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Thread: One-night stander flame contacted me

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default One-night stander flame contacted me

    About a year ago, I had a lovely one night stand with a guy whom I will call Masato. He just sent me an email saying hi, do you remember me, etc. I emailed back saying hi, yes I remember you, told him how my life is going, and asked how his was. Very casual.

    Well, it wasn't quite a one night stand. We met in class, and a lovely friendship developed. There was always a hint of sexual frustration, which came to a head when he tried to seduce me one night after a drunken bout of Guitar Hero. I was in a relationship at the time, but it had gotten so bad that I thought that I was sexually frigid. However, Masato's hot breath in my ear soaked my panties and made me realize that my relationship with the boyfriend was dead. I didn't cheat, but I did dump my boyfriend very soon after because of the realization that I was no longer in love with him.

    The next day, I went back to Masato and told him straight out that I was hot for his body.The dam of sexual tension flooded both of us. We proceeded to go through 4 condoms in 6 hours and leave me sore for days. He told me he loved me, eek. I'd like to think that we both got what we wanted, but I felt bad because of the possibility that he might have actually liked me.

    It wasn't meant to blossom into anything. He was going back to Japan, and we were too different. He's a drunkard and a party animal, I'm a homebody bookworm and video game lover. I actually liked the notion that we'd never talk again. It was closure, it was ensuring no awkwardness after the betrayal of friendship with our lust that had no compatibility.

    I'm in no way bitter or embarassed about him contacting me, it's just... weird.

    So... what do you guys do when a one-night stander or casual ex who you don't dislike contacts you?

  2. #2
    God/dess
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    Uh, if he was that good, try to fuck him again, of course. Assuming no other obligations, in which case, feel flattered.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    I'm kinda concerned that I'd be leading him on. I mean, I shot down his pollow talk of, "I love you." Ah well, I'll probably find out through the emails.

    This is a strange situation in which there was no resolution. We liked each other, but there's no way it would have worked. Sigh.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    Mmmmm, I wanna do a Japanese party boy after a hot session of guitar hero. Great post Hat! Nice writing style too, I am totally visualizing this in my own way. Ding, ding, ding, new fantasy. Damn, I must be ovulating or something. No advice on my part though, fuck him if you like.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

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  5. #5
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    Okay, casual sex is good. Hmmm what kind of conversations should take place between now and possible casual sex?

    Speaking of geek fantasies, I once blew a guy while he was playing Gears of War.

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    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    ah... the joys of chemistry with a hot japanese guy *mind wanders off*

    *comes back*

    now, you know as well as i do that the 'i love you' thing is just a cultural quirk. my customers in japan used to tell me they loved me after two nights at the club and that i was now their girlfriend.

    so i'm thinking, don't take it literally, and bone him again while you still have a chance.

  7. #7
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    Oh, you've stripped in Japan? Nihonogo wo hanashimasu ka?

    It wasn't a quirk. He had been in America for 11 years and was pretty Americanized other than his accent (he could differentiate R and L and pronounce "th"). It was pillow talk or the real thing. When he said that, I said, "You love my manko."

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    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    aside from his omanko-lust, maybe he fell in love with your brain during all the pre-boning class time.

    i have only stripped in japan. never had the balls to do it at home. haven't been back for a number of years, so the ol' nihongo has dropped off considerably... most of my japanese language skills revolved around drinking and private dances.

    is there still a bf on the scene?

  9. #9
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    Yes, there's a boyfriend, but we just got out of long relationships that involved cohabitation. Although we're not seeing anyone else, we're not steady. We talked, and agreed that as long as we're honest, things are fine. Still, it's doubtful that Masato will come back to America anytime soon, and just as likely that I would sleep with him. It ended on an awkward note, mostly because it got around that we had sex (me and my big mouth and a nosy eavesdropper. I admit it was rotten and that I'd get mad if it happened, so no excuse here).

    Yeah, come to think of it, I think that he did fall in love with my brains. We had long talks about psychology, medicine, academia, and Japan. He also admitted early on that he loves halfie girls. I had the hots for him (mentally and dripping pussy-wise) and definately didn't see him as just a friend, but I didn't see him as a boyfriend either. Like I said, he was a party animal who went to Asian clubs all the time and woke up hung over every morning. I'm a geek girl who likes objective, more productive stuff like video games. I felt out of place clubbing, which I find loud and boring, and would always end up getting drunk (which I hate) to displace my feelings of social awkwardness. I also felt kinda out of place with his friends. Although they were wonderfully nice and included me, sometimes I swear that Asians are a species of their own (I'm half Japanese, so I can say that). So basically, all I felt that I could do was fuck him hard, get my lust out, and avoid any future awkward conversations in the future.

  10. #10
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    um, if there's no big chance of a hot fuck with him anytime soon, don't lead him on. he might want to rekindle the love!

    email: I had a really hot time last year____, and assuming we're both unattached, you should let me know next time you're in ___. I'd love to have a repeat, that sex was amazing Good luck in ____.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    God, I wish he'd email the response of my last email (Hi, it's been awhile, I'm in nursing school, what are you up to?). The suspense and whatifs are killing me.

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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    ^^ Great answer lola. Keep it short and sexy and to the point.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  13. #13
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    Quote Originally Posted by Lola Rose View Post
    um, if there's no big chance of a hot fuck with him anytime soon, don't lead him on. he might want to rekindle the love!

    email: I had a really hot time last year____, and assuming we're both unattached, you should let me know next time you're in ___. I'd love to have a repeat, that sex was amazing Good luck in ____.
    Wow, very straightforward. However, I'd be pretty insulted if I had the hots for a guy or even just had a no-feelings-attached one night stand, and he was all about "Hey, wanna fuck?" from the beginning. I'll be straightforward in other ways, after someone starts talking about feelings or sex. Until then, re-aquaintance stage.

    C'mon, he needs to email me back! I'm waiting for the reply email!

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    Maybe it was a drunk email? Maybe he was bored? When ex's contact me, I usually find it flattering and entertaining... but it only stays that way if you don't start contact again. You usually just end up leading them on.

    ps. I'm with Lola, too!
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    Oh snap, drunk emailing! I never considered that! I've had 4 exes contact me in the last month. The first wanted "forgiveness" through oily facades of good will, and I'll never forgive him because he lied to me about getting testsed for STDs. The second was the guy I lost my virginity to who spread it around the whole school, I didn't even bother sending a nasty email his way. The third drunk dialed because he was depressed and is in such sad shape that I was the only person he felt he could talk to. The fourth was him. Yeesh, can't they just be gone?

    I'm not going to send Lola's letter. It's honestly pretty rude to someone who might have feelings. It would be better for an established no-strings-attached fuck buddy.

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    Senior Member sleepyboy's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    Okay, casual sex is good. Hmmm what kind of conversations should take place between now and possible casual sex?

    Speaking of geek fantasies, I once blew a guy while he was playing Gears of War.
    OMG! I'm in love. LOL *ponders the difference between road head and video game head*

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    Actually, I thought about the situation. There's like a 10% chance he'll be back in this area anytime soon, and I doubt that I'd end up sleeping with him no matter what the circumstances are. The sex was good, but it was all about the dam of sexual tension releasing its floodgates. Now that it's been done, now what? I like my boyfriend much more than this guy, and I'm positive that if I had sex with Masato, I'd spend the whole time thinking of the boyfriend.

    I guess that the real issue here is the fact that he's the first old flame of any kind who I don't dislike. The fact that it was a one-night stand makes it extra confusing for me. I'm used to having old flames have tons of unresolved baggage and hard feelings. The annoyance and hatred makes it easier to get it over with and brush off future contact with rude retorts.

    How do all of you deal with guys like these? Guys from the past who you don't hate by any means, but have no other real connection?

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    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    ^im just polite, nice and try to dig deeper and see what they REALLY want. because more than likely they want to see if they can try things with you again and see if it works out this time. but if that's not the case i have no problem being friends/friendly with an ex-hookup/boyfriend.
    it's been the month of that with me too, being contacted.. like wtf? is it something in the air?

    Love it!

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    He's hit a dry patch and wants to hook up

  20. #20
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde View Post
    He's hit a dry patch and wants to hook up
    Oh yeah... I forgot that guys do that after a bad spell...

  21. #21
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    eh, ya, I'm a straightforward kind of woman. I find it's the easiest and best way to get what I want. I hate bsing and talking around the subject, being all polite! Ignore the elephant......

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-night stander flame contacted me

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    I guess that the real issue here is the fact that he's the first old flame of any kind who I don't dislike. The fact that it was a one-night stand makes it extra confusing for me. I'm used to having old flames have tons of unresolved baggage and hard feelings. The annoyance and hatred makes it easier to get it over with and brush off future contact with rude retorts.
    I KNEW if I sat on this a bit, you'd say something like this.

    The solution is so simple, I mean really.

    It's been a year, what do you know of him beyond the fact he sent an e-mail? Was he renewing his love through the typed word? Did he make an attempt to see if you want to fuck again?

    I think you're all writing this off too soon, I don't think we really know anything other than the facts. I mean he could be sending an e-mail cause in some way he thinks YOU might be pining over HIM. Who knows?

    BUT it does come down to what you want. Would you like an e-mail correspondence? If so, keep it up. Let it flow, handle the odd rubs like love/sex when HE brings them up being sure you never go into that realm yourself.

    If you DON'T want to keep contact with him, just let the E-mail slide and reply to it in very unopen ways so it gets harder for him to reply until he's actually TELLING you his intentions just to keep the convo stream alive.

    Relax ya know?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde View Post
    He's hit a dry patch and wants to hook up
    We don't know this... do we? *rereads*
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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