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Thread: From a wife :)

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    Default From a wife :)

    OK so I was going to write a whole story about my hubby last week at his friends b-party...but basically I just wanted to know what a lap dance involves--he was at scarletts in hallendale, fl..i know no extras was involved. He was pretty open with me about it and i knew in advance what was going on but reallywas surprised when i read that men can touch the girls..I didnt know that and am sorta upset about it but whatever life goes on right!! anyway ladies!! humor a clueless wife and teach me about the friction lap dance..whats involved...what did he really do Id like to learn myself so I can surprise him but that will take a few weeks of preparing myself and getting up the nerve!!

    Thanks girls!!

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Firstly, I dont blame u for feeling upset. Even us dancers might object to our men getting certain types of lap dances or getting dances at all.

    I certainly would not want my boyfriend to get a high contact dance and I would consider it cheating if he touched the dancer.

    I live in Australia so I dont know whether the club your hubby went to was a touching club or not.

    I think the friction dance that u r referring to is "grinding". There a diff levels of grinding - some dancers will lightly grind with their butt on the man's penis to stimulate him and at some clubs this is a lot more full-on like to make the guy cum.

    I work at an air-dance aka no grinding club so I cant really help u with how to perform this type of dance.

    Maybe u could go to a strip club yourself and get a dance as this will give u a better idea of how to perform one.

  3. #3
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Why don't you ask him? Or is it that you did but you don't trust him? If that's the case, then the lapdance isn't the problem here.

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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Well I didnt want to be the nagging jealous wife when even his friends wives are like its no big deal...but he told me some things and told me other things werent allowed but then i hear bits & pieces from other wives things he didnt say so I know the truth is out there in the middle ..I had asked him if he touched the girls and at first it was an empathatic no and now its more of lets avoid the question... I dropped it because thats all the answer I need. this is a first time experience for us and he probably thinks he is protecting me by not talking bc to him it was no big deal but to me it would be..but on the other hand if its a big deal to me, then its a big deal to him. I hate saying I trust him bc if I totally did in this situation I wouldnt be asking you ladies for advice

    I think that strip clubs in general make even perfectly honest trusting men behave in ways even they are surprised!! My girlfriends husband is as straight and arrow as it gets and one night on a busines trip he accidentally must have hit the send button on his phone inhis pocket (she was the last call) and he was getting a lap dance at the time!! oh boy did she hear a different side of him..very vocal very expressive to the dancer...and she was screaming into the phone but he couldnt hear clearly..needless to say it goes to show you that it is playing fantasy a bit for the men..they are more inhibited in the clubs!!

    I will ask him if we can go together bc if he enjoyed it I want to know why and enjoy it with him. I think I might like it too ?? and the one thing about my hubby is he isnt cheap..which scares me in this situation!! haha..

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    I think you two should definately go together. Just dont act jealous and possessive around the dancers - we hate it coz we don't want your man. I think you're right about strip clubs bringing out the worst in some men.
    When a bunch of drunk men get together they really can turn into animals. Sometimes I think I wonder if the wives know their hubby's act like this.

    I was on stage once and I heard a guy on his mobile phone lying to his wife about where he was and then laughing about it afterwards, that pissed me off.

    Many men to come into strip clubs and behave like gentlement tho.

    Also keep in mind that individual dancers will vary on contact so if u get a dance together make sure u let her know what your comfort level is - u dont wanna watch your man get grinded or something.

    That is horrible that story about the mobile phone - maybe this is why so many men take them out and place them on the chair next to them at my club!

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    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Honestly my advice is going to be blunt and I am sure most won't agree but here it goes. LET IT GO his trip to strip club is not going to change the fact you are married he did not have sex with a dancer no harm was done. He was there for a party which means it most likely won't be a habit. Drop the subject and move on with you lives you are beating a dead horse and stressing yourself out over a night you can't change.

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    God/dess JustJayda's Avatar
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    that was

    Quote Originally Posted by krchab99 View Post
    Honestly my advice is going to be blunt and I am sure most won't agree but here it goes. LET IT GO his trip to strip club is not going to change the fact you are married he did not have sex with a dancer no harm was done. He was there for a party which means it most likely won't be a habit. Drop the subject and move on with you lives you are beating a dead horse and stressing yourself out over a night you can't change.
    Quote Originally Posted by MarvelGirl View Post
    Oh, and nope, rubbing titties isn't air dancing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    The cut-off age for stripping is when customers stop paying you.

    The end.

  8. #8
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Quote Originally Posted by marcaler2001
    I think that strip clubs in general make even perfectly honest trusting men behave in ways even they are surprised!!
    I think this is bullshit. A man's character is the same regardless of where he is. If he is an honest and trustworthy man in church, then he will be an honest and trustworthy man at the strip club as well. If he's a lying cheat at the strip club, then he's also a lying cheat in church - he just hides it better.

    Men have been blaming their own misbehavior on attractive women since time immemorial, and it's crap. They are grown men and they have free will. He knows whether what he's doing is okay or not, and he makes a CHOICE how to behave in any given situation.

    I do agree that you should let it go.

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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    I agree with your posts..I should let it go and really have (I have no choice I am 6 mos pregnant with his son !!) but i disagree that men act the same wherever they are ..we dont! Why should they? When women get together with their girfriends even the most conservative will go into detail about her sex life with full abandon!

    I dont think he had sex with a stripper the issue is that BEFORE he went I told him what I was not comfortable with and what I was..he crossed the line so its more about an issue of trust then a lap dance (like one of the earlier women said above)...

    sigh.. am I allowed to just be bitchy for a few more days while he kisses my ass and cleans the house without being asked

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Quote Originally Posted by marcaler2001 View Post
    I think that strip clubs in general make even perfectly honest trusting men behave in ways even they are surprised!!
    If the stripper is doing a good job, hell yeah! But I agree with Yek...weak character can rear its ugly head anywhere. For the most part, I don't think most of your husbands are that honest or trusting to begin with. But why would they hurt you with that information?

    And if contact dances bother you, then please don't ask him to take you to the club. All you're going to do is sit there looking pissy, ruining the vibe and annoying the dancers.

    But if you're going to be cool, open-minded, and buy dances....just understand that its not Disneyland in there....


    Edit: I was under the impression that the Scarlett's chain was all pretty low-contact??

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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    Senior Member -Stacia-'s Avatar
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    I'm married too, and a stripper. I used to be single and a stripper.. I'm unfortunately a bit of a jealous person and no matter how long we've been together and my husband is at home with me every night I will never fully trust him. Why you ask? Because he has a penis. So I understand why you are feeling uncomfortable. However, as a stripper, whether I'm single or married when I'm giving a lap dance it is my JOB, I don't go in there looking for a date.

    Some girls just aren't able to give a classy lap dance and feel it necessary to rub all over men's privates and see it as the only way to be sexy. For example, I was dancing for a guy who came with a group and I was doing the slow and seductive thing and the only contact was him touching my legs. I look over and another girl is giving a dance and I shit you not, she had her hands on the floor and her vagina in the customers face. Gross. Regardless, the way a girl gives a lap dance has nothing to do with your husband and 99% of the time the girl views it as her job, nothing more.

    I wouldn't sweat it. I understand where you're coming from but I would just let it go. It was a harmless bachelor party and a harmless lap dance
    The type of girl you wanna chew all of my bubblegum

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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    I wouldn't sweat it. I understand where you're coming from but I would just let it go. It was a harmless bachelor party and a harmless lap dance
    ahem..10..he had 10 ..lol

  13. #13
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Ten, one, what's the difference? Either he is a trustworthy man or he isn't. You definitely should have worked this out BEFORE breeding with him. The point is that the strip club isn't the culprit; if he violated your boundaries in the strip club, he'll do it elsewhere too. It's not about the strip club or strippers, it's about your respect for each other and your trust in each other.

    My ex-husband used to go to the strip club every once in awhile, long before I ever set foot in one. I know for an absolute fact that he wasn't getting lapdances or extras, because that was the boundary that we had established and he is a trustworthy man of good character. If you are suspicious that your husband is lying to you about this, then you don't have a trustworthy relationship ANYWHERE.

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    Veteran Member Hot2Trot's Avatar
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    Arrow Re: From a wife :)

    The OP's point, as she stated:

    Quote Originally Posted by marcaler2001 View Post
    ...the issue is that BEFORE he went I told him what I was not comfortable with and what I was..he crossed the line so its more about an issue of trust then a lap dance...
    The fact of the matter is that they discussed it prior and he went "out of bounds" on their agreement.

    The issue here is that she trusted him to go, and apparently he did something to violate that trust. Whether or not it was sexual is irrelevant. What is relevant is that her trust was betrayed.

    Some people's trust is not betrayed by a lapdance. Then again, some people who are committed and even in marriages have sex, or participate in sex acts, with people other than their significant others and do not consider this a betrayal.

    It is for this reason that you cannot compare yourself to other people, as we all have our own personal emotional boundaries.

    marcaler2001, I tend to agree with the ladies who say "let it go" because it happened already and whatever he did he can't take it back now. Unfortunately, you'd just have to deal with this type of issue as it comes up.

    However, you should expect a certain standard of behavior from him from now on and hold him to it, as he should understand that he did something that didn't agree with you.

    Next time, if you have a problem with him going, let him know how you feel from jump. It's worse to say, "Go" just because it's what everyone else thinks you should do, then be mad and resentful that he did go.


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    Veteran Member Sultry Siren's Avatar
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    I agree with the above posts.

    Gene Simmons said of his relationship with Shannon Tweed, that he believed in FULL DISCLOSURE at the onset of their relationship. Everything and everything out in the open with no secrets. Then if both want the relationship to continue...great...because you are not in a relationship to change the other person.

    If you do not agree with any part of the disclosure then leave...before people get hurt or feel they've wasted time.

    My "hubby" and I had full disclosure when we met and everything was laid out...the good bad and ugly. That way we both knew exactly what we were getting into and who we were getting into. We've been together 6 years now and no surprises have blindsided us because we are 100% honest and direct with each other.

    He suggested strip clubs a few years ago in our relationship and I was DEAD AGAINST it for quite some time, Then my curiosity got the better of me and we went as a couple.

    My first experience was a rollercoaster of emotions and uncertainty but my respect for the dancers and the reality that there was NO threat to me killed the feminist/moralist/ and whatever the hell else was in there!

    My "hubby" has never gone for a lap dance since we've been together but will more than willingly buy them for me. For him the mere though of me with a woman in an erotic way is better than foreplay The fantasy of what "might" happen in the VIP is enough to drive him wild for me! He doesn't have to be in the VIP with me although I hope we can do that one day...

    Now I am a dancer wannabe...and having a couple lapdances, buying a Spearmint Rhino Art of Erotic Dancing DVD has me a housewife stripper....LMAO!!!

    Let's just say rather than obsessing about what happened with him and strippers...become the object of his dirtiest fantasies!

    Make dinner in an apron ONLY...leaving boobs to "accidentally" fall out, your ass to be seen in g-string or less! Deep sensual bends to pull things out of the oven allowing a full rear view for him.

    Give him a lay down lap dance in bed...an "extras" dance. Grind fondle etc until he can't keep his hands off you....That worked like a HOT DAMN for us and is the reason I am preggers right now !!!

    Be a PLAYFUL exhibitionist with many "accidental" flashes at times he won't expect to be teased!

    Suggested reading that gave this FORMER repressed an uptight woman ideas and bravado EXHIBITIONISM FOR THE SHY~CAROL QUEEN-- Down There Press, San Francisco, California

    That book can help expose you to YOU before you expose yourself to him!!

    Our relationship is successful because we are honest and open, but also because I am willing to be his refined lady in public but his stripper/nympho in private.

    Strip Clubs are fantasy factories and places where the dancers make men feel appreciated and desired...even if it is only for their money My advice for what it is worth...be the fantasy at home and try to avoid the bitch routine on him as much as possible...(takes real effort to be sure!!)

    If you go to strip clubs with him YOU suggest it and make it a form of foreplay! YOU be the one to tip the dancers and go for a VIP...then come out of the VIP with a HUGE smile on your face like you had the time of your life in there...and don't tell him details!!! Tease him by telling him how perfect her boobs were, how good she smelled, how erotic she was...etc. Also if you find yourself turned on during the dance tell him that...if he is a normal healthy man that will make him wanna take you in the car before you even leave the parking lot!!!! LMAO

    Also no matter your sexual preference or opinions walking in...enjoy the women...watch and learn from them. Just watching their stage shows can give you ideas how to be sexy and sensual at home. The way and speed the dancers move when they walk is a huge skill alone. Ultra feminine and ultra sensual.

    I laugh thinking I could write a list ALL I NEEDED TO LEARN IN LIFE I LEARNED FROM STRIPPERS
    Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."
    Hebrew Talmud


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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    I dont think he had sex with a stripper the issue is that BEFORE he went I told him what I was not comfortable with and what I was..he crossed the line so its more about an issue of trust then a lap dance (like one of the earlier women said above)...

    sigh.. am I allowed to just be bitchy for a few more days while he kisses my ass and cleans the house without being asked
    Clearly, strippers and SCs are the least of your problems.
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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Quote Originally Posted by marcaler2001 View Post
    ...He was pretty open with me about it and i knew in advance what was going on but reallywas surprised when i read that men can touch the girls..I didnt know that and am sorta upset about it but whatever life goes on right!! ....
    ...but he told me some things and told me other things werent allowed but then i hear bits & pieces from other wives things he didnt say so I know the truth is out there in the middle ..I had asked him if he touched the girls and at first it was an empathatic no and now its more of lets avoid the question... I dropped it because thats all the answer I need. this is a first time experience for us and he probably thinks he is protecting me by not talking bc to him it was no big deal but to me it would be..but on the other hand if its a big deal to me, then its a big deal to him ....
    Lots of opinions here, but no one here knows the facts in your hubby's situation. I'm sure many responders have bad stories they will share with you about their situations. Ignore anecdotes. Some clubs and dancers don't allow touching at all. Many/most allow sort of innocent touching (back, outer legs, arms, etc.) Those few that allow much more than that usually will not talk about it.

    I disagree that even hard contact produces, well, happy endings. Sometimes it's just the closeness to a pretty girl. Further I disagree that men are all sluts and only hide what they are out of necessity. Many of us are honest, loyal and truthful. My advice is to let this go unless/until you hear something else that is definitive about his behavior.

    You know, not talking about it he may mean just not want you to obsess about it, and maybe he did nothing harmful to you after all. Just keep him interested in you (sexually) and you'll most likely be fine.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    can i ask why you weren't comfortable with him getting dances?

  19. #19
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Honestly, I know I wouldn't be ok with my man getting dances at scarletts, Hot that I have a man, but still. I've worked there, so I know what goes on. It's a full nude, liquor, contact, grinding club. Even without extras, with 10 dances, it's guarrenteed that he was groping a strippers breasts, ass, thighs, basicly everywhere but her hooha.

    It would not be okay with me.

    I really wouldn't want my guy to go to a sc at all. But if he really reallyreally wanted to, it'd be with me, and at a no contact club.

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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Marcalar,

    I guess you're understandably a little upset about this.

    Can I suggest you have a read through 'Hustle Hut'. It'll give you an idea about what dancers really think about their customers, rather than what they tell them they think.

    Stripping/dancing is a business where the girl is self employed - they make their living by their ability to convince guys they think they're the hottest thing on two legs/best thing since sliced bread/cutest thing since Bambi, etc., etc., etc.

    Your husband was probably thoroughly 'hustled' by a girl wanting to earn her living for the evening. She made with the BS and gave the degree of contact required to get your husband to spend as much money as possible.

    Whatever your husband told his friends about it later, good odds to the dancer concerned it was purely business. Your husband was no different to her from the guy the night before, and will be no different to her from the guy tomorrow might.

    It's a way of earning a living - pure and simple. You can confirm it by reading the posts by dancers on this board. The great majority of them switch off from the job when they leave their clubs at the end of their shift. Customers are people they meet while working and the great majority of dancers have zero interest in them outside of the club.

    OK, your husband behaved badly in that he stepped outside of your rules and he's in the doghouse accordingly. Too much booze and a little too much temptation, but I'd guess he didn't stray badly and is now feeling a bit of an idiot.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Honestly, I know I wouldn't be ok with my man getting dances at scarletts, Hot that I have a man, but still. I've worked there, so I know what goes on. It's a full nude, liquor, contact, grinding club. Even without extras, with 10 dances, it's guarrenteed that he was groping a strippers breasts, ass, thighs, basicly everywhere but her hooha.

    It would not be okay with me.

    I really wouldn't want my guy to go to a sc at all. But if he really reallyreally wanted to, it'd be with me, and at a no contact club.
    That pretty much is why I feel like I do. This has been majorly eye opening for me I will tell you> I was the one who profffered watching porn together, who bought us erotic toys to use (he NEVER would offer this) I am the one who feels the more "sexual" of the two more often so I think just the shock of knowing my husband WANTED this and wanted it as many times was surprising. In a way, Im glad that he was turned on because Its nice to know I have a healthy man in my life that way, but Im sad that side of him isnt more often expressed with me. Mostly Im sad that he didnt think a SC was a big deal and its not cheating. to me no questions asked, touching another womans breasts, stomach, hips, ass when you are married is cheating. Just as he would be MORTIFIED if another man touched me this way, I feel the same way towards him (this is why I didnt want him to have a dance) Looking is one thing, participating is another.

    It is an issue of trust and if he had come home, offered me a glass of wine (well grape juice in my condition!) and told me the details and tried to use it as a way to turn me on (which it might have coming from him) Id be FINE..it was the very slow sneaky way the info was learned that makes me feel terrible. I didnt ever think we had a trust issue until now..do I think he would have sex with another woman or oral or whtaever..no honestly not..but in my mind there is little distinction between a strange woman making my husband hard (or even more perhaps) by grinding and the feel of her (way better) body on his and actual sex...

    So I will move on because I have to move on..because we do love each other and our love is much stronger than 1 night of stupid drunken behavior.. but i wont say that the images dont creep into my mind every so often and make my stomach turn..I think thats normal. I know these women dont want my man, i could tcare less about that!! I wonder though does he think about their bodies when he is holding mine..I think thats the main concern wives/gf's have in this situation. esp being pg where my tummy isnt as taut or my behind is slightly larger then it should be!!

  22. #22
    Cally
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Oh FFS get over it

    Guys go to strip clubs, they enjoy the eye candy.

    Yea some guys will grope, fondle and whatever.

    Most dont.

    Most sit, watch a girl shake her hips and dance in front of him(sometimes sit on his lap)

    I've had countless married guys come in, buy a bunch of dances but just sit and talk to me about whatever because they enjoy talking to a female thats not their wives.

    Obviously you dont trust him. Im sorry you are so insecure.

    But seriously why come onto a website for strippers and cry about your husband getting a lap dance?

    And girls... if you cant handle your man getting dances then you have problems. You work in the club, you know what goes on. You should know that the men who love their SO's are not the ones seeking extras and groping and fondling.

    /end

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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    Im not sure why you are coming down so hard on me..Im really not whining.. Im a big girl I understand what this is or isnt about..

    I simply continued to respond to threads when questions were being asked. I actually found it therapeutic and interesting to read the responses, not sure why you just bashed me! I came to this message board because the message board for say Orthodox Jewish Women or the United Methodist Church might not be the best place to ask these questions

  24. #24
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    indeed.

    Well, Cally, much love, but it's just not something I'd be okay with. I'm much to insecure for that. If he wanted to go with me, I'd be okay with it, and I'd make sure he'd have a great time. But with his buddies, it's just not okay. Maybe someday I'll be secure enough in a relationship to accept him wanting to go to a sc for a high contact dance, but not at this point.

    Bottom line, I see myself as a sex worker. A mild one, yes, but a sex worker none the less. And I don't really want a relationship with someone who wants to pay a sexworker for her company, dances, grinding, whatever.

    Espically when I now I'm at least a nine, and I give damn good dance!!!

    Also, I undertand guys not being ok with dating dancers, and I would never blame someone for feeling like that. As long as they are up front and honest about it, it's good. Personally, I know I could never date a sex worker....

  25. #25
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: From a wife :)

    You came to a message board for strippers to complain about your husband getting lapdances. We make money off your husband! He is our income. Not the best place for support. However...re read what I just said. We make money off your husband, and people like him. He is our income. Period. We see men as wallets in the strip club. Nothing more, nothing less. I'd be more worried about my husband goig to the bar with his buddies than going to a strip club. Girls can get so insecure and jealous of strippers and strip clubs. OMG, he thinks that stripper was hotter than me, OMG, she had a nicer body, she is prettier, she can move in ways that I cant. The truth of the matter is, your husband thinks your hot. He find you attractive. But he has been lookin at your naked body for years. Theres nothign new or special there unles syou suddenly grow a third nipple or something. He goes to strip clubs to see somethign different. Remember how good first time sex was? Cause it was new and different. Aside from the fact that guys love boobs. They like to look at different boobs. All shapes and sizes. My bf thinks I have perfect tits. but he likes to look at other tits to. He just likes boobs. They intrigue him. So what?

    Your husband got 10 lapdances. He got all nice and hot and excited, and came home to YOU. Its a good thing to add some spice in a marriage. After so long, things can get so old and boring, you gotta step out and try to make it exciting. A strip club is a safe place to do this. The strippers dont want him. they dont wanna have sex with him. Hell, they arent even interested in him. They are pretending. They just wanted paid.

    Dont worry about it. Dont act jealous. It will onyl turn him off and upset him. And please, dont try to learn how to give a lapdance and give it to him, just to try to fullfill his desire for lapdances. Thats not the point, and its not the same thing. He just wanted to see somethign different. Theres nothing wrong with that.
    I can just pictuer how yoru lapdance would be. " honey, do you like that? is this how SHE did it? am I better than thoes strippers? see? I can do it just like them, yuo dont need strip clubs"

    One more thing. He probably withheld info cause you were nagging him, and he was afraid to disclose the full truth because he didnt want to further piss you off. Had you said, wow, did you have fun at the club, what happened? and acted truly intrigued and interested, with no hint of jealousy, he probably would have told you the full truth.

    And if you cannot trust him...the issues go much deeper than a visit to a strip club, and you need to get to the root of thoes issues.

    Ps...Im sure i have a mess of typo's in here, and i just don't care.


    Yeah...this might go against all I just said, but thinking of it more....

    All relationship's have their boundaries. If you are not comfortable with him going to a strip club, then that's yrou boundary, and its ok. Just tell him that and be clear your not comfortable with it. I may not agree, I think its silly to be jealous of strip clubs, but hey...all relationships have their boundaries, and he should respect that.
    Last edited by Kaylinn; 04-10-2007 at 05:17 PM. Reason: ETA: One more thing

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