Man, oh man. Last night was awful. I did two dances in five hours. Two. Granted the club was slow and a lot of the clientele weren't spending money on anyone, but those are just excuses. There have been plenty of nights in the past where other girls said it was a shit night and I still managed to scrape together a decent ammount of money somehow. For some reason, I just couldn't pull it off. I felt like a newbie again...sitting with time-wasters, not able to close a sale, sucking on stage, just completely useless.
Sometimes I just feel like I'm done with this job. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be easy for me to quit. I'm supporting my fiancee while he finishes school, and his graduation is two years away. I do have a college degree, but no entry-level job I could get is going to support both of us AND pay his tuition. (And please, please, PLEASE, don't tell me that I'm a loser for supporting a man. I've had that conversation here before, and I don't feel like having it again today.)
I'm so mad at myself. I feel like I've failed at something. I just can't make myself do this anymore, even though I want to. I'm very freaked out.



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