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Thread: Question; Need male/female input

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    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
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    Default Question; Need male/female input

    I need both male and female input on this one if possible.


    Girl asks for sex all the time, offers head/anal/various kink, as well as the usual vanilla stuff, gets rejected 70-80% of the time.

    Guy regularly surfs porn (nightly) and jerks off (dailey).

    Is said chick just not doing it as far as physical attraction goes for said guy?
    If he's looking at porn and wacking off so obviously he stil has interest in sex right?





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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    What's the relationship like? Have they been together for a long time? I can't speak for physical attraction... but he definately seems like just getting off is way more important (aka, selfish).
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Awsome 6 year relationship.



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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Sometimes I prefer to masturbate when I feel I just cannot give anything to my partner and dont want to be a selfish lover.

    Maybe he needs gratification but cant be a good lover right now.

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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Quote Originally Posted by Sirona View Post
    I need both male and female input on this one if possible.


    Girl asks for sex all the time, offers head/anal/various kink, as well as the usual vanilla stuff, gets rejected 70-80% of the time.

    Guy regularly surfs porn (nightly) and jerks off (dailey).

    Is said chick just not doing it as far as physical attraction goes for said guy?
    If he's looking at porn and wacking off so obviously he stil has interest in sex right?

    Sounds to me like said couple is in a rut. Said couple needs to sit down and talk about what's going on in their lives and why this is happening before said girl starts to feel rejected and gets angry, and does something she'll regret. 6yrs together is a long time, and a rut is bound to happen. Now is when said couple need to work thru it and concentrate on each other's needs wants desres fears etc.

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    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    1. he likes variety and choices of different women to look at
    2. he knows how to get himself off and likes masturbation more than anything

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    Banned cherry_sin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Maybe the guy is wanting stuff he can't have/won't get - maybe the thrill is gone because said girl is throwing herself at him.

    Or possibly, he is having some issues with his erection or his orgasm, and feels insecure/inadequate - wants to get off and release himself but is afraid to do it with his partner.

    Also, to think about - maybe he's tired or stressed, and doesn't want to "give" his attention, time, energy to pleasing the partner.

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    Veteran Member TheLioness's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Quote Originally Posted by Blade View Post
    Sounds to me like said couple is in a rut. Said couple needs to sit down and talk about what's going on in their lives and why this is happening before said girl starts to feel rejected and gets angry, and does something she'll regret. 6yrs together is a long time, and a rut is bound to happen. Now is when said couple need to work thru it and concentrate on each other's needs wants desres fears etc.
    Agreed

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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Is he over-tired? Frequently masturbation is a "lazy" way to get off. In addition, it lessens the expectations that he has to get you off as well. Some times a guy just wants a quickie, and understandably most women take longer than men to get off, so it's possibly less of a turn on for him because he feels like it is going to be work for him. It's hard sometimes if you are tired and want to get off, but know you're going to have to spend 20-30 minutes getting your woman turned on when you are dead tired. At that point, he may be too tired to perform for himself.

    Possible solution? Get "caught" masturbating. The trick here is to be a *little* more obvious than usual, because if your man is anything like me he is thinking about work and 22,000 other things. An example might be to go hop in bed in the middle of the day and play with yourself. Assuming he's in the other room, and within earshot, try to let out just one or two gasps or something that is supposed to be quiet but you know he might hear. The goal would be for him to walk in and you trying to pretend you're not doing anything, then admit you're playing with yourself, and have him hop in and screw for a few minutes. With any luck you have an orgasm within a few minutes, and he will too.

    Another one? Play with yourself for a while, then come into where ever he is wearing something that allows access, and take his hand and let him discover what's going on. I doubt any man could refuse.

    There is nothing more sexy than a woman who is dripping wet.

    There are other things you could do as well, maybe try public sex or dressing room sex, or whatever. I'm sure you can use your imagination. You may also want to stop trying to please him so much, and rather please yourself while at the same time inviting him to be part of YOUR pleasure. As in, it's not his job to get you off, you'll take care of yourself, and he can do whatever he wants.

    And, of course, while I hate to mention it, personal hygiene is very important. I absolutely cannot resist my wife after she's taken a bath. When you are clean inside and out ... you will taste better, will lubricate more "clean", will feel better, and smell better.

    Of course, as mentioned, you may have some issues going on in the relationship. Unless you can sit down and talk them out while still conveying a sense of love and caring for him, he may feel alienated or unloved. A lack of self-confidence and self-esteem can often make men "bottle up" and back off.










    Personally, it sounds like he's nuts.

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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    I've heard it said that in many cases, a guys mastubatory habits have nothing to do with his sex life (inside of a relationship) .. like that's just a way he has down-time or alone-time or whatever .. IDK if I follow that idea completely, because I don't think a man who is completely satisified in his sex life has the mojo to jerk off all the time. Of course I'm not a man.
    If this is a new development, I might be worried. If there was always a situation like this, I doubt it would change.
    Now, about the whole offering of many things .. my boyfriend ALWAYS begs me for anal, like daily. We haven't done anal in months (because I haven't been in the mood for it). But he's told me that if I let him do whatever he wants all the time, he'd get sick of it. Like .. well I've conquered her ass, now let me fuck you in the nose. So maybe 'special' stuff shouldn't be readily available?
    idk ..

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    If he's looking at porn and wacking off so obviously he stil has interest in sex right?
    No.

    Masturbation is a solo affair of the mind as well as the body; it can be whatever you want it to be, independent of your significant other. Moreover, healthy men need to masturbate if for no other reason than maintenance, particularly if they have no access to women, but even when they do. It's not always a qualifying statement about the woman or the condition of their relationship, but in this case it could conceivably be.

    That said, if the availability of sex (and non-vanilla sex at that) is good and he's choosing masturbation instead, perhaps something is amiss, though it's not likely that she'll be able to coax this information from him easily, as habitual avoidance masturbation can be a placebo for intimacy and communication with one's partner.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Has there been anything that might indicate there is a problem in the relationship otherwise?

    It can be an indication that there is a problem, whether to do with the relationship or something else in his life. Most people feel less sexy when they feel less special/valued/important or generally less confident in themselves.

    Only thing that will potentially help (in my opinion) is to talk to him in a non-accusatory way.

    I'd also suggest that when girls ask for sex that it is sometimes more subtle than men can understand. I'm not sure that asking is the solution, its more about initiating sex. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Quote Originally Posted by Sirona View Post
    Girl asks for sex all the time, offers head/anal/various kink, as well as the usual vanilla stuff, gets rejected 70-80% of the time.
    Does he ever initiate things?
    Maybe he just wants to be the aggressor.
    Sit back for a while and see if he comes looking for it.

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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    how long has this been going on? it may simply be that you guys are out of sync. i know there are stretches of time when i don't have any particular interest in sex but i masturbate every chance i get. then after a few of weeks of this i realize that i absolutely must have sex with my bf or i'll explode. you guys might just be in a lull.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    I agree, it sounds like they are stuck in a rut. Or maybe theres something else stressful going on, and he just isnt interested in sex at the moment? My boyfriend and I are in a stressful financial situation right now, and both our sex drives have suffered becaue of it, although I still masturbate, becaue for me, masturbating is kind of escaping the stressful reality, even tho Im not interested in sex with him right now...if that makes any sense?

    And i know that the more I ask my boyfriend for sex..the less he wants to do it. He HATES when I ask for sex, becaue ( when we arent in a stressful time) I have a much higher sex drive than him and I just want it more than he wants to give, but the more I ask, the less he wants to give.

    But I bet they are just in a rut, and he's gotten lazy, and lookin at porn and masturbating is just an easier way to get off than having sex.

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    Veteran Member I_luv_dancers!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Tough to answer. Not enough information provided.

    I fit the description of your guy. If my partner fitted your girl description, I'd be on her like hair on a bear.

    I will agree with some of the posters that masturbation to porn is different than partner sex - but too much of one can affect the other.
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    ........I have had pretty good sex with hot guys and surprisingly great sex from over weight old farts who made me very vocal which I am not usually

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Quote Originally Posted by Sirona View Post
    I need both male and female input on this one if possible.


    Girl asks for sex all the time, offers head/anal/various kink, as well as the usual vanilla stuff, gets rejected 70-80% of the time.

    Guy regularly surfs porn (nightly) and jerks off (dailey).

    Is said chick just not doing it as far as physical attraction goes for said guy?
    If he's looking at porn and wacking off so obviously he stil has interest in sex right?

    That's fucked up. I can see the porn thing, but not the rejection thing. Is he looking at gay porn by any chance?

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Maybe he needs more a lot sexual overtness from her now - meaning his imagination has gone beyond their performance. I will make the first suggestion that comes to mind - they together get some hot video or whatever turns him/her on, talk about tjheir involvement in such actions, then she could, while he continues to watch or whatever, give him some hot dirty talk, juicy oral sex, you know, cim etc. and then ask him to help get her off 9n a way that he fantasizes. Maybe after some of that he will transition back into having sex with her, at least more often. I always think the way to better sex is through more sex variety. Hey, I could talk hotter about this, but you get my drift here.
    chances are if he looked at my profile he got an instant boner. Men get horny around me all the time. That is their fault.. not mine.
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Andropause? Is he tired and irritable? Withdrawn?

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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    He gets off on the chase... is taking said girl for granted because he knows he can get it whenever he wants from her. Wants a challenge.

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    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Bluh I give up.

    We've always had different sex drives (mine is generally out of control high) and i'm all right with that and don't expect him to keep up with what I would ideally like to be getting.

    I also get that rubbing one out isn't necessarily a replacement for sex and they aren't always connected.

    The porn and masturbation don't go hand in hand all the time either.

    *shrug*

    I guess it's just how he is and I let my own self image skew how I view things.

    Oh and to clear things up, i'm still getting it at least twice a week so it isn't like we're going forever without fucking. In addition, he doesn't in any way have an issue with my being the aggressor/initiator. I think I just need to understand when he says no I shouldn't take it personally.

    The sex we have is amazing on both ends. I seriously can't ever remember having bad sex and i'm pretty sure he feels the same. Also I get off insanely easily... like 5 minutes or less most the time. I'm kind of like a guy in that respect. I'm also very multiorgasmic but I am PERFECTLY happy with just one, so no pressure there either!

    ps - I purposely don't ask for it as much as i'd like to because I take into account our difference in sex drives.

    Oh and Mr. Hyde, no gay porn. And it isn't like he hides it from me or anything and I am ALL FOR porn. I have quite the collection myself hehe



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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Among males of many species, frequency of copulation diminishes as familiarity with a given female increases.

    An Anthropology professor that I had in college indicated that it was both a joke and a biological principle called the "Hoover Effect". Strangely I've not been able to find any reference to it since. (Although I still believe it to be one of nature's cruel jokes)

    I did find this:

    Novelty can also play a role in attracting males, since they seem to prefer unfamiliar females over those with whom they have longstanding relationships. (Goodall, 1986)
    http://animaldiversity.ummz.umich.ed...oglodytes.html
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Quote Originally Posted by Sirona View Post
    I'm kind of like a guy in that respect.

    SOME GUYS.

    SOME.


    SOME.

    not me.

    BUT SOME.


    Anyways, seriously Sirona, you're self image has taken quite an ass whipping lately, and I strongly feel it has no right to. You're quite the woman in looks and personality. And you have a one in a million ass.

    Just don't beat yourself up over these kind of things. You know your man loves ya tons and the rejection shouldn't be personal. But I also know you got a dirty mind... Kick it up a notch, make him chase it a bit

    You rock lady!

    Mast.
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    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    Thanks Mast.

    I talked to my closest girlfriend and she also seems to think I just worry too much. I think she's most likely right. He's got a stressful job (they make parts for lasers/ gov't contract work) and is by nature a worrier. Seems like it's a stress related issue.

    I think we need to go out and have some good old fashioned dirty fun. It's been awhile since we've had any good play time and it is something we like to do every 3-4 months and we haven't been able to in awhile.

    Anyhow thanks for all the input, it was very much appreciated.



  25. #25
    Member ninjakittty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question; Need male/female input

    if your down with porn too, why arnt you watching it together during sex or before? is it timing?

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