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Thread: homesick :(

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    Default homesick :(

    i've been feeling really homesick for a long time now. basically i can't move back home because it wouldn't work out. it's a long drive to class in a loooot of traffic for my morning classes if i'm back home, and it isn't really practical. i go home most weekends, which is fine, but now that i have my cat, i can't drag him back and forth all the time. i thought when i got him it might help with the lonliness and since i'd be forced to stay here i'd get used to it. but i miss my dogs, that are at home, and i miss being at home period. when i'm at my apartment, i have a lot of anxiety and i feel really depressed. i can't sleep, and when i'm at home i sleep fine. here, i have to leave a light on and the tv with the sound turned off. i've tried turning off the light and just having the tv, but i feel like im having a panic attack if i do that. this has been going on for a really long time, ever since i started college. freshman year i went home almost every weekend, but that was bc my dorm wasnt air conditioned and my boyfriend was at home. when i've had a boyfriend in the area, i don't go home and i'm fine. when i lived with my best friend, i rarely went home. but now i dread coming back here, and most of the time i cry when i have to. i don't know what to do about it! i know i dont want to be home for good because that doesnt work out, but then again, i dont want to be moved out either.

    i guess this kinda is really bothering me more now than it used to (because it really has been going on for a while and i just push it to the back of my mind or deal with it somehow) because i'm talking to one of my good guy friends online and i told him i was in an icky mood, and he said "you know, you've been in an icky mood for a few months now..." and it's true. i used to go out and be social and now i'd rather spend a saturday night at home at my parents house. i feel like im the only person who cant be independent and just deal with it. everybody else WANTS to be away and i dont. what's wrong with me?!

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    You're not the only person. I've moved back home three times now. I feel like a loser but I am just not ready to leave. It's not your fault you like where you grew up. It sounds like you are just plain lonely. Lonliness will do that to you. Humans are social mammals and we need to be around other humans. Maybe when schools over you can get an apartment that's a half hour from school and a half hour from your parents house so you can go there after school or something for like dinner. Maybe?

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    I feel you



    I Love Life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    i know exactly how you feel!!

    at 17 i moved out of home, full of independance, after a year tackled the big wide world and moved countries for the first time. just over a year later i got homesick and moved back. then after a year of boredom, i went back overseas, and now...i seriously want to go home again.

    and we have slept with the tv on for the last 4 years, and dont have a social life unless we go home. otherwise we sit at home on weekends, nights off, everything.

    part of me wonders if we do that to stop ourselves having fun and becoming attached with the place we are at- so we can go home again

    sorry i cant help you at all, i only know how to deal with it by running back when i feel the need !!!

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    I live ten hours from my hometown and am not close to anyone there but my grandma and very few friends, but STILL I am hometown sick.
    It's so hard trying to make it down here with school and 3 part time jobs, and I often think how easy it would be to just go home.

    I don't know what to tell you about wanting to move back home entirely, but if you keep visiting like you do, eventually you will grow a little more and spend less and less time there.
    If you move back now, it will only be a matter of time before you are ready to be out on your own again.

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    I don't feel the need to leave the city I love. I just need not have a boyfriend unless it's real. My man is screwing my head up and is making me miss home.
    I have lived all over the USA. I wished I lived overseas. Aussie would be great. i wonder how hard it is get a green card there.
    Get me out of this country....



    I Love Life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    So, basically don't move back home if you feel a little weak at the knees. You sound pretty seasoned on this.



    I Love Life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    when i've had a boyfriend in the area, i don't go home and i'm fine. when i lived with my best friend, i rarely went home. but now i dread coming back here, and most of the time i cry when i have to.
    Have you considered that (as NatalieFRPhilly says), that you're not so much homesick as lonely. From the above extract it looks as if you're fine as long as you've someone to come home to.

    Have you considered looking for a flatmate?

    Phil.

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    phil, i've lived with people before. i honestly like living alone better. i dont like cleaning up and then coming home at night to find that my roommate has made a mess all over. or coming home to her having girls she knows i can't stand in my room on my computer. its just easier to live alone, yet at the same time its sucking.

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    Default Re: homesick :(


    I know how you feel. When I left home (granted, it was only two hours away) for school, I left a year-long boyfriend-ship, all my friends, everything I knew, for a city where I knew nothing and no one. I moved in August of '05; I moved home in January '07. Now, I'm contemplating moving to Austin this summer, but I have a feeling I'll be back home before my life is over. I think I like it for its familiarity or something .. I'm not sure the appeal.
    As for you, it sounds like you are lonely. I get the whole living alone thing, and I preferred it as well. But it's not necessarily someone to come home to, I think it's someone .. in general. Do you have any good friends where you live now? Maybe it's just a meaningful relationship (w/ a friend or a man) that you need to anchor you in your new home. Or maybe even some sense of community or something. I know you're already taking classes there (obviously) .. are you involved in school stuff, like go to games and events? It's so cliche, but you could consider joining clubs at your school...

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    phil, i've lived with people before. i honestly like living alone better.
    Snap on that one, Britt.

    I kinda like people to come and stay for a few days, but I heave a gentle sigh of relief when I wave them goodbye. I also rather like having several days a week to do just what I want.

    I've lived in 6 different towns in the UK, but I guess I've always had the comfort of going back to my hometown (Brighton) once or twice every month.

    I looked at your profile - I'm guessing you left home to go to college at 18. Bit of a shock to the system?

    (I moved out from my parent's at about 23, but I lived in varying flats around Brighton for another 6 years before I moved up to London. In retrospect I weaned myself gradually from living at home).

    I think PrettyCurlieQ is right - you're looking for some sort of anchor.

    What about your college - anyone there live in the area? It seems you're comfortable with someone around close to you, but not necessarily living with you.

    Either that or join a club or suchlike in the area. When I moved towns I used to join creative writing classes - met a few people and that was a night a week I knew I'd find interesting.

    Reading your first post again, you sound really stressed. That makes it difficult to sleep, which makes you tired and even more stressed the next day.

    Not getting to sleep is a bitch as well, could (if you're like me) your imagination works best in the wee small hours - so your troubles come flooding in; hence your anxiety attacks, etc.

    I'll tell you what I have to watch. If I sleep badly, I tend to take a cat nap in the evening, which then makes it more difficult to sleep at night, so I don't sleep well, feel tired the next day, take a cap nap and so it goes on.

    You're not in the same trap, are you?

    Just a thought for you - have you got a councillor at your college. Might be worth making an appointment to go and see them. At least you can talk through your worries and maybe get some suggestions as to how to address the situation.

    All the best...

    Phil.

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    i did go to school when i was 18, but then it was even different. i was still home for 6 weeks for winter break and then all summer because we couldnt stay at the dorms. i went home most every weekend, too. since then it's gotten harder, having my own apartment that i feel bad having my parents pay for when i don't even stay here.

    about clubs or things like that, im busy with school and work, so in my down time, i like it to be just that. i dont like to go out, i dont want to hang out with people, anything. i never used to be so anti social, either.

    i saw a psychiatrist before, i've posted about how horrible that was because he was a really mean and judgemental man. i won't go into it again, but i think i might try to see a different one sometime soon. problem with that is i'll get one closer to home (my mom's bet friend is in therapy and recommended hers) which might make me want to go home before or after or whatever. it was kind of ok before i got my cat because i knew i was going home every weekend. now i cant drag him back and forth like that.

    ugh, i just dont know

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    Yeah, I decided to see a doc last year cuz my university gave us practically free healthcare and stuff .. so why not?! Anyways it was ridiculous. I basically told this woman my life story (she DID ask), and all she did was say, "Oh, you're suffering from depression..blah blah blah" And she prescribed me some meds. I still have them, I never refilled the prescription, and I don't use the pills (well sometimes, but not for 'depression', I use them for weight loss). I don't think I was depressed, I think she jumped to put a label on me, and sent me on my way.
    But do you think you are depressed? What is it that you hope to accomplish by seeing a therapist? Are you trying to learn to handle life's pressures without getting your family's support? Sometimes, you need a soft place to land, and that's what your family's there for. I guess I just don't see what outcome you are looking for w/ therapy... are you just trying to assert your independence, or I guess, make yourself want to be independent??
    ok, I'm just rambling and asking too many questions now .. feel free to ignore this.

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    haha, i wouldnt ignore you, i love ya!

    when i went to the guy, it was because i was having a lot of anxiety and i couldn't sleep, i had just broken up with my bf, started dancing, had tried coke for the first time, was going into my senior year with a major i hated, and i was drinking to the point of blacking out almost every time i drank. i wanted xanax, which he wouldn't give me (which might have been a smart move on his part).

    he basically told me that i had to get out of dancing, called me an alcoholic and a drug addict (i had done coke a FEW times, and i can see where he got the alcoholic thing but really now..) he told me i had more problems than he could begin to get to the bottom of right then. he wanted me to take paxil, which i said i was concerned about and so was my mom because of side affects, and he said "well at least your parents must care about you SOME if they're concerned about you taking medicine" and basically told me my parents didn't care about me because they let me work at hooters. he told me the pills might make me lose a few pounds, then he looked at me and said "which wouldn't hurt." he was really mean about the way he came across, and very very judgemental! i also didn't like that he talked to me for 45 mins and jumped straight to medication. i'm all for medication if it's necessary for someone, but i don't think that in the first session prescribing something is the best solution, not in my case, at least. needless to say, i cancelled my next appt and never went back.

    i want to go because i dont know WHAT is wrong with me. im a lot different than i used to be and i'm not happy most of the time.

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    hmm .. then perhaps seeing a professional is a wise decision.
    As far as you basically requesting xanax...yeah, he probably saw that as an attempt by a 'drug addict' to score some pills legally.
    but some of the things he says doesn't sound like any therapist I've ever heard. He's not supposed to judge your actions, he's supposed to listen to you and help you sort out your feelings so YOU can make sense of your life. And if he feels that your chemically unbalanced, then of course offer a prescription and observe you under its influence to ensure that it is the right course of action.
    So yeah, go to a different one! And perhaps 'mood enhancers' (did I spell that right, it looks weird to me) will be able to help you.
    Good luck honey.

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    well, i didn't walk in like hey i want some pills! haha.. i gave him my reasons, which are still the reasons i don't want pills like paxil, etc. though xanax can be very addictive, i didn't want depression medicine or anything with the negative side affects. i did my research beforehand and knew what i was talking about. the drug addict comment was made about the coke, not the xanax.

    it's kinda turned me off and scared me away from seeing somebody new, ya know?

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    Yeah, I understand. But the only way to know is to sched. an appt. w/ that other doc. It seems to me that the best way to find a good doctor is word-of-mouth. Everyone has their own idea of what makes a doctor great, but I think hearing great things is an excellent start.
    And when my doc prescribed me anti-depressants, she said it this way, "Well, since your recreational drugs of choice are 'uppers', I'm going to give you Wellbutrin so you can feel that high feeling from these pills instead of cocaine."
    WTF?! idk, weird to me..

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    Hi Britt,

    Firstly, the psychiatrist you saw sounds a right pr*ck. As PrettyCurlieQ says, they're meant to help you understand your emotions, not make you feel worse.

    Being prescribed medication is IMHO not a good route to follow. It doesn't take away the problem, it just blunts it. Better by far to get at the root of your unhappiness and find solutions.

    If you do find a good councillor - go for it. We all tend to feel better talking about our problems as it gets them out of our system to some extent. Good councillors are very discrete as well - what you tell them stays in confidence.

    You were happy once (with a supportive bf and with a close friend in the area) so there's no reason why you can't be happy again.

    Is your reluctance to go out due to your time being almost entirely taken up with study and dancing? I know a dancer who does both and she's seriously short of time. She does 3 - 4 shifts a week to pay the bills and the bulk of the rest of her time goes on studies. With the Uni, travel too and from, home study, dancing, travel to and from I reckon she's doing an 80 hour week.

    I guess your end of year exams must be looming too, which must take up even more of your time.

    If time pressure's one of your problems, then maybe you'll feel better after the end of the year exams when you've more time.

    Re drugs - I've always said there's two sort of people that take drugs. Those that use them recreationally and those that use them to escape the world. Using them to escape the world is generally bad news, cos the world just seems worse every time you return to it.

    Nothing wrong with demolishing (say) a bottle of wine every now and then, gets the tension out of our systems. Just as long as you do it for fun and not need.

    What do your parents think about your anxieties, etc? If I know anything about parents they be worried - particularly your mum. Do you feel you can talk things through with them in case they've got any helpful thoughts?

    And without prying into your life too much - do your parents know you dance?

    And a final, slightly leading question for you.

    If you had to put down some bullet points on paper as to what to do to make your life feel better, what would you say?

    Phil.

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    my parents don't know i dance, exactly. i think they know, but they dont want to know so they ignore it. but it's never really come out. i tell them i bartend at a strip club.

    my mom mostly thinks my anxiety comes from me being about to graduate. some of it does, yes, but that isn't all of it. they just want me to graduate and finish school. i wanted to take a semester off, and they said they won't pay anymore (for anything.. my rent or my school) if i did. so i didn't. i understand, they want me to just get it over with, because if i take time off i still have it there to go back to. it wont be any easier then than it is now. i also won't be covered under their insurance anymore if i'm not a student.

    what you said, phil, is exactly why i don't want medicine. i wanted xanax because i was having a lot of anxiety and yeah, sometimes it would be nice to just pop a pill to stop being so freaked out and go to sleep. but as for other depression medicines or anything, i dont want to take them because then i have the choice to either take them forever, or have the feelings come back when i stop.

    in regards to school and being busy, it's horrible. i used to be able to wait til the last minute and do things, but i'd DO them. now i feel like i physically CAN'T. school has always come very easily to me, and i think a big part of it is that i hate my major. i changed it from teaching, but the only thing i could change to without starting another 4 years all over is just as bad and close to the same. (family studies). all of my classes from when i was an education major are non-transferrable. my maths were ed maths, same for sciences, etc. no electives, we had a paper from semester one laying out each class for us. so hating my major probably is part of my school trouble right now. but, for example, i have a 10-15 pg paper due tomorrow and i know that no matter how hard i try i won't start it til late tonight. and i get this feeling, like i said, like i just CAN'T.

    i honestly don't know what would make things better right now. i dont want to go home for good and i dont want to be here. i dont want to live alone and i dont want to live with someone. i dont want a boyfriend but i do. my ex that i stayed around for wasn't supportive, it was a horrible relationship, ive never had a good one. that's one of my biggest problems: i dont know what i want, or what will help.

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    my parents don't know i dance, exactly. i think they know, but they dont want to know so they ignore it. but it's never really come out. i tell them i bartend at a strip club.
    Do you feel it's a cause of tension between you and your parents?

    I kinda know how you feel. I see several dancers socially. My parents know I spend a bit of time with them, but they don't what they do for a living. I've no intention of enlightening them.

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    my mom mostly thinks my anxiety comes from me being about to graduate. some of it does, yes, but that isn't all of it. they just want me to graduate and finish school. i wanted to take a semester off, and they said they won't pay anymore (for anything.. my rent or my school) if i did. so i didn't. i understand, they want me to just get it over with, because if i take time off i still have it there to go back to. it wont be any easier then than it is now. i also won't be covered under their insurance anymore if i'm not a student.
    Swings and roundabouts here. Maybe you need pushing to finish your course and maybe if you had a semester off, you'd come back less stressed and enjoy your studies more.

    I, to be honest, dropped out of Uni when i was younger. Had dreams of being a rock star. (You see my name up in lights don't you? ) In the end Iwent back and studied part time to get my degree. (Yep, I'm Phil BSc.)

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    what you said, phil, is exactly why i don't want medicine. i wanted xanax because i was having a lot of anxiety and yeah, sometimes it would be nice to just pop a pill to stop being so freaked out and go to sleep. but as for other depression medicines or anything, i dont want to take them because then i have the choice to either take them forever, or have the feelings come back when i stop.
    And good for you too.

    You've got the strength to do this thing right, so you've got the strength to do other things right.

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    in regards to school and being busy, it's horrible. i used to be able to wait til the last minute and do things, but i'd DO them. now i feel like i physically CAN'T. school has always come very easily to me, and i think a big part of it is that i hate my major. i changed it from teaching, but the only thing i could change to without starting another 4 years all over is just as bad and close to the same. (family studies). all of my classes from when i was an education major are non-transferrable. my maths were ed maths, same for sciences, etc. no electives, we had a paper from semester one laying out each class for us. so hating my major probably is part of my school trouble right now. but, for example, i have a 10-15 pg paper due tomorrow and i know that no matter how hard i try i won't start it til late tonight. and i get this feeling, like i said, like i just CAN'T.
    OK, a degree is just an indication that you have a cetain intellectual capacity.

    What you qualify in is not what you have to make your career in.

    I was a metallurgist for 30 years, got fed up with it a year or two back, and switched to being a Technical Author. (I write for a living).

    Girl I worked with (and still a close friend) started out as a chemist, and is now a teacher.

    Don't get hung up of being stuck in Family Studies.

    Just get the best grades you can. In the mean time start thinking what alternative careers your degree could get you into. Not a dead end after all, is it?

    As to your paper START IT NOW. But before you do so go down to the shops and buy yourself one of your favourite treats. (Chocolates, bottle of wine or whatever).

    Write down a bargain with yourself. "I'll have 4 chocolates every time I finish a page". Firstly, you've now got a fun incentive to write a page and secondly, you've broken up your task into snaller chunks.

    Writing it a page at a time is not so bad as writing it all at one go.

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    i honestly don't know what would make things better right now. i dont want to go home for good and i dont want to be here. i dont want to live alone and i dont want to live with someone. i dont want a boyfriend but i do. my ex that i stayed around for wasn't supportive, it was a horrible relationship, ive never had a good one. that's one of my biggest problems: i dont know what i want, or what will help.
    You're 21 - you've only seen a small part of life thus far.

    I've got a few years on you (to put it mildly).

    We all change a lot between 18 to 25. The Phil I was at age 21 is a stranger to me now. I'm more laid back, more compassionate and patient towards people and (probably) wiser than I was.

    You'll go through the same transition. The 25 year old Britt will be a little wiser and more comfortable that the current version. It's the growing up process.

    You seem a perfectly nice person to me - albeit a slightly unsure and confused one at the moment.

    The decent boyfriends, the being more at ease with yourself, the better times will all come.

    Give you my motto for life. It's from the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam.

    "These few odd days of life have passed
    "Like water down a brook or wind across the desert:
    "There are two days I shall not be plagued with regret for:
    "Yesterday that has gone, and tomorrow that is to come"

    It's not a bad philosophy to live by.

    You'll sort yourself out and maybe in a year or two's time, you'll look back with a wry smile and say "glad that's behind me now".

    Phil.

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    i know that i'm not stuck because of my major, i just hate it! i have no interest in the things my papers are on, so that makes writing them harder. and this one is just a tad bit ridiculous.. we all have the same assignment, but with topics we picked in the same range. mine is date rape (it had to have to do with violence), my teacher didn't bother to tell me that finding emperical studies about date rape was going to be HARD. and after we review other studies, we have to make up our own. it might not sound hard, but it's just very detailed and imo, stupid. thats the part that sucks about my major, things are harder when you dont like them.

    i decided that i'm gonna relax for the next hour or so, then go to the store and get some candy or something (that was a good idea! ) and write for an hour or so and see how far i get. depending how far i get, if i write for an hour, relax for an hour, it might be easier.

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    Lots of info on the internet - just a case of sorting the wheat from the chaff.

    For a start try here:

    http://www.nsvrc.org/resources/types_sa/rape.html

    ^^^Lots of papers

    Another example.

    http://www.hawaii.edu/hivandaids/links_sexdaterape.htm

    You'll find a lot of articles refer to the study and the parent institution (although without giving details from the actual paper).

    If they're American universities, I presume you could get them to e-mail you a copy of the paper (or get your teacher to request it).

    ***********************************

    I think part of your anxiety comes from not completing these assignments on time.

    Because you know you've been putting it off, and because you find it difficult to get motivated to start it, you feel under pressure. You begin to hate yourself a little because you know you're ducking out of something you should be doing. Then you feel stressed.

    I'll have a bit of a bet with you.

    I bet that if you get a good start on your paper this evening/tonight, you'll get a reasonable night's sleep because you'll feel you've put a dent in one of your immediate problems.

    So, get your candy, take a deep breath and start.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    haha, its due tomorrow. the rough draft, at least. so it has to be DONE tonight. i'll check out those sites, thanks for that! i just bought a ton of junk food, if i have to be miserable and paper writing all night, i might as well eat bagel bites for dinner and make cookies

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    Default Re: homesick :(

    So how did the paper go?

    Phil.

  25. #25
    God/dess
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    Default Re: homesick :(

    i want to go home NOW

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