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Thread: Hitting up friends for money

  1. #26
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    Quote Originally Posted by Clark View Post
    It just boggles my mind that if it were a hustle instead of friendship that it would be worth the amount of time she spent for what payoff she got.
    Just cause she's a stripper doesn't mean this makes you a hustle in this case. PEOPLE do use PEOPLE. Just cause money MAY BE a motive and she's a stripper doesn't mean she's being a bad stripper and thusly boggling your mind. She's a using you. That's a label-free action.

    Quote Originally Posted by Clark View Post
    It's more like I want to test the limits of how far she'll take this. I'll make it increasingly difficult to lie, both in terms of playing on whatever conscience she has and practical matters lie innocently blundering into questions that go into the holes in her stories. I want to see if she'll crack and if she'll show any signs of remorse if she does. Basically, I want to know what her angle was. Did she somehow justify her behavior to herself (it was ok to take advantage of me because I was trying to take advantage of her or something) or is she beyond caring? I'm also concerned about the well-being of her kid, but I don't know what I can do in that regard.
    Wait...I thought you wanted her to stop playing games with you... Seems like you want to start playing games with her.

    Well it's your heart man. Go to it. Those statement's aren't concern or caring, it's called "Revenge". You're just a good spinster.

    If you really cared, you'd walk. And only give her a reason if she goes out of her way to ask you for it, and thusly deserves it.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  2. #27
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    PM me, Clark, when you get a chance.

  3. #28
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    ^^ why'd you quote me on that? If ya don't mind me asking.

    Eh upon closer observation, in re-reading what I said, (was editing the second half but changed it back since madcap quoted me on it)

    Clark, the second half, I was just making you aware of what those comments are perceived by me.

    In so many words, I just meant to say what your commentary comes across as is you trying to give validation to being hurt by trying to show yourself and, her, how callous she's become. I'm simply pointing out that it's really only your heart on the line.

    If you walk away, you'll get the answer of how much she cares because she'll show that in the act of you walking. And if she cares enough she'll ask for an explanation, then AND ONLY THEN, will she actually hear anything you have to say, cause she's asking, and thusly, listening.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  4. #29
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    accident. Wrong button. I'll fix it.

  5. #30
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    Ahhh, I thought you were pointing out my assholic second part of the post. Which I was editing...then I saw the quote so I asked. Oh well it stays. Clark's a good guy, no matter what he does, he'll work it out right though. He's always been that way, well as long as I've known him.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  6. #31
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    Nah, Clark seems like a guy without too many ulterior motives. Rare here.

    Mine, for instance is to lure MadMaxine into my web of deciet. For she is the key to my eventual world conquest... If i told you how, i'd have to kill you...

  7. #32
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    I've lived longer than you, and I've been dead a WHOLE lot longer. I've learned a few things.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  8. #33
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    I don't think she can break my heart anymore than she's already done. Since I never really trusted her, this is a somewhat limited amount. I think you pretty much hit it Mast. I'm wondering if she understands how callous she's become or how this has affected her. Unfortunately, she doesn't take criticism well and she'll never listen to me if I take a fairly direct approach. I'm hoping that she's been lying to herself as much as others and may be able to improve her life if someone puts her in a situation where she can't do that. The chances of success are low, but I have little to lose by trying.

  9. #34
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    People like her put too much value in themselves in these kind of relationships. It's not BAD necessarily though, in this case it is.

    My suggestion that you walk away from her is because, to people like her she'll be more assertive in wanting to know WHY since, well, no one walks away from her. She dumps THEM not vice versa. Or so it sounds.

    Then when she asks, tell her, since that's when it will make the most impact.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  10. #35
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    My suggestion is that you already know what to do and you are just looking for it to be confirmed, here. You don't need confirmation, it's already there.

    Listen to your gut. It's the only thing that has only you in mind.

  11. #36
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    ^^ When the man's right he's right.

    He offers the better answer clark. I'm just saying if you're going to prolong the inevitable, do it right.

    It all comes down to what YOU want. I'm out.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  12. #37
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    Well, are you going to be her therapist too? It usually is a money issue with this type girl, and since it hasn't been here (to a much lesser extent than anyone expected) you may have thought that things would be OK. But one has to closely manage relationships with strippers, not thatthey are the only ones you have to be very careful about. But the chances are greater that this type will abuse you. It's wonderful when you find one who won't (as it is with any woman), but the learning price is VERY hig.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  13. #38
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    I called her friend who supposedly got married. She admitted right off she hadn't. No wresting info needed. The dancer wants me to lend her another $10 on the claim she'll pay me back tomorrow. I'm pretty sure she will, but it seems as good a time as ever to crack down on lending her money for cigareetes since I've never liked her smoking anyway. I'll report back in a few hours. I know better than trusting her and unliek my tolerance ffor being imposed upon, my tolerance for being hit or belittled is almost zero, so I think I have little to worry about.

  14. #39
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    Quote Originally Posted by Clark View Post
    I called her friend who supposedly got married. She admitted right off she hadn't. No wresting info needed. The dancer wants me to lend her another $10 on the claim she'll pay me back tomorrow. I'm pretty sure she will, but it seems as good a time as ever to crack down on lending her money for cigareetes since I've never liked her smoking anyway. I'll report back in a few hours. I know better than trusting her and unliek my tolerance ffor being imposed upon, my tolerance for being hit or belittled is almost zero, so I think I have little to worry about.
    Okay, so let me get this straight...

    She's pregnant, *still* smoking, and just got married and basically lied to you about it. Now, she wants to borrow money, probably for cigarettes? Tell that poor excuse for a stripper, mother-to-be, friend and human being to get the money from her new husband. I think that will send a very loud and clear message to her.

  15. #40
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    Aargh. I just spent about an hour typing a reply only to have the window I was typing into disappear as I put on the finishing touches. let's try it again.

    It didn't go as planned. She got to calling me to remind me about cigarettes as I was on the way over and got very upset that I wasn't getting them. She was telling me I had promised to do so and saying I was going back on my word. I asked her if she was saying it's important for people to be truthful with each other. I then began probing her with questions about her trip. Not only had I not planned to do this over the phone, it turns out my intelligence was off. She did indeed go to Las Vegas for her friend's wedding. Her friend didn't get married because the groom chickened out. However, her friend's fiancée knows her fiancée, so she did see him there. This made my probes rather ineffective.

    As a precaution, I called my roommate before I went into her place with instructions to call the cops in an hour if I didn't call him back and say not to. I'm larger than her and she's seven month's pregnant, but I wasn't entirely sure she wouldn't stab me or something.

    When i went in, her reaction was much as I expected: denial and rationalization. Technically, she hadn't lied. I had asked her who was getting married. She said her sister. As her sister is getting married, she was telling the truth. I hadn't asked whose wedding I had just heard her talking about. I told her lies of omission are still lies and friends don't deceive each other and try to justify it with technicalities.

    Also, it's my fault because she's a very attractive woman and all men only want to get in her pants so she had to lie to me because it's the only way I would help her. I told her I'm not all men. We've known each other over a year and I'm offended she would think that. She said I don't know what offended means. She knows quite well I've done plenty for people I either didn't want to sleep with or had no chance of sleeping with. I admitted I probably wouldn't have done quite as much for her had I known this. Not that I was expecting some quid pro quo where if I got her windows clean enough, there would be sex, but I helped her with a lot of things that weren't really necessary because I enjoyed spending time with her. Her company wouldn't have had the same value to me had I known. I still would have taken her to school and the hospital and made sure she had food, but I doubt I would have sat with her for well over an hour while she got her nails done. She said that she could tell she was right because I was being an asshole to her as soon as I found out she was in love and that she needed all those favors, so she had to do what she did.

    Also, I had said I would buy her cigarettes and then didn't, so I had lied to her and these are morally equivalent.

    I told her the more important point was that even if I had been helping her to get into her pants, it isn't up to her to decide what motives are valid. The world doesn't owe her favors, so she isn't justified in doing whatever it takes to get them. She told me the world does owe her because she's worked her ass off and never gotten anywhere and she's been screwed over by lots of guys. I told her that I didn't do this. Guys being assholes to her in the the past isn't a valid reason to treat me like I'm an asshole. I also said that it exactly the sort of behavior she's doing that makes guys cynical about women. She seemed to think creating assholes is fine if it was assholes that put her up to it. Perhaps I need to work on my “break the cycle” rhetoric.

    I told her I felt like everything nice she'd said to me was just a ploy to get more out of me. She says that isn't true.

    The night ended with the two of us plus her friend at her place. She was on the verge of tears talking about what a horrible drug addict and alcoholic she used to be and about how she lost her house. I was never over there, but it was $1200/month out in the boonies, which is about twice rent for a normal house in town, so it must have been very nice. She wrecked it up and got evicted. I'd heard her talk about this before, but never like this. She seemed more regretful of the situation than angry about it and understood that it was her fault and the landlord was the victim, not the villain. She also seemed very sorry about having mistreated guys and used them sex. I'm not sure if she got the irony, but at any rate, she understood that she had done some bad things and hurt people, including herself.

    I think i got through to her that she did wrong by me. I think I didn't get far on the important part that it isn't just me and that having been used in the past doesn't justify using others preemptively now. Before I left, I explained to her I help her because I care about her, she needs it and I want her to succeed. I don't expect anything in return except to know that she's not just keeping me around as a chauffeur and that the recognize I'm under no obligation to do anything for her. Tomorrow, I'm taking her to Wal-Mart to cash her paycheck and she'll pay me back the money she borrowed. More to come.

  16. #41
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    Quote Originally Posted by Clark View Post
    As a precaution, I called my roommate before I went into her place with instructions to call the cops in an hour if I didn't call him back and say not to. I'm larger than her and she's seven month's pregnant, but I wasn't entirely sure she wouldn't stab me or something.
    AND

    Quote Originally Posted by Clark View Post
    We've known each other over a year and I'm offended she would think that. She said I don't know what offended means. She knows quite well I've done plenty for people I either didn't want to sleep with or had no chance of sleeping with.
    Sounds like you're both in the same boat her with different shades of the same problem.

    Clark, walk away. You're giving advice she doesn't want to hear so she's turning it on you, and she's TELLING you that in her actions and you don't want to listen.

    She's USING you, and you're fighting to prove you're not being used. You're in an abusive relationship, only you're the battered wife looking for a reason to prolong your husband's abusive drinking.

    GET OUT.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  17. #42
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    Seriously, I would LOVE to see Venus' take on this.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  18. #43
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    The cops turned out not to be necessary. All she did was scream a lot. In tertrospect, confronting someone who hadn't had a smoke was a bad idea. She hadn't been lying quite as much as I thought, but I still feel like I was a mark, noy a friend. After I get my money back, we'll see if she has the chocolate salty balls to ask for anything else.

  19. #44
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hitting up friends for money

    I tried talking to her about this again. She kept asking we what was wrong. I told her that I was still upset with her because she'd treated me as a mark rather than a friend and she didn't seem to think she had. It's like she thinks she never actually promised me anything, so she did nothing wrong.

    I told her abotu my TV being on the fritz and she offerred to lend me her bedroom TV. Apparently, she's quite sincere about friends helping each other, but thinks that she is basically owed favors so is justified in doing what it takes to get them.

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