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Thread: coworkers as friends?

  1. #1
    Member mysticmeadow's Avatar
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    Default coworkers as friends?

    Ok, at first glance it may seem that this should be in the newbie forum, however, I have been dancing for over a year now at a great club that I do well at. What I have been having trouble with is that I am older- I started dancing at 28- I have a husband, 2 children and I am italian- very motherly- try to help everyone- the problem is that i look around and the people that I have tried to mentor the most-as an older more experienced person are the people that are the first to really hurt you- for example one girl had an abusive boyfriend, I gave her a place to stay fed her took care of her and she turned around and started sleeping with one of my regulars, and this is not the first time this has happened, and i know that on one hand I should not care about people and there problems, drug addictions, but I cant help it- what i dont get and I truly don't mean to sound stereotypical but is this just the way it is with dancers, I have never been burned outside of dancing as I have in this profession and how do you turn off your feelings- I feel that I am at such a cross road and I really just need some advice. my coworkers, managers, etc.. look at me as mother hen- I have had girls that I dont like sick as a dog in the bathroom, I cant walk away from them, I would rather not make money and hold their hair, make sure that they get home safe- I am beginning to feel that i feel to much to be a dancer.

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    You are extremely lucky to have never been burned outside this industry. I've been burned many times outside this industry by "friends". That's how some people are. I've been burned in office/corporate work and in casual restaurant/bar work. You'll have to learn to have more restraint and discernment when it comes to the wounded birds you pick up.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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  4. #3
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    maybe you should look into being a house mom.

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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    I can't do nearly as well as a DJ unless I am friends with the dancers, and the closer the better. But if you are working with dancers seriously involved with drugs, as I was at my last club, you have to detach yourself to a large extent. You have to learn when to be tough, and when to be compassionate. It's not always an easy call.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    I try to get along with everyone at work, though I'm very particular about those I make as friends outside of the club. If someone is having dramas, no matter how nice they seem, I want no part.
    Fools laugh at others. Wisdom laughs at itself...Osho

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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    I've gotten burned the most outside this industry in the healthcare profession, other random friends throughout the years so now I'm not as willing to let someone get close to me as I would say a few years ago. I think you'd be better suited as a housemom than a dancer because you'd get paid to be like a mother like you're doing now. I think it's great that you have that inside you and have the capability to think of others, that's rare in this world altogether, not just dancing so please don't lose that but try to let not your feelings get too involved so you don't get up getting hurt.

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    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    Wow.
    I could have written your exact post. it sounds just like me. I too started at 27 and I was looked to as the mama hen. Some girls even called me mama. I've always been the kind of person that wants to help people out and I carried that over into this business.

    What did it get me? Burnt the fuck out. I ended up getting involved in drama I didn't want, I cared too much about the girls and the cliub and when things weren't right it affected me outsdie the club. My husband and I used to fight alot when I'd get home from work. I was just taking out my frustrations on him. The worst part for me was that what started out as being mama hen turned into being a bitch to alot of people. At the time the management was not the best and if the girls had a problem they'd come to me and I'd try to make it all better. In the process of trying to be a friend, I made alot of enemies.

    I had been at my home club for over four years and it finally got to me, I was burnt out on being there and had to leave. I went to another club in town and kind of kept to myself. I slowly got to know a few girls and i stayed out of the drama. It was wonderful! there was plenty of drama there but know I'd just sit back and watch the action and think "thank God that's not me!"

    I just returned to my home club after being gone for a year. I've come back a different person. The club has new management in place that have made some great changes in the club. There a few of the old girls there and they still want to tell me all the gossip. Since I left I'm now able to detach myself and just listen, the old smile and nod. I still h'm able to have the urge to mother but I'm able to keep my distance now. I've learned over the past year that I'm only looking out for me. I'm only loyal to me, and I can do this and still be friendly at work, have a good time and make great $$. I came back to my home club because it's by far the beat $$ I've made in this town. I did take a financial hit when I left but it was worth it to get my sanity back.

    My advice, if possible take a break and try another club. While there you have to make yourself stand back. It was hard for me but I adopted that attitude that not everyone knew me so I could be whoever I wanted. You also have to learn to say no to people. I was the unofficial house mom, if you needed something you know Susan had it. I've also found that if I stay on the floor and talk to custies, the girls don't bother me or of they need something I'll just say, I'm with someone and we'lll talk when I'm done.

    This porobably sounds like alot of rambling but I hope it helped some.

  9. #8
    Naomi12
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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    I learned my lesson, one of my many reasons for getting out of the industry. I was dating one of the floor hosts that many of the girls found attractive, for a while he and I kept our "relationship" private but then I made the mistake of telling one of the girls who I thought was really cool with me that we were dating and that I had gotten pregnant, and BAM! The drama began. I usually kept to myself anyways but this was the test that led me to find out who my real buddies were and who weren't, I would go to work and there were rumors that I was pregnant by a customer, or that I was cheating on him. Girls would do mean things to me in the dressing room, someone who I thought was really cool with me went around telling people just awful things to me, I was about 3 months pregnant, and I was about to stop dancing and it was my last few weeks as I was coming off stage she tripped me and started laughing hilariously and said "let's see if you have that baby now".
    I had this chick tell me I didn't deserve him, I would go out to my car and found my tires on my car busted....
    It was difficult, especially since a lot of these same girls were the ones when they needed rides home, when they needed to talk, if they didn't have any outfits anything I was the one helping them...
    It was tough but you have pettiness at every club you go to. At this point I've learned my lesson and if I were to ever dance again, it's just me myself and I. Even my daughter's father tell me now, you are bigger than that now you know you can't be nice to everyone.....

  10. #9
    Veteran Member Hot2Trot's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Re: coworkers as friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan-Va View Post
    My advice, if possible take a break and try another club. While there you have to make yourself stand back.
    Agreed. Sometimes you need to detach yourself to regain your perspective. In addition, you can't "make yourself over" from "The Helpful One" to the "Stand-offish One" as easily if you stay because as Susan-Va stated:

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan-Va View Post
    I was the unofficial house mom, if you needed something you know Susan had it
    and they will totally take advantage of this fact. Take some time to pull away so that you can make a fresh new start when you come back.

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan-Va View Post
    It was hard for me but I adopted that attitude that not everyone knew me so I could be whoever I wanted. You also have to learn to say no to people.
    .

    Remember, MysticMeadow, work is not the place to make friends because that's the competition. Of course, you should always be polite and gracious, however:
    EVERYONE THERE IS AN ADULT AND therefore, just as you are, RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS !!!


    Quote Originally Posted by Susan-Va View Post
    I've also found that if I stay on the floor and talk to custies, the girls don't bother me or of they need something I'll just say, I'm with someone and we'lll talk when I'm done.
    True. I have noticed that the "Dramalous" are can more often than not be found hanging around in the bathroom or in the back gossipping and not engaging the clientele.

    You might avoid issues simply by staying away from them. If you see them (they usually travel in packs; LoL ) huddled in a corner, smile, then go in the opposite direction.

    Catty and gossippy people are insecure and attempt to manipulate others through insecurity. Be independent of that, and you will be secure in yourself.

    You will exude confidence and that is majorly attractive. Not only will this translate into more earnings for you, but it will also serve to highlight your qualities, by pointing out others' lack thereof.


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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    I have become friends with several girls at work, but have never let them move in with me or try to "mother" them. I think you need to be really selective when making friends in this business.

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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    It's hard here in Darwin to not be on some sort of "friendship" terms with certain dancers here since I seem to work with them often and/or live with them whilst on contract here. One in particular as I'm sharing a room with her and thus we have chats just between the two of us and seem to get along real well and have a good 'trust' thing going on.

    At the same time, I am friends with her here in Darwin. Outside of here in Darwin when I go back home, I may text her every so often yet I wouldn't say the friendship exists outside of this city.

    There are only a few dancers who I would call "friend". I think they know who they are and I always appreciate their input even if it seems I do not...

    Yet generally speaking I'm just friendly with most dancers and keep in contact in a networking business sense (to get updates on various cities and places etc).


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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    ^ Hey, I keep seeing your twitter, I know there's a girl there you hate.

    SPILL who is she?!


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
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    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  14. #13
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    I updated my twitter.


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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    Why am I Still on that fricken site?


    Look like a woman
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    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    I've never been burned by another dancer... Actually, the only time I've had friends "burn" me was OTC. I've had them sleep with my bf, spread rumors, etc. However, I've never had someone ITC that I've considered a friend even spread the rumors (not that girls haven't done that ITC before, just no one that I considered a friend... that I know of, lol).
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    I have made only 1 friend from work EVER! She's a sweet girl, sweet as pie and we get along great. Her only flaw is that she's had some drug problems, and is trying to clean that up. She's been sober for about a little over a month now, and I'm so proud of her. I care so much about this girl, I see something in her that I dont see in the other girls, and that is her spirit.

    Now other chicks I work with, they are just co-workers. I dont go out to eat, I dont give them my number, hell they dont even know my real name, the get my "stripper info" the same info I give customers.







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  18. #17
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    Repeat after me:
    I am not Jesus.
    It is not my duty to save people.

    People are miserable, but their coping techniques might be fucked. At my first club, I listened to people vent about how they couldn't afford to get their kids Christmas presents, or their horrible boyfriends. I was nice. However, they'd also jump on any little thing. A lot of these people are miserable, and know very well that they are near the bottom. Therefore, they gleefully pounce on any opportunity possible to be on top of anybody.

    People have their own problems. It's up to them to solve them.

    If you want to put your gifts to good use, I suggest that you go for a degree in clinical psychology, or become a housemom.

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    Veteran Member Hot2Trot's Avatar
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    Arrow Re: coworkers as friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses View Post
    Now other chicks I work with, they are just co-workers. I dont go out to eat, I dont give them my number, hell they dont even know my real name, the get my "stripper info" the same info I give customers.
    Truth CinnamonKisses. Exactly.

    Friends, IMHO, are personal, and not to be mixed with your business and vice versa. I have avoided 99.99 % of drama using this philosophy.

    It's part of the game:

    When you're playing cards, you don't show your cards and you don't talk-up the table. Why not? Because it gives your opponent a chance to catch you with your guard down, you miss out on the cards dealt and thrown down, as well as a chance to sneak a peek at what you are packing.

    The best defense however, is a good offense. I use my defensiveness as a last minute alternative which is rarely necessary, since most situations are avoidable, for the most part.

    Don't get me wrong, be polite and gracious, but unless you are thirsty for friends because you don't have, or can't make, friends outside the club, then make your money, come home and leave your job and its problems at the club. Don't drag that cat home with you.

    Don't walk around with a monkey on your shoulder; Pick it up of your shoulder and leave it at work.

    IMHO, It would not be uncaring or selfish of you to distance yourself, but it would simply be requiring professionalism from your coworkers and your work environment.

    Someone's always going to have a problem, but work is work and it is unprofessional to bring the drama into any work environment.

    .

  20. #19
    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    I have learned threw hard experince that people are big disapointments I trust none and let noone in. Well anyone new I have a hubby and a best freind I trust them but thats it i extend no futher for no reason.

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    Veteran Member hearts's Avatar
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    Default Re: coworkers as friends?

    I have made one solid friend from work. BUT, she's like me: NO drug problem, NO drinking problem, good at money management.

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