There's been a lot of threads about eating and body image disorders lately, and it seems that a few girls are going through some similar stuff.
As most of you know, I've had some pretty bad body image disorders. While it's never blown into a full scale ED, I was taking some really dangerous illegal weight loss drugs, working out far too much, and not eating enough.
If you read my Clenbuterol or Sibutramine threads, you'll probably have more of an idea what I'm talking about. I mentioned an 'incident' I had with Clenbuterol a few weeks ago, which I never really elaborated on, but to cut a long story short I took too much and worked out too hard and I think I nearly had an overdose while driving home from the gym. I was blacking out and my whole body was numb, while I was driving, so I had to pull into a side street and stop my car. I don't ever remember being that terrified, I seriously thought I was about to have a heart attack and I came very close to calling an ambulance. Thankfully I was only minutes from home and after sitting in my car drinking lots of water, I managed to drive through the backstreets to get home okay. But it scared the absolute bejebuzz out of me.
That was a few weeks ago, and since then, I'm proud to say that I have not touched any kind of weight loss drug, AT ALL. I even stopped taking natural weight loss supplements and metabolism boosters. I tipped my Clen & Sib down the drain, and I have vowed that I will never take such dangerous products again.
I think that little incident scared some of the crazy outa me though. I have been eating really well, working out sensibly, and I have never felt better. My confidence still isn't where I'd like it to be, but now I can look in the mirror and actually see some good things, when before I would only see bad. I've not had an anxiety attack (about leaving the house and being terrified that people will look at me and think I'm fat - this used to happen regularly) for weeks. I have stopped spending hours a day looking in the mirror and crying and hating myself, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel like I don't look hideous and obese, I actually look kinda okay
As scary as it was in my car that day, I'm kinda glad it happened. It took something like that to really slap me in the face and make me realise how out of control my body image problems had become, and that if I kept going the way I was, I seriously could have died. I'm lucky that I came out of it okay, and that it happened before I'd been taking these drugs long enough for them to cause any serious long term effects.
I guess the point of this thread is really to thank the people on here who supported me, especially those who were very blunt and honest about how dangerous and destructive my habits were. Even though I'm my crazed state before, I may have gotten upset and narky, I do appreciate it more than you all know. I think posting here was a big part in helping me get through it.
In conclusion... I love my SW girlies!!![]()



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