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Thread: Alcohoroscope

  1. #1
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Alcohoroscope

    Mine (Libra) is disturbingly accurate....

    ARIES
    Drinking style Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail.
    Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise.

    They can be counted on to do the same for you-so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

    TAURUS
    Drinking style Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us.

    This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler-god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

    GEMINI
    Drinking style Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much-they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes.

    They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once.

    They like to order different cocktails every round-repetition is boring-and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.

    CANCER
    Drinking style Cancer is a comfort drinker-and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery.

    Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists-and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer.

    Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

    LEO
    Drinking style Leo likes to drink and dance-they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish.

    Of course, they're quite aware they're darling-Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control.

    When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue-and perhaps not with the one what brung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

    VIRGO
    Drinking style Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure-but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked-but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped.

    It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy).
    As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!

    LIBRA
    Drinking style "I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone.

    Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble-including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!

    SCORPIO
    Drinking style Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool-though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts.

    They also remember everything-especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

    SAGITTARIUS
    In vino veritas-and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own.
    Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else-like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun.

    Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

    CAPRICORN
    Drinking style Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty-no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star:
    independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble?


    But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.

    AQUARIUS
    Drinking style Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative-and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case.

    Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist):

    Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

    PISCES
    Drinking style If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign-and an addictive personality-with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt Cobain.

    Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast.

    Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime.

    With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality"
    can be read two ways, you know.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  2. #2
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    blahhh i am libra too... and have consistently seen this in other libras who drink

  3. #3
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo View Post
    CAPRICORN
    Drinking style Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty-no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star:
    independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble?


    But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.



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  4. #4
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    Im a Libra too but its not really acurate for me except loving to be social and party. Like Embyr though I shall point accusingly and laugh at a bunch of my Libran friends (-:

  5. #5
    Cally
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    LMAO im a Libra and OMG does that ever fit me and my libra friends

  6. #6
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    GEMINI
    They like to order different cocktails every round-repetition is boring-and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
    Wow - that is me! I'll order a martini, then a chocolate martini and then a sex on the beach. Drinking the same drink over and over bores me!

  7. #7
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality"
    can be read two ways, you know.
    Yeah. I'm a beer slut. Get me drunk and if your hot, I'll fuck ya. 'tis why I learned long ago NOT to go out drinking with a guy that I don't want to have sex with. It dont help that Im a naturally incredibly horney person to begin with. And I have an addictive personality. Which is why I never have tried any drugs. I bet I'd like em. To much. ( cept for this one time I tried Nitrous oxide, learned how dangerous it was, and never did it again.

  8. #8
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    Its a great thread title - I doubt I could say it if I was pissed!

    I had no idea there were so many Librans here.

  9. #9
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    Quote Originally Posted by aussiepunkshocker View Post
    Im a Libra too but its not really acurate for me except loving to be social and party. Like Embyr though I shall point accusingly and laugh at a bunch of my Libran friends (-:
    Quote Originally Posted by Cally View Post
    LMAO im a Libra and OMG does that ever fit me and my libra friends
    so many libras (incl. the OP) because we're all so damn creative and sensual... and sensitive, too!!! i've always been proud to be the scales... so much dualism, so little time...

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    CANCER
    Drinking style Cancer is a comfort drinker-and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery.

    Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists-and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer.

    Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

    ----

    LOL, I drink sparkling shiraz almost every work night!


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    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
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    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    I cn vouch for the Saggitarius one being accurate Though I only blab my own shit.
    Oh, and the Cancer one So my Dad...and every other Cancer I've known!
    Fools laugh at others. Wisdom laughs at itself...Osho

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    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    I'm an aquarius. The description suited me partially, and so did most of the other signs.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    Yikes, mine was pretty accurate!
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  14. #14
    Chicagoeditor
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zabrina View Post
    The description suited me partially, and so did most of the other signs.
    There, in one sentence, the mystery of astrology and other such poppycock revealed!

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    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    I am aries and that was right on lol

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    Except for my tolerance, this isn't really all that accurate for me.

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    Featured Member Lyssa Lynn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    I'm a cancer..."tired and emotional"....LMFAO! Yep that's me..too funny.

  18. #18
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    LEO
    Drinking style Leo likes to drink and dance-they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish.

    Of course, they're quite aware they're darling-Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control.

    When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue-and perhaps not with the one what brung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.
    Wow, that is SO me. Definitely.

    It's funny, I don't believe in astrology but I am 100% a stereotypical Leo. I fit EVERY Leo type.

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    Featured Member Sinder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo View Post


    GEMINI
    Drinking style Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much-they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes.

    They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once.

    They like to order different cocktails every round-repetition is boring-and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.


    When I do drink, that is pretty right on!

    Now my sister OTOH, is Aquarious, and for her it is WAY off. She's an angry drunk who is likey to pee on you when your sleeping.

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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    Mox is a Virgo and I'm a Scorpio... those are about as far off for us as it could get, really.

  21. #21
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    Hi, My name is Paul and I am a Libra too.
    *group* Hi Paul!

    Yes, I love to drink when I am out socially. I have a fabulous collection of blackouts to share, I just don't remember the details.
    *group*
    Tell us Paul!

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    God/dess BalletBaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcohoroscope

    Ha, I'm a pisces and that fit me pretty well.

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