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Thread: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

  1. #1
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    There have been a few rapes and sexual assults reported on SW since Ive been here and probably more unreported so I thought Id put together this list of basics - What to do if youve been sexually assalted and how to help someone whos been sexually assulted. Maybe people could add a list of resorces?



    • Seek medical attention as soon as possible. You may have hidden injuries and also may need to explore options for preventing pregnancy or STDs. Drugs used for emergency contraception and to prevent HIV and STDs have a limited time window within which to work.
    • Seeking medical attention will also allow you to have evidence collected – and you don’t have to decide whether or not to prosecute now. Having evidence collected within 72 hours gives you the option later to decide.
      • You can have someone accompany you to an emergency room, either by taking a friend, calling a rape crisis center hotline.
      • Don’t take a shower or change clothes or brush your teeth – although this is likely very difficult to do, it preserves evidence that can be used later if you decide to press charges. The evidence needs to be collected within 72 hours.
    • Get support – this is not something you should have to go through alone. Talk to friends you feel safe with, make an appointment to talk to someone, contact the rape crisis center to talk. It is not unusual to face a myriad of reactions, including depression, anxiety, fear, difficulty trusting others, self-harming behaviors, among many, many others. Some people may experience reactions immediately, others may seem to function fine immediately but have reactions long after the event occurred. Everyone reacts differently. Getting help can help reduce the impact of the assault on your life.
    • Take care of yourself – you have been through a traumatic event and it’s vitally important to attend to your physical and emotional health needs as you cope and recover.

    • If you decide not to press charges, consider having a proxy report completed. This is an anonymous way to report a sexual assault that will not result in charges being pressed, but allows your story to be heard.
    • REMEMBER – YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME, REGARDLESS OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES. NOTHING YOU COULD DO (E.G., DRESS PROVOCATIVELY, DRINK TOO MUCH, HAVE HAD SEX WITH THE PERSON BEFORE, ETC. ETC.) WARRANTS SOMEONE SEXUALLY ASSAULTING YOU.




    How To Help Someone Whos Been Sexually Assulted.

    Listen to her* story when she’s ready to tell it. Avoid “why” questions – she’s likely to be asking herself enough of them already. Show her you want to listen.

    Believe her story – she really needs your support now. People rarely lie about sexual assault.

    Emphasize this was not her fault. No one deserves to be sexually assaulted, no matter what they did/wore/said.

    Encourage her to get medical treatment.

    Let her decide who to tell; this is not your story to share.

    Encourage her to talk to a counselor, and let her decide when to seek help.

    Let her decide whether to report it to the authorities. Her deciding helps her to take control back.

    Let her express her feelings – and realize that they’re not aimed at you.

    Remember that everyone responds differently, some experience the effects of sexual assault more immediately afterwards, others experience longer-term effects. Accept her where she is.

    Take care of yourself while helping her. It can be very difficult to support someone through such a traumatic event, and you may need to seek help for yourself.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    IF THE ASSAULT JUST OCCURRED
    • Make sure they are safe.
    • Help them get the medical attention they need.
    • Offer to be with them or call someone they want to stay with them
    • Offer to call the police to report the rape. Reporting the assault does not mean you must prosecute, but it will ensure the availability of that option in the future, should the survivor so decide.
    Offer to call for rape advocate services. This will allow an objective, supportive person to assist her in dealing with the immediate issues of the trauma.

    AT ANY TIME - IMMEDIATELY AFTER OR MUCH LATER
    • As a friend, it is important that you LISTEN to what the survivor tells you. Sometimes assault victims need to talk about the attack.
    • Allow the survivor the freedom to choose when, where and how to talk about the trauma.
    • Be supportive: BELIEVE the survivor. People rarely make up stories about being sexual assault survivors. Reinforce that the survivor is not to blame. Avoid using words that imply blame.
    • Be sensitive: Let the person know that you do not subscribe to any of the common myths about sexual assault. Understand that the person has suffered extreme humiliation. Let them know that you do not see them as defiled or immoral.
    • Be patient. Recovery from rape trauma is slow. Let the person proceed at their own pace.
    • Realize that you have strong feelings about the trauma. If needed, seek counseling for yourself. Avoid communicating your biases and negative emotions to the survivor.
    • Remember that whatever the rape victim did to survive the attack was exactly what he or she needed to do. The victim did not cause the attack and is not at fault.
    DON’T:
    • DON’T PRESSURE her to make any decision she’s not comfortable with.
    • DON’T ASK BLAMING QUESTIONS, such as “why were you dressed like that?” or “why did you go to that party?” Victims of assault tend to blame themselves, even though it is NEVER THE VICTIM’S FAULT. Other things not to say include “why didn’t you fight him off”, and “didn’t you know you were leading him on?”
    • DON’T encourage her to “PUT THE PAST BEHIND” her or just “get on” with her life. Survivors of sexual assault need to heal on their own time. It can be hard for a friend, partner or parent to watch, but repressing symptoms will only make it harder for the survivor to truly heal.

  2. #2
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Putting together a list of resources.

    American national hotline 24/7



    For the national Australian hotline number 24/7 councilling click here

    List of Australian regional rape crisis centres listed here. (resourses for male survivors too, so is the above hotline.)





    England and Wales.


    Ireland


    Scotland


    New Zealand (24 hour crisis line right at the bottom of the page for some reason.)


    Canada?????

    Please add to the list.
    Last edited by aussiepunkshocker; 04-19-2007 at 07:27 PM.

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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    That is wonderful of you to do. Great list of information.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    Thumbs up Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    What a wonderful resource. Great idea, thanks for putting this up, aussiepunkshocker. VERY important info in here.

  5. #5
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Gtreat post. I'm sure this will become a sticky. It needs to be.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Very good info, Aussie.

  7. #7
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    It does need to be a sticky. I made it so.

    Thanks hun great thought for all us ladies, and great work!

  8. #8
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Good, thanks Pamela (-:

    I couldnt find canadian info though, and Europe not to mention the rest of the world got complicated so if anyone else can add hotlines or helpful numbers please do!

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    Veteran Member lexXe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Rape is something that that's so rampant, but rarely discussed. Thank you.

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    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Thank you very much. I no longer have the number to Safe Place here in Austin, but, they were very helpful and sweet, though not timely. Deffinitly stop by the docs before calling them.
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

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  11. #11
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    World wide hotlines for rape/abuse

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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    great info...thank you...going through something like this is hard and ppl often feel ashamed and don't know who to turn to or where to go...thanks again

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    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    You know... this thread is SUCH a great idea... I have a friend in Canada who just talked to me, and was date raped last weekend... I dont live anywhere near, but thankies to the links that got me a whole list of counselors for her, as well as legal options!

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    Veteran Member icey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Thank you for posting the info!!!!

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    Veteran Member pheno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Great info. I love how you cover both sides of the matter. It's good to know what to do if someone comes to you after being attacked.
    "By 'them' do you mean people like me?"

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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Thanx for the info

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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Another website with an online community and worldwide resource lists is: www.brokenspirits.com

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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Thanks for the info...it helps in more ways than you know.

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    Featured Member MinahSky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Thanks, OP, that is very sweet of you.

    In case anyone wants to talk to someone who has been through it, PM me. Make up a new log in name if you want to, but whatever is said will remain between us...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Do unto others as you would have them do to you...it's less work to be nice than it is to be evil!

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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    I have many times said to people that no one can anticipate what each person who sees them will find stimulating. There is no form of dress that is never found stimulating by someone at some time.
    Also, nudity is not it's self an invitation to sexual activity.

    I am sorry that this thread is necessary.

    John

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    Senior Member undressjess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    I appreciate this post so much. Rape is such a fucked up thing to deal with, it doesn't feel like it ever goes away

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    God/dess minniesoporno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    WOW I didn't know you had this I have been threw its till dealing with it I will post up the canada links once I find them

    I know we have the Toronto Rape Crisis Centre, and Maggies. and also CAMH is great aws well.

    The actual weblinks i will come back with them. and also i will post crisis numbers too.
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    God/dess minniesoporno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Found some links for Canada


    http://www.rapereliefshelter.bc.ca/
    http://www.drcc.ie/links/worldwide.htm - World Wide Page.
    http://www.maggiestoronto.ca/

    Alright I can't do anymore brings back too many flash backs.
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Another messageboard to use is pandys.org. Very well organized and deals with all types of assault.
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    Default Re: Dealing with rape / sexual assult. Please take a moment to read.

    Thank you. I think the part about how to support a rape survivor is very important (not that it all isn't!).

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