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Thread: how to appear more friendly

  1. #1
    Senior Member kat 3322's Avatar
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    Default how to appear more friendly

    ive been dancing for about 2 1/2 years now and i do ok, but i feel that is mostly due to how i look and i need to work on how i approach people now that i work in a club with higher quality dancers.

    like i said i feel confident in the looks department but i have trouble with feeling shy or self conscious socially. i feel silly smiling at work all the time but people always tell me to smile so i know i need to. im a rather serious person though and have trouble with standing around smiling, but it makes me look unapproachable and snobby. are there certain things people think about to smile, is it just forced, how to other, normally introverted people, do it?

    i also have trouble making myself approach guests who arnt obviously interested in me, i talk myself out of it. "they look grumpy, or broke, or they just sat down, or the other girls/bouncers will think im stupid for trying to sell to someone who looks weird/old/poor." are things i constantly tell myself. how do i snap out of it? the only thing that seems to work is drinking but that is a such a bad habit to fall into.

    i try to tell myself "ok tonight i will talk to EVERYONE! no matter what" but then i get psyched out.

    how can i look friendly just standing around? and how can i get in the habit of approaching guest more often?

  2. #2
    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to appear more friendly

    As far as how to get psyched up to approach customers, there is no easy answer--you just have to do it. I struggle with this daily, but the more I do it the easier it becomes.

    As far as smiling, I have a problem with this because I don't smile all the time, and I look shy/stuck up when i don't. While I'm walking around the club, I make eye contact with customers, then smile at only them. I do this even if I'm not planning on approaching the customer, just to everyone that makes eyecontact with me.

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    Veteran Member LilMissSophie's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to appear more friendly

    I struggle with this all the time too, I almost never smile...and feel like it's fake when I smile at work.

    I usually go with the whole sultry/sexy thing--and give a wink with a naughty smile. It works. You don't have to giggle like a schoolgirl to get noticed. I look at guys like the only thing I want to do is grab them by the arm and screw them in the first dark corner I can find. It seems to work most of the time.

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    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to appear more friendly

    as for what the other girls think.. well.. who cares what they think? if you sell a dance to an old/weird/smelly guy, you have sold a dance more than they have! you cant care what other dancers think, as you are there for YOU and no one else. if you get worried about what others will think, you wont prosper and make money bec you'll be overtly concerned with what they think instead of hustling dances.

    and if someone isn't obviously interested, make them insterested in you! sit down say hi and start to sell sell sell!

    Love it!

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    Default Re: how to appear more friendly

    I'm a naturally introverted person myself and also have my moments of "shy-ness" when at work. Here's a few things I do get myself out of my funk and approaching people:

    * Act like a Hostess not a dancer. Instead of putting pressure on yourself to sell sell sell... especially when it is early and/or you don't feel "into it" yet... at least go up to each and every patron in the club and introduce yourself and have a brief (two song) conversation before moving on... don't worry about selling now... do that later. At least you have approached them!

    * If it is your fear of rejection that is holding you back and making you shy... play the "rejection game". Paris (an active member of this forum) came up with this game a long time ago and I can personally swear by the results. It may sound like a silly game to play however the point of the whole exercise is to not only get you used to being rejected (and thus realising it is not the end of the world)... it is to get your ass out of your seat and approaching people! The "Rejection Game" is simple: You go up to as many people as you possibly can, introduce yourself, do the small talk and ask for a dance... the idea is to get as many "NO" answers as possible.. if someone is hesitant or a maybe.. basically not a YES answer (thus a sale) then it is counted as a NO as well. You then move on to the next patron.

    As for smiling all the time, I don't do this as it just plain hurts! I usually like to find a spot where I can be invisible to the patrons in the club and watch for a little while before making myself visible out on the floor and only then smile. Granted, it also depends on you as your stripper persona as there are some girls (I swear by it) where smiling is just not what sells them. It is the fact that they DO have that bitchy look that sells them. It just seems more sexy for them to NOT smile. So you really do have to find out what works for you.

    Lastly, never ever compare yourself with any other dancer in the club. You are two individuals the only thing you have in common is that you work in the same club so it is like comparing apples to oranges... a waste of time and energy.


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    Default Re: how to appear more friendly

    At the risk of singing my well worn mantra, a major factor in how friendly we appear to other people (and how friendly they appear to us) is body language.

    I've seen differing figues on this but in general we get our infomation on other peoples attitudes as follows;

    10% from the tone of their voice.
    20 - 30% from the words they use.
    60 - 70% from their body language.

    Putting is another way - we're getting 2/3 of our information on how people regard us from their body language.

    Think back over the threads on this forum - how often do you see comments like:

    *When my confidence is high, I bank.
    *I find people like me better when I smile.
    *I have trouble approaching men who don't appear interested in me.

    These are all examples of body language affecting the way we interact with other people.

    Lets look at the first statement: "When my confidence is high, I bank".

    There are lots of reasons why this might be true.

    * I am confident, therefore I meet people's eyes and appear approachable.
    * I am confident, therefore I walk in a way that will attract people's attention.
    * I am confident, therefore when I talk to people I am at ease with them.

    In each and every case you body language is working in your favor.

    Lets look at one reverse case:

    * I have lost confidence; I will not meet people's eyes, therefore I appear unfriendly.

    There's a pretty simple way to appear more friendly: go to your local library, get books on body language and learn about the signals we send out and receive.

    If you can understand the signals we make when we are feeling confident/friendly, you can make sure you're sending them out. If you're sending out "I'm friendly" signals, most other people will respond in a similar manner and your conversation will get off to a good start.

    One final bonus - our body language also tends to affect our mood. If we stand in a friendly/confident stature, we'll tend to start feeling that emotionally as well.

    So - off to your local library. Teacher will be asking questions later.

    Phil.

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    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to appear more friendly

    Someone on here recommended the book Superflirt, and I would recommend it to you. It has some really good tips about body language and appearing more confident.
    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

  8. #8
    Picaresque
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    Default Re: how to appear more friendly

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    Someone on here recommended the book Superflirt, and I would recommend it to you. It has some really good tips about body language and appearing more confident.
    It is brilliant. I also found that reading it one chapter at a time helped ten times more than just reading it all at once. When I re-read it, I would read one chapter, then focus on incorporating only the things in that one chapter when I worked that week. Then the next week, on to another chapter. Maybe it's just me, but I found that when I tried taking in and using everything in the whole book at once, I got nowhere--it's just too much all at once.

  9. #9
    Alaska
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    Default Re: how to appear more friendly

    The simplest way is pretending it is your bf/hot guy sitting in that chair while walking up. I have to tell myself "I WANT TO DO THIS! I'M COMING OVER HERE CUZ I wanna have fun!! I catch myself psyching myself out like you said, cut that shit out REALLY quickly and go up there like this is something you want to, NEED to do, to make both of you happy. It really does work, trust me.

    Ppl here say never visualize the bf, but scratch that. Picturing him is what gets me thru everytime, and that includes ld's and the coversation.

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