(I'm just coppy/pasting from my blog)
It really is hard to find a GREAT fuck buddy.
Current mood: blah
So, Last night was pretty shitty. I had a awful panic attack at work; the power failed and I got so scared in the dark that a customer would go balistic and attack me that I just collapsed and started crying. I couldn't breathe. My manager and DJ pretty much had to carry me back to the 1 vip room with emergency lights on, all the while I'm hysterical. Que crazy stripper music. Oh wait, the powers out, so no sound.
So, once I leave work, I called my fwb. I figure since I couldn't make money, I can at least get laid later on. He's working at the moment. I tell him to call me back when he gets off. And so I go hang out with Aly. Who, incidentally, had called me amidst my hysteria. She made me feel way better, thankfully. That girl is a keeper
So, we go out, have a good time, and then, later on, I go over to His bar to see him. A buddy of his was there, and this random guy latches on to me for relationship advice. Apparently, having a vagina equates me to all-knowing reltionship guru status. Being in a fairly nice mood (a couple of drinks and a xanax will do that), I give him some polite advice. What I really want to say is dude, the bitch is probably cheating on you. But instead I advise him to talk it out with her, and refuse to argue about all this other shit. Let him find out on his own, I won't be the bearer of bad news.
So, then, a different friend of his calls, and invites us over to his bar for some shots. Sure! shots are fun. Well, As soon as we get there I am imediatly scrutenized. Ok, that's to be expected. 5-10 minutes, and I'll become less of a novelty, and we can move onto more interesting conversation.
Or not. I get lectured on why guys don't like fake boobs, hair, nails. Gorced to listen to bad music at much to high of a volume, outnumbered, bored, and offended.... and anytime I have a counter arguement, they just raise their voices to shut me out. ok, they're drunk, and obnoxious. I sugguest talking about something else.
But my nice little calm me down pills are wearing off, and so is my patience and tollerence. I totally don't want to hear it anymore. I am, by this point, chain smoking my cloves. yay.
So, I'm over it. I'm leaving. And, of course, like an obediant puppy, he is coming with. I say sorry, for flipping out, and I really am. They took it too far, but so did I.
He and I proceed to argue for the whole drive over to his place. I do not want to be called baby, and I want him to stop singing that fucking song. He keeps trying to hold my hand, and to kiss me. I am totally not in the mood for any of that. He is distracting me, and driving already requires a lot of concentration. He questions the route we're going, saying it doesn't go through. I know it does, I got home that way all the time from another friends house. He insists it doesn't go through! "Shut the fuck up", I say, "just for 5 minutes". He absolutely cannot. Nor will he listen to me when he asks what's wrong. Well, I can't fucking tell you if you won't shut up.
So, we finally get to his house, and I just want him to get out of my fucking car. He won't. He asks me to come in.
"Do you actually think I still want to sleep with you now?"
"I just wants you to stay".
"Why? so we can argue some more? I'm in a bad mood already, and I don't want to argue. What's the point of us hanging out if we're only going to argue. Why do you even want to still hang out with me?"
"I like hanging out with you," he says.
That doesn't make sense. "Why do you want to hang out with someone you're fighting with?"
"Because, maybe I like hanging out with you."
Um... way to answer the question, drunkie...
This isn't how it's supposed to be. We're supposed to get along, have fun, and fuck. Point blank. End of story.
"It's not like we're really friends, I say. We don't hang out. You shouldn't want to hang out with me. And people who sleep together, no attatchments, really shouldn't fight. That's when it needs to end."
"I don't want to fight."
"Well, then fix it." I demand.
He says he's sorry.
"For what?" I prompt him like a schoolteacher.
"For".... he thinks..... "For being a jackass."
"Well, how where you a jackass? Do you even know why I'm upset?"
"I should have told then to shut up. I didn't realize it was bothering you. I'm drunk."
"Well obviously. But being drunk is just an excuse. It elliminates your social censor, it lowers your inhibitions."
"Did you learn anything from this?" I continue, and again, I'm in kindergarten teacher mode.
"I learned"..... he's thinking before he speaks, good sign..... "that I need to tell my friends to fuck off.... because you're more important...."
(oh shit.)
(Tell me you did not just say that.)
(Yes you did.)
"I'm more important then your friends? Why the fuck is some girl you fuck more important them your friends?"
"Well"
"what does that mean? We're just sleeping together, fuck buddies. why am I important to you? And why do you want to hang out with me?"
"maybe I see you as more then just a fuck buddy"
Silence. oh shit. Now what do I do.
"can you just get out of my car"
"no"
"that's really fucked up. You shouldn't have said that."
Somehow, I can't even remember, we end this. He finally gets out of my car. I contemplate leaving. It's a 30 minute drive home, and I'm really not up for it. Besides, after all this crap, I deserve to get laid. So, the roles are reversed. And this time it's me following like a good little pet.
We had sex, and of course, and it was our best time yet. Ironic, don't you think. B/c now, I know he may have feelings for me above and beyond what he should. But I still want to fuck him. Which puts me in the exact type of situation I hate. On the opposite side of the table....
Maybe he was full of it when he said that.... I guess the only way to find out is to ask about it. I'll let him call me next, of course. But I really have so little self control. It's a lesson I need to learn, that I can't just do whatever I want, consequences aside. I don't want him to fall for me, or maybe I do... I dunno. I'm confused. I'm totally not ready to date someone, but maybe I should. Maybe it could work. I'm as full of it as he is, obviously.
Congrats if you got all the way through that. You probably need a xanax too.
Thoughts?



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I'm definatly going to talk to him about it next time I see him... And I'd be hugely impressed if he did tell his friends off.

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