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Thread: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

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    Default Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    I sent this to my closest friends, then decided to see the opinions of people who don't love me:p

    Alright, well, I need some advice!!
    It's like, I always seem to have this pretty great guy, but for whatever reasons, I'm just not entirely happy and decide to bail.

    At first I thought my reasonings were getting progressively better, but now I'm starting to think that I'm losing my mind.
    I need your honest advice about what you think!

    I've been dating and dumping since I was in high school, but I thought I would grow out of this.

    Let me start with Tate. I left him (made him move out) in 03 because he was getting more jealous everyday and throwin in a little bit of violence towards inanimate objects. Damn, I loved him, but noone is gonna tell me what to do and I was afraid he might start hitting me instead of the wall.

    Next was Hunter, I left him in GA (we never lived together) because he had the most annoying habits that i just couldn't live with. He is married with a kid now and still not over me. We only dated for 6 months. Basically, he annoyed me with farts, fart jokes, ignorance, clinginess, and he spent $3000 on me a diamond ring when I was about to be homeless. Um, could've used $1000 of that to secure an apartment since my roomie was up and moving to TX.

    Next was Tony in MS. I moved in with him initially because my current roommate situation sucked and he wanted me out of there. This man was 36, ignorant in many ways, and racist. Everyday I got more and more annoyed and also wanted my own place.
    I left him because some stranger told me his friend would rent me a mobile home for $400...this turned out to be false and stranger's friend offered me to stay with him and his mom.

    This leads us to Scott. I fell hard for him because he put so much effort into making me want him. Once I wanted him, he stopped. He also stopped working full time (if he ever really did) and had absolutely no aspirations to move out of his momma's house. I broke up with him once because of it, but us getting back together changed nothing, so I left again. Might I add that the girl he dated after me broke up with him for the same reasons. WE are now good friends...she found me on myspace:p

    Then I roommate with a woman...for once! This didn't pan out much better because I felt uncomfortable leaving the confines of my room and got very claustrophobic.

    I meet Dustin a few months later and convince him that we should get a place together. Everything is fine except that this guy never has anything to say and goes along with whatever I want. Plus, he's been in the military for 5+ years and hasn't a dime in his savings account. I sprang for the move money. We break up because of his never having a thing to say, then get back together and have to move again. He's broke as usual, and I have to come up with 75% of the move money. I finally quit my job at the club and end up with a job where I never have to have a conversation. THis leads me to realize that Dustin and I have rarely had a conversation in almost 2 yrs of dating. I give him 2 months worth of hints, even tell him I'm leaving, but no change. Of course, I leave!

    Where do I move to this time? You probably guessed... back into a roommate situation with a man! Geez! wtf is my problem? Basically, it's that I can't afford my own place at that particular time and decide it's better than a motel.
    Anyways, I start a relationship with my new roommate. He agrees that he pushed me into it, but he's such a great guy that I don't really mind.

    This is where I am at now.......I am totally annoyed with some things he does and those few things have pushed me into wanting my own place again!

    This man is 39 yrs old and is enthralled by fart jokes, hates fat people, and can't help throwing in a sexual innuendo even when one isn't at all warranted!
    This is a very intelligent person, I might add!

    Let me tell you what is driving me insane about him and his good points.
    One thing is that he is 39 and seems to be having a mid life crisis. He is not at all happy with turning 40 or "being old" even though he still looks very young. It's not easy to choose dating someone 13 yrs older than you, so when I chose this...that's what I wanted...someone 13 yrs older than me who acts their age!!
    He cannot resist talking shit about fat people. He will laugh, point, or make derogatory comments ALWAYS. I can't f'ing stand it!
    He doesn't fart around me (and farting doesn't bother me AT ALL) but he is always joking about fart and poo. It's downright annoying to no end!
    Also, the sexual innuendos are driving me bonkers. I love mixed nuts, so there is always a can in the house. I cannot say "I love nuts" without a comment. It's funny at first, but after 4 months...enough already! It's like everytime he makes a childish remark, a part of me that cares about him...dies:p

    Last night, I gave him a kiss but accidentally sucked my own lip and it tickled. So I ask, "have you ever done that...sucked on your own lip and it tickled?" His reply, "No, I've never sucked, I've only been sucked". Dude, I can't take it anymore.
    I think I want a penis free life! I really, really do. Except for the occasional drunk booty call...I just want it to be me, my girls, my dog, and my vibrator!

    His good points...He won't let me pay for anything, including rent. We have long conversations about anything and everything. He works hard , has his own home, two vehicles, and a sweet bike. He truly is a sweet guy, but he has such negativity about life sometimes. He claims to not care about sex which is good for me because I HATE feeling obligated, but he is always trying to get some BUT by means of lots of foreplay:p

    And I am touchy about the BJ subject because honestly, I locked up my jaw (for months) when I was 16 after giving my first one, and now I make sure BJ's are something I rarely do. Also, I won't give one unless I am a) really horny (rare) b) love and trust the guy c) I'm feeling the love and trust and he hasn't annoyed me in some way hours earlier!
    I forgot to add that after a few months together, I started noticing that he has a terrible habit of "picking" on me. I was raised with a mom that quite literally called me stupid or idiot to make herself feel better, so even if someone is joking about me being stupid/idiot, I take terrible offense. I've almost broken this habit of his with me, but not entirely.

    So, my friend....do I have serious issues or am I right to feel that once again, I am with the wrong one? Or is my problem a variation of both? and do you think I will ever find a man that I can tolerate longer than 3 mo. to a year?

    I honestly feel like I would be happier in my own place, though I will hate having to struggle to pay bills. And I also know that no matter what kind of crappy day or loneliness I am having, my dog will make things all better because she loves me no matter what and has an endless supply of dumb and happy for me to laugh at and enjoy.

    It doesn't really scare me to be single for another five years or so, but eventually I do want a family. I just want to make sure I have my own career and have seen many parts of the world beforehand.

    Thanks for listening!!

  2. #2
    Veteran Member oulala's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by hyzenthflay View Post
    It's like everytime he makes a childish remark, a part of me that cares about him...dies:p
    Sorry, this was too funny. I seriously spit out my drink reading this. I can soooo relate.

    Anyway, it's never bad to be picky, especially if you aren't so desperate for a family and commitment and all that right now anyways. If you can't handle that small stuff now, it'll only get worse later.

    Hopefully someone else will have better advice for you though. Good luck.

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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    I appreciate you responding! After I wrote that, I giggled too. That's why I had to put the smiley at the end.

  4. #4
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    I don't think you should care about other people's opinions of your lifestyle. However, perhaps you should think about why you seem to prefer dating losers and problem guys. You are CHOOSING these guys who are obviously not right for you. Why?

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    However, perhaps you should think about why you seem to prefer dating losers and problem guys. You are CHOOSING these guys who are obviously not right for you. Why?
    Agreed.

    <S> Yek
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    Sounds to me like you just don't like to settle for less-than-stellar men--nothing wrong with that. The problem would come in if you stayed with these losers, but you don't seem to be doing that. And, one does not know if a guy is going to be a loser until you have been with him for a bit, usually---people usually approach a relationship by putting their best image out there, but the truth comes out eventually.

    So no, I don't think you are doing anything here that warrants criticism. Sounds like you just don't settle for relationships that don't fit. Good for you. You know what you want, and you don't hang around for long with what you don't. I call that having self-respect.

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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by Paintbaby View Post
    Sounds to me like you just don't like to settle for less-than-stellar men--nothing wrong with that. The problem would come in if you stayed with these losers, but you don't seem to be doing that. And, one does not know if a guy is going to be a loser until you have been with him for a bit, usually---people usually approach a relationship by putting their best image out there, but the truth comes out eventually.

    So no, I don't think you are doing anything here that warrants criticism. Sounds like you just don't settle for relationships that don't fit. Good for you. You know what you want, and you don't hang around for long with what you don't. I call that having self-respect.


    That's exactly it! Wow, thanks!
    Your so right about people putting their best face forward. That's what always happens to me, then some months down the road I finally get to see what I'm really involved with. Sometimes they aren't really that bad, but I still seem to nitpick those things....this is my problem. But I haven't really regretted anyone from a past break-up yet, thank goodness.
    I would have called this post "why do I keep dating and dumping losers" otherwise.
    And don't most of the girls ask for opinions on here?
    Isn't that one of the things that this site is for? When we have problems, we sort it out through what others think?

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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    Maybe just stay single?
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    I think in any relationship there needs to be a time out. Go out with your girlfriends. Take a weekend get away. Just take some time apart. It will let you see things a little bit more clearly. No matter how much you love a person there is no way you can be with them ALL THE TIME. Get some “me time” to distress. But most importantly talk to him about how you feel. That way you will know his side of the story and hopefully it will let him know what bothers you and why.
    "Being bored is an insult to oneself"


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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    I think maybe you get into the relationships with good intentions. Things progress rapidly. Then a few months down the road you realize you just can't tolerate them.
    At least you don't stick around and make yourself miserable.
    I don't think it bothers you that you have been chucking them so fast/frequently. I think maybe you are more bothered that you haven't found the right one to spend quality time with. it will happen.

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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    I don't think you should care about other people's opinions of your lifestyle. However, perhaps you should think about why you seem to prefer dating losers and problem guys. You are CHOOSING these guys who are obviously not right for you. Why?
    I feel the same way and would like to add more.^^^

    Basically you keep doing the same thing and dating loser guys b/c you haven't learned yet. Why do you want to move in with these guys so soon? Living together doesnt always make a relationship stronger. Be independent and be alone for awhile. Apparently guys as roommates arent great and neither are women..that says something and it says live by yourself. You can be a little pickier if you want now. Cmon I mean the mommas boy probably never sounded too great to begin with. Most of the situations could have been avoided all together by not dating them at all and you did the right thing about dumping the crappy ones.



    BTW,
    Sorry it was that long.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    Read both of these sites:
    http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ran...or/manip.shtml
    and
    http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ran...eguys/ng.shtml

    Maybe it will help you realize your patterns and tendencies.

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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    Thanks for the responses!
    I found the website (heartless bitch) pretty damn funny!

    I know that I should stop living with other people, especially men, but I always find myself short the $1500 or so that I need to move out on my own and very often opt for a roommate. Now, dating the "roommate" is exactly where I go wrong AND I'm left feeling too uncomfortable to stay if I'm not into him and rebuff his advances. This leads me into another "motel or roommate" situation!

    Maybe I should start noticing signs or something (I usually think myself a good judge of character), but these guys do not seem at all like losers until a few months down the road. And once the true side comes out, I bail!

    I'm going to break this cycle starting this year (and as soon as I save up enough $ to move somewhere). It's really hard to save money with my part time job and I am semi sick of dancing, especially when the $ just isn't here anymore. I'm barely making it another semester in school. But I love it here and am damn determined to stay!

    Thanks again!

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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    Darling, it's normal, IMO. Maybe you're just trying out different versions of you with these guys. It's like roleplaying to find the best fit. Many people do it. Sometimes, it takes a while to find the best fit. Usually, you fnd the best personality fit when you're alone.

  15. #15
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Opinions on my "date&dump" lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by rozz View Post
    Sometimes, it takes a while to find the best fit.
    Or maybe, just maybe, you have a short attention span. Some people are wired that way. Nothing wrong with that. Such individuals need to accept this characteristic and not delude themselves, respectfully warn every new partner about it, and go have a good time--for as long as it lasts.

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