i've been feeling really homesick for a long time now. basically i can't move back home because it wouldn't work out. it's a long drive to class in a loooot of traffic for my morning classes if i'm back home, and it isn't really practical. i go home most weekends, which is fine, but now that i have my cat, i can't drag him back and forth all the time. i thought when i got him it might help with the lonliness and since i'd be forced to stay here i'd get used to it. but i miss my dogs, that are at home, and i miss being at home period. when i'm at my apartment, i have a lot of anxiety and i feel really depressed. i can't sleep, and when i'm at home i sleep fine. here, i have to leave a light on and the tv with the sound turned off. i've tried turning off the light and just having the tv, but i feel like im having a panic attack if i do that. this has been going on for a really long time, ever since i started college. freshman year i went home almost every weekend, but that was bc my dorm wasnt air conditioned and my boyfriend was at home. when i've had a boyfriend in the area, i don't go home and i'm fine. when i lived with my best friend, i rarely went home. but now i dread coming back here, and most of the time i cry when i have to. i don't know what to do about it! i know i dont want to be home for good because that doesnt work out, but then again, i dont want to be moved out either.
i guess this kinda is really bothering me more now than it used to (because it really has been going on for a while and i just push it to the back of my mind or deal with it somehow) because i'm talking to one of my good guy friends online and i told him i was in an icky mood, and he said "you know, you've been in an icky mood for a few months now..." and it's true. i used to go out and be social and now i'd rather spend a saturday night at home at my parents house. i feel like im the only person who cant be independent and just deal with it. everybody else WANTS to be away and i dont. what's wrong with me?!![]()



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) In the end Iwent back and studied part time to get my degree. (Yep, I'm Phil BSc.)

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