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Thread: Alright here we go

  1. #1
    Tart
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    Default Alright here we go

    I have opened up a lil on here and said what's been going on as far as me having an eating disorder.

    Some things have happened rather recently that leave me with no option other than to get help.

    The other night I wanted to kill myself and took sleeping pills. Obviously it didn't work but none the less, I still tried it.

    It wasn't a ploy for attention , but rather I wanted a way out. So much intense shit is going on around me and just controlling my intake of food isn't cutting it anymore.

    I'm left with realizing I need serious help and I need it now. I found a therapist and also ANA meetings to attend as well as other eating disorder support groups that I will be apart of prob for a very long time.

    I'm leaving for FL to be inpatient in Renfrew which is an eating disorder clinic. I need inpatient counseling and around the clock care . i'm only able to do it for 6 days Which sucks ass but I have obligations here I can't ignore.

    But I'm taking those 6 days for all they are worth, they are my starting point and my boost that I need so badly. I hope that they give me the tools to get my healing off the ground.

    When I get home I'll be outpatient for 13 weeks.

    I know that I need this but Im terrified of giving up control to something I control so intensely. I have no other choice and Im well aware of this

    I also know that the next few days leading up to it , are going to be my worst ones. Just knowing I have to give up my scale, laxatives., purging and water pills... sorta sets me off into a frenzy.

    My family is super supportive of this which is amazing.

    Right now at 5 ft 6 ..I weight barely 103 lbs. My hair is falling out , and I've offically stopped getting periods. ( before they were one day events.. ) Im blacking out from not eating and I get winded rather easily. So, yah...this is sorta dire.

    I hope not only to gain a healthy weight back on, but to find out what is making me do this to myself...there are huge underlying factors on why I ultimatley deny myself health and happiness. Because I do.

    I literally will isolate and refuse to socially interact due to the fear of appearing stupid ..for NO reason. So that itself is something I have to work on.

    I just wanted to vent ., share and ..well.. that's really it. And maybe help shed light on it and possibly have to push someone else into seeking help before it's too late.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    All I can say is you made the right choice and best of luck with you. Thank god you didn't die from the pills.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    I never knew you had such a large demon with food. I hope you find the help you are looking for and its wonderful that you have support. Its scary to give up something like that. I applaud you very much for deciding to get the help you need. Im sure me as well as others are here for you too. for you and you to get well.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  4. #4
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    I'm so glad you're okay. You are an amazing and beautiful person. Make sure you check back in asap when you get back from florida.

  5. #5
    Tart
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    Thank you very very much. I hid what was going on rather well. I've battled it since I was 11. just it goes in weird bouts. About every 2 years like clockwork I do the restricting of food. In the mean time though I did laxatives, water pills and purging. and lots of binge eating.

    There are semi nude photos on here of me back around last Sept I think..anyways I weight 135 I believe. I weighted that till a few months ago. I've lost 32 lbs in a matter of about 60 ish days. give or take . but the last month I went from 115 to this. So, yah it's not getting any better on its own. And im seeing now the long term effects from it, which is constipation, IBS is full blown and I can't have a BM without the aide of laxatives AND suppositories.. and it takes a lot of laxatives at this point to move my bowels.

    The entire thing is robbing me of a life. Because everything revolves around what I eat and how I handle it afterwards. And the money iv'e spent on laxatives etc is mindblowing.

    I just want to NOT have to schedule my life around purging and taking shits. seriously. because with laxatives you literally cannot do anything the following day..meaning work etc. And when that comes before MONEY to survive ..yah i knew i had a really huge problem.

  6. #6
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    I had no idea you were going through this. You're a beautiful girl and I'm glad you're stepping up and taking care of it!
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  7. #7
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    good on you for getting some help. you've hidden it well behind your hilarious posts on here.

    i hope these folks at the clinic can sort it out for you.

  8. #8
    Tart
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    ^ Hey i've got my humor...

    However Im kinda hoping I can sort it all out for myself and they'll just listen and or agree or something.

    Im kinda stoked to do this myself, without meds and without depending on others to fix my own problem.

    It'll be nice to enjoy dinner, or desert... hell to eat over 300 calories a day will be incredible..

    I want to eat cupcakes.. real bad!

  9. #9
    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    Tart im so sorry you are goign through this but i am SO so glad you feel comfortable enough with us to open up to us about this. Renfrew is great, I have a family friend who was there for some time. But i thought it was in philly? in any case, im really impressed with you that you have the awareness of mind to realize that you are in serious need of help and are seeking some instead of hiding behind other things and other such behaviors. you are a strong lady from what i have read Tart and i know you can overcome this.

    Love it!

  10. #10
    Tart
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    There are actually a few Renfrews...There is prob one in Philly. The one Im going to is in Coconut Grove FL. I think they have a foundation as well..I did some minor reading on it online

    I'll let everyone know my experience with it incase anyone else is considering inpatient for this

  11. #11
    Featured Member tampadancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    Tart:

    I am so sorry that you are going through this, but you are strong, and you will get through it. Congratulations on being strong enough to recognize the seriousness of this.

    Finding out the root of the problem, and what is causing this compulsion is so important. I've been there. Good luck and stay tough! You will beat this.

  12. #12
    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    Kudos to you for having the courage to recognize the problem and take it head on by getting treatment I know that takes a lot of effort and is a very hard thing to do. I wish you the best during your recovery...you're a beautiful woman with a lot going for her. Good luck hun!
    "Seeing the landscape at this superficial level only captures its boring uniformity, not allowing you to immerse yourself in the spirit of the place; for that you must stop at least several days."

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  13. #13
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    I'm very glad you didn't succeed, Tart. Best of luck with your recovery. You can beat it!

  14. #14
    Veteran Member circe221's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    (((Tart)))
    I just wanted to say that I wish you all the best on your road to recovery. You are such a strong person for facing this head on, and you should already be proud of the progress you have made by taking these steps. You can do this, and we are all here for you!
    "The winds of Heaven are those which blow between a horse's ears."
    ~Arabian Proverb


  15. #15
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    *hug*

    good luck with your recovery, babe. i will be thinking of you and i hope that you can get on top of this. you are a beautiful girl.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    Oh Tart, I really do wish you the best of luck & hope everything turns out well. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, you can do it!

    P.S. If you need anything, you know how to reach me. You can bother me anytime.

  17. #17
    Senior Member -Stacia-'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    Kudos to you for getting help, I'm sure that wasn't an easy step. You're absolutely beautiful and I'll be thinking about you and hoping you come home safe and healthy
    The type of girl you wanna chew all of my bubblegum

  18. #18
    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    Tart, good for you for seeking treatment on your own for this. That's huge. I think it's a really good sign that you'll be successful in your recovery.

    Kudos to you. I wish you all the best.


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  19. #19
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    Tart,

    Just joining everyone else in wishing you well. You are gorgeous and strong! You've made a great first step by seeking treatment. Take care.

  20. #20
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    Quote Originally Posted by Tart View Post

    I'm leaving for FL to be inpatient in Renfrew which is an eating disorder clinic. I need inpatient counseling and around the clock care . i'm only able to do it for 6 days Which sucks ass but I have obligations here I can't ignore.
    .
    Renfrew center is the top of the line eating disorder clinic. I love you Tart, and I know you will perservere! Be blessed, you are in my prayers







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  21. #21
    God/dess holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    It is so impressive that you enrolled yourself in that program and you are taking control of your life like this. I guess I shouldn't be suprised - it's obvious you're a strong woman. Anway, I'm wishing you the best.
    I'm confused, but the Chewbacca Truffle Shuffle cleared it up. - Emily

  22. #22
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    I wish you all the best. Good for you for taking care of yourself; like they say, knowing when to get help is a sign of good mental health.

  23. #23
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    That's amazing how you've been able to do the absolute right thing for your family and for yourself. I know that healing isn't the easiest thing at this stage in your life, but you are obviously a strong person to do this for yourself.

    I wish you the best of luck, and that you may soon have all the health and happiness you deserve.

  24. #24
    Veteran Member lexXe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    Tart, you are such a strong woman, it takes a lot of guts to admit you have a problem and seek treatment on your own. I commend you!

    I want to wish you and your family a successful recovery

  25. #25
    God/dess JustJayda's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alright here we go

    Tart, u know you're one of my faves. I had no idea your were dealing with this.
    You're in my thoughts & prayers.

    xoxo, Jayda
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