO this makes us more critical of our bodies than women outside of this industry (except models etc). The fact that you're going to a therapist is a good thing, just remember things don't happen overnight, it take time. Self esteem is something that forms over the course of life, so a few month of therapy will not immediately change it.

    It's really hard not to compare yourself to others, I can completely understand. Just try to be the best you can be by: working out, keeping happy and positive people around you, eating well, getting involved in something you really enjoy, take a course, learn something new. These things can take the focus away from you body and onto your mind, skills, friendships etc making the need to be ideal or perfect less important.

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    Featured Member flickad's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    I do the same thing, and I'm not even overweight anymore. If it's not my weight, it's my nose or something else. It may help you to know that you're probably far from the only girl at the club who feels insecure next to the others.

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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    I am endessly comparing and feeling sick about what I look like at work...Even if I don't feel like fattest, and even if I have customers insisting that I have "the perfect body", look to die for, blah blah blah I just feel ugly mcfuggers sometimes. And even if I am having a skinnier day, I'll feel like my hair is bad looking, or my nose is bumpy, etc. It doesn't end.

    My only solution has been to avoid mirrors as much as possible, and try to just work work work myself silly while I'm at the club. The busier I am, the less time I have to feel sorry for my fatass ugly self. Plus, it's hard to feel icky when I'm forcing myself to be smiley and entertaining for the customers. I think if you make money at work, it doesn't matter if you can't be the hottest one there, you know?

    I will say however that I was staring incredulously at this one girl at work last night...she has what I consider the perfect body. She looks like a slimmer, paler version of the bowflex woman. She is entirely sinewy muscle, but very little...like, zero percent body fat (but she still has commendable natural breasts). I couldn't stop looking at her...I said to the guy I was sitting with "ohmygod, she has the PERFECT body!". He was like "What? Her?! Whatever." He wouldn't elaborate, but said something about "taste". I NEVER believe the guys who insist I've got such a great hot body, but it was a bit of a revelation to learn that I what I like isn't the universal opinion. Men, apparently, do like something other than what's on the cover of Runner's Digest.

    Also, regarding the looking at the body as a useful machine, and not just aesthetically...I always get mad at my body for being sickly and such. But I tell myself that I've got two hands, and to varying degrees all five senses. So, there's that.

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    Featured Member southstbabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    I'm guilty too of comparing myself with other women and I've worked hard to get where I am now but when society constantly tells you that you have to be young, thin and beautiful it's kinda hard not to.

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    i also think it doesnt help that exotic dancer clothing sizes are so off the wall, when i was a size 5 i had to order large and extra large dancer outfits. now that im a size 8 i cant find very many outfits that fit my frame.

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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    Oh man yes. I was a size 4/5 and now I'm a size 12. *sigh*


    What sacres me is that I find myself getting ANGRY at skinny girls... in my head. When I was at a weight I liked, I was all about "oooo hottie. Imma scope her now"... whereas now I'm more like "That effin bitch fuck her." and I don't like being this way.

    I'm glad this thread got started. I'd like to learn a few things myself about coping.
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    ^^^Yeah I know that feeling. It's so dumb to resent someone else for being thin, having nice hair, or whatever....but envy is just human. Very few people are insecurity free unless they are either perfect, or delusionally confident. But psychologists say that the delusionally confident people tend to be the HAPPIEST people!!

    I find my comparing problems go away as long as I am focusing on the customer. I try not to look at the girls on stage, and when in the changeroom, I just try to be friendly. Hard to be resentful when you're being sociable. Then I feel better like "we get along fine, we're here for the same thing, lalala".

    There was this one dancer last week who just knocked me out though...I have never seen someone who looked so shapely and perfect. Not even celebrities...it was like perfect legs, well done breasts, slim middle, probably some face work done too...but she was Barbie, 100%.

    Seeing her gave me so much anxiety...I thought "my god, she's curvy AND slim, and completely cellulite free!! How is that even possible?! I will NEVER look like that!!"...and then at the end of the night, which had actually been quite a good night for me, I heard her on her cell complaining to her boyfriend about only making $40. Truly, really, looks AREN'T everything, even if they help get you noticed...It's a lesson I have to remind myself of constantly.

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    Featured Member southstbabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter View Post
    What sacres me is that I find myself getting ANGRY at skinny girls
    Oh yeah, I know this feeling waaaaay to well. It's a sin to hate someone you don't even know just because you think they're prettier, thinner, better boobs etc than yours. I know one of the reasons I do this is because of my own unrelenting standard lifetrap I have. Working on that one in therapy now.

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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    Quote Originally Posted by i.breathe.in View Post
    i also think it doesnt help that exotic dancer clothing sizes are so off the wall, when i was a size 5 i had to order large and extra large dancer outfits. now that im a size 8 i cant find very many outfits that fit my frame.
    Argh, me too.

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    Featured Member southstbabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    AAAAARG! I JUST DID IT!

    A girlfriend of my partner here at work just stopped in to sayhello, and she's platium blond, blue eyes, great boobs, great clothes and based on that I want her out of here NOW! I'm shaking her hand thinking to myself "bitch".

    I hate myself and my insecurites.

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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    I look at myself in the mirror in dim light, and not too close either. That gives me that false sense of security I require.

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    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    LOL Kat

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    Featured Member cameronfl's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    I look at myself in the mirror in dim light, and not too close either. That gives me that false sense of security I require.
    Thats why I LOVE candlelight. If real life cant be photoshopped...why cant we always be in candlelight????
    People always ask me, did I ever learn anything when I was a stripper? Yeah, I did. One man plus two beers equals 20 dollars.
    -- Anna Nicole Smith

    Myspace is an obsession...much like Stripperweb...
    http://www.myspace.com/cameronkeys (real myspace)

    http://www.myspace.com/sexyhotdancer(work myspace)


    Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

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    Veteran Member christian211's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    I think it's important to realize that most of these women you think have the perfect body prob complain about some aspect of their bodies also. Some girls may even be looking at you like you have some perfect body part TO THEM!!! What constitutes perfection is almost always pure opinion and based on personal tastes. The grass is NOT always greener on the other side. I'm sure even the Carmen Electra's and Pam Anderson's of the world pick themselves apart. To tell you the truth, most any diet or excercise plan or even numerous surgeries won't fix your "flaws" b/c what is actually flawed is how you think and perceive yourself. Love your body for what it is now, what it has been and what it may be in the future. I'm sure your flaws could be alot worse.

    PS- I've been reading THE SECRET and am on a loving my life kick, lol! Sorry if my post was TOO positive for some

    Sonya

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    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    Its good that you guys can at least admit that you have jealousy, and dont liek feeling that way...thats the first step to fixing it.

    What I would suggest, when you see a girl you think it soo perfect, and you feel envious of her, try to think of what you have that's better. I know theres something you can come up with.
    She has perfect legs? so what? you think your tits are way better. She has great eyes? so what? Your hair is much nicer. At a last resort..if you can come up with nothing else...think, even if she is good looking, she's probably a miserable bitch, at least I have a good life, am happy, and I am a good person.

    Make a list of the things on your body you love, no matter how small they are. Like your eyebrows? Put it on the list. Think you have cute feet? write it down.
    When you see a girl your envious of...think back to that list, and the parts of yrou body you are proud of.

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    Featured Member southstbabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    I just finished reading the most amazing article on this very subject in the May issue of Glamour, the one with Kate Beckinsale on the cover. A must read and discuss.

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    Veteran Member Aine's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    This goes back to something I brought up before. When I weighed 117lbs and wore a size 4/5, I always thought I was a HOUSE. Mostly because I compared myself to my sister, who is 3 inches shorter than me and small boned with no boobs unlike me and I'm big boned. I also have way more muscle mass than her but she weighed 101lbs soaking wet so I had it in my head I was huge. Then I realized, we wore the same size pants and skirts. Then I thought hmmmm... maybe I'm not as big as I think I am. Now here I am, years after being retired from dancing, and I look at a size 4/5 in the store and think to myself MY GOD HOW DID I EVER FIT IN THAT!! I havent seen that size in years!! So see, even when I was super skinny, I thought I was fat. And now that I am bigger than I was than, I think I'm really really fat. And I see the little size 4 girls when I go out and it makes me cringe too. Then I remember, yep, I was once that skinny too, and I was a basket of insecurities, I bet she is too. And somehow I find some solice in that thought. The thing I hate most about myself these days are pictures of me. Cause I compare yet again what I looked like then to what I look like now and all I see in pics of me now is a mushy marshmellow of who I used to be, and it sucks! Most of us I think suffer from a warped self image. We don't see ourselves as we truly are. Which is the same way an anorexic sees themselves, huge when they are in reality nothing but skin and bones. If anybody knows the key to stopping your mind from seeing yourself in such a warped screwed up twisted way please let me know. Cause it seems no matter what I am, how little or how big, I obviously don't really see myself based on the reality of my physical being. Just this twisted image I have in my head. Kind of like standing in front of one of those circus mirrors, where depending on how you move, you look skinny, you look fat, and it's all distorted but none of it reflects whats really there.

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    ^couldnt of said it better myself^

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    Default Re: body image and comparing

    Well first of all, get off the club websites...stop actively comparing yourself! It's normal to have those thoughts creep in, but you have to try your best to stop obsessing over them.


    I read this book one time that suggested to make a "compliment bank" which is a box of index cards with all the compliments you've ever received on them. When you feel down, take out the box and read the cars.d

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