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Thread: Fuck, I'm Upset

  1. #1
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    Default Fuck, I'm Upset

    I have my brother's closure tattoo planned out. He commited suicide over 6 months ago, and I have mixed feelings about this tattoo. In one way I don't want it, as I don't really want to admit he's gone for good, and part of me wants because I know this. I guess it's about letting go. It's so hard to go without that "maybe he'll just show up one day" feeling. It has to happen one day though, because I know he won't show up one day. I know I already realise it, but, I don't want to admit that he's gone. I hate it. He's gone dammit. He shot himself, there's no coming back from that. I saw his body, I still don't want to admit it. I will though, it's just so hard. I don't know if anyone knows what I'm going through or have some words of advice.

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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    I don't know what you're going through, but I'm sure you'll be okay. Maybe you should wait to get the tat until you're ready to admit that he's gone. I know grief is a healing process, and you shouldn't rush it. Here's a site I found, hope you feel better.

  3. #3
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    i have my mates name tatooed on me, i got it the day after he died, didnt think about it for a second.

    maybe you need councelling, if your not accepting he really has gone, mayeb that will help? grieving can take time, but its important to move ahead as well, im sure thats what your brother would want for you too.

    be sad,never forget, but power ahead

    *hugs* its not ment to be easy

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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    Yeah, I'm getting it in a few months, I'm in no rush.

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    God/dess Roulette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    I'm sorry for your loss, suicide is always one of the hardest losses to deal with/handle. I don't know what what you're going through but I do feel for you. Have you had any grief counseling? Have you talked about it much? If you dont talk about it over and over you could develop PTSD. Doing this will help make it more real and help you accept it. Perhaps some sort of group therapy dealing with loss would help you too. having a strong support will help you a lot. I agree with PrettyCurlieQ in holding off on the tattoo until you've accepted that he's gone. Again, I'm really sorry babe.
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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    Quote Originally Posted by Roulette View Post
    I'm sorry for your loss, suicide is always one of the hardest losses to deal with/handle. I don't know what what you're going through but I do feel for you. Have you had any grief counseling? Have you talked about it much? If you dont talk about it over and over you could develop PTSD. Doing this will help make it more real and help you accept it. Perhaps some sort of group therapy dealing with loss would help you too. having a strong support will help you a lot. I agree with PrettyCurlieQ in holding off on the tattoo until you've accepted that he's gone. Again, I'm really sorry babe.

    Yeah I attend suicide support groups, even though they are very hard sometimes. And like I said, I'm in no rush with the tattoo, but I'll get it when I feel it's right.

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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    Awww, SC, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I'm an only child, so I couldn't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. Hope you feel better soon-loss is a very tough thing to cope with, especially if it's a close family member. Just remember that we are all here for you!
    Last edited by virgoamm; 04-09-2007 at 11:11 PM.

  8. #8
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    Oh my gosh sc, how horrible!

    Hugs!

  9. #9
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    I do understand completely how you feel. I'm getting my memorial tat in 2+ months for the child I lost. I'm getting it on a very significant date, the day I should have had my baby. And it's so hard, not seeing my tummy grow. I used to puff out my tummy when I was alone, enough so It would almost hurt, just to be able to pretend the baby was still there. I still do, sometimes, and I cry over it all the time.

    I think the tattoo will in some wierd way give me closure, and I'm looking forward to that. I need to know it's over, as painful as that is. And I think being able to put my hands on those doves, and just hold onto them, to almost be holding my baby, I think it will help. It makes them a part of you, and as hard as it is to let go, it's also about holding on.

    And I'd reccomend getting it on a special happy daye or time of year. Like his birthday or by his favorite holiday.... so it's about a happy memory.

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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    I understand where you're coming from. My friend committed suicide almost 2 years ago and it was very hard to accept that he was gone, I still struggle with it almost daily. For the first six months I was a complete and total wreck.

    I knew that I wanted to get a tattoo in memory of him but I wasn't ever really apprehensive about it... I knew it would make me feel closer to him, like I have him with me always. I had a few ideas in mind for a custom drawing but one night I went to the shop all my friends get their work done and looked through some books, and found the perfect one. It's really a comfort to me... I hope you can/will feel the same if/when you get yours. I understand how hard it is, if you ever want to talk, PM me.
    Last edited by VegasOrBUST; 04-09-2007 at 11:21 PM. Reason: Added hugs

  11. #11
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    My best friend killed himself about 2 years ago...it was (and still is at times) very hard on me. I still have a momentary lapse of memory when I think about calling him when stuff happens in my life, but then I catch myself and have to remember that he's gone. I miss him EVERY DAY. I was his fag hag, but it was more than that. We were going to get married and adopt kids one day.
    What comforts me is to keep reminders of him around. I have pictures in frames in the living room and in my bedroom. I also display some gifts he bought me and often re-read letters/poems he wrote for me. He is always in my dreams, always in my memory and in stories I tell people. Talking to his parents helps me too although his mom will usually start crying because I remind her of her son and that hurts me terribly.
    You never really miss the person less, but the aching depressed feeling can subside.
    I also got a memorial tattoo for him the month after he passed and I plan on getting another one that he actually designed for me. It will have his signature taken from a letter he wrote to me inside it. I think tattoos are a great way to express your love for someone you care for but is no longer here.

    Take care of yourself...

  12. #12
    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    i understand what you are going through as i lost my sister almost 7 years ago in May. i have a memorial tattoo on my low back with her initials. first let me say that dr. elizabeth kubler-ross pioneered the way we think about death psychology, in that you have to go through the five stages in NO particular order: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. it will be very difficult to move on, but at least you realize that holding onto the denial any longer will just make things more difficult in the future, in finishing the grieving process. holding on to it will also make you more and more depressed the longer you wait to let that part of him go, because he wont ever come back, as you said. there are days where i *still* cry because i miss my sister. granted she didnt commit suicide, and she was 8 years old when i was 18, but it was so sudden that i, like you, didn't get to say good bye so closure is especially difficult.

    you never get over it, you just get used to it.

    as for a tattoo, let me tell you from my experience, people of all kinds will ask you what your tat means and who he is, ESPECIALLY if you get initials or a name. and you don't want to have to explain to anyone, unless you choose to, what it means. so, get something more personal, maybe design wise. you may alreayd have picked something out but beware, customers, boyfriends, random ppl will ask. my tat is a butterfly- Kubler-Ross said in a book abotu child psych in relating to death that the butterfly is the symbol of transformation from life to death, that like the butterfly (caterpillar on) humans go thru a lifecycle too. so i have a very intricate butterfly (wings are intriciate) with her initials woven in.
    if you need.. PM me.

    Love it!

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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrissy68 View Post
    i understand what you are going through as i lost my sister almost 7 years ago in May. i have a memorial tattoo on my low back with her initials. first let me say that dr. elizabeth kubler-ross pioneered the way we think about death psychology, in that you have to go through the five stages in NO particular order: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. it will be very difficult to move on, but at least you realize that holding onto the denial any longer will just make things more difficult in the future, in finishing the grieving process. holding on to it will also make you more and more depressed the longer you wait to let that part of him go, because he wont ever come back, as you said. there are days where i *still* cry because i miss my sister. granted she didnt commit suicide, and she was 8 years old when i was 18, but it was so sudden that i, like you, didn't get to say good bye so closure is especially difficult.

    you never get over it, you just get used to it.

    as for a tattoo, let me tell you from my experience, people of all kinds will ask you what your tat means and who he is, ESPECIALLY if you get initials or a name. and you don't want to have to explain to anyone, unless you choose to, what it means. so, get something more personal, maybe design wise. you may alreayd have picked something out but beware, customers, boyfriends, random ppl will ask. my tat is a butterfly- Kubler-Ross said in a book abotu child psych in relating to death that the butterfly is the symbol of transformation from life to death, that like the butterfly (caterpillar on) humans go thru a lifecycle too. so i have a very intricate butterfly (wings are intriciate) with her initials woven in.
    if you need.. PM me.
    I realise people will ask, it doesn't have anything specific to him, ie dates etc, but it means everything about him. I don't mind making up a reason I have a tat, as I don't believe everyone should I know the true reason. I'm getting it on my inner wrist where I already have two small word tats, on the other inner wrist to even things out. This will be on the other inner wrist , which is nice because I can easily hide it and show it those whom I really care about.

  14. #14
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    I just wanted to say
    Because I know today is a rough one for you to get through.

  15. #15
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Fuck, I'm Upset

    I hink it's ok for people to ask. Mine is going to be on my lower back an hips, so it'll be easy for custys to see, but not random ppl. I plan to just say "it's a memorial tattoo for some very important people" and leave it at that.

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